Family & Relationships Raising Children

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TheBrownDog
Werewolf Player Veteran 10k Posts 30k Posts Las Vegas Bears - Sweet F.A.
Jul 27, 2004
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I'm curious, there must be a few Mum and Dads out there in bigfooty world.

How have you handled parenthood? what would you do differently in hindsight? any tips for the newbie’s?

I have a 10 month old daughter and really have no idea what I am doing nor how to make sure she grows up a happy confident young lady (safe from the cretins on Bigfooty :D )

I'm assuming positive reinforcement and constant encouragement is going to be the driver along with consistent boundaries but remain open to other peoples experiences.

so parents ! fire away.
 
Just do your best !!!!!!

Parenthood comes with no guide book, but being a good role model is a good place to start.

Kids are their own little personalities and who knows how they will turn out. Be nourishing, supportive but set boundaries.

I have a 21 YO at college in the States and a 17 YO due to graduate high school in the States plus a 4 YO over here and they are all so completely different as people, it makes you wonder that they could have been brought up by 3 different parents.

Seriously, once a child starts walking and talking, everyday brings it's very own challenge. Some kids are fearless and need to be watched more closely and others like my current 4 YO got his scaredy cat gene from me and wants to stay close by at all times.

The questions asked are impossible to answer and it is estimated that a 4 YO asks 400 questions a day. His latest fascination is with people getting old and dying. Not easy to answer honestly without scaring him.
 
The advice I would give, apart from the obvious stuff about keeping them healthy and safe would be to read with them as often as possible. It is a shared activity, it can be calming, it can open discussions about many things, it can be fun.

You seem to have your head in the right place already...positive reinforcement, encouragement, consistent boundaries.
 

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And when they get older, I think it is important that they develop an understanding of screen time. My boy ( nearly 5) likes tv, iPad, Xbox Kinnect and Nintendo. But we limit his overall screen time so that he can't rotate through those activities.
 
Hi. I have a 2 yr old (3 in Oct) and a nearly 10 mth old. I would just say enjoy every minute because they just grow up way too fast!

I agree with the reading comment too. It is a great way to learn and play together (and steal a cuddle or two).

Having a toddler I am finding the importance of being firm but fair but I also think you can't spoil a child with love.

Definitely the best thing I ever did but I often miss my old life. Especially peeing on my own. :)
 
When your kids gets to that inquisitive stage (about 2) and points and asks what a divvy van is, the correct answer is:

"Well son, see that cage thing at the back? Well that's transporting pigs that get lost in the city back out to the farm they come from"
"You mean like babe"
"Yep"

Every time they see a divvy van the will point at it and go "Look, Dad, pigs!"
 
Macca19 said:
16 weeks into my first son and loving every minute of it.
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Congratulations Macca.

I've got twin 4yo boys - best thing to ever happen in my life by a long, long way.

My advice is just as the others have said - enjoy every moment with them because you'll never get that moment back.
 
My daughter turns 1 on Wednesday. When people say it goes fast it really doesn't do it justice. I still don't look in the mirror and immediately think "dad".

Couldn't have asked for a better first year from her. They are so adaptable and endlessly fascinating babies. She's been very stoic. She lost her grandma in January which really knocked me around, she thrived on a visit to her other family in Canada, including 39 hours in transit from Toronto to Melbourne, and during my exam period she was flawless at nights, slept right through. The transition to childcare has also been easy (except coming home crook just about every time o_O)

I feel a bit wet when I type this but I already feel like I owe her in some ways.
 
My advice, FWIW, is to enrol in a Parent Effectiveness Training course. Your local council should be able to tell you where these are conducted. I rarely endorse these sorts of ventures, but this course (six weeks long/ 1 half day per week, if I remember correctly) provides great methods to assist you to grow up with your children and invaluable skills to help parents who find themselves in your situation. It should be mentioned that I did this course nearly thirty years ago, so it may not now be as I've painted it. Of course, it depends on the quality of the presenter. Above all, the course can provide confidence in your ability to deal with most situations in a calm manner.

Edit: It is one of my great bugbears that there is so much emphasis on ante-natal education, but once the baby is born, you are thrust upon your own, usually ill-informed, resources. We seem to have things arse about. There is no more intimidating or lonely situation. My recollection is that these courses cost either nothing or a nominal fee.
 
The fact you would ask this tells me you will be just fine. Let them explore, play freely and also teach them but always remember consistency from both parents is just so important. Don't means don't even when you can't be bothered enforcing it. Most of all never diminish Dad's role in your mind, you are such an important part of your child's life even if it only ever seems like they want mum.
 

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Scotland said:
Take them on long haul flights
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Are you suggesting my wife should have taken our then one year old to Scotland to see her Grandfather for his 90th birthday and allow him to meet his great grandson by boat or left our son at home so as not to upset douchebags like yourself. Guaranteed those parents on long haul flights are having a much worse time than you are.
 
Jackfrost said:
Are you suggesting my wife should have taken our then one year old to Scotland to see her Grandfather for his 90th birthday and allow him to meet his great grandson by boat or left our son at home so as not to upset douchebags like yourself. Guaranteed those parents on long haul flights are having a much worse time than you are.
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It's probably the "let them make as much noise as they want while you play on your iPhone" part that he has an issue with.

My wife and I took our son on a 3 hour flight when he was 7 months old and we were both concerned about potentially disrupting other passengers and very glad when we touched down. I can't imagine having to be on the ball like that all the way to Scotland, I'd be a wreck afterwards!
 
The most important thing you can do is love and protect them. Of course get the basics right first - my three year old daughter has been a pies member since she was born and yells "Go Pies" at the TV every time the footy is on. Seriously though you will constantly doubt yourself, but don't. If you are a good person, everything will be fine. I have found the biggest challenge with having kids is the effect it has on your relationship with your partner. Sometimes you forget to be a couple and just become the child raising team. This can cause long term damage.
 
I thought about this a bit the other day actually. For parents out there, how did you/will you handle talking about death with your kids? My first experience of death was when I was about 5 when my grandmother died, don't remember much of it and can't remember how my parents bought up the subject. Obviously my grandmother was no longer around but you need to explain why to a five year old.

Just curious.
 
d33my said:
I thought about this a bit the other day actually. For parents out there, how did you/will you handle talking about death with your kids? My first experience of death was when I was about 5 when my grandmother died, don't remember much of it and can't remember how my parents bought up the subject. Obviously my grandmother was no longer around but you need to explain why to a five year old.

Just curious.
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For my two boys I had my brother and nana (their uncle and great-nana) die within a close span 3 years ago when they were 4 and 2. I'm not religious, but my wife is a Christian so we went with the 'they're in heaven' line, so they could treat it as they are still on-going in some fashion, rather than a harsh break. At that age I think however we chose to explain it, we were still going to get the 'why can't we see Uncle ... or Great-Nana?'.

In some respects I think it was easier for them it occurring at that age ,rather than a few years older, as they didn't grasp the true consequences and could fit it in as them just being able to visit anymore, rather than 'gone' full stop.
 
robstewart23 said:
. Of course get the basics right first - my three year old daughter has been a pies member since she was born and yells "Go Pies" at the TV every time the footy is on.
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d33my said:
I thought about this a bit the other day actually. For parents out there, how did you/will you handle talking about death with your kids? My first experience of death was when I was about 5 when my grandmother died, don't remember much of it and can't remember how my parents bought up the subject. Obviously my grandmother was no longer around but you need to explain why to a five year old.

Just curious.
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I've told my son that atleast 3 of my best mates were killed.

1 from drink driving
1 from speeding driving like a hoon
1 from taking drugs

None of its true of course and when he asks me I get all sad about it and tell him to promise me he'll be responsible when he drives.

It's my way of trying to teach him to not be a d1ckhead in the car or be tempted to become a meth/smack head.
 
"They don't grade fathers, but if your daughter's a stripper...you f-ed up!" - Chris Rock
Other that that I would say read, read and read to them. It really is a bonding thing, it educates your kids and they will pick other things up alot quicker if they have been read to constantly from a young age, not just in learning how to say the words but understanding what those words mean and being able to articulate them back to you.
It's the biggest issue in classrooms these days - failing reading comprehension. It's all well and good to have your baby say the words but the real pride comes when they point at something in the background of a book and tell you what it is without being prompted.
 
I have got three - no matter how much you try you end up to some extent repeating the errors of your own parents
 
After several informal discussions the desire for child number two has officially been put on the table. I am far from convinced it is what I want but I have promised to meditate on it. For those with more than one what new challenges did it throw up and does anyone think it is unfair to have an only child. I am one and had a great upbringing but my lady is one of four and swears by it.
 
La Vache said:
After several informal discussions the desire for child number two has officially been put on the table. I am far from convinced it is what I want but I have promised to meditate on it. For those with more than one what new challenges did it throw up and does anyone think it is unfair to have an only child. I am one and had a great upbringing but my lady is one of four and swears by it.
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Two kids at times can be three times as hard, for example, when they are sick, there may be no down time at all. We have two (2 & 4), it is awesome, the play well together and they enjoy being together but when they are both simaltaneously grumpy, moody, tired or sick, my other half gets absolutely run off her feet.;)
One child was never an option for us, we are both from 4 kid families. We both agree that two is enough though but if the other half had wanted more, it would have been quite easy to convince me.
 
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