Analysis Seven Stages of Ports

[Magpiespower]

1. Shock

Say what? We got Motlop, Rockliff and Watts? No way. Seriously? And Thomas & Trengove as veteran depth? Sam Hayes at #47 in the draft? Holy s**t, the Footy Gawds have blessed us this off-season. The Summer of George, indeed. We’re going all the way this year. Ain't no stoppin' us. Port Adelaide, Premiers 2018. Wow.




2. Denial

Okay, we’re not playing great. But it’s still early in the season and we’re still winning. Winning ugly! How good is that? Last year we blitzed teams. But had trouble grinding out tough wins. Now? We got dat grit. The players just need time to gel. Yep, it’ll click later in the year. Just in time for the finals. BANG! Our premiership assault is still on track. The Port Adelaide Express is going all the way in September. Last stop, Grand Final day, MCG. Like the great George Michael said:

3. Anger

F@%K YOU KEN! PLAY AN EXTRA F@%KING TALL SO WE DON’T HAVE TO ROB F@%KING PETER TO PLAY F@%KING PAUL! DIXON IN THE RUCK? F@%K ME DEAD! NOW WHAT’S THIS s**t? WINES RUCKING? EBERT? CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS MUTHA F@%KIN’ s**t? GAWD, WE PLAY THE SHITTEST BRAND OF FOOTY! OUR GAME-PLAN IS F@%KED SIX SATURDAYS FROM SEPTEMBER! F@%KOFF JANUS WITH YOUR HEAT MAPS, VOODOO ANALYTICS, TAROT CARD READING, TOTAL FOOTBALL MASTERY BULLSHIT!




4. Bargaining

Footy Gawds, I've never asked you for anything before. But if you’re listening, can you do me a kindness? Can you... turn our season around? Please? It's not too late. I'll do anything you want. Anything! Just name it. Barrack for the Crows. Read the Tiser, listen to 5AA, watch Channel 7 News. s**t, I'll even be the meat in some sick, twisted, perverted Elspeth/Goat F@%ker sandwich. You name it, I'll do it! What about my Star Wars stuff? It’s the original trilogy vintage s**t. The real McCoy. You can have it. The figures, the vehicles, the collector cases. It's yours, all of it. Even my Jawa with the vinyl cape action figure that’s worth at least $800 opened. Just get our season back on track. Please.




5. Guilt

Feel so bad for trusting this club, trusting this team and trusting Ken. They’ve betrayed me, they’ve betrayed all of us, they’e betrayed the Port Adelaide Football Club. If only we could turn back time and do things differently. So many regrets, so many what ifs, so many... sigh.




6. Depression

Eleven and four. From eleven and four and fighting for top spot to missing the finals. No September action. End this season. Put me out of my misery. Everything is hopeless right now. But I know what to do. I know what I have to. I'm gonna waltz into The Port Club, pocket the fourteen miniature replica Thomas Seymour-Hill premiership cups, use them to weigh down my Craig “21” Bradley duffel coat and walk into the Port River. Goodbye, cruel footy world.

Oops, anger relapse (so much anger!)

F@%KING HELL, STILL WITH THIS NEADE, SAM GARY, PITTARD, JOHNSON s**t? GET OFF THIS MUTHA-F@%KIN MERRY-GO-ROUND! WHY THE F@%K, AFTER FOUR F@%KING YEARS, IS NO-ONE UP FORWARD? STILL! THE PARKLANDS COWS ARE GRAZING INSIDE OUR FORWARD FIDDY, FOR F@%K’S SAKE! MOO, MUTHA F@%KAZ, MOOOOO! F@%K ME, YOU PANTS-WETTING, BED-SHITTING CAMPAIGNERS CHOKED AGAIN, ARRGGGHHHH! PLAY F@%KING FRAMPTON! SACK HINKLEY! F@%K!

7. Acceptance

We’re not gonna win the flag. Not this year. Not next year. Not ever. Not with these flakey fragile frontrunners. We’re just like Norwood supporters from the late-80s lamenting lost premierships despite (allegedly) having the best, most talented, highly-skilled (not us, lol) team in the comp. The difference being the Legs played handball-happy “champagne football” while we run around like Div. 7 Reserves scrubbers hacking it on the boot with our “goon footy farken.” It’s. Just. Not. Gonna. Happen. And I’m okay with that. Really. I am.

 

[Us against the rest]

1. Shock

Say what? We got Motlop, Rockliff and Watts? No way. Seriously? And Thomas & Trengove as veteran depth? Sam Hayes at #47 in the draft? Holy s**t, the Footy Gawds have blessed us this off-season. The Summer of George, indeed. We’re going all the way this year. Ain't no stoppin' us. Port Adelaide, Premiers 2018. Wow.




2. Denial

Okay, we’re not playing great. But it’s still early in the season and we’re still winning. Winning ugly! How good is that? Last year we blitzed teams. But had trouble grinding out tough wins. Now? We got dat grit. The players just need time to gel. Yep, it’ll click later in the year. Just in time for the finals. BANG! Our premiership assault is still on track. The Port Adelaide Express is going all the way in September. Last stop, Grand Final day, MCG. Like the great George Michael said:

3. Anger

F@%K YOU KEN! PLAY AN EXTRA F@%KING TALL SO WE DON’T HAVE TO ROB F@%KING PETER TO PLAY F@%KING PAUL! DIXON IN THE RUCK? F@%K ME DEAD! NOW WHAT’S THIS s**t? WINES RUCKING? EBERT? CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS MUTHA F@%KIN’ s**t? GAWD, WE PLAY THE SHITTEST BRAND OF FOOTY! OUR GAME-PLAN IS F@%KED SIX WAYS FROM SEPTEMBER! F@%KOFF JANUS WITH YOUR HEAT MAPS, VOODOO ANALYTICS, TAROT CARD READING, TOTAL FOOTBALL MASTERY BULLSHIT!




4. Bargaining

Footy Gawds, I've never asked you for anything before. But if you’re listening, can you do me one thing? Just this one thing. One. Okay. Deep breath. Phew. Can you... turn our season around? Please? It's not too late. I'll do anything you want. Anything! Just name it. Barrack for the Crows. Read the Tiser, listen to 5AA, watch Watch Channel 7 News. s**t, I'll even be the meat in some perverted Elspeth/Goat F@%ker sandwich. You name it, I'll do it! What about my Star Wars stuff? It’s the original trilogy vintage s**t. The real McCoy. You can have it. The figures, the vehicles, the collector cases. It's yours, all of it. Even my Jawa with the vinyl cape action figure that’s worth at least $800 opened. Just get our season back on track. Please.




5. Guilt

Feel so bad for trusting this club, trusting this team and trusting Ken. They’ve betrayed me, they’ve betrayed all of us, they’e betrayed the Port Adelaide Football Club. If only we could turn back time and do things differently. So many regrets, so many what ifs, so many... sigh.




6. Depression

Eleven and four. From eleven and four and fighting for top spot to missing the finals. No September action. End this season. Put me out of my misery. Everything is hopeless right now. But I know what to do. I know what I have to. I'm gonna waltz into The Port Club, pocket the fourteen miniature replica Thomas Seymour-Hill premiership cups, use them to weigh down my Craig “21” Bradley duffel coat and walk into the Port River. Goodbye, cruel footy world.

Oops, anger relapse (so much anger!)

F@%KING HELL, STILL WITH THIS NEADE, SAM GARY, PITTARD, JOHNSON s**t? GET OFF THIS MUTHA-F@%KIN MERRY-GO-ROUND! WHY THE F@%K, AFTER FOUR F@%KING YEARS, IS NO-ONE UP FORWARD? STILL! THE PARKLANDS COWS ARE GRAZING INSIDE OUR FORWARD FIDDY, FOR F@%K’S SAKE! MOO, MUTHA F@%KAZ, MOOOOO! F@%K ME, YOU PANTS-WETTING, BED-SHITTING CAMPAIGNERS CHOKED AGAIN, ARRGGGHHHH! PLAY F@%KING FRAMPTON! SACK HINKLEY! F@%K!

7. Acceptance

We’re not gonna win the flag. Not this year. Not next year. Not ever. Not with these flakey fragile frontrunners. We’re just like Norwood supporters from the late-80s lamenting how they never won a premiership despite (allegedly) having the best, most talented, highly-skilled (not us, lol) team in the comp. The difference being the Legs played handball-happy “champagne football” while we run around like Div. 7 Reserves scrubbers hacking it on the boot with our “goon footy farken.” It’s. Just. Not. Gonna. Happen. And I’m okay with that. Really, I am.

Sums it up perfectly. Wish you could send this to KT and have him read it out for the whole club.

 

[OneGreatClub]

Perfect

1. Shock

Say what? We got Motlop, Rockliff and Watts? No way. Seriously? And Thomas & Trengove as veteran depth? Sam Hayes at #47 in the draft? Holy s**t, the Footy Gawds have blessed us this off-season. The Summer of George, indeed. We’re going all the way this year. Ain't no stoppin' us. Port Adelaide, Premiers 2018. Wow.




2. Denial

Okay, we’re not playing great. But it’s still early in the season and we’re still winning. Winning ugly! How good is that? Last year we blitzed teams. But had trouble grinding out tough wins. Now? We got dat grit. The players just need time to gel. Yep, it’ll click later in the year. Just in time for the finals. BANG! Our premiership assault is still on track. The Port Adelaide Express is going all the way in September. Last stop, Grand Final day, MCG. Like the great George Michael said:

3. Anger

F@%K YOU KEN! PLAY AN EXTRA F@%KING TALL SO WE DON’T HAVE TO ROB F@%KING PETER TO PLAY F@%KING PAUL! DIXON IN THE RUCK? F@%K ME DEAD! NOW WHAT’S THIS s**t? WINES RUCKING? EBERT? CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS MUTHA F@%KIN’ s**t? GAWD, WE PLAY THE SHITTEST BRAND OF FOOTY! OUR GAME-PLAN IS F@%KED SIX SATURDAYS FROM SEPTEMBER! F@%KOFF JANUS WITH YOUR HEAT MAPS, VOODOO ANALYTICS, TAROT CARD READING, TOTAL FOOTBALL MASTERY BULLSHIT!




4. Bargaining

Footy Gawds, I've never asked you for anything before. But if you’re listening, can you do me a kindness? Can you... turn our season around? Please? It's not too late. I'll do anything you want. Anything! Just name it. Barrack for the Crows. Read the Tiser, listen to 5AA, watch Channel 7 News. s**t, I'll even be the meat in some sick, twisted, perverted Elspeth/Goat F@%ker sandwich. You name it, I'll do it! What about my Star Wars stuff? It’s the original trilogy vintage s**t. The real McCoy. You can have it. The figures, the vehicles, the collector cases. It's yours, all of it. Even my Jawa with the vinyl cape action figure that’s worth at least $800 opened. Just get our season back on track. Please.




5. Guilt

Feel so bad for trusting this club, trusting this team and trusting Ken. They’ve betrayed me, they’ve betrayed all of us, they’e betrayed the Port Adelaide Football Club. If only we could turn back time and do things differently. So many regrets, so many what ifs, so many... sigh.




6. Depression

Eleven and four. From eleven and four and fighting for top spot to missing the finals. No September action. End this season. Put me out of my misery. Everything is hopeless right now. But I know what to do. I know what I have to. I'm gonna waltz into The Port Club, pocket the fourteen miniature replica Thomas Seymour-Hill premiership cups, use them to weigh down my Craig “21” Bradley duffel coat and walk into the Port River. Goodbye, cruel footy world.

Oops, anger relapse (so much anger!)

F@%KING HELL, STILL WITH THIS NEADE, SAM GARY, PITTARD, JOHNSON s**t? GET OFF THIS MUTHA-F@%KIN MERRY-GO-ROUND! WHY THE F@%K, AFTER FOUR F@%KING YEARS, IS NO-ONE UP FORWARD? STILL! THE PARKLANDS COWS ARE GRAZING INSIDE OUR FORWARD FIDDY, FOR F@%K’S SAKE! MOO, MUTHA F@%KAZ, MOOOOO! F@%K ME, YOU PANTS-WETTING, BED-SHITTING CAMPAIGNERS CHOKED AGAIN, ARRGGGHHHH! PLAY F@%KING FRAMPTON! SACK HINKLEY! F@%K!

7. Acceptance

We’re not gonna win the flag. Not this year. Not next year. Not ever. Not with these flakey fragile frontrunners. We’re just like Norwood supporters from the late-80s lamenting how they never won a premiership despite (allegedly) having the best, most talented, highly-skilled (not us, lol) team in the comp. The difference being the Legs played handball-happy “champagne football” while we run around like Div. 7 Reserves scrubbers hacking it on the boot with our “goon footy farken.” It’s. Just. Not. Gonna. Happen. And I’m okay with that. Really, I am.

. Sad but true.

 

[Capital Power]

Written on the Gawler line?

 

[Magpiespower]

Written on the Gawler line?

Lol, written on a lazy ass Sunday morning in bed reading BigFooty and pumping my “Brit 80s” playlist on Spotify...

 

[Papa G]

Apart from the obvious opportunity to get a Cher gif in the 5. Guilt section, sums it up beautifully.

 

[Eddie Dingle]

You know just when you don't think it can get any worse I fly down to watch a game, catch up with some very good friends, catch up with some bigfooty peeps ( a couple of people randomly introduced themselves which was nice )half way through the 3rd quarter I get the shits and decide to stand at the bar and watch it on tv. Meet some more people go with REH and my real life friends to a bar near the casino I think then to the Strathmore (I think) take a tumble at some stage get really ****ing drunk go to the footy at Noarlunga to watch my nephew on Saturday, go and deal with my family for a few hours drink more piss then fly home this morning all the time thinking my knee just isn't right from Friday night, go and see a mate who is a doctor and he said scans first thing tomorrow mate I reckon about 95% sure you've done your ACL....

How do you play over 20 years of senior footy and never do it and then do it in a pub dunny?

This is all your fault Ports.

I'm still in anger and will be for some time Magpiespower

 

[Steve Dore]

You know just when you don't think it can get any worse I fly down to watch a game, catch up with some very good friends, catch up with some bigfooty peeps ( a couple of people randomly introduced themselves which was nice )half way through the 3rd quarter I get the shits and decide to stand at the bar and watch it on tv. Meet some more people go with REH and my real life friends to a bar near the casino I think then to the Strathmore (I think) take a tumble at some stage get really ****ing drunk go to the footy at Noarlunga to watch my nephew on Saturday, go and deal with me family for a few hours drink more piss then fly home this morning all the time thinking me knee just isn't right from Friday night, go and see a mate who is a doctor and he said scans first thing tomorrow mate I reckon about 95% sure you've done your ACL....

How do you play over 20 years of senior footy and never do it and then do it in a pub dunny?

This is all your fault Ports.

I'm still in anger and will be for some time Magpiespower

Sorry to hear about your knee.

 

[Magpiespower]

Apart from the obvious opportunity to get a Cher gif in the 5. Guilt section...

So tempted but, in the end, John Krasinski’s despair captured my deep emotional turmoil better than big 80s hair, knee high boots, a mesh outfit replete with symbiotic g-string threatening to devour its host and a Navy boat full of prancing sailors and big canons, kill your darlings and s**t...

 

[Eddie Dingle]

Sorry to hear about your knee.

Thanks mate

Murphy’s Law at play here. Got told a few weeks back I need a total knee replacement on the left knee so of course Friday night it was the right knee.

 

[Steve Dore]

Thanks mate

Murphy’s Law at play here. Got told a few weeks back I need a total knee replacement on the left knee so of course Friday night it was the right knee.

Ouch

 

[Edmund Kemper]

You know just when you don't think it can get any worse I fly down to watch a game, catch up with some very good friends, catch up with some bigfooty peeps ( a couple of people randomly introduced themselves which was nice )half way through the 3rd quarter I get the shits and decide to stand at the bar and watch it on tv. Meet some more people go with REH and my real life friends to a bar near the casino I think then to the Strathmore (I think) take a tumble at some stage get really ****ing drunk go to the footy at Noarlunga to watch my nephew on Saturday, go and deal with my family for a few hours drink more piss then fly home this morning all the time thinking my knee just isn't right from Friday night, go and see a mate who is a doctor and he said scans first thing tomorrow mate I reckon about 95% sure you've done your ACL....

How do you play over 20 years of senior footy and never do it and then do it in a pub dunny?

This is all your fault Ports.

I'm still in anger and will be for some time Magpiespower

still sounds like a great weekend eddie.

 

[Eddie Dingle]

still sounds like a great weekend eddie.

Yeah it was a ripper.

Even the bacon and eggs on the plane on the way back were great.

 

[elee]

>>Okay, we’re not playing great. But it’s still early in the season and we’re still winning. Winning ugly! How good is that? Last year we blitzed teams. But had trouble grinding out tough wins. Now? We got dat grit. The players just need time to gel.

haha had a good chuckle with that post

Nominate for POST of AuGust award.

Yeah even Kern says we are not playing to best of footy but kept winning. And i bet he was still waiting . . . and that was 7 weeks ago

 

[Trewth]

perfect OP