Event S30 Rookie “Torch of the Year” Award [Rising Star]

[BLUEALLTHRU]

Finally his brilliance is recognised.

I'll give it to you this weekend mate after Saturday night.

 

[GremioPower]

​

ROUND 14
THE NOMINEES ​

DRA-BOM, VandoHawk (DRA)

"The Melbourne Cup has brought the horse back."


CIW-WON, FootyGuy13 (CIW)

"Even against his will."

---

WHO IS GOING TO BE THIS WEEK'S “TORCH”?​

 

[BLUEALLTHRU]

ROUND 14
THE NOMINEES ​

DRA-BOM, VandoHawk (DRA)

"The Melbourne Cup has brought the horse back."


CIW-WON, FootyGuy13 (CIW)

"Even against his will."

---

WHO IS GOING TO BE THIS WEEK'S “TORCH”?​

It has to be VandoHawk he ******* loves a beer opposed to that puss ball. FootyGuy13

 

[Robertio]

I'll give it to you this weekend mate after Saturday night.

Well done on the nom mate, you've entertained the sh*t out of me all season.

 

[GremioPower]

"WHY SHOULD THIS ROOKIE BE THE TORCH?!"
​

Each week, Committee members must justify their choices of match thread winners. This not only helps us choosing who wins the Torch, but it also works as reference for all the rookies on what it is expected from them in the match threads.

This is what it was said about each one of the nominees this round:


FootyGuy13

Spoiler: FootyGuy13 (CIW)

For context, it was an overall low-posting thread that, after ClarkeM, the next highest poster only reached 49 posts. Still, this award is not about quantity, but quality; and quality is something FootyGuy13 puts into all of his posts. This week, he has touched several themes:


– Hazing the newbie

Unfortunately, the newbie BlueMaster1 called this game "footy". While it's a bit of a contradiction, FootyGuy13 took it upon himself to give the necessary treatment, which prompted angry reacts from the Wonders faithful.


– Mocking ClarkeM for his lack of posts

FG was well aware of the mission CM was trying to play, and wasn't quick to mention that he was behind schedule. In huge zoomed format.


– Analysing the competition

This was an in depth analysis of previous Warriors-Wonders games, plus requoting the evidence of said encounters. Which prompted a page of discussion. This was not an insignificant portion of a 19 page thread.


– Starting rumours

"I dunno, Tonga Bob How am I going?

And Bob, if you're wondering why I am asking you the question that BAT just gave me, I think you know what event is currently going on between you, me, him and others."

[Note: We have no idea whatsoever on what he's talking about. Please, there is also no need to clarify it.]


– Interest in Game Night

FG wasn't quick to express his interest in Jackbox, and we look forward to what he has to offer.


FootyGuy13 once again has covered various areas of the SFA experience and engaged others, making the most out of his posts. Will it be enough to render him the award this time?

VandoHawk

Spoiler: VandoHawk (DRA)

Only the best rookies are able to survive and thrive in a Bombers vs. Dragons match thread, and VandoHawk was certainly in that category this week. With 41 posts he was able to throw shade at the opposition, whilst deflecting some of the best thrown at him by Baghdad's elite.

Vando is known as a cheeky poster, with no qualms about sneaking a bit of innuendo and snark into his offerings. His horse "persona" fits nicely into this, and I'm beginning to suspect we're only scratching the surface of what he's capable of (and how far down the rabbit hole he's prepared to go). Despite receiving several Torch nominations earlier in the season, he has suffered from being in the shadows of the prolific T2B_ and well -spoken MC Bad Genius...until now.

His entry into the match thread was direct and to the point:

VandoHawk said:


Good to see you Antonio. How are you holding up? If your erection from usurping @WaynesWorld19 has lasted three months you should seek medical attention.

When put to the question by ABV as to whether he was lured to the Dragons by AceAndy's alleged candy van, he was quick to reply with a bit of Cadbury Favourites-style humour:

VandoHawk said:

I'll have you know the sweets he offered me were very nice. But he offered @T2B_ a Moro so I have no idea why he joined.

And then threw the spotlight on to Bomber recruit Kilroy, and what the Bomber hazing process involved:

VandoHawk said:


Yes but I've never had to lick the bathrooms at Baghdad clean after a @Santoz curry.

VandoHawk said:


Poor bloke drew cleaning duty after a particularly spicy vindaloo

Later in the week he disputed the suspiciously Shooped "evidence" provided by ABV regarding the physical attributes of some of the Dragon's finest:

VandoHawk said:


What an odd choice of photoshop candidates. I thought it was common knowledge that @Cold Sober is jacked from all the hay stacking and @fumbler can peel coconuts with just his pecs.

And when ABV provided some alluring photos of Vando in a compromising position, Vando was more than happy to double down:

VandoHawk said:


He said he wanted to take me for a ride and I didn't read between the lines
How am I supposed to dislike you when you give me such shapely proportions?

VandoHawk said:


I don't know where this fascination with photoshopping me onto attractive women has come from but I'm not complaining

Later in the week the discussion turned every teenage boy's favourite folder on their computer's desktop:

VandoHawk said:


The day I deleted my homework folder was the day I became a man

Look in the current socioeconomic climate I am afraid the prices are going to go up but to ease your pain I could give you the fun-sized boost that was included in the Dragons signing package

And of course the next step was the Bombers' weekly analysis of glory holes and sexual positions:

VandoHawk said:


I pay extra to look them in the eye

VandoHawk said:


I must admit the old pretzel manoeuvre takes some practice. But it is uncomfortably in my top 5 positions.

Chipmunk popped into the thread later in the week, and Vando was more than happy to reminisce about his Vampire days:

VandoHawk said:


That was a weird night at the Vamps. I believe @Chipmunk got involved too

VandoHawk said:

You should see what he does with his nuts

And it seems that he and fellow rook T2B_ have been bonding a bit lately:

VandoHawk said:


Have to be careful bringing up the PMs because there's a good chance @T2B_ will leak your nudes

Once again Vando fell victim to the Dragons and Bombers' propensity to discuss rather unhealthy foods right before gameday:

VandoHawk said:


My diet is ruined you campaigners

Vando then went through five stages of grief as the sim played out.

HOPE:

VandoHawk said:


fu** this really didn't go well last time it was rainy. Hopefully I've learnt my lesson.

DENIAL:

VandoHawk said:


I'm pretty sure we were down by like 40 this time last match so I consider this an absolute win

DEPRESSION:

VandoHawk said:


Ok no longer an absolute win

BARGAINING:

VandoHawk said:


He got confused and decided to post the round 3 sim

ACCEPTANCE:

VandoHawk said:


Good game Bombers

Unlucky on the loss in the sim, Vando - but hopefully a Torch win can make up for it.

 

[MC Bad Genius]

"WHY SHOULD THIS ROOKIE BE THE TORCH?!"
​

Each week, Committee members must justify their choices of match thread winners. This not only helps us choosing who wins the Torch, but it also works as reference for all the rookies on what it is expected from them in the match threads.

This is what it was said about each one of the nominees this round:


FootyGuy13

Spoiler: FootyGuy13 (CIW)

For context, it was an overall low-posting thread that, after ClarkeM, the next highest poster only reached 49 posts. Still, this award is not about quantity, but quality; and quality is something FootyGuy13 puts into all of his posts. This week, he has touched several themes:


– Hazing the newbie

Unfortunately, the newbie BlueMaster1 called this game "footy". While it's a bit of a contradiction, FootyGuy13 took it upon himself to give the necessary treatment, which prompted angry reacts from the Wonders faithful.


– Mocking ClarkeM for his lack of posts

FG was well aware of the mission CM was trying to play, and wasn't quick to mention that he was behind schedule. In huge zoomed format.


– Analysing the competition

This was an in depth analysis of previous Warriors-Wonders games, plus requoting the evidence of said encounters. Which prompted a page of discussion. This was not an insignificant portion of a 19 page thread.


– Starting rumours

"I dunno, Tonga Bob How am I going?

And Bob, if you're wondering why I am asking you the question that BAT just gave me, I think you know what event is currently going on between you, me, him and others."

[Note: We have no idea whatsoever on what he's talking about. Please, there is also no need to clarify.]


– Interest in Game Night

FG wasn't quick to express his interest in Jackbox, and we look forward to what he has to offer.


FootyGuy13 once again has covered various areas of the SFA experience and engaged others, making the most out of his posts. Will it be enough to render him the award this time?

VandoHawk

Spoiler: VandoHawk (DRA)

Only the best rookies are able to survive and thrive in a Bombers vs. Dragons match thread, and VandoHawk was certainly in that category this week. With 41 posts he was able to throw shade at the opposition, whilst deflecting some of the best thrown at him by Baghdad's elite.

Vando is known as a cheeky poster, with no qualms about sneaking a bit of innuendo and snark into his offerings. His horse "persona" fits nicely into this, and I'm beginning to suspect we're only scratching the surface of what he's capable of (and how far down the rabbit hole he's prepared to go). Despite receiving several Torch nominations earlier in the season, he has suffered from being in the shadows of the prolific T2B_ and well -spoken MC Bad Genius...until now.

His entry into the match thread was direct and to the point:


When put to the question by ABV as to whether he was lured to the Dragons by AceAndy's alleged candy van, he was quick to reply with a bit of Cadbury Favourites-style humour:


And then threw the spotlight on to Bomber recruit Kilroy, and what the Bomber hazing process involved:



Later in the week he disputed the suspiciously Shooped "evidence" provided by ABV regarding the physical attributes of some of the Dragon's finest:


And when ABV provided some alluring photos of Vando in a compromising position, Vando was more than happy to double down:



Later in the week the discussion turned every teenage boy's favourite folder on their computer's desktop:


And of course the next step was the Bombers' weekly analysis of glory holes and sexual positions:



Chipmunk popped into the thread later in the week, and Vando was more than happy to reminisce about his Vampire days:



And it seems that he and fellow rook T2B_ have been bonding a bit lately:


Once again Vando fell victim to the Dragons and Bombers' propensity to discuss rather unhealthy foods right before gameday:


Vando then went through five stages of grief as the sim played out.

HOPE:


DENIAL:


DEPRESSION:


BARGAINING:


ACCEPTANCE:


Unlucky on the loss in the sim, Vando - but hopefully a Torch win can make up for it.

Liked only because GP said I was well-spoken.

 

[GremioPower]

Liked only because GP said I was well-spoken.

 

[PMBangers]

SO uhhhh, did anyone win last round?

 

[Kilroy]

SO uhhhh, did anyone win last round?

I think it's fair to say RL won last week.

 

[serial_thrilla]

SO uhhhh, did anyone win last round?

Everyone was disqualified.

 

[GremioPower]

SO uhhhh, did anyone win last round?

We are still recovering from R13 election.

 

[PMBangers]

We are still recovering from R13 election.

Stop the count?

 

[GremioPower]

Stop the count?

Never. We keep counting as long as votes keep on coming.

We found votes on the trash. Some ballots had gotten stuck on traffic. Postal services aren’t so reliable these days. Huge mess.

But as our favourite candidate took the lead, the number of unreported votes went down fast. We were very lucky!

The main issue was recounting. But, then, there were fewer votes — mostly for that other candidate. So, it was all good.

 

[Kilroy]

Never. We keep counting as long as votes keep on coming.

We found votes on the trash. Some ballots had gotten stuck on traffic. Postal services aren’t so reliable these days. Huge mess.

But as our favourite candidate took the lead, the number of unreported votes went down fast. We were very lucky!

The main issue was recounting. But, then, there were fewer votes — mostly for that other candidate. So, it was all good.

 

[Tonga Bob]

Bob: I'm not going back out there. The process is broken. You flogs couldn't pick a winner in a one hor-

serial_thrilla: Just get on f*cken stage, Bob.



Welcome back everyone to the Torch of the Week. We seem to have had some uh... technical difficulties, but we're back on track now. Let's see who the Superior Shitposters were from round 14.

Only two were considered worthy of nomination this round. It would come as no surprise whatsoever that the People's Nominee FootyGuy13 is one of them. Although he only rewarded us with a six pack of gold, in the context of the shallow pool that was the Warrioris-Wonders thread it was significant. The other candidate is Dragonette VandoHawk who had the opposite experience to Guy in that his pool, a Dragons-Bombers thread, is like that pool at Adventureworld in Perth which was, at the time, the largest pool in the Southern Hemisphere. And also like a Dragons-Bombers thread, it's easy to piss in and get away with it.

So now that the body of work box has been ticked, it seems obvious that the nominee this round is... [opens envelope] VandoHawk? What the heck?



[sweating nervously] Give it up for this week's nominee - VandoHawk!



I sat down with VandoHawk and his captain AceAndy to discuss the nomination. First up it was the Dragon boss:

Bob: Hey Andy, welcome back to the couch once again. This is like the [counts fingers] a lot of times you've been here this season, thanks to how well your rookies have been performing. You must feel like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society?

Andy: Certainly feels like I have done this before due to the fact I have done this before. At the end of last season we did as a club make a decision to offer a number of expansion club rookies the chance to participate in the Sweet FA and it has been a pleasant surprise as to how well it has worked out for both the Dragons and the new players. The quartet of VandoHawk T2B_ Bradesmaen and MC Bad Genius have all had great first up seasons and we hope they will all be running out in Dragons colours for many seasons to come.

Bob: Congrats on getting VandoHawk to the Dragons. Where did you find him, and how are they settling in?

Andy: I recall one of our best scouts Knifey Spoony thought he was a good prospect and we shot him a PM letting him know we would be happy to have him on-board at the Dragons. Really hit the ground running and played a cracking debut game which was surprisingly overlooked and posted up a storm with 108 posts in his first match.

Bob: What has his posting style been like?

Andy: VH has been a solid 35 + posts a week and in true Dragon fashion loves a good gif. A definite chance for the EKA with his major competition to come from the other Dragons rookies.

Bob: Don't know why you'd wish for a curse to befall him but each to their own I guess. I remember when we spoke earlier in the season when T2B_ has receive his nod for Superior Shitpostingᵀᴹ about how VandoHawk was the only one of your rookies to not be recognised, and since then he's come up with performances earning both Gun and Torch nominations. Exactly how big was the rocket that you fired up his arse to get him motivated?

Andy: Surprising what the threat of a season in the back pocket does for a players motivation and VH has settled into one of the premium spots on the Qooty field. I expect he will have a huge finals campaign and be instrumental in the Dragons season 30 premiership.

Bob: We'll see what the qumpires have to say about that. Now that we're deep into the season, are there any rookies from other teams that you wish you had gotten your hands on whose posting you enjoy that you haven't mentioned previously?

Andy: We played the Hawks last week and was surprised how well PMBangers has picked up the game, quite an effort for a 12 year old.

Cheers Andy, all the best to you for the remainder of the season. Now it's over to this week's recipient:

Bob: Hey VandoHawk, congratulations on receiving a Torch of the Week nomination to go with your Gun nomination. I was on holiday when you were last here, and unfortunately I couldn't understand the questions that Chipmunk asked of you. It could be that he literally speaks English, or it could be the nuts in his mouth. Anyhoo, what path did you take to get to the SFA, and where did you first hear about it?

Vando: Cheers Bob. I got involved in the SFA through the eAFL qooty competition that was run at the start of the year. The simulation was weirdly charming and I found myself posting in the thread regularly. SarahSmiles was the head honcho of eHawthorn and scouted me out for Millky95 and the Vampires. I’d never heard of the SFA before so I’m pissed off grateful they got me involved. Once the bid fell through Ace scouted me out. And if my experiences at the Vampires were any indication it’s definitely nuts in Chippy’s mouth.

Bob: Oof! What are your impressions of the place now you've been around a while? Are AceAndy & the Dragons looking after you?

Vando: I think the SFA is a fun and unique place although there seems to be differing ideas of what exactly it should be. I enjoy posting and have settled in reasonably well. Match threads are fun but I have minimal involvement in media threads. The Dragons have done a great job of looking after me. Guys like Ace and serial_thrilla are always checking in to make sure things are going well and are happy to jump into battle if I'm getting targeted in a thread. Everyone in the team PM is super supportive. It’s a great environment that encourages growth.

Bob: How do you prepare for a match thread?

Vando: Pray? I’m currently just rocking up and going with the flow. As I learn more about certain posters I might enter certain threads with a plan to kick the hornets’ nest.

Bob: Your avatar is a horse, your username has hawk in it, and you play for the Dragons. Are you one of those hybrid animal Pokemon things or are you afraid to make choices?

Vando: Commitment was never my strong suit Bob. I’m sorry it’s not you it’s me.

Truth be told I wasn’t planning on being an animal persona. In the past, I usually just had Hawthorn players as my avatar but thought I needed something a bit different for my SFA persona. The horse from Tangled looked like a smug prick and I went with it. In my first match thread SweetD said he wanted to punch the horse which I considered mission accomplished. But as time progressed and more equine references were made I just rolled with it. That might change in future.

Bob: I look forward to seeing you mentioned in the next name change thread! What would you like to achieve off field during your SFA career? Have you ventured into the world of media yet?

Vando: My biggest priority off-field is fleshing out my persona. For this reason, I’m interested in getting involved in media threads but haven’t taken that step. I started to put one together but the last two months have given me limited opportunity to consistently post. So, I decided to put media on the back burner until the off-season/next season. I’ll probably start participating in them more once the season ends and there are no match threads.

Bob: From the outside you seem to be the most reserved of the Dragon rookie cohort - apart from the one that left of course! Is that a fair observation, or do you go off like a firecracker behind closed doors?

Vando: I think that’s a fair observation although probably exacerbated by my decrease in posting numbers. A good list has a variety of posting styles. From the current Dragons rookies T2B_ is an ex Bay13 flog who knows his way around banter, MC Bad Genius will post the equivalent of a media thread in the match thread roasting you and Bradesmaen will glass you. I can afford to be a bit quieter with those loudmouths running around.

That being said I do think I can take the hits and dish out when required like I did against the Wonders in Round 1. I believe that once my posting number go up I’ll be viewed as less reserved but I don’t think I’m going to be an intentionally antagonistic poster (with some exceptions).

Bob: Have there been any other teams that have stood out for you in the match threads or posters that you like the look of?

Vando: The Bombers were very fun to post against both times. There are some posts that miss the mark but I think they’ve currently got a good mix of activity, witty posts and banter.

As for individual posters serial_thrilla is a bit of a cop out answer given he plays for the Dragons but I constantly forget this is his second season. He regularly rocks up to match threads with 100+ posts providing stats and banter. He also always tries to engage the other teams, even ones he doesn’t particularly like, which I think is great for match threads.

I also really like the look of fellow rookie PMBangers. He’s super engaged in both match threads and media threads, with that good mix of banter and friendliness. I’m very disappointed I wasn’t around more in the Hawks thread.

Bob: Haha yeah Thrills is a good guy aye? [turns to side & gives serial_thrilla an affirming thumbs up] Have you clashed with teams, or have found a nemesis yet?

Vando: I haven't really clashed with many teams. Most teams have their pros and cons. The two threads with the Warriors were probably the hardest just because it felt like there was an unwillingness to engage beyond stereotypes (probably from both sides) and I’m not quite sure how to cope with that yet. I don’t currently have a nemesis but I’m open to applications.



Yeah definitely one to keep an eye on. Anyhoo, congrats again VandoHawk, here's your miniature novelty trophy.

Are we done here? Please let me go you guys, these chains are unnecessary.

Please.

I have a family.

 

[GremioPower]

View attachment 1008590

 

[serial_thrilla]

View attachment 1008443
View attachment 1008448

Bob: I'm not going back out there. The process is broken. You flogs couldn't pick a winner in a one hor-

serial_thrilla: Just get on f*cken stage, Bob.

View attachment 1008452

Welcome back everyone to the Torch of the Week. We seem to have had some uh... technical difficulties, but we're back on track now. Let's see who the Superior Shitposters were from round 14.

Only two were considered worthy of nomination this round. It would come as no surprise whatsoever that the People's Nominee FootyGuy13 is one of them. Although he only rewarded us with a six pack of gold, in the context of the shallow pool that was the Warrioris-Wonders thread it was significant. The other candidate is Dragonette VandoHawk who had the opposite experience to Guy in that his pool, a Dragons-Bombers thread, is like that pool at Adventureworld in Perth which was, at the time, the largest pool in the Southern Hemisphere. And also like a Dragons-Bombers thread, it's easy to piss in and get away with it.

So now that the body of work box has been ticked, it seems obvious that the nominee this round is... [opens envelope] VandoHawk? What the heck?

View attachment 1008504

[sweating nervously] Give it up for this week's nominee - VandoHawk!

View attachment 1008535

I sat down with VandoHawk and his captain AceAndy to discuss the nomination. First up it was the Dragon boss:

Bob: Hey Andy, welcome back to the couch once again. This is like the [counts fingers] a lot of times you've been here this season, thanks to how well your rookies have been performing. You must feel like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society?

Andy: Certainly feels like I have done this before due to the fact I have done this before. At the end of last season we did as a club make a decision to offer a number of expansion club rookies the chance to participate in the Sweet FA and it has been a pleasant surprise as to how well it has worked out for both the Dragons and the new players. The quartet of VandoHawk T2B_ Bradesmaen and MC Bad Genius have all had great first up seasons and we hope they will all be running out in Dragons colours for many seasons to come.

Bob: Congrats on getting VandoHawk to the Dragons. Where did you find him, and how are they settling in?

Andy: I recall one of our best scouts Knifey Spoony thought he was a good prospect and we shot him a PM letting him know we would be happy to have him on-board at the Dragons. Really hit the ground running and played a cracking debut game which was surprisingly overlooked and posted up a storm with 108 posts in his first match.

Bob: What has his posting style been like?

Andy: VH has been a solid 35 + posts a week and in true Dragon fashion loves a good gif. A definite chance for the EKA with his major competition to come from the other Dragons rookies.

Bob: Don't know why you'd wish for a curse to befall him but each to their own I guess. I remember when we spoke earlier in the season when T2B_ has receive his nod for Superior Shitpostingᵀᴹ about how VandoHawk was the only one of your rookies to not be recognised, and since then he's come up with performances earning both Gun and Torch nominations. Exactly how big was the rocket that you fired up his arse to get him motivated?

Andy: Surprising what the threat of a season in the back pocket does for a players motivation and VH has settled into one of the premium spots on the Qooty field. I expect he will have a huge finals campaign and be instrumental in the Dragons season 30 premiership.

Bob: We'll see what the qumpires have to say about that. Now that we're deep into the season, are there any rookies from other teams that you wish you had gotten your hands on whose posting you enjoy that you haven't mentioned previously?

Andy: We played the Hawks last week and was surprised how well PMBangers has picked up the game, quite an effort for a 12 year old.

Cheers Andy, all the best to you for the remainder of the season. Now it's over to this week's recipient:

Bob: Hey VandoHawk, congratulations on receiving a Torch of the Week nomination to go with your Gun nomination. I was on holiday when you were last here, and unfortunately I couldn't understand the questions that Chipmunk asked of you. It could be that he literally speaks English, or it could be the nuts in his mouth. Anyhoo, what path did you take to get to the SFA, and where did you first hear about it?

Vando: Cheers Bob. I got involved in the SFA through the eAFL qooty competition that was run at the start of the year. The simulation was weirdly charming and I found myself posting in the thread regularly. SarahSmiles was the head honcho of eHawthorn and scouted me out for Millky95 and the Vampires. I’d never heard of the SFA before so I’m pissed off grateful they got me involved. Once the bid fell through Ace scouted me out. And if my experiences at the Vampires were any indication it’s definitely nuts in Chippy’s mouth.

Bob: Oof! What are your impressions of the place now you've been around a while? Are AceAndy & the Dragons looking after you?

Vando: I think the SFA is a fun and unique place although there seems to be differing ideas of what exactly it should be. I enjoy posting and have settled in reasonably well. Match threads are fun but I have minimal involvement in media threads. The Dragons have done a great job of looking after me. Guys like Ace and serial_thrilla are always checking in to make sure things are going well and are happy to jump into battle if I'm getting targeted in a thread. Everyone in the team PM is super supportive. It’s a great environment that encourages growth.

Bob: How do you prepare for a match thread?

Vando: Pray? I’m currently just rocking up and going with the flow. As I learn more about certain posters I might enter certain threads with a plan to kick the hornets’ nest.

Bob: Your avatar is a horse, your username has hawk in it, and you play for the Dragons. Are you one of those hybrid animal Pokemon things or are you afraid to make choices?

Vando: Commitment was never my strong suit Bob. I’m sorry it’s not you it’s me.

Truth be told I wasn’t planning on being an animal persona. In the past, I usually just had Hawthorn players as my avatar but thought I needed something a bit different for my SFA persona. The horse from Tangled looked like a smug prick and I went with it. In my first match thread SweetD said he wanted to punch the horse which I considered mission accomplished. But as time progressed and more equine references were made I just rolled with it. That might change in future.

Bob: I look forward to seeing you mentioned in the next name change thread! What would you like to achieve off field during your SFA career? Have you ventured into the world of media yet?

Vando: My biggest priority off-field is fleshing out my persona. For this reason, I’m interested in getting involved in media threads but haven’t taken that step. I started to put one together but the last two months have given me limited opportunity to consistently post. So, I decided to put media on the back burner until the off-season/next season. I’ll probably start participating in them more once the season ends and there are no match threads.

Bob: From the outside you seem to be the most reserved of the Dragon rookie cohort - apart from the one that left of course! Is that a fair observation, or do you go off like a firecracker behind closed doors?

Vando: I think that’s a fair observation although probably exacerbated by my decrease in posting numbers. A good list has a variety of posting styles. From the current Dragons rookies T2B_ is an ex Bay13 flog who knows his way around banter, MC Bad Genius will post the equivalent of a media thread in the match thread roasting you and Bradesmaen will glass you. I can afford to be a bit quieter with those loudmouths running around.

That being said I do think I can take the hits and dish out when required like I did against the Wonders in Round 1. I believe that once my posting number go up I’ll be viewed as less reserved but I don’t think I’m going to be an intentionally antagonistic poster (with some exceptions).

Bob: Have there been any other teams that have stood out for you in the match threads or posters that you like the look of?

Vando: The Bombers were very fun to post against both times. There are some posts that miss the mark but I think they’ve currently got a good mix of activity, witty posts and banter.

As for individual posters serial_thrilla is a bit of a cop out answer given he plays for the Dragons but I constantly forget this is his second season. He regularly rocks up to match threads with 100+ posts providing stats and banter. He also always tries to engage the other teams, even ones he doesn’t particularly like, which I think is great for match threads.

I also really like the look of fellow rookie PMBangers. He’s super engaged in both match threads and media threads, with that good mix of banter and friendliness. I’m very disappointed I wasn’t around more in the Hawks thread.

Bob: Haha yeah Thrills is a good guy aye? [turns to side & gives serial_thrilla an affirming thumbs up] Have you clashed with teams, or have found a nemesis yet?

Vando: I haven't really clashed with many teams. Most teams have their pros and cons. The two threads with the Warriors were probably the hardest just because it felt like there was an unwillingness to engage beyond stereotypes (probably from both sides) and I’m not quite sure how to cope with that yet. I don’t currently have a nemesis but I’m open to applications.

View attachment 1008567

Yeah definitely one to keep an eye on. Anyhoo, congrats again VandoHawk, here's your miniature novelty trophy.

Are we done here? Please let me go you guys, these chains are unnecessary.

Please.

I have a family.

View attachment 1008587

 

[PMBangers]

AceAndy

 

[T2B_]

View attachment 1008443
View attachment 1008448

Bob: I'm not going back out there. The process is broken. You flogs couldn't pick a winner in a one hor-

serial_thrilla: Just get on f*cken stage, Bob.

View attachment 1008452

Welcome back everyone to the Torch of the Week. We seem to have had some uh... technical difficulties, but we're back on track now. Let's see who the Superior Shitposters were from round 14.

Only two were considered worthy of nomination this round. It would come as no surprise whatsoever that the People's Nominee FootyGuy13 is one of them. Although he only rewarded us with a six pack of gold, in the context of the shallow pool that was the Warrioris-Wonders thread it was significant. The other candidate is Dragonette VandoHawk who had the opposite experience to Guy in that his pool, a Dragons-Bombers thread, is like that pool at Adventureworld in Perth which was, at the time, the largest pool in the Southern Hemisphere. And also like a Dragons-Bombers thread, it's easy to piss in and get away with it.

So now that the body of work box has been ticked, it seems obvious that the nominee this round is... [opens envelope] VandoHawk? What the heck?

View attachment 1008504

[sweating nervously] Give it up for this week's nominee - VandoHawk!

View attachment 1008535

I sat down with VandoHawk and his captain AceAndy to discuss the nomination. First up it was the Dragon boss:

Bob: Hey Andy, welcome back to the couch once again. This is like the [counts fingers] a lot of times you've been here this season, thanks to how well your rookies have been performing. You must feel like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society?

Andy: Certainly feels like I have done this before due to the fact I have done this before. At the end of last season we did as a club make a decision to offer a number of expansion club rookies the chance to participate in the Sweet FA and it has been a pleasant surprise as to how well it has worked out for both the Dragons and the new players. The quartet of VandoHawk T2B_ Bradesmaen and MC Bad Genius have all had great first up seasons and we hope they will all be running out in Dragons colours for many seasons to come.

Bob: Congrats on getting VandoHawk to the Dragons. Where did you find him, and how are they settling in?

Andy: I recall one of our best scouts Knifey Spoony thought he was a good prospect and we shot him a PM letting him know we would be happy to have him on-board at the Dragons. Really hit the ground running and played a cracking debut game which was surprisingly overlooked and posted up a storm with 108 posts in his first match.

Bob: What has his posting style been like?

Andy: VH has been a solid 35 + posts a week and in true Dragon fashion loves a good gif. A definite chance for the EKA with his major competition to come from the other Dragons rookies.

Bob: Don't know why you'd wish for a curse to befall him but each to their own I guess. I remember when we spoke earlier in the season when T2B_ has receive his nod for Superior Shitpostingᵀᴹ about how VandoHawk was the only one of your rookies to not be recognised, and since then he's come up with performances earning both Gun and Torch nominations. Exactly how big was the rocket that you fired up his arse to get him motivated?

Andy: Surprising what the threat of a season in the back pocket does for a players motivation and VH has settled into one of the premium spots on the Qooty field. I expect he will have a huge finals campaign and be instrumental in the Dragons season 30 premiership.

Bob: We'll see what the qumpires have to say about that. Now that we're deep into the season, are there any rookies from other teams that you wish you had gotten your hands on whose posting you enjoy that you haven't mentioned previously?

Andy: We played the Hawks last week and was surprised how well PMBangers has picked up the game, quite an effort for a 12 year old.

Cheers Andy, all the best to you for the remainder of the season. Now it's over to this week's recipient:

Bob: Hey VandoHawk, congratulations on receiving a Torch of the Week nomination to go with your Gun nomination. I was on holiday when you were last here, and unfortunately I couldn't understand the questions that Chipmunk asked of you. It could be that he literally speaks English, or it could be the nuts in his mouth. Anyhoo, what path did you take to get to the SFA, and where did you first hear about it?

Vando: Cheers Bob. I got involved in the SFA through the eAFL qooty competition that was run at the start of the year. The simulation was weirdly charming and I found myself posting in the thread regularly. SarahSmiles was the head honcho of eHawthorn and scouted me out for Millky95 and the Vampires. I’d never heard of the SFA before so I’m pissed off grateful they got me involved. Once the bid fell through Ace scouted me out. And if my experiences at the Vampires were any indication it’s definitely nuts in Chippy’s mouth.

Bob: Oof! What are your impressions of the place now you've been around a while? Are AceAndy & the Dragons looking after you?

Vando: I think the SFA is a fun and unique place although there seems to be differing ideas of what exactly it should be. I enjoy posting and have settled in reasonably well. Match threads are fun but I have minimal involvement in media threads. The Dragons have done a great job of looking after me. Guys like Ace and serial_thrilla are always checking in to make sure things are going well and are happy to jump into battle if I'm getting targeted in a thread. Everyone in the team PM is super supportive. It’s a great environment that encourages growth.

Bob: How do you prepare for a match thread?

Vando: Pray? I’m currently just rocking up and going with the flow. As I learn more about certain posters I might enter certain threads with a plan to kick the hornets’ nest.

Bob: Your avatar is a horse, your username has hawk in it, and you play for the Dragons. Are you one of those hybrid animal Pokemon things or are you afraid to make choices?

Vando: Commitment was never my strong suit Bob. I’m sorry it’s not you it’s me.

Truth be told I wasn’t planning on being an animal persona. In the past, I usually just had Hawthorn players as my avatar but thought I needed something a bit different for my SFA persona. The horse from Tangled looked like a smug prick and I went with it. In my first match thread SweetD said he wanted to punch the horse which I considered mission accomplished. But as time progressed and more equine references were made I just rolled with it. That might change in future.

Bob: I look forward to seeing you mentioned in the next name change thread! What would you like to achieve off field during your SFA career? Have you ventured into the world of media yet?

Vando: My biggest priority off-field is fleshing out my persona. For this reason, I’m interested in getting involved in media threads but haven’t taken that step. I started to put one together but the last two months have given me limited opportunity to consistently post. So, I decided to put media on the back burner until the off-season/next season. I’ll probably start participating in them more once the season ends and there are no match threads.

Bob: From the outside you seem to be the most reserved of the Dragon rookie cohort - apart from the one that left of course! Is that a fair observation, or do you go off like a firecracker behind closed doors?

Vando: I think that’s a fair observation although probably exacerbated by my decrease in posting numbers. A good list has a variety of posting styles. From the current Dragons rookies T2B_ is an ex Bay13 flog who knows his way around banter, MC Bad Genius will post the equivalent of a media thread in the match thread roasting you and Bradesmaen will glass you. I can afford to be a bit quieter with those loudmouths running around.

That being said I do think I can take the hits and dish out when required like I did against the Wonders in Round 1. I believe that once my posting number go up I’ll be viewed as less reserved but I don’t think I’m going to be an intentionally antagonistic poster (with some exceptions).

Bob: Have there been any other teams that have stood out for you in the match threads or posters that you like the look of?

Vando: The Bombers were very fun to post against both times. There are some posts that miss the mark but I think they’ve currently got a good mix of activity, witty posts and banter.

As for individual posters serial_thrilla is a bit of a cop out answer given he plays for the Dragons but I constantly forget this is his second season. He regularly rocks up to match threads with 100+ posts providing stats and banter. He also always tries to engage the other teams, even ones he doesn’t particularly like, which I think is great for match threads.

I also really like the look of fellow rookie PMBangers. He’s super engaged in both match threads and media threads, with that good mix of banter and friendliness. I’m very disappointed I wasn’t around more in the Hawks thread.

Bob: Haha yeah Thrills is a good guy aye? [turns to side & gives serial_thrilla an affirming thumbs up] Have you clashed with teams, or have found a nemesis yet?

Vando: I haven't really clashed with many teams. Most teams have their pros and cons. The two threads with the Warriors were probably the hardest just because it felt like there was an unwillingness to engage beyond stereotypes (probably from both sides) and I’m not quite sure how to cope with that yet. I don’t currently have a nemesis but I’m open to applications.

View attachment 1008567

Yeah definitely one to keep an eye on. Anyhoo, congrats again VandoHawk, here's your miniature novelty trophy.

Are we done here? Please let me go you guys, these chains are unnecessary.

Please.

I have a family.

View attachment 1008587

Well deserved! And VH is the definition of quality over quantity.

 

[GremioPower]

ROUND 15
THE NOMINEES ​

DRA-HAW, 11kgm (HAW)

"His engagement over the last few weeks has increased. This time, he deserves to be in the mix for the Torch."



BOM-GCR, Hai_Newman (BOM)

"Who doesn't like an arse-kicking late-comer rookie?!"



WON-DEM, Elmer_Judd (WON)

"One day was all he needed. He was very energetic and humorous."



CIW-FUR, FootyGuy13 (CIW)

"Would the fourth time be the charm for the Guy?"

---

WHO IS GOING TO BE THIS WEEK'S “TORCH”?​

 

[GremioPower]

"WHY SHOULD THIS ROOKIE BE THE TORCH?!"
​

Each week, Committee members must justify their choices of match thread winners. This not only helps us choosing who wins the Torch, but it also works as reference for all the rookies on what it is expected from them in the match threads.

This is what it was said about each one of the nominees this round:


FootyGuy13

Spoiler: FootyGuy13 (CIW)

After a couple of glaring omissions close calls, Warrior numbers man FootyGuy13 has once again put his name up for consideration for a Torch nomination.

He started with a paleontology hot take:

FootyGuy13 said:


@TJASTA I was told not to mention dinosaurs. Luckily dinosaurs don't exist, so it'll be easy.

He questioned his father's IT skills:

FootyGuy13 said:


I'd be surprised if he could figure out how to turn a computer on, let alone use one.

Was involved in a pissing contest with Bastyy and JackBero about how he fared on Tigerturbulance's Fact or Crap:

FootyGuy13 said:


Just putting it out there... I got 6 out of 10.

Yes, I am surprised to know that 6 out of 10 still considered Top 3 in the league.

FootyGuy13 said:


Unfortunately it's true, all because I was thinking of robotic artificial limbs instead of the classic wooden ones. That mistake will forever haunt me on this board as I inevitably watch everyone surpass you and I onto the top of the leaderboard.

He then lined up the host of said quiz and went whack:

FootyGuy13 said:


Ah, revisionism. When you're so good, the goalposts need moving.

That's not the only contest he's dirty about:

FootyGuy13 said:


You were let in to stop doing tiebreakers, aye? Tell me, how well has that worked out so far.
Almost Round 15 and still no word about the Round 13 Torch nom.

But is looking at solutions to prevent similar mistakes occurring next season:

FootyGuy13 said:


BTW, can we have @Tonga Bob fill @Riviat's role for us next season?

He then provided his trademarked statistical analysis:

FootyGuy13 said:


So now, out of finals contention, the Warriors are fighting for individual glory (close race for the club BnF I reckon). Let's see how well those individuals have gone against this weeks opponents in recent times.

In another weekly reminder for @RelaxMax, @harry000 and @Doctor Colossus of how good they have been lately, we also shine a light on @JackBero and @Carson Dial who have split the trio up with their own ability on the qooty field.

@Tigerturbulance also gave me the idea, the other day, to see which players had conceded the most goals, which seems to be more random than goals scored.

@The Half Back and @BEEG have been been powerhouses for both teams in the last 3 games, creating headaches for @Frankston Rover, @Shadow Man and many other defenders of late.

He's put his hand up for SoO duty:

FootyGuy13 said:


Welp, now that Season 30 is truly dead to me, @The Half Back When do I sign up for Vic Country?

And put his hand up for much more (bloody hell that video!!!):

FootyGuy13 said:


Maybe more.

Imagine.

Before finishing off with some corrective poetry:

FootyGuy13 said:


You suck at haikus.
Count syllables, you did not.
It snows on Fuji.

Another sterling effort from the young Wazza, let's see what the Committee think.

11kgm

Spoiler: 11kgm (HAW)

It seems as if his 5-goal performance against the Rats has inspired 11kgm, who has been growing his presence in the Hawks match threads and has been rewarded in this nomination. He's also got involved in the Club Room which has helped his profile.

Topics of conversation included:
- a budding bromance with PMBangers;
- video games;
- dating; and
- as well as being on point for sledging the opposition.

This nomination is well deserved and we at the committee look forward to this rookie's posting style developing in the future!

Hai_Newman

Spoiler: Hai_Newman (BOM)

The Bombers thread winner was Hai_Newman.

He did some stuff, said some things about stuff.

Spoiler: Note by GremioPower

Hai_Newman has beaten Kilroy, kickthething, and MITS this week, but that's how such a feat has been justified. Nothing more was written. That's all there is. Don't blame me. I am just the messenger.

Elmer_Judd

Spoiler: Elmer_Judd (WON)

Wunderkind Elmer_Judd was fashionable unpunctual to the Heritage Round:

Elmer_Judd said:


Elmer being fashionably late to take down the Falls Creek Toffs !

We got this Wonderland !!

Elmer is a long-suffering Leeds fan (they all are, to be honest):

Elmer_Judd said:


Palace are not much chop mate. I expect 3 points #MOT

Elmer_Judd said:


You made the right call. Total cluster fudge of a performance and game..

Trump losing has really lifted my spirits though.

Let's go Wonders !!!

Elmer is not good at predictions:

Elmer_Judd said:

NO GUTS, NO GLORY. LETS GET THIS WONDES SHOW ON THE ROAD AND GIVE MT BULLER THE L MOTHER OF ALL HIDINGS.

Yes I love the Muppets and not ashamed to admit it.

And, then, as the match unfolded, Elmer simply cried and cried:

Elmer_Judd said:

Elmer_Judd in a few posts was able to capture all the intensity, drama, and importance of the Wonders-Demons rivalry. A well-deserved nomination.

 

[GremioPower]

It’s amazing that with 16 awards, there will be still deserving posters without a Torch.

Midway through the season, we’ve had calculated that we were good for 14 rounds. We were wrong. Some rookies have really stepped up in the end of the season.

 

[omgfridge]

FootyGuy13 how you feelin' bud?

 

[GremioPower]

FootyGuy13 how you feelin' bud?

Every season has its Goose. It simply happens.

Be ready for S31!

 

[GremioPower]

Who's still in the race for the Torch?​

There are 13 eligible players for S30's last Torch of the Week award:

11kgm (HAW)
Toump Ass (DEM)
—
Bradesmaen (DRA)
—
chelseacarlton (CIW)
projectv (SCS)
—
Bandicoot (BOM)
Elmer_Judd (WON)
Hai_Newman (BOM)
J_Chadwick (WON)
kickthething (BOM)
OhhhhhCyril (BOM)
rocker_oz33 (BOM)
SammaGilberto (BOM)





​