VelvetSledge
Moderator
- May 24, 2007
- 17,477
- 35,252
- AFL Club
- Essendon
- Other Teams
- Liverpool FC, Melbourne Storm
- Moderator
- #1
We're looking around 28 degrees during the day, but we also have a roof and some air con inside Etihad Stadium. So let's say 18 degrees with no breeze, exposed bolts on the boundary turf and a likelihood of soft tissue injuries easing to 40%. Tasty.
SportsBet:
ESSENDON BOMBERS: $1.84
ADELAIDE CROWS: $2.00
CrownBet:
ESSENDON BOMBERS: $1.88
ADELAIDE CROWS: $1.96
UBET:
ESSENDON BOMBERS: $1.88
ADELAIDE CROWS: $1.95
We're favourites against last years Grand Finalists.
Favourites.
wat
ESSENDON BOMBERS
After a relatively disappointing showing against the reigning premiers, Richmond, the Bombers stuck it right up the Cats within the last quarter to come away with a promising win in Colac.
We saw Darcy Parish mature into a real midfielder, with enough strength in his body now to actually punch through defensive set ups and get forward to start slotting some more goals.
The Package kicked goal of the year in the JLT series, plus sewed up his third Brownlow and fourth consecutive Norm Smith alongside his nineteenth All Australian.
Devon Smith gives me tingles. What a pick up. Just oozes quality. One of those perfect pick-ups.
There's not much else to say here; no-one really pays all that much attention to the JLT match ups, and although we saw some solid efforts from the new boys (and some of the old), there's not a lot to take out of it. The serious stuff begins in earnest now.
GEELONG CATS 15.7 97 def. by ESSENDON BOMBERS 15.11 101
Crowd: 9,115 at Central Reserve, Colac
BEST: Z.Merrett, McGrath, Parish, Smith, Myers, Heppell
GOALS: Stewart 3, Stringer, Smith, Green 2, Zaharakis, Daniher, Parish, Merrett, McKenna, Long
INJURIES: Gleeson (Ankle), VelvetSledge (Broken Heart, love you Cyborg xoxo)
REPORTS: Nil
--------
ADELAIDE CROWS
When Jack Watts kicks 6 goals on you, there's problems. I understand he's not the worst player out there, I get that, but this is a team that's just come off a Grand Final berth, albeit an unsuccessful one.
Sure, it was 34 degrees, and sure, adjusting to a midfield without Brad Crouch and a backline without Jake Lever is difficult, especially with your spearhead captain out.
All this taken into account, Crows fans wouldn't have been happy to have been defeated by their cross-town rivals before the season's even started.
The premiership favourites were unable to turn the tide once the Power seized the advantage, and simply looked lazy, almost as if they had something else that they would rather be doing.
That's just not on; there's absolutely nothing else to do in Adelaide anyway.
PORT ADELAIDE 16.2 98 def. ADELAIDE CROWS 11.6 72
Crowd: 6,157 at Alberton Oval
BEST: Gibson, Crouch, Fogarty, Gibbs, Atkins, Sloane
GOALS: Fogarty 3, Gibbs, Atkins 2, McGovern, Lynch, Sloane, Gibson
INJURIES: Nil
REPORTS: Nil
ESSENDON EMERGENCIES:
Mark Baguley, Jackson Merrett, Mason Redman, Shaun McKernan
ADELAIDE EMERGENCIES:
Hugh Greenwood, Andy Otten, Reilly O'Brien, Kyle Cheney
--------------------------
ESSENDON INS: Hope and Jake Stringer's internet search history
ESSENDON OUTS: Bad decision making and hospital handballs
ADELAIDE INS: Bryce Gibbs' wife and a thirst for revenge
ADELAIDE OUTS: Any positive thoughts towards the Richmond Footy Club
----
ESSENDON DEBUTS:
Jake Stringer - #25.
Traded from Western Bulldogs for peanuts.
89 games, 160 goals
192cm, 92kg
Devon Smith - #5.
Traded from GWS for Pick 11.
109 games, 100 goals
176cm, 77kg
Adam Saad - #42.
Traded from Gold Coast for a pack of Salt and Vinegar chips. The Kettle ones. The good ones. Balsamic, y'know.
48 games, 3 goals
178cm, 75kg
ADELAIDE DEBUTS:
Sam Gibson - #20.
Traded from lol Norf just cos
131 games, 51 goals
185cm, 82kg
Lachlan Murphy - #44.
Drafted from Adelaide's SANFL Development Squad
0 games, 0 goals
176cm, 76kg
Darcy Fogarty - #32.
Drafted from Glenelg (Pick 12)
0 games, 0 goals
193cm, 94kg
Drafted from Glenelg (Pick 12)
0 games, 0 goals
193cm, 94kg
Bryce Gibbs - #6.
Drafted from **** Carlton (****)
231 games, 137 goals
188cm, 84kg
Tom Doedee - #39.
Drafted from Geelong Falcons in 2015 National Draft
0 games, 0 goals
188cm, 88kg
Both teams are coming into Round 1 with some vast injury concerns, though it seems, looking at the team sheets, that Adelaide's outs are outweighing those of the Bombers. With Orazio Fantasia still being another 3 or so weeks away, the small forward roles fall to Josh Begley (who isn't small at all) and DERO . I mean Josh Green. The speed and creativity of Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti is going to be on show against the Crows defence, paired with the new boy, Jake Stringer. Stringer is a ludicrously powerful athlete, with speed, strength, skill, and a great shot for goal. With his recruitment to Essendon, we will be seeing Jake switch between forward and midfield throughout the season, alongside another new lad in Devon Smith. Arguably the recruit of the off-season, Dev is an extremely slick player with talent to burn. Seeing him alongside the rest of our forward line and experienced midfield group is sure to be a treat.
Tom Bellchambers continues his mantle as number one ruck, with Crichton Medalist Joey Daniher to continue as a number two ruckman/full forward. One of the most controversial players in our side is Kyle Langford, and after being awarded with the now legendary number 4 guernsey, it's his time to shine. Based on pure talent, Kyle is way up there, and now is the time for him to grab his chance with both hands. Darcy Parish, once under an injury cloud (like, a week ago), is all fine, and will be running off the wings with his elegant, angelic, blonde Goldilocks streaming out behind him. Bloke needs to grow a beard.
If you look at the Essendon half-back line when McKenna is interchanged on, then we have a ludicrous amount of speed. McKenna and Saad will become one of the most feared rebound duos in the league, with tremendous pace to burn. Disposal efficiency? Where we're going we don't need disposal efficiency! When these babies hit 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious s**t. Mitch Brown has had a seriously solid pre-season, and has been rewarded with a spot off half back flank, predictably to be swapped around with Michael Hartley as the match goes on. Matt Dea has been brought in as a solid like-for-like replacement to Marty Gleeson, who's cyborg ankle exploded.
For the Crows, the missing star power is concerning; Walker, Crouch, Lynch, all missing; to add to that, Lever is now in Melbourne, Cameron is in Brisbane, and the Grand Final team from last year is looking a little scattered. The saving grace is the introduction of former **** Carlton turd Bryce Gibbs into the midfield. Add to that the debutants, and we're looking at a strangely inexperienced Adelaide side, which is now, up against a team which they usually thump, is breaking even in the odds; what a weird time to be alive. If we're going to take them, now's the time.
ESSENDON BOMBERS - #5 - DEVON SMITH
One of our star recruits from the off-season, Devon Smith crosses over from GWS to the Bombers bringing finals experience, power, speed, and technical ball use to an Essendon midfield which is sorely lacking. Donning the famous number 5 guernsey, Dev slots straight into the Essendon midfield and forward line, providing laser sharp disposal and a really swishy name, to go with Orazio Fantasia and Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti. While we weren't certain as to whether he would choose us during the off-season, or if we could fit him in when you think of how much the Bulldogs were asking for Jake Stringer, his choice to wear the mighty red and black could see him be one of the star recruits for any club this season. If we bypass the horrendously cringe-worthy effort by the Essendon media team's video in which he said an extremely poorly executed "YESS", then so far, everything is cheese and gravy.
Please, Essendon media guys, please;
Never again.
ESSENDON BOMBERS - #25 - JAKE STRINGER
God, that feels weird to type. Jake Stringer, wearing an Essendon guernsey. For points. In the season.
Stringer.
Tattoos and all.
Well regarded as one of the most talented players in the league when he's in form, the Jake Stringer recruitment saga was one that was foreseen from the start. It was a script well written, to the perfect specification to the Bombers. It was like watching a movie you'd seen before, where you knew the ending, but you enjoyed it so much you wanted to watch it again.
Bulldogs publicly denounce Stringer.
Bulldogs say that he's up for trade.
Bulldogs put high price on Stringer.
Bulldogs wait for bidding war.
Bidding war never comes.
Essendon uses highest pick on Devon Smith.
Bulldogs publicly announce that if they don't get a good deal, he will stay at Bulldogs.
>okey mete.jpg
Bombers offer two second round picks.
Bulldogs baulk.
No-one else bids.
Bulldogs hold out to the end.
Essendon trade picks and show pics of Stringer in Essendon jumper taken two weeks ago.
Top kek.
Pressure's on Jakey, let's slot another miracle and show the whole footy world how much of a king you are.
ADELAIDE CROWS - #18 - EDDIE BETTS
When you realise that McGrath is probably going to be playing midfield, meaning he can't shut Eddie down
ADELAIDE CROWS - #4 - JOSH JENKINS
I don't understand the Jenkins issue here; he competes, and gets his goals here and there, but the general consensus from the Crows fans (at least on here) is that he's about as useful as a waterproof teabag. A piss-flavoured lollipop. A North Melbourne membership. Remember when we let him go for nothing, where we thought "Look it's annoying to see him go without playing a game, but he didn't show much"? Then he popped up in a genuine Top 4 side and started slotting 4-5 goals every week?
Remember?
Because I do, and it's s**t. In the absence of the Volkswagen with the doors open, Tex, Jenkins (alongside debutant Darcy Fogarty) is the key pillar up forward, against arguably the best one-on-one defender in the game, Michael Hurley.
And his massive, massive, bear balls.
Welcome Back - 23rd of March, 2017
Welcome back to another year of footy. The drama, the passion, the spills, thrills, pills; and that's just Buddy Franklin's car. We're back, with the weight of expectation upon our shoulders. **** its great.
We're widely tipped to be about the same this year. Why? Why are we being pitted in the 7th-9th bracket? Look at our list this year, and it's improved in every way. Sure, we've lost Jobe, but he was a shadow of himself last year save for glimpses. We've lost Benny Howlett, who was a great bloke, but a ring-in player. The biggest loss would have to be Pops Kelly, who's now, thankfully, one of our assistant coaches. It's strange to think that the general AFL populace sees us as "thereabouts" this year, when we have addressed the key issues for us. Our running off half back is twice as good as it was with the addition of Saad, our midfield is now looking extra juicy with the inclusion of Stringer, Smith, and the developing bodies of McGrath and Parish. Our forward line has Joey Daniher, and to go with his ridiculous talent, he fills our quota of bad facial hair and arm length. What a man.
What can we expect this year? Starting off against the premiership favourites at home. One would usually think, given our recent record against the Crowbots, that we would up s**t creek without a paddle. Our last four games against the Crows have been lost by an average of 74 points. That's embarrassing. If you look at the line up that the Crows have brought in tonight, then you'll see a huge shift from what we saw last year on Grand Final day. The mystique of the Crows is a little left of centre; it feels as though something is missing from them. Like the loss of the big dance last year has destroyed the veneer of invincibility that they had. No-one gave us a chance against the Crows last year, and yet this year, we're breaking even on most markets. The money is coming in for us. A solid list, one of the most exciting forward lines in the game, a midfield unit that is without a big body presence, but is abundant in skill and effort. A defence led by arguably the best man-on-man defender in the game in Michael Hurley. All brought together and coached by a man who joined this great club in a time of need, and is about to lead us into the next great chapter of success.
I don't have many reasons to be angry, or many reasons to rant. Footy is back, the weather is cooling down, which means that I won't sweat when I eat anymore and my pale, pale flesh will appear less ghostly white upon exposure to natural daylight. At least, until it burns. I'm back doing what I love, enjoying the greatest sport in the world, and the greatest team in the world. If there's one thing I can rant on, it's this new AFL directive of over-umpiring.
Last night, we witnessed a fantastic start to the season. Richmond and Carlton put on one hell of a show. Charlie Curnow was dominant. Dusty was Dusty. Paddy Cripps, as much as I hate to say it, is a legitimate midfield gun. Carlton looked good. What the **** is up with that?! When you look at the umpiring from last night and compare it to seasons past, we may have a slight issue; the umpires are, at this point, taking over the game. This 10m protected area rule is a joke. Use some common sense. 10m around the player kicking? There's not even any perceived pressure at that distance. No player would look around and measure the distances, and no umpire can do it by sight completely accurately. It's a ludicrous directive, and one that is going to do nothing but piss people off. When you look at the free kick count from our last JLT match, and see that the result was an astonishing 71 free kicks between the two sides, you can see where the problems lie. Let the game go. It's a wonderful game. It's our game. It's fast, it's exciting, and having it stop every three seconds because an opposition player comes within a 10m radius of a player is going to do nothing but harm what we all love about this game of ours.
Save for that, **** Carlton.
Welcome back to footy, everyone.
-VS
This weeks Celebrity Soapbox spotlight is placed firmly on our very own master of the rant, Jade .
The Tragedy of the Unwashed
“Excuse me sir, for the call to your station,
I’d like to complain about my situation.
I’m a member you see, of another accorde,
And sadly I feel, that my truth is ignored.”
“It’s these Bombers I tell you, they’re blatantly cheats!
Who I just know that by now, should be easybeats.
They lost draft picks and cash, supporters and members,
The whole bloody place, should be nothing but embers.”
“Instead of hardship and pain, they have talent to burn,
A high leaping forward, that brings me concern.
Jaegar made his right call, we laughed at their chase,
They responded in turn, a Pigeon shat in our face.”
“No finals in years, no wins when it matters,
Yet sponsors keep coming, served to them on platters.
I don’t understand it, can’t figure out why,
These cursed Bombers, won’t just bloody die.”
“Why won’t they fold? Can they just bloody stop?
They should still be at bottom, yet are closer to top.
This isn’t going to plan, they’re not beaten and small,
I’m outraged my outrage, has done nothing at all.”
“Well thanks for that caller, you seem upset,
It’s slightly disturbing, you see such a threat.
Maybe look at your own, assess your own list,
Or perhaps that is why, you seem so damn pissed”
The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.
- Albert Camus
“Excuse me sir, for the call to your station,
I’d like to complain about my situation.
I’m a member you see, of another accorde,
And sadly I feel, that my truth is ignored.”
“It’s these Bombers I tell you, they’re blatantly cheats!
Who I just know that by now, should be easybeats.
They lost draft picks and cash, supporters and members,
The whole bloody place, should be nothing but embers.”
“Instead of hardship and pain, they have talent to burn,
A high leaping forward, that brings me concern.
Jaegar made his right call, we laughed at their chase,
They responded in turn, a Pigeon shat in our face.”
“No finals in years, no wins when it matters,
Yet sponsors keep coming, served to them on platters.
I don’t understand it, can’t figure out why,
These cursed Bombers, won’t just bloody die.”
“Why won’t they fold? Can they just bloody stop?
They should still be at bottom, yet are closer to top.
This isn’t going to plan, they’re not beaten and small,
I’m outraged my outrage, has done nothing at all.”
“Well thanks for that caller, you seem upset,
It’s slightly disturbing, you see such a threat.
Maybe look at your own, assess your own list,
Or perhaps that is why, you seem so damn pissed”
The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.
- Albert Camus
Marvellous.
If you would like to nominate for a guest spot as a ranter, please PM me!
ROUND 21, 2017
Ugghhhgghghghghghghg - Etihad Stadium
rest in pepperonis
ESSENDON BOMBERS 12.8 80
def. by
ADELAIDE CROWS 18.15 123
---------
ESSENDON BEST: Hurley, Goddard, Zaharakis, McGrath
ESSENDON GOALS: Hooker 4, Daniher 3, Stewart 2, Watson, Colyer, McKenna
ADELAIDE BEST: Crouch, Laird, Atkins, Douglas
ADELAIDE GOALS: Jenkins, McGovern 3, Douglas, Walker, Smith 2, Mackay, Lynch, Atkins, Crouch, Knight, Greenwood
---------
CHANGES SINCE THEN:
ESSENDON OUTS: Kelly, Gleeson, Myers, Watson, Ambrose, Laverde, Leuenberger, Howlett, Colyer
ESSENDON INS: Hartley, Saad, Stringer, Smith, Brown, Merrett, Begley, Bellchambers, Langford (holy s**t)
ADELAIDE OUTS: Smith, B Crouch, Keath, Lynch, Greenwood, Lever, Knight, Cameron, Walker (hooooly s**t)
ADELAIDE INS: Fogarty, Ellis-Yolmen, Murphy, Gibson, Seedsman, Hartigan, Gibbs, Hampton, Doedee
MELBOURNE:
TV: Channel 7 (LIVE at 7.30pm AEDST), FOXFooty (LIVE at 7.30pm AEDST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 7.30pm AEST)
RADIO: Triple M, 3AW, SEN, ABC, ABC Grandstand
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)
SYDNEY:
TV: 7mate (LIVE at 7.30pm AEDST), FOXFooty (LIVE at 7.30pm AEDST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 7.30pm AEDST)
RADIO: ABC
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)
ADELAIDE:
TV: Channel 7 (LIVE at 7.00pm ACDST), FOXFooty (LIVE at 7.00pm ACDST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 7.00pm ACDST)
RADIO: Triple M, ABC, FIVEaa, ABC Grandstand
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)
PERTH:
TV: 7mate (LIVE at 4.30pm AWDST), FOXFooty (LIVE at 4.30pm AWDST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 4.30pm AWDST)
RADIO: ABC, ABC Grandstand, 6PR
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)
BRISBANE:
TV: 7mate (6.30pm Queensland Time), FOXFooty (6.30pm Queensland Time), FOXTEL Now (6.30pm Queensland Time)
RADIO: ABC
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)
TASMANIA:
TV: Southern Cross (LIVE at 7.30pm AEDST), FOXFooty (LIVE at 7.30pm AEDST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 7.03pm AEDST)
RADIO: Triple M, NIRS, ABC, ABC Grandstand, AFL Nation
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)
DARWIN:
TV: Southern Cross (LIVE at 6.00pm ACDST), FOXFooty (LIVE at 6.00pm ACDST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 6.00pm ACDST)
RADIO: NIRS, ABC, ABC Grandstand, AFL Nation
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)
Round one means no form line, no form lines mean I can go in totally blind and have absolutely no fallback on my horribly short-sighted tip, which is...
Essendon by 13.
If you would like to nominate for a guest spot as a ranter, please PM me!
ROUND 21, 2017
Ugghhhgghghghghghghg - Etihad Stadium
rest in pepperonis
ESSENDON BOMBERS 12.8 80
def. by
ADELAIDE CROWS 18.15 123
---------
ESSENDON BEST: Hurley, Goddard, Zaharakis, McGrath
ESSENDON GOALS: Hooker 4, Daniher 3, Stewart 2, Watson, Colyer, McKenna
ADELAIDE BEST: Crouch, Laird, Atkins, Douglas
ADELAIDE GOALS: Jenkins, McGovern 3, Douglas, Walker, Smith 2, Mackay, Lynch, Atkins, Crouch, Knight, Greenwood
---------
CHANGES SINCE THEN:
ESSENDON OUTS: Kelly, Gleeson, Myers, Watson, Ambrose, Laverde, Leuenberger, Howlett, Colyer
ESSENDON INS: Hartley, Saad, Stringer, Smith, Brown, Merrett, Begley, Bellchambers, Langford (holy s**t)
ADELAIDE OUTS: Smith, B Crouch, Keath, Lynch, Greenwood, Lever, Knight, Cameron, Walker (hooooly s**t)
ADELAIDE INS: Fogarty, Ellis-Yolmen, Murphy, Gibson, Seedsman, Hartigan, Gibbs, Hampton, Doedee
MELBOURNE:
TV: Channel 7 (LIVE at 7.30pm AEDST), FOXFooty (LIVE at 7.30pm AEDST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 7.30pm AEST)
RADIO: Triple M, 3AW, SEN, ABC, ABC Grandstand
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)
SYDNEY:
TV: 7mate (LIVE at 7.30pm AEDST), FOXFooty (LIVE at 7.30pm AEDST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 7.30pm AEDST)
RADIO: ABC
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)
ADELAIDE:
TV: Channel 7 (LIVE at 7.00pm ACDST), FOXFooty (LIVE at 7.00pm ACDST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 7.00pm ACDST)
RADIO: Triple M, ABC, FIVEaa, ABC Grandstand
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)
PERTH:
TV: 7mate (LIVE at 4.30pm AWDST), FOXFooty (LIVE at 4.30pm AWDST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 4.30pm AWDST)
RADIO: ABC, ABC Grandstand, 6PR
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)
BRISBANE:
TV: 7mate (6.30pm Queensland Time), FOXFooty (6.30pm Queensland Time), FOXTEL Now (6.30pm Queensland Time)
RADIO: ABC
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)
TASMANIA:
TV: Southern Cross (LIVE at 7.30pm AEDST), FOXFooty (LIVE at 7.30pm AEDST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 7.03pm AEDST)
RADIO: Triple M, NIRS, ABC, ABC Grandstand, AFL Nation
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)
DARWIN:
TV: Southern Cross (LIVE at 6.00pm ACDST), FOXFooty (LIVE at 6.00pm ACDST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 6.00pm ACDST)
RADIO: NIRS, ABC, ABC Grandstand, AFL Nation
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)
Round one means no form line, no form lines mean I can go in totally blind and have absolutely no fallback on my horribly short-sighted tip, which is...
Essendon by 13.
