Media Royals Tour of Australia

Jun 18, 2016
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Sweet FA has been gripped with Royal fever this week as the Duke and Duchess of Nosex touched down in Gold City this week to start a 16-day goodwill tour based around the Convictus Games. After a long flight and a day of rest the Royal couple’s tour officially kicked off today with news from Campaigner Palace that the Duchess has fallen victim to a leadership spill if you know what I mean.

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The Duchess arrives in Sweet to begin a 16-day Royal tour

The Royals’ day began with an official welcome from some old fart who let them crash at his pad for the week. With some quick thinking and government funding at his wife’s disposal the old fart presented the Duke and Duchess with presents for his unborn boss made from real Australian animals.

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Some old fart welcoming the Royals to Sweet and laying down the house rules

The Royals’ next engagement for the day was at Toorightmate Zoo where the couple checked on the welfare of the animals and made arrangements with staff to keep the old fart well away from them. The Duke opened an enclosure at the Zoo before taking off across the harbour with his beautiful wife to watch a dance performance at the Oprah House.

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GreyCrow managed to avoid being stuffed and turned into a present by the old fart

After half an hour, the Duchess figured out the dance troupe were just practicing and the Duke said “* this, let’s go for a walk”. They snuck out a side entrance where they were mobbed by half of Sweet clamouring to shake hands, take photos and congratulate the Duke on his working tackle.

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The Royals taking in a cultural performance at the Oprah House

Having gone an hour without being groped, mugged or shot, the Royal couple decided to call it a day so they loaded up the minivan full of gifts and took off back across the bridge to the old fart’s house for their final engagement for the day, an afternoon tea with Sweet’s high achievers and whoever is captaining the Wonders this week.

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Congrats on the sex, Duke!

Tomorrow, the Duke and Duchess head to rural Sweet to meet with people better off than those in Baghdad and to perform a rain dance to the tune of Midnight Oils ‘Beds Are Burning’.

(Royal Tour logo shamelessly stolen. No animals were harmed in the making of this story. I lied about the sex as well.)
 
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