- Jul 19, 2019
- 6,704
- 11,464
- AFL Club
- Richmond
Before the start of S28 I moved to Vegas from Morocco. I had nothing left for me there as my parents were killed by ivory poachers. Now I know what you're saying, "Bears don't have ivory you dumbarse" to which I would say, yeah, obviously. My parents were hoping to break into the ivory trade when they were discovered on the territory of the poachers and were shot dead.
I fled to Vegas in the hopes I could find work as a juggling Bear in a circus. Unfortunately I couldn't juggle and didn't know what a circus looked like so it wasn't long before I found myself in a gutter starving. A kindly SFA recruiter happened upon me and before I knew it I was whisked away to The Stadium in the Sky.
Many of you have been unbelievably kind to a young cub. Some of you have been utter campaigners. But overall I have found an adoptive family to replace that which I've lost.
This is how I think it would play out in a family tree.
Test Tickle was the first to take me under their wing. Like a protective mother he sheltered me in the centre and gave me lots of attention and balls to play with while showing me how to ruck properly. He also introduced me to his "brother" Tigerturbulance. Turbs, also quite a proficient ruckman turned me onto his program and within a few weeks I was stacking on all the weight I had lost on my journey, with mounds of added muscle as a bonus.
Cadaver was my first captain, and much like my father was absent 90% of the time. JoshWoodenSpoon eventually took the mantle as a father figure, but again like my father, he left me abruptly. That left Matera92 and yet again like my father, was a hot headed Bear, prone to show disdain rather than affection. I try not to bother him too often as I don't want to get the belt. Quite frankly he terrifies me.
Mobbs, Elton Johns Wig and MWPP became grandparent figures. Mobbs never really visited and always had an air of mystery to him. I soon learnt that it was just his natural musk. EJW like any good grandfather seemed eternally disappointed in every move I make while Mwerps was much more of a supportive nan. Always dishing out advice of both the medicinal and emotional kind. She also helped keep renown rookie bully, NaturalDisaster at bay.
ND was like the cousin who I secretly identify with, but because everyone likes to hang s**t on him, and not wanting to be left out I would gleefully join in. I must admit it is a lot of fun. Speaking of cousins there was also TJASTA who was always angry and negative but after a soul-searching mission in India he came back a new man, unwilling to engage in negativity, but somehow seeming more unhinged. Riviat was the cousin with good taste in music who was always good for a recommendation of a sick tune they had just discovered.
On the other side of the "family" there was TheInjuryFactory. A gifted artist who I am insanely jealous of and would never be able to live up to. A fact everyone was well aware of. TalkingFootyNow1223 was the youngest of the cousins. A very excitable young chap who liked to pester us all to let him join in our games. We let him because he is mostly harmless and we all feel bad for him as he is clearly disabled. Why else would he pick the Gumbies?
On the Bears side sat uncle Barrybran. A very kind fellow who does a good job of humouring all of the young rookies. He enjoyed catching and eating tuna, but this had lead to him getting mercury poisoning which left him a little off, probably why he too joined the Gumbies.
There were some other strays that joined around the time I did that I was instantly drawn to. Bloodied52 was basically the (MUCH) older brother who had been to uni and was now incapable of maintaining a conversation without injecting extra ponce into it due to the fact he spent 4 years studying poetry. Strigoi, the older sister who rather than waste time studying useless s**t, lived her life and experienced all sorts of things worldwide that I would have loved to have seen. Antonio BlueVein, an older brother by a couple years, would attract the fairer sex with ease while I struggled to get a word out in their presence. He had the face of a movie star and the body of an Adonis made of granite.
This just leaves two members left. Cap and Lemon Boi had found their way to Las Vegas just like me, and I had found myself, now a ruckman, taking them under MY wing. A move that would surely see them make every mistake possible. The first being listening to anything I have to say. Cap has confidence beyond his years that I am yet to master and Lemon Boi was an aspiring artist showing some amazing signs. Both are destined for great things and I would get to watch with pride, much like Testy before me.
I had enjoyed my first season, and was loving my second. In a way I was glad my evil ivory lusting parents had perished because I got to meet some great people and I was looking forward to getting to know others better.
But most of all I was looking forward to winning some ******* games for once!
I fled to Vegas in the hopes I could find work as a juggling Bear in a circus. Unfortunately I couldn't juggle and didn't know what a circus looked like so it wasn't long before I found myself in a gutter starving. A kindly SFA recruiter happened upon me and before I knew it I was whisked away to The Stadium in the Sky.
Many of you have been unbelievably kind to a young cub. Some of you have been utter campaigners. But overall I have found an adoptive family to replace that which I've lost.
This is how I think it would play out in a family tree.
Test Tickle was the first to take me under their wing. Like a protective mother he sheltered me in the centre and gave me lots of attention and balls to play with while showing me how to ruck properly. He also introduced me to his "brother" Tigerturbulance. Turbs, also quite a proficient ruckman turned me onto his program and within a few weeks I was stacking on all the weight I had lost on my journey, with mounds of added muscle as a bonus.
Cadaver was my first captain, and much like my father was absent 90% of the time. JoshWoodenSpoon eventually took the mantle as a father figure, but again like my father, he left me abruptly. That left Matera92 and yet again like my father, was a hot headed Bear, prone to show disdain rather than affection. I try not to bother him too often as I don't want to get the belt. Quite frankly he terrifies me.
Mobbs, Elton Johns Wig and MWPP became grandparent figures. Mobbs never really visited and always had an air of mystery to him. I soon learnt that it was just his natural musk. EJW like any good grandfather seemed eternally disappointed in every move I make while Mwerps was much more of a supportive nan. Always dishing out advice of both the medicinal and emotional kind. She also helped keep renown rookie bully, NaturalDisaster at bay.
ND was like the cousin who I secretly identify with, but because everyone likes to hang s**t on him, and not wanting to be left out I would gleefully join in. I must admit it is a lot of fun. Speaking of cousins there was also TJASTA who was always angry and negative but after a soul-searching mission in India he came back a new man, unwilling to engage in negativity, but somehow seeming more unhinged. Riviat was the cousin with good taste in music who was always good for a recommendation of a sick tune they had just discovered.
On the other side of the "family" there was TheInjuryFactory. A gifted artist who I am insanely jealous of and would never be able to live up to. A fact everyone was well aware of. TalkingFootyNow1223 was the youngest of the cousins. A very excitable young chap who liked to pester us all to let him join in our games. We let him because he is mostly harmless and we all feel bad for him as he is clearly disabled. Why else would he pick the Gumbies?
On the Bears side sat uncle Barrybran. A very kind fellow who does a good job of humouring all of the young rookies. He enjoyed catching and eating tuna, but this had lead to him getting mercury poisoning which left him a little off, probably why he too joined the Gumbies.
There were some other strays that joined around the time I did that I was instantly drawn to. Bloodied52 was basically the (MUCH) older brother who had been to uni and was now incapable of maintaining a conversation without injecting extra ponce into it due to the fact he spent 4 years studying poetry. Strigoi, the older sister who rather than waste time studying useless s**t, lived her life and experienced all sorts of things worldwide that I would have loved to have seen. Antonio BlueVein, an older brother by a couple years, would attract the fairer sex with ease while I struggled to get a word out in their presence. He had the face of a movie star and the body of an Adonis made of granite.
This just leaves two members left. Cap and Lemon Boi had found their way to Las Vegas just like me, and I had found myself, now a ruckman, taking them under MY wing. A move that would surely see them make every mistake possible. The first being listening to anything I have to say. Cap has confidence beyond his years that I am yet to master and Lemon Boi was an aspiring artist showing some amazing signs. Both are destined for great things and I would get to watch with pride, much like Testy before me.
I had enjoyed my first season, and was loving my second. In a way I was glad my evil ivory lusting parents had perished because I got to meet some great people and I was looking forward to getting to know others better.
But most of all I was looking forward to winning some ******* games for once!
Last edited:
Ophidian Old Boys
