(This Match is dedicated to the Alannah & Madeline Foundation by community partner the Richmond Football Club).
Morning all.
How did we end up like this? How did we reach this junction of civilization? What have we done to the world, and how do we fix it? What is life, but an unwanted burden thrust upon unwilling, sentient self-aware organisms paddling in a lake of disappointment and confusion? Welcome to today’s lecture, in which we examine whether we are merely playthings in a universe bound to pre-determined recurrence of existence, or exadversuma, whether Jack Riewoldt will ever stop pushing every 3rd set-shot to the right.
Those famous philosophers on the human condition, Echo and The Bunnymen, quoted in their seminal work ‘Nothing Lasts Forever’ that ‘Nothing Lasts Forever’. Particularly not nice things. Nevertheless, Richmond fans are clinging onto their memories of 2017, and in time-honoured tradition, prancing through 2018 with the smug arrogance of the current Kings of the Playground. The tide will eventually turn – just as the Universe is not eternal, and will eventually be destroyed in a slow-decaying heat-death, Richmond may one day return to the pack. Or maybe not. We shall see.
One slight qualm for the reigning premiers is that traditional rivalry games lose some of their relevance, because they no longer represent some small gram of comfort in another bleak season of fading dreams, but rather are now seen as merely another speedhump on the highway to the now-expected – indeed, demanded – triumphant, pre-ordained destination. But this game is different because, in the biggest shock since Richmond in 2017, Collingwood have been (whisper it) – good.
According to recent reports I have read, they have won every game, erased poverty, landed on the moon, and solved the problem of hard solipsism. Nathan Buckley seems a nice bloke. On the other hand, Richmond have been diagnosed with hodophobia, and have plummeted down the ladder to – wherever they are now.
Richmond in Crisis Mode
Of all the great borders throughout the history of human civilization, none are as stark, well-defined and impenetrable as Victoria St. The Berlin Wall, Khyber Pass, the Amorite wall of the Sumerians are all examples of fortifications built to keep out pillaging hordes of barbarians – whether Victoria St was built to repel invaders from the North or South is uncertain. Today, it represents a separation between the haves and the have-nots – the having referring to the Premiership Cup.
South Of Victoria St
North Of Victoria St
Ah, Collingwood. How those dreaded berserkers from the North have changed. When once the team used to issue forth from their fortress in the centre of their community on a raid, they now reside peacefully on the leafy banks of the Yarra, lapped by its soothing waters. I’m not saying they’re soft, but Victoria Park now lies deserted and abandoned as Lewes Priory following Henry VIII’s Dissolution of the Monasteries in 1534, and no amount of wave pools and yoga studios will recapture that once-feared aura.
Lewes Priory
Victoria Park
(Hang on – other way around)
This game promises to be a cracker (copyright). Collingwood have a young, exciting team that plays young, exciting football – alternately driving their fans to ecstasy or despair. They have a genuinely great captain who leads by example, and a ruckman who provides the driving force for their character. On the other hand, Richmond play like the Army of the Dead from the Lord of the Rings franchise – a tide of terror that swamps its enemies and suffocates them. They have a genuinely great captain who leads by example, and a ruckman who provides the driving force for their character.
I like Collingwood. They are a great club, they have acceptably lunatic supporters, and they are an exciting presence in this town. My cousin Polly Nomial Wallaby (a Collingwood supporter) has pointed out to me that this season, Collingwood lead Richmond in nearly every stat ever recorded for the game, and even some she has invented herself. By rights, Collingwood should win easily. When I pointed out that Richmond have scored more points, conceded fewer points and won more games than Collingwood, she accused me of being a reductionist and that she would send me a spreadsheet detailing her analysis. So that’s something to look forward to.
Anyway, my prediction is Richmond will lose the clearances, lose the Inside 50s, lose the Free Kick count, and win by 41 points. And Polly’s head will explode.
Serious
Despite all the waffle that will be spoken about this game (particularly by me), please try and remember that it IS just a game – and that true football is played by our children. Because of violence, because of bullying and because of lack of safe spaces, some children are not able to just be children. The Alannah and Madeline Foundation was set up to challenge these problems, and we should be proud that our football club can use its public profile to maintain community focus on tackling these issues, and we should support them.
Please consider donating some money or time.
https://www.amf.org.au/get-involved/
Morning all.
How did we end up like this? How did we reach this junction of civilization? What have we done to the world, and how do we fix it? What is life, but an unwanted burden thrust upon unwilling, sentient self-aware organisms paddling in a lake of disappointment and confusion? Welcome to today’s lecture, in which we examine whether we are merely playthings in a universe bound to pre-determined recurrence of existence, or exadversuma, whether Jack Riewoldt will ever stop pushing every 3rd set-shot to the right.
Those famous philosophers on the human condition, Echo and The Bunnymen, quoted in their seminal work ‘Nothing Lasts Forever’ that ‘Nothing Lasts Forever’. Particularly not nice things. Nevertheless, Richmond fans are clinging onto their memories of 2017, and in time-honoured tradition, prancing through 2018 with the smug arrogance of the current Kings of the Playground. The tide will eventually turn – just as the Universe is not eternal, and will eventually be destroyed in a slow-decaying heat-death, Richmond may one day return to the pack. Or maybe not. We shall see.
One slight qualm for the reigning premiers is that traditional rivalry games lose some of their relevance, because they no longer represent some small gram of comfort in another bleak season of fading dreams, but rather are now seen as merely another speedhump on the highway to the now-expected – indeed, demanded – triumphant, pre-ordained destination. But this game is different because, in the biggest shock since Richmond in 2017, Collingwood have been (whisper it) – good.
According to recent reports I have read, they have won every game, erased poverty, landed on the moon, and solved the problem of hard solipsism. Nathan Buckley seems a nice bloke. On the other hand, Richmond have been diagnosed with hodophobia, and have plummeted down the ladder to – wherever they are now.
Richmond in Crisis Mode
Of all the great borders throughout the history of human civilization, none are as stark, well-defined and impenetrable as Victoria St. The Berlin Wall, Khyber Pass, the Amorite wall of the Sumerians are all examples of fortifications built to keep out pillaging hordes of barbarians – whether Victoria St was built to repel invaders from the North or South is uncertain. Today, it represents a separation between the haves and the have-nots – the having referring to the Premiership Cup.
South Of Victoria St
North Of Victoria St
Ah, Collingwood. How those dreaded berserkers from the North have changed. When once the team used to issue forth from their fortress in the centre of their community on a raid, they now reside peacefully on the leafy banks of the Yarra, lapped by its soothing waters. I’m not saying they’re soft, but Victoria Park now lies deserted and abandoned as Lewes Priory following Henry VIII’s Dissolution of the Monasteries in 1534, and no amount of wave pools and yoga studios will recapture that once-feared aura.
Lewes Priory
Victoria Park
(Hang on – other way around)
This game promises to be a cracker (copyright). Collingwood have a young, exciting team that plays young, exciting football – alternately driving their fans to ecstasy or despair. They have a genuinely great captain who leads by example, and a ruckman who provides the driving force for their character. On the other hand, Richmond play like the Army of the Dead from the Lord of the Rings franchise – a tide of terror that swamps its enemies and suffocates them. They have a genuinely great captain who leads by example, and a ruckman who provides the driving force for their character.
I like Collingwood. They are a great club, they have acceptably lunatic supporters, and they are an exciting presence in this town. My cousin Polly Nomial Wallaby (a Collingwood supporter) has pointed out to me that this season, Collingwood lead Richmond in nearly every stat ever recorded for the game, and even some she has invented herself. By rights, Collingwood should win easily. When I pointed out that Richmond have scored more points, conceded fewer points and won more games than Collingwood, she accused me of being a reductionist and that she would send me a spreadsheet detailing her analysis. So that’s something to look forward to.
Anyway, my prediction is Richmond will lose the clearances, lose the Inside 50s, lose the Free Kick count
, and win by 41 points. And Polly’s head will explode.Serious
Despite all the waffle that will be spoken about this game (particularly by me), please try and remember that it IS just a game – and that true football is played by our children. Because of violence, because of bullying and because of lack of safe spaces, some children are not able to just be children. The Alannah and Madeline Foundation was set up to challenge these problems, and we should be proud that our football club can use its public profile to maintain community focus on tackling these issues, and we should support them.
Please consider donating some money or time.
https://www.amf.org.au/get-involved/
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