Spud’s legacy is that it’s always Time 2 Talk, not just on Saturday night

[n1ck]

"With St Kilda set to honour Danny Frawley this weekend, the time has come for silent suffering to end."

Spud's legacy is that it's always Time 2 Talk

Check in with your friends, check in with your family, check in with yourself, as the only thing worse than suffering, is suffering in silence.

www.zerohanger.com

On Pixel 5 using BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[RUNVS]

I am not sure about anyone else but if I said "How are you" and got any answer other than "good" I would not have a clue what to say.

 

[FRUMPY]

I am not sure about anyone else but if I said "How are you" and got any answer other than "good" I would not have a clue what to say.

'not great mate'
'really? What's going on?'

Not hard really

Sent from my CPH2005 using Tapatalk

 

[n1ck]

"oh yeah? whats up?"
"anything I can do?"
"wanna talk about it?"
Etc etc...

I am not sure about anyone else but if I said "How are you" and got any answer other than "good" I would not have a clue what to say.

On Pixel 5 using BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[Electronic_Renaissance]

I am not sure about anyone else but if I said "How are you" and got any answer other than "good" I would not have a clue what to say.

It's hard for both sides and you have a point. If you see my recent posts under the Depressed/Anxious thread you can see my situation.

If someone asked me in person if I'm OK (and they have), I say "yeah I'm fine". I just wouldn't want to put someone under such a burden or obligation if I said anything else.

Just wouldn't want to do that to anyone. At least on this forum I can say how I feel with some sort anonymity, and hopefully some empathy.

 

[nameless]

I am not sure about anyone else but if I said "How are you" and got any answer other than "good" I would not have a clue what to say.

I dunno what your job is, but at my work we can get free training for mental health to help with stuff like that, so if you work in a big office I'd ask your HR people for assistance as you honestly could save a life.

I've done the training, it's pretty simple really and is more about listening.
Generally if someone is struggling you should encourage them to talk to a professional, but even if it's not that, sometimes a person just getting something off their chest can literally make a world of difference.

If you believe someone might be suffering or they say "things aren't great" you can ask them to go grab a coffee and find a quieter spot to really ask "how are you", ask questions like "everything OK at home" etc. if they're not opening up and you are concerned, but don't be forceful obviously.

I would encourage everyone to learn the basics of how to respond because as I said, a life changing conversation could occur.

I think this resource is a nice first step:

How to support someone with a mental health problem

We all go through tough times and people help us through them. Other times we have been worried about other people’s mental health.

www.mentalhealth.org.uk

 

[Mat Mann]

I am not sure about anyone else but if I said "How are you" and got any answer other than "good" I would not have a clue what to say.

good responses above but also, sometimes ppl just need company, they may not want to talk about their problems but a nice chat about others things and just being a friend is enough.

 

[Electronic_Renaissance]

good responses above but also, sometimes ppl just need company, they may not want to talk about their problems but a nice chat about others things and just being a friend is enough.

That is a good point, people often just want to forget what's going on in their life and talk about something completely different.

Go out for a meal, attend a concert, go watch sport, live, at a pub, whatever. It's just a few hours, but it's a few hours where you forget about your problems and just relax a bit. Did that today, spent the whole day at a friends new house. Walked around the area, had lunch etc, saw what the area is like. Had a laugh, you just seem to forget all your problems.

 

[Albertross]

Most people won't burden others with their problems. The natural response to the "how you going" question will almost always be "good", even though inside you wish nothing more than to end the pain and suffering.

Feeling as though you are a burden on someone is quite often the final straw. You know, you feel your life is ****ed and now you have brought someone else into the place you wish you could escape from. It's extremely hard for someone to hear that a friend, loved one, relative, feels the way they do.

In my experience, you reach a point where you will never express your true feelings to anybody, a kind of point of no return. You dont want to talk or be in the company of people. Smiles on the outside, pure pain on the inside.

It's extremely difficult to tell someone your true feelings when you've reached the bottom. It's also difficult to hear and know what to say. We dont want to be a burden on others.

 

[Mat Mann]

Most people won't burden others with their problems. The natural response to the "how you going" question will almost always be "good", even though inside you wish nothing more than to end the pain and suffering.

Feeling as though you are a burden on someone is quite often the final straw. You know, you feel your life is f’ed and now you have brought someone else into the place you wish you could escape from. It's extremely hard for someone to hear that a friend, loved one, relative, feels the way they do.

In my experience, you reach a point where you will never express your true feelings to anybody, a kind of point of no return. You dont want to talk or be in the company of people. Smiles on the outside, pure pain on the inside.

It's extremely difficult to tell someone your true feelings when you've reached the bottom. It's also difficult to hear and know what to say. We dont want to be a burden on others.

that's part of the conversation, the education on both sides, most of us have people in our lives that do care, that accepting help from others isn't a burden,
that you are not alone.

 

[Albertross]

Yeah, in no way am i here to argue with you or anyone else. I am only speaking from years of feeling this way. Many, many years.

And I can only talk about my experience, but I doubt very much that I am alone with my thinking.

If you are that way inclined, most people won't tell anyone. In your thinking, you are definitely being a burden by asking for help.

People having to watch you, check in on you all the time, making sure you are ok. You definitely feel like you are being a burden. Also, then you are acutely aware that if something does happen, they will feel responsible. They will feel like they could or should have done more. Where does that leave them mentally. Which ultimately makes you feel worse.

Is it better to say nothing and let the cards fall as they lay? Or say something with the end result being the same? I dont know, as I havent been on that side, but I would rather not put any pressure on anyone else. I have been there, I survived, not because I necessarily wanted too, but because I didnt want to make them feel responsible.

You say you are not alone, yet that is exactly how a suicidal person feels, totally alone. IMO, I think it would take many years of re-education to change this perspective, if ever. After all, it is a mental illness, not a choice. In now way do I, or anyone else, choose to feel this way.

I can tell you though, by discussing my feelings with family or friends, makes me feel worse, not better. I become a burden, therefore, I say nothing.

 

[n1ck]

You say you are not alone, yet that is exactly how a suicidal person feels, totally alone. IMO, I think it would take many years of re-education to change this perspective, if ever. After all, it is a mental illness, not a choice. In now way do I, or anyone else, choose to feel this way.

I can tell you though, by discussing my feelings with family or friends, makes me feel worse, not better. I become a burden, therefore, I say nothing.

This is just my experience, but after many years of feeling the say way - I went to speak to a professional. I, like you, felt worse when talking about it with friends or family, and speaking with unbiased, unattached assistance helped both to unburden myself, but also make me feel more comfortable about opening up with those people important to me, and understanding that I wasnt a burden, just a loved one, like they were to me.

Everyone's experience with depression and mental health is different but the one thing to constantly remind ourselves - even when our brain chemistry says otherwise - is that there is always, always a resource out there to lean on, be it family, friend, professional or sometimes even complete strangers.

We can't win this battle alone.

 

[Mat Mann]

Yeah, in no way am i here to argue with you or anyone else. I am only speaking from years of feeling this way. Many, many years.
.....
I can tell you though, by discussing my feelings with family or friends, makes me feel worse, not better. I become a burden, therefore, I say nothing.

I feel for you.
there are a plethora of services only too willing to help, if the family feels like a burden, use a stranger.

There's not a day gone by that loved ones aren't missed.

 

[Muddiemoose]

Sometimes it’s nice to approach from a different angle instead of the straight out how are you?

If you have noticed a mate a little off just point out that you have noticed they haven’t been themselves and if there was anything playing on their mind
Try and frame the question differently

Another good way to show you are there is give them a call or text asking if they are home
And if they are and aren’t busy just rock up with a couple of their drinks of choice or say you are picking them up and shout them a meal
You don’t need to have a deep and meaningful conversation but just knowing a mate is willing to go out of their way for a visit or just spend some time with them can make a massive difference

Even just something as a unprompted text or phone call can be massive for someone as well

 

[Genghis Tron]

Sometimes it’s nice to approach from a different angle instead of the straight out how are you?

If you have noticed a mate a little off just point out that you have noticed they haven’t been themselves and if there was anything playing on their mind
Try and frame the question differently

Another good way to show you are there is give them a call or text asking if they are home
And if they are and aren’t busy just rock up with a couple of their drinks of choice or say you are picking them up and shout them a meal
You don’t need to have a deep and meaningful conversation but just knowing a mate is willing to go out of their way for a visit or just spend some time with them can make a massive difference

Even just something as a unprompted text or phone call can be massive for someone as well

Good advice. Sometimes a straight 'how are you' can be quite panic inducing for some people.

 

[Muddiemoose]

Good advice. Sometimes a straight 'how are you' can be quite panic inducing for some people.

Yeah 100%
At the moment one of the guys I work withs mum has been a little unwell and I know it’s been causing him some stress

So I make a point of asking how is mum is going and use that to leverage the conversation to him and remind him that he needs to look after himself as well

If you have mates with children just ask them out the kids are going or how is the wife

Its amazing sometimes what you can learn about what someone you know might be going though and they haven’t talked about it simply because no one has asked

We don’t need to and probably won’t be able to fix anything but at least we can be an outlet for them to talk about whatever might be causing them stress and suggest them to look at some professional help if things do seem pretty bad

 

[Electronic_Renaissance]

Good thread, there have been some good ideas on how to approach people who may be struggling.

I can see the good intentions of the "R U OK?" day. But it's just one day a year I think.

Most people who are seriously struggling are not going to just open up just because someone asked them if they are OK. A more subtle approach is required.

 

[Gough]

Themed rounds or games usually end up with page after page of people asking why the AFL needs to get involved with things like this with a few accusations of social engineering thrown in for good measure. Perhaps the death of a much loved member of the footy fraternity and the AFL's response in the form of this game might help some recognise why these games are not only necessary but good for footy.

 

[jackster83]

Themed rounds or games usually end up with page after page of people asking why the AFL needs to get involved with things like this with a few accusations of social engineering thrown in for good measure. Perhaps the death of a much loved member of the footy fraternity and the AFL's response in the form of this game might help some recognise why these games are not only necessary but good for footy.

TBH I think there should be a whole round themed for this.

It's something that affects the very core demographic of the AFL - players, coaches and supporters.

Got to be better than "Good for Footy" round, which is just a poorly disguised ad for Toyota.