Hope you start feeling better soon, Loz
I've had several bouts of depression, It was first clinically diagnosed in 1995 when I moved to a different city to start uni and everything seemed to be incredibly difficult, though looking back I think I first started feeling depressed a couple of years before. I had another worse bout a couple of years later in 1997, had a couple of really dark months there. But, the thing that pulled my through were my family, particularly my Mum, my friends, and my belief in myself, I didn't want to let this curse beat me. To me, I think of depression and related illnesses such as bipolar, as a disease of the mind like cancer of the mind, it is very difficult for people who have never experienced depression to just how the depressed person is feeling, often people around are trying to help but don't how to help.
In my case in 1997, everything seemed to be going ok and there was no real logical reason for me to be depressed, and some people close to me had trouble understanding what I was going through but they still supported me, it makes it difficult when people around don't understand what's going on and you start to feel guilty.
But, the most important thing is not too guilty about your condition because it is an illness, and always stay positive because life is great and it gets better, particularly after painful experiences, feeling like you've been to hell and back, you really appreciate life despite all the crap that's always around.
Hope you hang in there and realise that you're not alone and that there's a lot of people out there who care about you and will support you through the tough times. I still have the odd bad day but nothing like I used to, I believe I have become a better person as a result of my tough times, being more caring and compassionate about others. There's light at the end of the tunnel
If you ever need someone to chat to, feel free to pm me
