Morning all,
Are you happy now? It’s all your fault. How have we have reached this situation, whereby football is now merely an elaborately produced extravaganza designed to distract and enchant the masses, like sardines to a coloured flickering light?
Let’s be honest, the AFL exists to sell rubbish to dopey football fans. Either:
Still, the pretence of a fair, apparently non-scripted competition must be maintained, and this week Our Mighty Tigers (Trademark) face St Kilda. I like St Kilda. They have a long history, they’ve only moved their home groundtwice three times, and while they have always had a solid core of support, their lack of success has left them rudely stigmatised and derided by opposition fans. Their list of past players reads like a veritable ‘Who’s That?’ of football legends. They could have been the Romantic, Wistful, Heroic Underdogs – but that role was taken and will always remain with Fitzroy. And so Poor Old St Kilda (Trademark) will forever be The Clowns.
There are two types of saints. One is the kind who inspires devotion by way of performing miraculous deeds, conquering overbearing tyrants and monsters, and eventually triumphing in glorious victory, leading their followers to a sunlit utopia. The other type experience lives of squalor, poverty and deprivation before dying in wretched isolation. (No one is actually sure who St Kilda was, but here’s a photo of today’s upbeat beachside suburb).
Still, the Saints have managed to win a few games along the way – they even won the premiership back when cigarettes weren’t bad for you, and they used to have one of the coolest jumpers in the competition – complete with floppy collar (who doesn’t love a floppy collar?). Unfortunately, since their glorydays day of the previous millennium they have struggled somewhat, and most of their victories have come from adopting the Russian tactic of waiting for the winter downpours to negate any opposition attack.
It was tough to get out of the defensive 50 at Moorabbin in the 70s
So on to this week’s game! And what acracker blockbuster extravaganza game it promises to be. Saints fans can barely contain their excitement as their team follows up on last year’s surprising surge up the ladder with more dramatic heart-stopping performances as they race through this season of drama, intrigue, and sensation. By contrast, Richmond fans are still in hibernation mode, making the green tomato chutney, putting in the snow peas and waiting for August (OK, maybe mid-July). The main topic of concern re the football team is which player gets a rest this week.
St Kilda are flying at the moment (as every good, young exciting team should be), while Richmond are barely going (as every old, grizzled, experienced reigning premier should be). The Tigers are definitely not 100% switched to ‘Max Boost’ and a few brain fades have proved costly (such as last Friday in not following Robbie Gray
when he went to the carpark to retrieve the football). Both sides are missing a few players through injury and St Kilda undoubtedly have youth on their side – particularly playing on the concrete Speedway that is Docklands. If any side jumps up and surprises us (at non-finals time) it tends to be the Saints. But Damien Hardwick is probably overdue to bring out another tortured analogy about ‘Journeys, Ambitions and Goals’ which should be enough to sustain us until we need to put on our ‘Big Boy Pants’ again (August. OK – maybe mid-July).
The game will be played at every Richmond fan’s favourite ground and on every Richmond fan’s favourite night. Richmond should win, but if I was going to put a wager on, I’ll probably still be living in my mum’s caravan for a very long time. We all had this game circled in our calendar months ago – as in ‘good night to stay home, order a Family Bucket of Lard, and re-organise our tax expenses after half time’ – because whichever way it goes, it should be clear by then.
Tigers by 27.
Are you happy now? It’s all your fault. How have we have reached this situation, whereby football is now merely an elaborately produced extravaganza designed to distract and enchant the masses, like sardines to a coloured flickering light?
Let’s be honest, the AFL exists to sell rubbish to dopey football fans. Either:
- A car that is slightly shinier than the one you bought 2 years ago, but apparently comes with a fawning supermodel in the passenger seat (Fawning Supermodel Not Guaranteed).
- Gambling propositions for people whose mathematical competency extends to believing that Champion Data’s statistical analysis is ‘pretty much spot on’.
- Food that comes in a bucket.
Still, the pretence of a fair, apparently non-scripted competition must be maintained, and this week Our Mighty Tigers (Trademark) face St Kilda. I like St Kilda. They have a long history, they’ve only moved their home ground
There are two types of saints. One is the kind who inspires devotion by way of performing miraculous deeds, conquering overbearing tyrants and monsters, and eventually triumphing in glorious victory, leading their followers to a sunlit utopia. The other type experience lives of squalor, poverty and deprivation before dying in wretched isolation. (No one is actually sure who St Kilda was, but here’s a photo of today’s upbeat beachside suburb).
Still, the Saints have managed to win a few games along the way – they even won the premiership back when cigarettes weren’t bad for you, and they used to have one of the coolest jumpers in the competition – complete with floppy collar (who doesn’t love a floppy collar?). Unfortunately, since their glory
It was tough to get out of the defensive 50 at Moorabbin in the 70s
So on to this week’s game! And what a
St Kilda are flying at the moment (as every good, young exciting team should be), while Richmond are barely going (as every old, grizzled, experienced reigning premier should be). The Tigers are definitely not 100% switched to ‘Max Boost’ and a few brain fades have proved costly (such as last Friday in not following Robbie Gray
PLAYERCARDSTART
9
Robbie Gray
- Age
- 35
- Ht
- 183cm
- Wt
- 84kg
- Pos.
- Fwd
Career
Season
Last 5
- D
- 19.9
- 5star
- K
- 9.8
- 4star
- HB
- 10.1
- 5star
- M
- 3.5
- 4star
- T
- 3.2
- 5star
- G
- 1.4
- 5star
- D
- 13.3
- 3star
- K
- 6.0
- 2star
- HB
- 7.3
- 4star
- M
- 2.4
- 3star
- T
- 2.6
- 4star
- G
- 0.6
- 4star
- D
- 10.4
- 3star
- K
- 6.6
- 3star
- HB
- 3.8
- 3star
- M
- 3.6
- 4star
- T
- 1.4
- 4star
- G
- 1.4
- 5star
PLAYERCARDEND
The game will be played at every Richmond fan’s favourite ground and on every Richmond fan’s favourite night. Richmond should win, but if I was going to put a wager on, I’ll probably still be living in my mum’s caravan for a very long time. We all had this game circled in our calendar months ago – as in ‘good night to stay home, order a Family Bucket of Lard, and re-organise our tax expenses after half time’ – because whichever way it goes, it should be clear by then.
Tigers by 27.