Sick of Life but afraid of dying

Loz

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Thread starter #1
I am fed up with all thecrap that's being going on this world, i am getting disillussioned and fed up with international politics and the attitudes of many people in the world (especially red neck australians who can't stand immigrents from Afghanastan) and my life really isn't good at all and quite frankly i suppose i would rather be dead. But I AM scared of death and suicide probably isn't an option. I'm sorry but i can't enjoy life at all. I have a mental illness called bipolar disorder which affects my moods a lot and i have depression.
I'm sorry but i hope i cheer up soon.
 

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Loz

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Thread starter #3
With Bipolar ..
it's kinda hard to explain but
i can get very easily mood swings from happy to angry to sad and i sometimes get anxiety if i'm not feeling to good either
Thanks for your kind words though 35eye
 

35eye

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#4
Do drugs help you maintain balanced moods or is it bigger than that?
At what age do people generally get diagnosed with this sort of thing anyway?

I hope you don't mind all the questions, I'm really interested & sympathetic to people with mental illnesses and I think most people wouldn't realise just how common depression is.
 
T

The Hitman

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#5
I know about your condition Loz...we studied it in Psychology this year.

If you need to talk or anything, you can PM me...and maybe I can help you.

Chin up champ...it will get better...

The Hitman
 

Savatage

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#6
Loz- I'm sorry to hear about your disorder & the world is....well the world is a funny place- but we all need you here, not on the other side.

Every one of us has something to contribute- some of us find that out easily, for some of us it isn't all that obvious, but please take my word for it, we feel for you & need you here.

From memory you've only been on this board for a short time- but you HAVE contributed very well to it- we're happy to have you around.

I hope you feel a lot chirpier soon & all of us can have many great discussions in the near future on Big Footy.

Take care & I hope things look up for you soon.
 

SPUNKY_MONKEY45

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#7
um yeh actually i'm pretty much the same except i don't have the illness i just hate my life as it is but death is not an option not even close..
KEEP SMILING and i'm sure we'll all get through it.
 

FreoDocker

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#8
Yeh we sorta went over bipolar disorder is psych this year too.

Loz like u death scares the hell out of me, I just hope that fear can help me to live my life in a better way.

I can't say I understand how you feel, it'd be unfair to say that I do.
All I can say is that you seem like a really cool person and things will get better for you really soon :)

Keep smiling :)
 

35eye

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#9
This kind of reminds me of an e-mail I got today from a guy who usually sends me nothing but smut filled jokes. It came as a surprise from him....

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd."
I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him. Knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he
landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.
My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives."He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before.
He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my
friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it
wasn't me having to get up there and speak.
Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually
looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.
Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days.
I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough
years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to
someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story."
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable. " I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse.
God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.
Look for God in others.
You now have two choices, you can:
1) Pass this on to your friends or
2) Delete it and act like it didn't touch your heart.
As you can see, I took choice number 1. "Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
There is no beginning or end..Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift.
Show your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND. If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends.
 

aggels

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#10
Loz,
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. Depression is a horrible fact of life and one that all of us will have to deal with at some point in our lives, either for ourselves or for someone we care about.
I can't really offer much help, except the fact that you're not alone, and many people in the world have felt, or are feeling the same way as you are right now. And many recover.
Personally, I have recently recovered from a 2 and a half year bout of depression, beginning just before my final school year, and finishing around May this year. I was never really diagnosed but showed many symptoms of a condition that has since been much publicized around the internet and in the media. Depression is a horrible disease because for no known reason it eats away at your quality of life, and people don't recognise it as a disease. Instead, depressed people get told to cheer up because they're problems are silly. They're told that there are people much worse off than them, but this doesn't help someone who is depressed. Depressed people can also end up being ostrasized, and this obviously doesn't help the cause.
Nowadays, I feel like I'm a much better person for coming out the other side. I used to feel like I was weak, I thought I was unbelievably weak because I couldn't kill myself, or sort things out or whatever, but now I realise that far from being weak, I was strong, because I battled it out, and kept battling.

The number one factor in getting through it was my support group - my family, and a couple of close friends. Loz, I suggest that if you have this support available, you turn to these people if you haven't already, if they matter, they'll be there for you. They might not be able to actively help you as in solve all of your problems, but they'll be there to catch you when you fall. If you don't have people like this available, then I know there are plenty of structured support groups out there. Go along, talk to people, you never know, it might help, and if not, well it isn't going to hurt.

I don't know much about Bipolar/manic depression, other than the fact that it's mood swings from extreme depression, to mania. I do know that it's treatable with medication and other remedies, but I trust you've checked these things out already.

Finally, I'd like to say a few things that may seem like cliches, and probably won't help, because nothing I can say is new, but which I've found to be true. We're all here for a reason, and I DON'T mean that in a religious way. I think that every single action that we take shapes the world forever we do all have something to offer to the world, please don't consider taking away from us whatever it is that you have to offer. Secondly, everything happens for a reason. Again, I don't mean this in a religious way. If times are bad, living through them can only make you a better and stronger person.

I'm sorry that I can't say anything to really help, I think you're a very strong person for bringing this up on a messageboard like this one, and that can only be a good thing. I wish you all the best in your recovery.
 

eagleskickass

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#11
I too went through depression about 3-4 years ago, and recently helped a friend through it. Unlike him, I didnt try commit suicide, but felt like it every day, its terrible
I really hope you see it through, and also control the bipolar thing.
Good Luck, you have the bigfooty family here to help you!
 

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sandeano

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#12
Depression is an amazing thing, isn't it? No matter how hard you try and convince yourself things will turn out for the best your mind and body refuses to believe it. Your thinking becomes irrational and eventually, for no obvious reason, the world becomes a living hell of fear, hopelessness and absolute, uncontrollable sadness.

I've been there and although I was not diagnosed with having an actaul disorder (just plain "depression") I would rather chew off my right arm than go through the emotional, psychological and spiritual torture depression delivers. A horrible, evil thing it is and one of its more cunning deceits is that the sufferer usually looks to be in perfect health. For that reason the people around them cannot fathom the turmoil they are going through.

I wish you all the best and to any of those suffering the dreaded effects, hold tight and sit it out....like the most miserable of winters it may seem like the rain will never end, but eventually the sun does shine through.
 
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#13
I had an anxiety disorder which meant that i frequently hyperventilated and was fearful in stressful situations. At the height of my problems I would go for days without sleep. It was weird cos I would just stay up all night and stare at nothing in particular. My friends and family were a great help and were really supportive. It took a lot of time but I am happy to say that I have reached a milestone - I havent had a panic attack in about three months. Just remember to look on the birght side of life!;)
 

Spidergirl~RiCkChiCk

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#14
well no wonder u woz talkin sum weird ***** to me then eh but seeing as i am such a freakky chik too we seemed to have clicked ;) good chattin with ya! oh and er i did psych to but was such a naughty girl in class so sorry i don't really remember anythin bout ya disorder :(
 

Loz

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Thread starter #15
Thanx everyone for your kind words and i really appreciate it.
It is tough, my best friend has manic depression has twice tried to kill himself. I just really appreciate all the kind words again, they mean a lot to mean and i've felt better since reading them. Thanks again i do feel more re-vigored now, thanks to quality people like Savatage, Hitman, Lil Miss Eagle, aggles, Sandeano Freo Docker, Spunky Monkey, 35Eye and especially Spidey who really has become a very good friend to me here on the net.
Thanks again i've had a rough time but i appreciate it again.
 

NICK THE PIE MAN

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#16
Chin up Loz...
The world is a f*cked up place, but think about the joys of life. Like going to the footy and other stuff you hold dear.
All the best mate...
Our thoughts are with you.
 

TheMase

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#17
Loz,

Your a great bloke mate, I am sure you will see this through with flying colours.

I have chatted to you, and think you're a great guy.

Life is a gift, cherish it while you have it.
:)

Good luck mate, I am NO doubt that you will be fine :)
 

BomberBoy

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#18
Mate,

I dont know really what to say, I just can tell ya to ride it through.

We all feel a bit depressed at times. And i do agree, the world isn't a very good place to be.

Just bear with it mate, things will begin to clear up.

Chin up mate.
 

vanders

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#20
Loz, I've been through the same kind of thing myself not so long ago, and i must say that i got through becuase of the great people i had around me and the constant support they gave me even when i was an absolute asshole to be around.

Keep your chin up mate, you'll get through it!
 
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