SFA Information Kiosk – FAQs for new players

[Logger]

This is a one-stop shop for information useful to new players in the SFA or those experienced ones seeking self-improvement.

If you have something to contribute, please help out. I will have certainly forgotten stuff and it’d be great to hear people’s tips for starting and sustaining quality banter. Posts that do add something will be indexed below. It would be best if these posts were written in plain, clear English with as little sarcasm as possible. PM me if I forget to add your post to the index.


Basics:
The fundamentals of the SFA and how to go about joining in.
Intro to the SFA
How do I sign up?
What do I do now?
What DON’T I do now?


Posting:
How to be a better fantasy footballer.
How can I contribute?
How do I create a name for myself?
How do I avoid being a flog?


Structure:
How the league is run and what to expect in an average week.
WTF is Qooty?
Weekly Schedule
Who runs the joint?


Resources:
What to look at in order to better understand the league.
Useful Links


NOTE: Kiosk under beta testing... If anyone can tell me how to get the page to load at a certain post, rather than the post in isolation, that would be much obliged

 

[Logger]

What is this, I don’t even?
The Sweet Football Association is a fantasy football league made up of two parts: On field and off field.

• Off field – This is the social part of the league. Players join (fictional) teams and engage in (fictional) banter with the (fictional) opposition. While off-field performance does not effect on field performance in anyway, it is the lifeblood of the league. This social interaction is what makes the league interesting: the more and the better you post, the greater your contribution to the league as a whole and the happier you will make lots of people.
• On Field – This is the functional part of the league: the actual action that takes place by simulating a 20-a-side game of Aussie Rules on the qooty computer program, which produces a play-by-play commentary and full statistical output of the totally randomly generated game. While off field performance does not effect on field performance, you can certainly boast about or bemoan your deeds of derring-do on the other side of the white line.

 

[Logger]

How do I sign up?
Once you’ve had a look here, if you haven’t already then post in this thread with the following template (none of this information will actually affect your on-field performance) :
Height: (this doesn’t have to be your height in real life, but should probably be kept within the bounds of wild imagination i.e. Between 100cm and 300cm)
Weight: (as above, probably best between 50kg and Manuel Uribe$)
Preferred position #1:
Preferred position #2:
Preferred position #3:
(note that teams will probably have very strong posters or club legends at Full Forward and in the midfield. It is ok to have your #1 position as a position you hope to one day be worthy of, but you’re more likely to be assigned somewhere in the pocket, on a flank or on the bench until you prove yourselves worthy of a promotion)
Preferred Team: if you have researched a team you like, have a natural affiliation (i.e. Lions supporters --> Roys, Richmond supporters -->Fighting Furies) or have a friend who plays in a team, you can put that here. Otherwise you’ll probably be sorted to the team that either needs you most or is the most vigilant. YOU DON’T HAVE TO TAKE UP THE FIRST OFFER so look around a bit before you join.

 

[Logger]

What do I do now?
There are three ways you can contribute:

• Team Threads: bond with your teammates, demand a better position or just post crap in your team thread. The more you get to know your teammates, the more you’ll feel like you belong in the league.
• Match Threads: this is the frontline, the battleground where you prove your worth as a fantasy footballer. You will have your arse handed to you. Regularly. It’s up to you to fight back, defend your teammates and uphold your team’s honour. This is where your sharpest wit, pigheaded-est stubbornness and thickest skin are tested every week. The more frequently write something worth reading in these threads, the more respect you earn from your fantasy colleagues and enemies. Once the match commentary and stats have been posted, you can have a look at how your fantasy self went in the game and comment accordingly
• Other Threads: These vary from information about the League, media reports on players or teams, lists, word games or just general faffing about.

 

[Logger]

What DON’T I do now?

• Take anything personally: All insults, offence and hate is directed not at you as a person, but your fantasy-self. Similarly, those directing the hate are not the poster whose name is attached to the post, but their fantasy-self. Play the character, not the man.
• Take it outside: treat this board as an alternate reality totally separate from the rest of Bigfooty. What goes on in the SFA, stays in the SFA. Any feuds you might have exist only in this alternate reality
• Post totally inappropriate stuff: this board is an alternate reality where the rules that govern other boards are relaxed. That doesn’t mean you can get away with anything, however. Here$ are some guidelines
• Have a sook if things don’t go your way: complaining is a sure way to piss almost everyone off. Perseverance and patience are almost always rewarded in the SFA.
• Complain about the sim: It’s random, s**t is mathematically likely to occur.

 

[Logger]

How can I contribute?

• Engage: shouting “Go team!” is like a swimming commentator saying “Look! The one with the yellow swimming cap and the black bathers is winning!” The best way to contribute is to spend a little bit of time reading over the posts you’ve missed (or at least the last few pages) and joining in the conversation, no matter how ridiculous.
• Talent * (Time + Effort)Creativity – Annoying Tendencies = Quality: The more time, effort and creativity you put in to posts and the more you work on avoiding the things that seem to infuriate the general SFA public, the higher your star will rise in the SFA. This is particularly important when dealing with Media articles$
• Don’t just post the same thing every week: variety is the spice of life; creativity is the sugar of the SFA.
• Help out if you see something that needs doing: matchday summaries, post counts, weekly competitions, stats tracking. There’s heaps of ways you can help your team out.
• Try to make your posts as readable as you can: U mite b abl 2 red dis, btu i carnt. The more fun it is to read your posts, the more kudos you get, so try to use spelling, grammar and punctuation to the best of your ability.

 

[Logger]

How do I create a name for myself?
The best way to be noticed is to stand out. The best way to stand out is to create a sense of persona about yourself. You might be the spelling/grammar Nazi, the foulmouthed ranter, the always cheerful fool, the picture-poster, the meme artist, the helpful one, the hyper-aggressive maniac, the unhinged axe-fancier or the one who writes all their posts as irate letters to the editor. Try to take the posting style that comes most easily to you and brings you the most enjoyment and then turn it up to 11. By making your entertaining posts easily recognisable as yours, you’ll become a real character of the SFA.

 

[Logger]

How do I avoid being a flog?
The SFA reserves a special name for those who are truly s**t at being a good fantasy footballer: flog. Here are some things you can do to avoid being labelled a flog:

• Don’t chuck a hissy fit: tantrums are looked down on once you turn 5 years old. If you aren’t that old yet, let us know and we’ll cut you some slack.
• Don’t blame the sim every single week: come up with an inventive reason for your shithouse performance.
• Don’t state anything as if it’s a fact: unless you have some skerrick of proof to back you up when someone else pounces on you.
• Don’t rip someone a new one for an action you have committed in the past or might commit in the future: the average SFA player has the memory of a particularly knowledgeable elephant.
• Try to avoid having a name with any of the following letters: F, L, O, G. Having a name with an L, an O and two G’s is a recipe for disaster.
• Show a real desire to improve your posting: take on board other’s criticisms of your posting. You don’t always have to agree with them, but resolutely sticking to your guns with no regard for the enjoyment of other people is asking to have your house defaced with the word “FLOG!”

 

[Logger]

WTF is Qooty?
Qooty is the program that SFA games are simulated on. Created by Mobbs back when the internet was in black and white and cars ran on firewood, it’s been updated steadily to its current state. It takes a list of players and subjects them to a totally randomly generated game of Aussie Rules Football. Nothing you do can possibly affect how your fantasy-self performs on the field, however different positions do perform differently:

Positional ratings from best to worst in a team line up (based on likelihood of getting stats you can boast about):
(6) Ruck, Ruck-Rover, Rover, Wings, Centre
(1) Full-Forward
(3) Forward pockets, CHF
(2) Half-forward flanks
(1) Centre Half-Back
(3) Half back flanks, Full back
(2) Interchange
(2) Back pockets

(NB: this is slightly out of date)
Here’s what a game simmed by qooty and posted here looks like: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

 

[beez]

Can I get a can of Coke? Thanks.

 

[Logger]

Weekly Schedule
Thursday-ish – Match threads posted
Friday – Teams posted in match thread
Monday arvo/evening – Games posted

 

[Logger]

Who runs the joint?
Most of the leg work in the league is done by the Simmer (currently Loopy cam). He runs the sim, posts the games and stats and keeps things running smoothly.
The big bosses are the administrators (currently boncer34, Mobbenfuhrer and Loopy cam) who adjudicate problems, decree the laws of the board and enforce the rules of the league.
The Team Captains are in charge of their teams (who’da thunk it?!) including naming the team, officiating over the team list, keeping posting active and disciplined and taking all the glory when things go well.

 

[Logger]

Resources
Sign-up thread
Season 14 Thread
Rules thread
Latest Qooty Version
History of every season of SFA
Stats for every player

 

[WAG]

Umm, I lost my registration papers. Do I still get a car park?

 

[Logger]

If by "car park" you mean "the space under the porch of the Dragon's clubhouse on Dragon Island where you normally put the little cardboard box you strap on and make "VVVRRROOOOoommm!" sounds with"...

...I don't think anyone could make you stop. At least, anyone without access to a hose.

 

[Eth]

Can I reserve this post?

 

[Deddy]

Quality as usual Logger.

 

[WAG]

If by "car park" you mean "the space under the porch of the Dragon's clubhouse on Dragon Island where you normally put the little cardboard box you strap on and make "VVVRRROOOOoommm!" sounds with"...

...I don't think anyone could make you stop. At least, anyone without access to a hose.

That's exactly what I mean.

I'm so excited. I found some old aluminium foil, glad wrap and a couple of buttons. I'm going to pimp my ride so hard!

 

[boncer34]

How do I avoid being a flog?
The SFA reserves a special name for those who are truly s**t at being a good fantasy footballer: flog. Here are some things you can do to avoid being labelled a flog:

• Don’t chuck a hissy fit: tantrums are looked down on once you turn 5 years old. If you aren’t that old yet, let us know and we’ll cut you some slack.
• Don’t blame the sim every single week: come up with an inventive reason for your shithouse performance.
• Don’t state anything as if it’s a fact: unless you have some skerrick of proof to back you up when someone else pounces on you.
• Don’t rip someone a new one for an action you have committed in the past or might commit in the future: the average SFA player has the memory of a particularly knowledgeable elephant.
• Try to avoid having a name with any of the following letters: F, L, O, G. Having a name with an L, an O and two G’s is a recipe for disaster.
• Show a real desire to improve your posting: take on board other’s criticisms of your posting. You don’t always have to agree with them, but resolutely sticking to your guns with no regard for the enjoyment of other people is asking to have your house defaced with the word “FLOG!”

Disagree with two points.

1. Listening to criticism of others can result in you being spineless so don't be afraid to stick to your guns. In fact Id say sticking to your guns is essential.

2. Don't be afraid to make s**t up. Just have 7 or 8 reasons why you're not full of shot when someone brings facts into the picture. Always be able to twist facts to suit your argument.

 

[Itsmyshow]

Disagree with two points.

1. Listening to criticism of others can result in you being spineless so don't be afraid to stick to your guns. In fact Id say sticking to your guns is essential.

2. Don't be afraid to make s**t up. Just have 7 or 8 reasons why you're not full of shot when someone brings facts into the picture. Always be able to twist facts to suit your argument.

Agree, also, never use the word FLOG as it is trademarked by me and automatically registers you as a giant ****ing FLOG!!!

 

[Wise Guy Sam]

Pre Season bump for the new folk that have expressed interest over the last few weeks.

 

[DemonJim]

This should probably be compiled by upper management and then turned into an acceptable Info source and stickied...

 

[Coopers]

Any chance....

we could get a wiki?

That would be hella sweet.

 

[The Half Back]

Why is Jobe such a flog when he only has 2 O's in his name?

 

[Logger]

Pre Season bump for the new folk that have expressed interest over the last few weeks.

Negligent intent, high contract, high impact. Three weeks, two with an early plea. You can serve your suspension in the pre-season competition pending the toss of a coin.

Any chance....we could get a wiki? That would be hella sweet.

Coopers, if you want to set one up and do most of the work I'm sure a few others would contribute.

It would be a really, really good idea if Mobbs had a bit more time and we could get him interested in the idea, though. He'd be the type to spend a week putting far too much effort into it for the sheer joy we'd get out of such a resource.