Regrettable Things You've Said.

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raskolnikov said:
I was at my partner's sister's house the other night. She is very overweight. We got into a bit of lighthearted banter over something. She said something to me and I say to her, "Just be quiet and have some more cake". Ì regretted it straight away and if looks could kill I'd be dead 100 times over.
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Surprised Wayno didn't kick your arse
 
brahj said:
To set the scene, a female teacher had just returned from Maternity Leave. Unfortunately, there were complications during the pregnancy and the child passed away during the birth. On her first day back teaching, this kid thought it'd be hilarious if he answered a question in class and called the Teacher "Miss Carriage"...

...It wasn't hilarious.
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James Hird's "miscarriage of justice" reminded me of this story.
 

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LicoriceAllsorts said:
Once in Year 12 English, we were given an assignment, it was an oral presentation, one of my mates asks our female teacher, "How would you like the oral performed", ended up being suspended or something, but to this day maintains that he did it by accident and didn't mean anything by it...
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That is one of the greatest things I've ever heard. Please buy your mate a slab from me.
 
Richard Pryor said:
Back when I was 8 or 9 in primary someone had stolen someones pencil case or something, forget what exactly, so the teachers had the class kept in for the whole lunch until someone owned up. After like ten minutes of getting lectured about honesty and morals and stuff sitting in a room bored out of my brain I came up with the bright idea to own up just to get the teacher to shut up and get out to lunch. Obviously they wanted me to return the stolen item, and because I didn't do it I couldn't, so I said I didn't actually do it, I just wanted to get out to lunch, this cued a massive rant about trying to get out of it and being too soft to own up completely, parents phoned, suspension threatened, the whole time I'm just thinking "Well, looks like I've ****ed myself over massively for absolutely no reason".

Fortunately the kid who actually stole the thing got spotted with it before I got suspended. In a much smaller and insignificant way I felt like Nelson Mandela or something, except instead of being freed from the shackles of apartheid I was being freed from my own stupidity.
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*en lost it at this
 
I was at the Strikers vs Thunder BBL match last night, and we were batting absolutely shithouse. Ludeman was giving us donuts, and I simply said "where's Sean Abbott when you need him?!".

By that I was referring to the match a couple weeks ago when Travis Head dominated a fairly average bowling session by Sean Abbott.

Hearing the various gasps around me, I think they thought I wanted Ludeman to face a similar fate to that of Phil Hughes. I didn't.

I tried explaining what I meant amidst concealed laughter from my girlfriend. I then said "screw it" and went to the bar.
 
Demonalke said:
I said a few choice things about Brent Stanton and a women gives me an evil and walks out of the room and my colleagues said thats is his sister. DERP :oops:
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Well he's suspended for a year now so I think you got the last laugh.
 
jason pm said:
25 years ago my wife was waiting in a doctors surgery with our 5 year old son when a woman of rather large girth walked in the door. our son said for all in the busy waiting room to hear. "mummy is that the fat controller?" of thomas the tank engine fame.
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Your son is legendary
 
I was in a science ethics class and we watched Gataca and discussed the ethics of the whole situation.

Afterwards the teacher (a middle aged woman who was less than desirable) was talking about how in the future we could get rid of men because woman could sustain life through insemination.

I was always argumentative and liked to keep the teachers on their toes, so I said, what about pleasure? Woman need men for pleasure and gratification too.
She had a little smirk and just replied "batteries"

As she was not long separated from another member of staff, I knew she was talking from experience and that was not an image I needed in my head. Regretted it instantly.
 

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Hard Ball Get said:
I was in a science ethics class and we watched Gataca and discussed the ethics of the whole situation.

Afterwards the teacher (a middle aged woman who was less than desirable) was talking about how in the future we could get rid of men because woman could sustain life through insemination.

I was always argumentative and liked to keep the teachers on their toes, so I said, what about pleasure? Woman need men for pleasure and gratification too.
She had a little smirk and just replied "batteries"

As she was not long separated from another member of staff, I knew she was talking from experience and that was not an image I needed in my head. Regretted it instantly.
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I think I would have said something less savoury about how males are the master race
 
ash_1050 said:
All good and well until theirs a spider in the bathroom. Then she's stuffed.
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The same goes for choosing where to go for dinner. One of life's great challenges.

"I don't know. You choose".

*suggests something*

"Nah, I don't feel like that".

*suggests something else*

"Mm, nah".

"Alright, give me a list of food products which live up to your impossible standards, and I'll try to do the impossible".

*she suggests a range of suitable food products*

*deciphers that list to find suitable options*

"Nah, I don't feel like any of those".

giphy.gif
 
Chappyuk said:
After getting smashed in a corporate box at the G I later told my mate's girlfriend that he really didn't love her and was most likely going to break up with her.

Made for an interesting night.
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Did he?
 
Friends bro has aspergers syndrome, one of his symptoms is he struggles with eye contact. We had a video game marathon one day, and my friend beat me in almost everything. His bro jokingly said "holy hell can you beat anyone in anything" and I said "yeah, bet i can beat you in a staring contest" Instantly felt bad

he found it pretty funny though, but his mum gave me a death stare. Felt a tad relieved that he wasn't offended, but still think it wasn't the best thing to say...
 
I had met this woman a number of times before and then one night while a bit drunk we were talking about her kids and how active and troublesome they were, so I asked her "what happened to your eye, did you your kids get you there?" because it looked badly bruised and she replied "it's a birthmark". I had not noticed before, and everyone, my wife included, were gobsmacked I asked because it was so obvious.

I have no idea how I didn't notice the birthmark before.
 
I was in a second year elective called 'Protest and Revolution in Modern Europe'. There was a lot of discussion on Europe in the aftermath of Fascism, National Socialism (Nazism) and Communism.

Anyway, our tutor was a PhD candidate on the subject of German history and was writing his dissertation on the Holocaust and the effective implementation of mass extermination. He was also notorious for failing to return emails.

I had emailed him about effective essay structures for history topics (I studied Law and International Studies, where the writing convention is markedly different), and he had failed to get back to me. Anyway, I rock up to my tute and as everyone was dead quiet I go "Jesus Christ, Bodie. You're harder to get a hold of than Anne Frank".

Everyone pissed themselves, but he was speechless. Probably not the best thing to say to a PhD candidate writing about the Holocaust, but smartarse me thought it would be hilarious.
 
In grade 5, just as the lunch bell was sounding, I was dared into calling someone an ABC thinking that, as many had told me, stands for Australia's Best Cricketer.
I then blurted out Aboriginal Butt Cleaner to which this girl looked at me in disgust.

The next day, as we all lined up, her teacher came up to me and she confronted me on it.
I kept on repeating sorry while I was a crying mess.

From then on, it's haunted me though the memory comes back around every so often.

To this day, I still don't understand the slur and felt like I was thrown right under the bus.
Maybe the fact she's either Samoan or Tongan in blood.
 
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