Unofficial Preview Round 3 vs Norf - The List Manager Who Shagged Me - Opposition Supporters Welcome

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harry000

Brownlow Medallist
Sep 9, 2015
13,328
20,797
Melbourne
AFL Club
Melbourne
Other Teams
Coney Island Warriors
“We need more players,” Brad exclaimed while squinting in disgust at the whiteboard before him.

“Where is our manager?”

One of his off-siders nervously explained, “Well, Brad, our recruiting and scouting team have been cryogenically frozen for the last two decades.”

“That is ridiculous! Who’s idea was this? The umpires?” Brad threw his water bottle against the wall and punched the desk in a childlike tantrum. “Get me the recruiting staff now!”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The cryo-chamber hissed as the pressure seals released. The recruiting genius known as Dr. R grimaced as the hangover like sensation known as cryo-comedown hit him.

“20-years is a decent stretch sir, here have some water,” the scrawny off-sider offered him a plastic cup with a sippy straw.

Dr. R sat up slowly. “Water?” where’s the shin boner spirit? I only drink the blood of my enemies.”

“Erm, Dr, the Shinboner spirit died around 10 years ago. The AFL no-longer allows us to snipe players behind play or king hit the opposition while they contest the mark. Well, with the exception of when we play Melbourne, once or twice a year we are allowed to do whatever we like!”

“Fine give me the water.” Dr R swung his legs over the sides of the cryo chamber and got to his feet, bones cracking, scratching his bald head. “So, why am I awake.”

“Dr. we have hit a crisis point. You did a great job recruiting the heroes of old. It even led to a couple of premierships in 96 and 99. But sadly, we haven’t recruited anyone since the 90s. We had to dispose of some elderly players and now we don’t have but 1 or 2 decent players on our list. We have 5 or 6 that turn into superstars once or twice a year when we play Melbourne, but apart from that, our whole list is just a packet of generic brand crisps not worthy to be called spuds.”

“I’ll handle this. Fetch me my staff and meet me in the board room.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr R. sat at the head of the board room table stroking a white cat whilst his team assembled. “So Chris, you’re the coach of this rabble?”

“Um, I’m Brad, Chris got to coach the cats, why does everyone always favor him ahead of me?”

“Riiiight, well I don’t know about that, get me up to date on our status.”

“Well, despite the media’s claims, WE ARE NOT REBUILDING, we just need one A-grade player, RIGHT EVERYBODY? AM I RIGHT?”

The room agreed with Brad, albeit a somewhat forced agreeance as though they were tip-toeing around his temper tantrums.

“Also, we have stock piled millions of dollars since the last time we recruited a player and pretty much every free-agent will want to play for us.”

Dr. Evil rubbed his hands together menacingly. “Ok, thanks for that Chris!”

“IT’s BRAD!”

“Ok, Brian, somebody else tell me who are the available A-Grade free agents?”

A nervous assistant cleared his throat.. “there is a player by the name of Alex Morgan, he is with the Bombers. He hasn’t played a game yet. But he is fast? And young?.”

Dr. R glared at the assistant, “INTO THE INCINERATOR!”

The floor below the assistant vanished and he disappeared into a fiery abyss with screams of terror.

“OK, I’ve read over the file of a player named Aaron Mullet, this player seems to have a bit of potential, who is in charge of re-signing him?”

Brad offered an explanation. “Sir that was Richard’s job, but sadly Aaron has signed with Carlton.”

“Which one of you is Richard?”

“That would be me sir,” exclaimed a pimply looking assistant.

“INTO THE INCINERATOR!”

"What of Jake Lever? That kid is a gun? we can offer draft picks?."

Another assistant bravely updated the Dr, "Melbourne's superior scouting regime full of sneaky shagadelic spy's snaked Lever already sir."

“INTO THE INCINERATOR!!!!! SOMEBODY OFFER ME A BETTER ALTERNATIVE THAN ALEX FREAKING MORGAN!”

A cocky looking assistant piped up “How ‘bout Dusty and Josh Kelly. With our stockpile I bet we can land them both.”

“Yesss, great.” Dr. R finally seemed please. “Chris?”

“It’s Brad”

“Yes, whatever, Bruce, you go and fetch the AFL media and set up a press conference. Tell them we will be landing two big fish. Someone, get me Dusty and Josh on video call.”

A giant screen illuminated at the end of the board room table. Dusty’s image on one side and Josh Kelly on the other.

“Gentlemen, I think you know why I have called you both, you are both A-grade free agents. We want you both on our list. We are prepared to compensate you each a generous sum per season of ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS MUAHHAHAHA MUAHHAHHA MUAHAHAHHA.”

Dusty and Josh sat silent with confused looks on their faces.

“Um, sir” interrupted the cocky assistant, “$100,000 isn’t much money anymore, even Scott Thompson is on a lot more than that.”

“Ok well, we will offer you each, per year, ten million dollars, for the rest of your careers!!!!!!!!!! MUAHUAHUAHUAHUAHUA MUAHUAHUAHUHAUA.”

The room joined Dr R in manic laughter. “MUAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA.”

“MUAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA.”

“MUAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA.”

“MUAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA.”

“MUAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA.”



“No,”



Dusty said bluntly stopping the laughter immediately.

“What now,” Dr R was taken aback.

“No,” repeated Dusty.

“Yeah, sorry but it’s a no from me too.” Josh said a little more politely. “I’m not sure that any best 22 player will want to sign with you, you’re just, how do I say this nicely, the most unattractive club in the AFL.”

The screen went blank. The room sat in silence.

Dr. R let out a sigh, “Ok, get me Alex Morgan.”

Dees by 1.5 million
 

ponsdale

Premium Platinum
Sep 20, 2012
4,266
4,745
Sydney
AFL Club
Melbourne
Other Teams
Sydney Swans
“We need more players,” Brad exclaimed while squinting in disgust at the whiteboard before him.

“Where is our manager?”

One of his off-siders nervously explained, “Well, Brad, our recruiting and scouting team have been cryogenically frozen for the last two decades.”

“That is ridiculous! Who’s idea was this? The umpires?” Brad threw his water bottle against the wall and punched the desk in a childlike tantrum. “Get me the recruiting staff now!”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The cryo-chamber hissed as the pressure seals released. The recruiting genius known as Dr. R grimaced as the hangover like sensation known as cryo-comedown hit him.

“20-years is a decent stretch sir, here have some water,” the scrawny off-sider offered him a plastic cup with a sippy straw.

Dr. R sat up slowly. “Water?” where’s the shin boner spirit? I only drink the blood of my enemies.”

“Erm, Dr, the Shinboner spirit died around 10 years ago. The AFL no-longer allows us to snipe players behind play or king hit the opposition while they contest the mark. Well, with the exception of when we play Melbourne, once or twice a year we are allowed to do whatever we like!”

“Fine give me the water.” Dr R swung his legs over the sides of the cryo chamber and got to his feet, bones cracking, scratching his bald head. “So, why am I awake.”

“Dr. we have hit a crisis point. You did a great job recruiting the heroes of old. It even led to a couple of premierships in 96 and 99. But sadly, we haven’t recruited anyone since the 90s. We had to dispose of some elderly players and now we don’t have but 1 or 2 decent players on our list. We have 5 or 6 that turn into superstars once or twice a year when we play Melbourne, but apart from that, our whole list is just a packet of generic brand crisps not worthy to be called spuds.”

“I’ll handle this. Fetch me my staff and meet me in the board room.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr R. sat at the head of the board room table stroking a white cat whilst his team assembled. “So Chris, you’re the coach of this rabble?”

“Um, I’m Brad, Chris got to coach the cats, why does everyone always favor him ahead of me?”

“Riiiight, well I don’t know about that, get me up to date on our status.”

“Well, despite the media’s claims, WE ARE NOT REBUILDING, we just need one A-grade player, RIGHT EVERYBODY? AM I RIGHT?”

The room agreed with Brad, albeit a somewhat forced agreeance as though they were tip-toeing around his temper tantrums.

“Also, we have stock piled millions of dollars since the last time we recruited a player and pretty much every free-agent will want to play for us.”

Dr. Evil rubbed his hands together menacingly. “Ok, thanks for that Chris!”

“IT’s BRAD!”

“Ok, Brian, somebody else tell me who are the available A-Grade free agents?”

A nervous assistant cleared his throat.. “there is a player by the name of Alex Morgan, he is with the Bombers. He hasn’t played a game yet. But he is fast? And young?.”

Dr. R glared at the assistant, “INTO THE INCINERATOR!”

The floor below the assistant vanished and he disappeared into a fiery abyss with screams of terror.

“OK, I’ve read over the file of a player named Aaron Mullet, this player seems to have a bit of potential, who is in charge of re-signing him?”

Brad offered an explanation. “Sir that was Richard’s job, but sadly Aaron has signed with Carlton.”

“Which one of you is Richard?”

“That would be me sir,” exclaimed a pimply looking assistant.

“INTO THE INCINERATOR!”

"What of Jake Lever? That kid is a gun? we can offer draft picks?."

Another assistant bravely updated the Dr, "Melbourne's superior scouting regime full of sneaky shagadelic spy's snaked Lever already sir."

“INTO THE INCINERATOR!!!!! SOMEBODY OFFER ME A BETTER ALTERNATIVE THAN ALEX FREAKING MORGAN!”

A cocky looking assistant piped up “How ‘bout Dusty and Josh Kelly. With our stockpile I bet we can land them both.”

“Yesss, great.” Dr. R finally seemed please. “Chris?”

“It’s Brad”

“Yes, whatever, Bruce, you go and fetch the AFL media and set up a press conference. Tell them we will be landing two big fish. Someone, get me Dusty and Josh on video call.”

A giant screen illuminated at the end of the board room table. Dusty’s image on one side and Josh Kelly on the other.

“Gentlemen, I think you know why I have called you both, you are both A-grade free agents. We want you both on our list. We are prepared to compensate you each a generous sum per season of ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS MUAHHAHAHA MUAHHAHHA MUAHAHAHHA.”

Dusty and Josh sat silent with confused looks on their faces.

“Um, sir” interrupted the cocky assistant, “$100,000 isn’t much money anymore, even Scott Thompson is on a lot more than that.”

“Ok well, we will offer you each, per year, ten million dollars, for the rest of your careers!!!!!!!!!! MUAHUAHUAHUAHUAHUA MUAHUAHUAHUHAUA.”

The room joined Dr R in manic laughter. “MUAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA.”

“MUAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA.”

“MUAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA.”

“MUAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA.”

“MUAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA.”



“No,”



Dusty said bluntly stopping the laughter immediately.

“What now,” Dr R was taken aback.

“No,” repeated Dusty.

“Yeah, sorry but it’s a no from me too.” Josh said a little more politely. “I’m not sure that any best 22 player will want to sign with you, you’re just, how do I say this nicely, the most unattractive club in the AFL.”

The screen went blank. The room sat in silence.

Dr. R let out a sigh, “Ok, get me Alex Morgan.”

Dees by 1.5 million
Muahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha


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Snake_Baker

L'enfant terrible
Apr 24, 2013
69,937
135,148
inside your head
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
Essendon Lawn Bowls Club
I am following your blokes closely as my big improver for 2018, but they are still going missing for chunks of the match.

As for North, I just hope we bring the same intent we showed v StKilda. The result is neither here nor there.

Dees to win by 3-4 goals.

I don't know what to say if you can't win it this time. I'm still scratching my head over last years game in Hobart.
 

Benj7

NMK? 4 x ? / ND?? 17 x ? | 1 x ?
Sep 20, 2014
2,276
3,513
AFL Club
North Melbourne
8:44 in the morning.. don’t you have a job or something along those lines or possibly a girlfriend/wife you should be talking to or possibly kids you should be spending time? Not having north Melbourne fantasies I know we pants you guys every time we play but it’s not in any sexual way you might think
 

harry000

Brownlow Medallist
Sep 9, 2015
13,328
20,797
Melbourne
AFL Club
Melbourne
Other Teams
Coney Island Warriors
8:44 in the morning.. don’t you have a job or something along those lines or possibly a girlfriend/wife you should be talking to or possibly kids you should be spending time? Not having north Melbourne fantasies I know we pants you guys every time we play but it’s not in any sexual way you might think
So what are you doing on here in the middle of the day? Could say the same to you...
 

Caracas

Premium Gold
Apr 3, 2008
5,111
10,743
Melbourne
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
Man Utd, Celtic, Kildare
“We need more players,” Brad exclaimed while squinting in disgust at the whiteboard before him.

“Where is our manager?”

One of his off-siders nervously explained, “Well, Brad, our recruiting and scouting team have been cryogenically frozen for the last two decades.”

“That is ridiculous! Who’s idea was this? The umpires?” Brad threw his water bottle against the wall and punched the desk in a childlike tantrum. “Get me the recruiting staff now!”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The cryo-chamber hissed as the pressure seals released. The recruiting genius known as Dr. R grimaced as the hangover like sensation known as cryo-comedown hit him.

“20-years is a decent stretch sir, here have some water,” the scrawny off-sider offered him a plastic cup with a sippy straw.

Dr. R sat up slowly. “Water?” where’s the shin boner spirit? I only drink the blood of my enemies.”

“Erm, Dr, the Shinboner spirit died around 10 years ago. The AFL no-longer allows us to snipe players behind play or king hit the opposition while they contest the mark. Well, with the exception of when we play Melbourne, once or twice a year we are allowed to do whatever we like!”

“Fine give me the water.” Dr R swung his legs over the sides of the cryo chamber and got to his feet, bones cracking, scratching his bald head. “So, why am I awake.”

“Dr. we have hit a crisis point. You did a great job recruiting the heroes of old. It even led to a couple of premierships in 96 and 99. But sadly, we haven’t recruited anyone since the 90s. We had to dispose of some elderly players and now we don’t have but 1 or 2 decent players on our list. We have 5 or 6 that turn into superstars once or twice a year when we play Melbourne, but apart from that, our whole list is just a packet of generic brand crisps not worthy to be called spuds.”

“I’ll handle this. Fetch me my staff and meet me in the board room.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr R. sat at the head of the board room table stroking a white cat whilst his team assembled. “So Chris, you’re the coach of this rabble?”

“Um, I’m Brad, Chris got to coach the cats, why does everyone always favor him ahead of me?”

“Riiiight, well I don’t know about that, get me up to date on our status.”

“Well, despite the media’s claims, WE ARE NOT REBUILDING, we just need one A-grade player, RIGHT EVERYBODY? AM I RIGHT?”

The room agreed with Brad, albeit a somewhat forced agreeance as though they were tip-toeing around his temper tantrums.

“Also, we have stock piled millions of dollars since the last time we recruited a player and pretty much every free-agent will want to play for us.”

Dr. Evil rubbed his hands together menacingly. “Ok, thanks for that Chris!”

“IT’s BRAD!”

“Ok, Brian, somebody else tell me who are the available A-Grade free agents?”

A nervous assistant cleared his throat.. “there is a player by the name of Alex Morgan, he is with the Bombers. He hasn’t played a game yet. But he is fast? And young?.”

Dr. R glared at the assistant, “INTO THE INCINERATOR!”

The floor below the assistant vanished and he disappeared into a fiery abyss with screams of terror.

“OK, I’ve read over the file of a player named Aaron Mullet, this player seems to have a bit of potential, who is in charge of re-signing him?”

Brad offered an explanation. “Sir that was Richard’s job, but sadly Aaron has signed with Carlton.”

“Which one of you is Richard?”

“That would be me sir,” exclaimed a pimply looking assistant.

“INTO THE INCINERATOR!”

"What of Jake Lever? That kid is a gun? we can offer draft picks?."

Another assistant bravely updated the Dr, "Melbourne's superior scouting regime full of sneaky shagadelic spy's snaked Lever already sir."

“INTO THE INCINERATOR!!!!! SOMEBODY OFFER ME A BETTER ALTERNATIVE THAN ALEX FREAKING MORGAN!”

A cocky looking assistant piped up “How ‘bout Dusty and Josh Kelly. With our stockpile I bet we can land them both.”

“Yesss, great.” Dr. R finally seemed please. “Chris?”

“It’s Brad”

“Yes, whatever, Bruce, you go and fetch the AFL media and set up a press conference. Tell them we will be landing two big fish. Someone, get me Dusty and Josh on video call.”

A giant screen illuminated at the end of the board room table. Dusty’s image on one side and Josh Kelly on the other.

“Gentlemen, I think you know why I have called you both, you are both A-grade free agents. We want you both on our list. We are prepared to compensate you each a generous sum per season of ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS MUAHHAHAHA MUAHHAHHA MUAHAHAHHA.”

Dusty and Josh sat silent with confused looks on their faces.

“Um, sir” interrupted the cocky assistant, “$100,000 isn’t much money anymore, even Scott Thompson is on a lot more than that.”

“Ok well, we will offer you each, per year, ten million dollars, for the rest of your careers!!!!!!!!!! MUAHUAHUAHUAHUAHUA MUAHUAHUAHUHAUA.”

The room joined Dr R in manic laughter. “MUAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA.”

“MUAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA.”

“MUAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA.”

“MUAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA.”

“MUAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA.”



“No,”



Dusty said bluntly stopping the laughter immediately.

“What now,” Dr R was taken aback.

“No,” repeated Dusty.

“Yeah, sorry but it’s a no from me too.” Josh said a little more politely. “I’m not sure that any best 22 player will want to sign with you, you’re just, how do I say this nicely, the most unattractive club in the AFL.”

The screen went blank. The room sat in silence.

Dr. R let out a sigh, “Ok, get me Alex Morgan.”

Dees by 1.5 million
Lol. Good one! Unfortunately, nothing’s going to save you on the weekend. MUAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


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Caracas

Premium Gold
Apr 3, 2008
5,111
10,743
Melbourne
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
Man Utd, Celtic, Kildare
How good is reading in Dr Evils voice. Particularly Alex Freakin Morgan
All joking aside, I witnessed Alex Morgan execute the most exquisite piece of skill I’ve seen in a long time on the weekend - albeit, in a VFL practice match. So, let’s all jeer him while we can.....


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Supermercado

The straw that stirs the drink
Dec 18, 2002
9,269
3,892
demonwiki.org
AFL Club
Melbourne
Other Teams
AFC Wimbledon, Atlanta Braves
8:44 in the morning.. don’t you have a job or something along those lines or possibly a girlfriend/wife you should be talking to or possibly kids you should be spending time? Not having north Melbourne fantasies I know we pants you guys every time we play but it’s not in any sexual way you might think
Fancy asking a Melbourne fan that. Captains of industry can roll in to work whenever they want, we run the bloody city.
 

Benj7

NMK? 4 x ? / ND?? 17 x ? | 1 x ?
Sep 20, 2014
2,276
3,513
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Fancy asking a Melbourne fan that. Captains of industry can roll in to work whenever they want, we run the bloody city.
If you wanna be a captain you gotta work like a worker shows where your guys dedication and work ethic is no wonder we guys have smashed use 17 times in arow... L0lz
 

MAXIMUM GAWNAGE

Captain
Jan 7, 2010
33,057
53,409
Traralgon
AFL Club
Melbourne
Other Teams
Washington Capitals, Ireland CC
We’ve never voted in favour of merging with another club either :thumbsu:
Au contraire, baby.
The North Melbourne who entered the league were the end product of a number of mergers between North and Albert Park, Hotham, West Melbourne and Essendon Association FC.
North were prepared to merge with the Bombers in order to enter the VFL.
North were ready to merge with Fitzroy around the same time before the AFL stepped in.
Brayshaw was ready to send the Roos to the Gold Coast but for an unfavourable stadium deal.
 

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