Discussion Random Discussion

[Plumber66]

Damn it, it IS the left foot! Looks like I'm screwed.

Seriously, I'll be fine. In another era, my doc recons he would have chopped off the leg at the knee, and even then it may have been too late to save me. But these days, it's drip-fed antibiotics and bed rest (away from the little darlings) for a couple of days, and I'll be right as rain.

And I'll walk out of here having not paid a cent, outside of tax I didn't mind paying.

We live in an incredible country, and we should be very grateful that we do.

Doc, I can't feel my left foot.

That's because we accidently amputated your hands. Ooops.

 

[CALL ME SNAKE]

Doc, I can't feel my left foot.

That's because we accidently amputated your hands. Ooops.

Doctor says " weve got good news and bad news. The bad news is we amputated the wrong foot. But the good news is your bad foot is getting better"

 

[borderbarry]

Its 2017 everyone. This could be our year!!

 

[Plumber66]

P

Doctor says " weve got good news and bad news. The bad news is we amputated the wrong foot. But the good news is your bad foot is getting better"
View attachment 323768

Perfect segue into a few pages of crap doctor jokes.

Man goes to his doctor with strange symptoms.

Doctor not sure what to make of it. Says it could be dementia or aids.

Recommends the man go on a 2 hour walk.

What good will that do, asks the patient.

Well, says the Doc, if you can't find your way back home then we'll know it's dementia.

What if I do find my way back home?

Don't * your missus!

 

[Sir Skid]

Q. What do they call the Doctor who graduates with the lowest score at university?
















A. Doctor

 

[Keg on legs]

A guy walks into the doctor's office "hey doc, someone graffiti'd my house last night"

"Why are you telling me?" The doctor asks.

"Because I can't understand the writing. Was it you?"

 

[CALL ME SNAKE]

Had a guy at work who always seemed a bit depressed . When i asked whats wrong he said hes in a real rut at home and its getting him down.
I said to him that i had been in a similar situation recently so i went to see my Doctor. I said to him that my Doc told me to take a day off work and make love to my wife all day and id feel better.
I said it worked for me and he should try it.
He was absent from work the next day. When he was back in the following day i asked if he took my advice.
I sure did he said and i feel bloody fantastic, oh and by the way youve got a real comfortable bed.

 

[Sir Skid]

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

 

[Sir Skid]

Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives. Going in for mine I only had one request for the Doc.

“Could you tell my wife my head is not up there?”

 

[Determinant]

A Kiwi walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep in his arms and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "That's not a pig but a sheep, you idiot."

The man says: "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

 

[Sir Skid]

A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a cheque, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some @sshole's got my pen."

 

[CALL ME SNAKE]

A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some @sshole's got my pen."

ha ha thats an oldie but a goody

 

[Plumber66]

Man walks in and asks the Doc to have a look at his pens.

Doctor examines and says "it looks fine to me".

Patient says "yeah I know, it's a ******* ripper isn't it?"

 

[JG22]

Man walks in and asks the Doc to have a look at his pens.

Doctor examines and says "it looks fine to me".

Patient says "yeah I know, it's a ******* ripper isn't it?"

?

 

[CALL ME SNAKE]

?

think theres a missing ' i ' in pens

 

[Plumber66]

think theres a missing ' i ' in pens

Correct.

Man is having an eye test when the doctor suggests that he stops mast u r bating.

Why, am I going blind asks the patient.

No says the Doc but you're upsetting the people in the waiting room.

 

[austinnn]

Last year, a famous scientist put the following advertisement in the Adelaide Post:

$500,000 to mate with gorilla. Please visit my laboratory for further details.

The next day a Port Adelaide supporter turned up at 9am. The scientist said:

"You must understand, the mating process can last days and aside from the penetration also involves a substantial amount of cuddling, kissing and, ahem, digital-anal foreplay from both partners. It can also be quite loud and painful. This is why it's such a large amount of money. Any questions?"

The Power supporter said:

"Just one: can I pay in installments?"

Buddum tish

 

[King_Steele]

What a talent - RIP

 

[Keg on legs]

What a talent - RIP

That live version of don't let the sun go down on me with EJ was incredible.

 

[Keg on legs]

2 brothers are upstairs one morning when the older brother says "I dare you to swear when we go downstairs for breakfast"

"Oh no way, mum'll kill us" says the little one

"OK I'll go first" replies the big brother

They head downstairs to be greeted by their smiling mum. "And what do you little men want for breakfast?" She asks with a smile

"Oh s**t mum, I'll have the coco-pops" says son number 1

WHACK! Mum lands a back hander flush and the kid goes flying across the floor.

Mum turns her glare to the youngest. "And what do you want for breakfast???"

"I dunno, but it won't be the ****ing coco-pops!"

 

[CALL ME SNAKE]

That live version of don't let the sun go down on me with EJ was incredible.

I gotta admit George Michael aint really my cup of tea musically .
More into alternative or bluesy stuff nowdays.
But on that live version of "dont let the Sun" he sings better live than most performers do in the studio.
Shame he wasted such a great voice singing lightweight bits of fluff like "wake me up before you go go".
Sadly died way too young.

 

[Nutsngum]

I gotta admit George Michael aint really my cup of tea musically .
More into alternative or bluesy stuff nowdays.
But on that live version of "dont let the Sun" he sings better live than most performers do in the studio.
Shame he wasted such a great voice singing lightweight bits of fluff like "wake me up before you go go".
Sadly died way too young.

You do know he has a plethora of other music right?

 

[CALL ME SNAKE]

You do know he has a plethora of other music right?

Yes. I have a sister who was a big fan so i have heard most of his catalog. An extremely talented man with a long career.
Who during the EARLY part of his career sang some songs not worthy of his great voice.
Just my opinion though.
Apologies to anybody who liked "Club Tropicana" or "Wham Rap"

 

[austinnn]

I actually think Careless Whisper is an incredibly well-written pop song, and I say that as a up-myself serious ex fitzroyalty music type. He was a great performer and a really good songwriter, a true artist. Sadly like so many artists he seemed incapable of living a life conducive to health and stability. A real pity.

 

[CALL ME SNAKE]

I actually think Careless Whisper is an incredibly well-written pop song, and I say that as a up-myself serious ex fitzroyalty music type. He was a great performer and a really good songwriter, a true artist. Sadly like so many artists he seemed incapable of living a life conducive to health and stability. A real pity.

Yeah looking from the outside he seems like another celeb who seemed to have it all but never found true happiness/balance in his life and died far too early.
Sad for his family and fans.