Competition SpudQoach™ Season 30 - Congratulations TheInjuryFactory!!!

[3KZ is Football]

Your boy ND will be low key optimistic about his chances in the Season 30 edition of SpudQoach™

6. NaturalDisaster - 732.6

The Coney Island Warriors spearhead and Sweet FA admin hopeful NaturalDisaster in SFA competitions ending in 'qoach', having been bested by yours truly in another format that shall remain nameless, but most importantly ND knows and is likely to get a little hot under the collar about, some may even say melty. A lacklustre performer in previous editions of SpudQoach™ and his lack of complying with the use of the template nearly saw him met with the extreme prejudice others have found themselves faced with this season.


What a difference a season can make. Having spent a season now at such a high quality qooty side with the Warriors, he has clearly been able to differentiate, and gain a clearer perspective on just what really constitutes a top tier tuber.


There's a lot to like about Team Dumbarse in Season 30, even though we still find a couple of absolute clangers where he's fallen into similar traps to some of those Qoaches we have already highlighted in this mid season update, but overall he's selected well. So the clever stuff first, with players like Kennedy Parker set to spend his season down back, fellow Qoach GremioPower and former Hawks teammate Biggie playing more supporting roles in S30, not to mention the out of favour Dragon Cold Sober, he's kept his overall score manageable with all scoring under 30 SpudQoach™ points. Throw in picks like former Rats skipper Far Kern, Wonders recluse Coopers, teammate Freofalcon and the Bombers' Requiem all coming in under 60 SpudQoach™ points and we're looking good for a high finish. But there were some head scratchers among them, with the costly picks of Werewolf regular but SFA part timer 3KZ is Football on 87.0 SpudQoach™ points, and the Gumbies in and out NSWCROW with 83.7 SpudQoach™ points, and that's enough to set ND adrift from the leading pack. Then throw in former East Side Hawks teammate jackenny who is yet to register a game in S30 and has delivered a maximum 200 SpudQoach™ points so far, and that will probably be enough to see ND out of the mix for the title in S30, and most likely deny him of a podium finish.


Still, it's a vast improvement not only in result, but in commitment to the competition this season from ND, who has shown some panache for picking the potato, and is well placed to remain in the top tier of the draw come the completion of the S30 SpudQoach™ competition.​

Get stuffed.

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

Get stuffed.

3kz is football, seems unnecessarily melty today.

TheInjuryFactory

 

[3KZ is Football]

3kz is football, seems unnecessarily melty today.

TheInjuryFactory

I’m exhausted. I didn’t sleep last night. I have to watch the Brisbane VICTORY over Richmond 15 times to eradicate the pain of our previous 15 consecutive losses. It wears you out after a while.

 

[Chipmunk]

Feeling dizzy yet Chipmunk?

I don’t understand. My team is sh*t!

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

I don’t understand. My team is sh*t!

Thats the name of the game chippy

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

Chippy has proved himself to be a potato connoisseur in his first crack at the Qoaching caper in this season's edition of SpudQoach™

5. Chipmunk - 675.8

Second year Hawks sensation Chipmunk is another of the S29 rookie class to throw their hat in the ring for the Season 30 edition of SpudQoach™, and would have been looking for bragging rights as well as looking to make a good fist of it in his first attempt at the competition. With a season to get his eye in, he carefully and confidently curated an artisanal blend of potatoes, although he was cautiously optimistic as to just how he would fare in his maiden SpudQoach™ season.


Well it turns out he fared quite well indeed, and finds himself the first cab off the rank for the top 5 at the mid season mark of Season 30's SpudQoach™.


So Team Chippy. A good blend of savvy unders picks, some quality middle of the road value picks and almost entirely bereft of clangers besides one of the gotcha picks of Season 30. So the gems would have to be the HOFers okeydoke7 & teammate Biggie on 25.1 and 21.0 SpudQoach™ points respectively, along with the trio of Red mist, The acurate one and Headless who all up come in at under 100 SpudQoach™ points in total for the three of them. Middle of of the road scorers like CALL ME SNAKE on 48.0 SpudQoach™ points, and perennial high scorers por_please_ya and Tigerturbulance who are both putting up quieter seasons statistically with 51.8 and 56.4 SpudQoach™ points respectively, and we are yet to find any real cracks. Really the only so so pick would be the Rats' Sparkle who was a good point of difference but is enjoying a strong season on 66.3 SpudQoach™ points. But it was the unlucky selection of suprise Round 2 Warriors retiree kdavva74 that has done the most damage, in a similar vein to what JoshWoodenSpoon did to squads across the ocmpetition in Season 29, as he is currently running on a whopping 181.0 SpudQoach™ points after looking like great value as a mid who had gone down back to kick off the season.


All in all, to finish in the top half of the draw on your first go is kinda nuts, but chippy is still firmly placed to climb the rankings and stands within a chance of making it onto the podium if all goes to plan for him and the top player's squads falter between now and season's end.

Congratulations chippy and welcome to the mid season top 5 of Season 30 SpudQoach™​

 

[Red mist]

Chippy has proved himself to be a potato connoisseur in his first crack at the Qoaching caper in this season's edition of SpudQoach™

5. Chipmunk - 675.8

Second year Hawks sensation Chipmunk is another of the S29 rookie class to throw their hat in the ring for the Season 30 edition of SpudQoach™, and would have been looking for bragging rights as well as looking to make a good fist of it in his first attempt at the competition. With a season to get his eye in, he carefully and confidently curated an artisanal blend of potatoes, although he was cautiously optimistic as to just how he would fare in his maiden SpudQoach™ season.


Well it turns out he fared quite well indeed, and finds himself the first cab off the rank for the top 5 at the mid season mark of Season 30's SpudQoach™.


So Team Chippy. A good blend of savvy unders picks, some quality middle of the road value picks and almost entirely bereft of clangers besides one of the gotcha picks of Season 30. So the gems would have to be the HOFers okeydoke7 & teammate Biggie on 25.1 and 21.0 SpudQoach™ points respectively, along with the trio of Red mist, The acurate one and Headless who all up come in at under 100 SpudQoach™ points in total for the three of them. Middle of of the road scorers like CALL ME SNAKE on 48.0 SpudQoach™ points, and perennial high scorers por_please_ya and Tigerturbulance who are both putting up quieter seasons statistically with 51.8 and 56.4 SpudQoach™ points respectively, and we are yet to find any real cracks. Really the only so so pick would be the Rats' Sparkle who was a good point of difference but is enjoying a strong season on 66.3 SpudQoach™ points. But it was the unlucky selection of suprise Round 2 Warriors retiree kdavva74 that has done the most damage, in a similar vein to what JoshWoodenSpoon did to squads across the ocmpetition in Season 29, as he is currently running on a whopping 181.0 SpudQoach™ points after looking like great value as a mid who had gone down back to kick off the season.


All in all, to finish in the top half of the draw on your first go is kinda nuts, but chippy is still firmly placed to climb the rankings and stands within a chance of making it onto the podium if all goes to plan for him and the top player's squads falter between now and season's end.

Congratulations chippy and welcome to the mid season top 5 of Season 30 SpudQoach™​

Don’t tag me you squeaking floor squirter. X

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

Don’t tag me you squeaking floor squirter. X

Ooooh you sassy thing.

 

[Red mist]

Ooooh you sassy thing.

Take your shoes off and squelch it between your toes.

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

Headless Test Tickle The Half Back serial_thrilla NaturalDisaster Santoz eth-dog Golumless Grand Uncle Horace Chipmunk AceAndy GremioPower Tonga Bob


Stay tuned this week for the end of season results!!

Almost time for the big reveal...

 

[Grand Uncle Horace]

Headless Test Tickle The Half Back serial_thrilla NaturalDisaster Santoz eth-dog Golumless Grand Uncle Horace Chipmunk AceAndy GremioPower Tonga Bob


Stay tuned this week for the end of season results!!

Almost time for the big reveal...

Oh FFS and Yikes x10. This thread bodes terrible ill for me.

 

[eth-dog]

Headless Test Tickle The Half Back serial_thrilla NaturalDisaster Santoz eth-dog Golumless Grand Uncle Horace Chipmunk AceAndy GremioPower Tonga Bob


Stay tuned this week for the end of season results!!

Almost time for the big reveal...

Of me being last?

 

[Grand Uncle Horace]

Of me being last?

We can hold hands in the queue heading to infamy

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

Of me being last?

 

[eth-dog]

*Checks date* IT'S SUNDAY! IT'S BUSCEMI FRIDAY'S BASTARD!

 

[Grand Uncle Horace]

Faaaaaaarrrrrrrrkkkk. Now what did Hanrahan say?

 

[The Half Back]

I bet I was s**t this season.

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

Sensing a moment of great shame was upon him, Santoz hit the eject button on his account this week.


14. Santoz - 1284.8


An unmitigated disaster.

No, not Santoz' embarrassing, ham-fisted attempt at defrauding the sanctity of the Sweet FA competition and the innocence of the prestigious EKA Medal he was never within a bull's roar of contending for, but rather his utterly humiliating result in this season's edition of SpudQoach™.

After an ordinary display in S29, the only way was up for the Bombers upstart. Yet he somehow even managed to * that up. You'd think he'd be an expert at this given the sheer number of absolute *en potatoes that have landed on his club's list, and yet here we are.

At the halfway mark of the competition he was still in with a chance of a middle table finish, so what went wrong?

Now to be fair, it's hard to compare SpudQoach™ competitions over different seasons, as there are always factors that can contribute to some unexpected score blow outs. Things like JoshWoodenSpoon's 'JerryRapidRiser' moment, kdavva74 packing it in after Round 1 this season, and a handful of other anomalies that no reasonable observer can expect a Qoach to predict. But in saying that, none of those such anomalies were to blame here. Just pure, unadulterated failure. Where do we start? Well this is one for the record books, as our mate Santoz now has the ignominy of the worst score in the history of SpudQoach™, eclipsing JWS' previous high water mark of 1234.3 in the very first edition of SpudQoach™. Not only that, but he also now holds the record for the biggest back half blow out (+372.2 SpudQoach™ points), which is quite fitting for a man who chooses to spend his time in a prison with a group full of horny, sex deprived reprobates. Anecdotally, there were wall to wall shockers across every line. Firstly, the selection of Bears recluse reggie was as surprising as it was ridiculous, while Kirkswan probably made more sense but bit just as hard, both players registering the maximum 200 SpudQoach™ points for not attending a single bounce in s30. The selection of TheHairyGamer as captain no less was another howler, delivering 256.8 SpudQoach™ points, the most for any skipper in this season's competition. Add to that the predictably costly picks of rank inactives Oddhawk, Coopers and This Is Anfield, and we are breaking new ground in SpudQoach™ folklore. In fact, the only picks that made any kind of sense were that of former teammate beez with 40.4 SpudQoach™ points after a quiet S30, and Hawks HOFer Biggie on 26 SpudQoach™ points as he too took on a reduced role at the East Side outfit for S30.


If only there was a badge for extreme failure. Maybe Chief can work something out for you mate.

Thanks for playing this season's edition of SpudQoach™.​

 

[GremioPower]

TIFfed!

Having said that, how bad was the second half of S30 for his team?! How did that happen?

 

[Grand Uncle Horace]

The potato blight devastated Ireland in the 19th Century. Looks like the Santoz spud harvest was decimated.

My own crop will barely beat Santoz. We know the owners of the land that produced blight resistant spuds will not help us, the poor and unlucky share croppers.

But we impoverished farmers share. Sure Santoz gets "champed" a lot, but he does deserve a feed. Here is bowl of the good stuff.
CHAMP
1 recipe photo

• 

 

[The Half Back]

Wow, that is just baaaaaad qoaching.

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

TIFfed!

Having said that, how bad was the second half of S30 for his team?! How did that happen?

372.2 SpudQoach™ points to be precise. Record breakingly bad.

This is where the damage happened.

PLAYER	1ST HALF SpudQoach™ SCORE	2ND HALF SpudQoach™ SCORE	HOW?
Coopers	45.6	122.8	Didn’t play a game after Rd 7
TheHairyGamer	56.9	128.4	Didn't play a game after Rd 7. Was also captain so doubled his score.
This Is Anfield	27.1	85.4	Missed 5 games from Rd 8-16
Oddhawk	26.5	93.0	Missed 6 games from Rd 8-16
reggie	200	200	Didn’t play a game all season
Kirkswan	200	200	Didn’t play a game all season

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

The only way was up for eth-dog in the back half of the season, but I mean, let's call a spade a spade here!

13. eth-dog - 1133.6

Having proved himself to be a good sport with a woeful first up Spudqoach™ result at the halfway mark, surely we would see some improvement in the second half of the season. Not only did he manage to climb a spot up the ladder, but he also saw his team's Spudqoach™ score improve too, as he came home with a wet sail, reducing his mid season mark by a whopping 2.6 SpudQoach™ points. But let's be honest, I'm using the term 'improve' in the most generous of manners here. As in, "last time I shat the bed I had to burn the mattress, whereas today I only had to burn my clothes and my sheets". The fact is, the bed is still a write off, as is your dignity, but hey given where we've come from, I guess we might be happy to just overlook the shitstains at this point. In saying that, it's a tough enough game for returning players, and you only find out just how bad you've fared once the season's well and truly underway. So there's no shame in a SpudQoach™ failure.


Now onto the analysis.

As far as Team eth-dog's second half of the season was concerned, it was a case of giveth with the one hand, and taketh with other. Where we saw some back half of the season improvements with players like Nuffers getting out on the park and reducing his mid season mark of the maximum 200 SpudQoach™ points to 154.2, Roylion seeing more game time at the Roys reducing his 80.9 SpudQoach™ points to a respectable 55.2, and even second half Bears casualty and former SpudQoach™ placegetter U2tigers dropping his end of season tally by 10 SpudQoach™ points, we saw these recoveries nullified by an equal number of setbacks.

Royals' second year participant The acurate one slipped from a solid 33.5 SpudQoach™ points to a hefty 105.4 as he would find himself on the outer at the finals bound, high activity Royals side. Add skipper selection Antonio BlueVein further closed the gap with an additional 17 SpudQoach™ points topping up his mid season result, and it's a breakeven in terms of second half results. Then you go and add Dragons bit player Dr Mantis Taboggan and equally anonymous Roy Mego Red who both failed to register a single game in S30, and well eth-dog finds himself anchored to the bottom of the table, with only the crumpled remains of Santoz left to break his fall.


eth-dog, you've been a welcomed addition to the SpudQoach™ family, and the good news is the bar's been set pretty low here for you to come back next season bigger and better with a decent sighter under your belt now.

Congratulations on not finishing dead last in the end, and thanks for playing the Season 30 edition of SpudQoach™. ​

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

A young Horry pictured here tending to his beloved spuds. Only no one had the heart to tell him they were parsnips. Explains a lot.

12. Grand Uncle Horace - 1012.2

Grand Uncle Horace is the first big mover of this season's SpudQoach™ end of season reveal, as the West Coast Wonders' old stager saw some steady improvement on his mid season mark. But as with 13th placed eth-dog, he was coming from a looooong way back, as his initial squad more closely resembled the contents of the colostomy bag the nurse empties at night for him, than that of a prize winning stall at a gourmet farmer's market.

So just how did the retired rapscallion fare in this season's trial of the tuber?

Well like I say, he managed to shave off a sizeable 120.4 SpudQoach™ points from his mid season mark of 1132.6, placing him as the second most improved result in the competition, and just one of four players to actually improve on their mid season result, so there was a bit to like here. Now while the initial howler selections of guys like the Demons' sante, and Swamprats recluse sataris did considerable damage in the first half of the season, their surprise returns to their respective sides in the back half saw them both improve dramatically on their initial scores, with sante improving from 176.0 to 98.0 SpudQoach™ points, and sataris another big mover, from 184.4 to 122.5. The selection of kdavva74 was a reasonable one on paper at the time, but given his shock retirement after Round 1, when coupled with the equally dire selection of the Roys' Mego Red, and there's 390 odd SpudQoach™ points that see Horry well and truly out of contention. The rest of the squad didn't see a lot of movement, with some savvy picks like Noobz0r, Biggie and Blaze Storm, and then the guile of selecting his teammate JT_the_Man using his home town knowledge was a shrewd move, he finished with just 33.4 SpudQoach™ points in the end, which could have really delivered a point of difference had he been in with a sniff.


So a good improvement on a terrible start, and while thankfully for his carers this is unlikely to raise his heart rate to an emergency level event, I suspect there may be a bit of a swagger through the recreation room tomorrow as he regales Doris with another boring anecdote of the time he did that thing.

Well done Horry, turns out you can polish a turd. Although in your case, it sounds like a pretty messy job best left to the experts. Thanks for playing again in Season 30 Horry, and we look forward to having you back for the next edition of Sweet FA SpudQoach™.​