Health Struggling with life and getting over my ex girlfriend?

shatteredboy

Draftee
Jul 1, 2019
9
4
AFL Club
Essendon
Hi boys. I remember having an account on here several years ago but forgot about about it. I always lurk on here and like reading peoples comments on the footy! Seems like some good blokes on here.

Anyway, i'm fortunate that i'm not born with any diseases or disabilities and what not but i can't help but feel depressed all the time.

Long story short, i studied accounting at uni. I don't really know why. I guess i didn't really know what else to do. I spent a lot of my time in my early 20's keeping to myself. I'm pretty shy had social anxiety.

After graduating i spent a few years at a few different accounting places. My last job didn't turn out so well. Now i'm working at a place that takes an hour and a half to get to and it's not great but it's something. It's still in the accounting field. I don't really love it but i don't know what else to do.


I've pretty much spent the last 5 years of my life just keeping to myself. Not making friends or doing anything. To make matters worse i've pretty much blown my savings on sportsbet. I still gamble sometimes but i'm in control.

On top of all of this i've never had much success with girls. But i did meet a girl from tinder. She seemed super into me. I'd never experienced this before. She wanted to date me. We started going out. She took me out to dates, we had sex, we did it all. The problem was i knew she was dodgy. She told me some really bizarre things like how she hung out at a drug dealers house in toorak (rich part of melbourne) and other things weird things but i looked over it. After 7 months she broke up with me and left me for a guy who looks like a model and drives a fancy car. I feel so s**t about myself.

I'm 25, short, average looking, no savings, working a job i don't really like, no friends and the only fun i had over the last 5 years was hanging out with this girl. I can't get over her. I miss her so much. Just having a mate to talk to and have a laugh with. I'm at work in meetings and stuff and still think about her.

I feel so depressed about my life. I've seen a psychologist and stuff and it helps but i still don't feel better. I've also tried going out with other girls but it's nto the same.

sorry for the long post but just wondering if anyoen else has been in this situation before? Does it get better?

I just feel purposeless and directionless. I don't have long term goals. I don't have many passions or interests. I like watching footy, going to the gym, playing soccer casually that's about it.


I just feel so sad boys. I wish i had some mates to have fun and talk to and laugh with. God it hurts. I know i sound so ******* pathetic but i don't want to say these things to my parents or anyone and seem weak. But i feel so bad inside. SO awful :(

do things get better?
 

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craigos

Norm Smith Medallist
Sep 2, 2014
8,558
16,156
AFL Club
Hawthorn
Other Teams
Liverpool
Hi boys. I remember having an account on here several years ago but forgot about about it. I always lurk on here and like reading peoples comments on the footy! Seems like some good blokes on here.

Anyway, i'm fortunate that i'm not born with any diseases or disabilities and what not but i can't help but feel depressed all the time.

Long story short, i studied accounting at uni. I don't really know why. I guess i didn't really know what else to do. I spent a lot of my time in my early 20's keeping to myself. I'm pretty shy had social anxiety.

After graduating i spent a few years at a few different accounting places. My last job didn't turn out so well. Now i'm working at a place that takes an hour and a half to get to and it's not great but it's something. It's still in the accounting field. I don't really love it but i don't know what else to do.


I've pretty much spent the last 5 years of my life just keeping to myself. Not making friends or doing anything. To make matters worse i've pretty much blown my savings on sportsbet. I still gamble sometimes but i'm in control.

On top of all of this i've never had much success with girls. But i did meet a girl from tinder. She seemed super into me. I'd never experienced this before. She wanted to date me. We started going out. She took me out to dates, we had sex, we did it all. The problem was i knew she was dodgy. She told me some really bizarre things like how she hung out at a drug dealers house in toorak (rich part of melbourne) and other things weird things but i looked over it. After 7 months she broke up with me and left me for a guy who looks like a model and drives a fancy car. I feel so s**t about myself.

I'm 25, short, average looking, no savings, working a job i don't really like, no friends and the only fun i had over the last 5 years was hanging out with this girl. I can't get over her. I miss her so much. Just having a mate to talk to and have a laugh with. I'm at work in meetings and stuff and still think about her.

I feel so depressed about my life. I've seen a psychologist and stuff and it helps but i still don't feel better. I've also tried going out with other girls but it's nto the same.

sorry for the long post but just wondering if anyoen else has been in this situation before? Does it get better?

I just feel purposeless and directionless. I don't have long term goals. I don't have many passions or interests. I like watching footy, going to the gym, playing soccer casually that's about it.


I just feel so sad boys. I wish i had some mates to have fun and talk to and laugh with. God it hurts. I know i sound so ******* pathetic but i don't want to say these things to my parents or anyone and seem weak. But i feel so bad inside. SO awful :(

do things get better?
You're 25 and have no debt. You have a reasonable job even if you don't like it. You met a girl when you had no experience with women and now you have that 7 months experience to draw on for your next relationship.

I'd say you're in a lot better place than a lot of 25 year olds I know. Keep hustling!!!
 

raskolnikov

Premium Gold
Apr 1, 2002
27,257
18,793
Central Queensland
AFL Club
Essendon
Other Teams
Lions
There's a couple of threads on this topic that you might find useful.


 

Golden_6

Premiership Player
Aug 15, 2014
3,870
6,324
AFL Club
Western Bulldogs
Other Teams
Chicago Bulls
If you like playing soccer then join a soccer team. You will find loads of new mates there even if you don't know anyone to begin with. It will give you something to fill in a couple of nights and a weekend day and keep your mind off things. As an added bonus. it's good for fitness which will improve your confidence.
 

GROTTO

Hall of Famer
Jul 5, 2013
39,555
41,547
AFL Club
Adelaide
Other Teams
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Hi boys. I remember having an account on here several years ago but forgot about about it. I always lurk on here and like reading peoples comments on the footy! Seems like some good blokes on here.

Anyway, i'm fortunate that i'm not born with any diseases or disabilities and what not but i can't help but feel depressed all the time.

Long story short, i studied accounting at uni. I don't really know why. I guess i didn't really know what else to do. I spent a lot of my time in my early 20's keeping to myself. I'm pretty shy had social anxiety.

After graduating i spent a few years at a few different accounting places. My last job didn't turn out so well. Now i'm working at a place that takes an hour and a half to get to and it's not great but it's something. It's still in the accounting field. I don't really love it but i don't know what else to do.


I've pretty much spent the last 5 years of my life just keeping to myself. Not making friends or doing anything. To make matters worse i've pretty much blown my savings on sportsbet. I still gamble sometimes but i'm in control.

On top of all of this i've never had much success with girls. But i did meet a girl from tinder. She seemed super into me. I'd never experienced this before. She wanted to date me. We started going out. She took me out to dates, we had sex, we did it all. The problem was i knew she was dodgy. She told me some really bizarre things like how she hung out at a drug dealers house in toorak (rich part of melbourne) and other things weird things but i looked over it. After 7 months she broke up with me and left me for a guy who looks like a model and drives a fancy car. I feel so s**t about myself.

I'm 25, short, average looking, no savings, working a job i don't really like, no friends and the only fun i had over the last 5 years was hanging out with this girl. I can't get over her. I miss her so much. Just having a mate to talk to and have a laugh with. I'm at work in meetings and stuff and still think about her.

I feel so depressed about my life. I've seen a psychologist and stuff and it helps but i still don't feel better. I've also tried going out with other girls but it's nto the same.

sorry for the long post but just wondering if anyoen else has been in this situation before? Does it get better?

I just feel purposeless and directionless. I don't have long term goals. I don't have many passions or interests. I like watching footy, going to the gym, playing soccer casually that's about it.


I just feel so sad boys. I wish i had some mates to have fun and talk to and laugh with. God it hurts. I know i sound so ******* pathetic but i don't want to say these things to my parents or anyone and seem weak. But i feel so bad inside. SO awful :(

do things get better?
Go to a GP and get a referral to see a psychologist, the firs 10 visits are subsidized by medicare. Some may charge a gap, if money is an issue, ring around till you find one that doesnt charge a gap.

Next hit the gym and do it regularly every day, its good for the mind and help you release a lot of energy. If its the same as hers, then just leave that gym and go somewhere else and start afresh.

The fact you knew she was dodgy probably is an indication that this relationship was never going to last the distance. In fact her leaving you now, instead of worse marrying you and then screwing you over is the best thing that could happen to you. Imagine being divorced from her and giving her half while she is with someone else.

Youre young, educated, have a job and in time will be able to afford a decent lifestyle.

The fact that you have and can start going out with other girls is a great start, just enjoy it the best you can eventually you will meet the right girl. It just takes time and an open mind. The next girl you fall for will be nothing like the girl you were with. She will be better. The fact that you have had experiences with your ex will hold you in good stead when you meet the next girl that comes along.

Whatever you do, if you start making new friends and meet a new girl, dont burn of any friendships. You need a balance and obviously what you had before was not that with her.
 

jorel6669

John Worsfold Medallist
Jun 5, 2004
8,040
4,050
AFL Club
West Coast
Things can turn around quickly. You've only just started your life, mate. 25 feels like you've been around forever, but you haven't. You've got a lot to learn, so soak it up.

When I turned 25 I'd had zero lady luck. Always too shy to ask, always feeling like why would they even like me? Every look a girl gave me was like "please don't, I can do better than you". Not sure if that was just me, my heart yearned for companionship. I just felt like women saw me as a nice guy, but I was never going to be the first pick.

I then met my wife, she made the move, and 15 years later we're still going strong, I've changed jobs, I've had kids, have a house. The doubts are always there, but there's also perspective, which you don't have at 25 (well, most don't, jealous of those who do).

Life will change. Don't put pressure on it. Find things you enjoy doing and just lap them up. Past relationship pain may never disappear but other things will paint over it, one coat at a time. Don't give up, mate.
 

Perth gal

Premiership Player
Oct 19, 2015
3,689
3,035
AFL Club
West Coast
Don't give up. You just need to keep busy. You should be grateful to this girl. Instead of playing you she let you go. You will be so happy she did when you meet someone genuine. And you will. You sound like a lovely person. Join a few clubs or groups is my advice.
 

GROTTO

Hall of Famer
Jul 5, 2013
39,555
41,547
AFL Club
Adelaide
Other Teams
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Don't give up. You just need to keep busy. You should be grateful to this girl. Instead of playing you she let you go. You will be so happy she did when you meet someone genuine. And you will. You sound like a lovely person. Join a few clubs or groups is my advice.
I guess what the OP needs to realise what you pointed out is that while today it hurts, a time will come where there is no pain. Time does heal.
 

KardiniaPark

WINX!
May 6, 2008
38,468
50,187
Sydney
AFL Club
Geelong
Hi boys. I remember having an account on here several years ago but forgot about about it. I always lurk on here and like reading peoples comments on the footy! Seems like some good blokes on here.

Anyway, i'm fortunate that i'm not born with any diseases or disabilities and what not but i can't help but feel depressed all the time.

Long story short, i studied accounting at uni. I don't really know why. I guess i didn't really know what else to do. I spent a lot of my time in my early 20's keeping to myself. I'm pretty shy had social anxiety.

After graduating i spent a few years at a few different accounting places. My last job didn't turn out so well. Now i'm working at a place that takes an hour and a half to get to and it's not great but it's something. It's still in the accounting field. I don't really love it but i don't know what else to do.


I've pretty much spent the last 5 years of my life just keeping to myself. Not making friends or doing anything. To make matters worse i've pretty much blown my savings on sportsbet. I still gamble sometimes but i'm in control.

On top of all of this i've never had much success with girls. But i did meet a girl from tinder. She seemed super into me. I'd never experienced this before. She wanted to date me. We started going out. She took me out to dates, we had sex, we did it all. The problem was i knew she was dodgy. She told me some really bizarre things like how she hung out at a drug dealers house in toorak (rich part of melbourne) and other things weird things but i looked over it. After 7 months she broke up with me and left me for a guy who looks like a model and drives a fancy car. I feel so s**t about myself.

I'm 25, short, average looking, no savings, working a job i don't really like, no friends and the only fun i had over the last 5 years was hanging out with this girl. I can't get over her. I miss her so much. Just having a mate to talk to and have a laugh with. I'm at work in meetings and stuff and still think about her.

I feel so depressed about my life. I've seen a psychologist and stuff and it helps but i still don't feel better. I've also tried going out with other girls but it's nto the same.

sorry for the long post but just wondering if anyoen else has been in this situation before? Does it get better?

I just feel purposeless and directionless. I don't have long term goals. I don't have many passions or interests. I like watching footy, going to the gym, playing soccer casually that's about it.


I just feel so sad boys. I wish i had some mates to have fun and talk to and laugh with. God it hurts. I know i sound so ******* pathetic but i don't want to say these things to my parents or anyone and seem weak. But i feel so bad inside. SO awful :(

do things get better?
Things always get better. You seem to have no commitments where you are, why dont you move closer to your job if it’s going to be a long term thing? Get anti depressants and force yourself to go to the local and have a few beers with workmates on a Friday afternoon. That seems like a good starting point.
 

Silent Alarm

sack Lyon
Suspended
Jul 9, 2010
23,949
25,564
AFL Club
Fremantle
I think a thread on finding friends is a pretty good idea, not so much as a guide but just to talk about it.

There are so many young people who are isolated. The other month, this kid on some community group put up a post asking if anyone wanted to hang out. Dude was autistic but he wrote well, had passions, and looked pretty regular. That pulls at the heart strings but it's a genuine issue.

There's this idea of the lonely divorced dad eating microwaved kievs and 11 Oettingers and the woman with the good job but no kids or partner, drinking alone every night hoping the Ubereats guy is friendly. Or the outcasts at school sitting on a steel bench alone. They're the clichés.

Young people are supposed to be pretty with the world in front of them, shagging strangers or boyfriends all the time, meeting up with their friends, drinking. It is probably the biggest taboo in terms of isolation, too, just because of the guilt and inevitable future regret. People drift or have friends drift from school. You go to uni and they stay in the same town. Maybe you work alone or with a different demographic and maybe your course is full of azns. It's not your fault. Pretty quickly you realise you haven't gone out in three months and you're the one trying to squeeze entertainment out of people you don't especially click with... or people you've unclicked from.

Sitting there seeing everyone else pi**ed in backyards on Australia Day while you're at home with your parents pretending 'nah, I can't be bothered' to invites you never got.

s**t like that stings and nobody, nobody talks about. Yet you get intimate with a girl and they bear themselves and let you know they cry about feeling that way at some point.

I won't even go into the politics of social media, and how some people parade some friends and basically hide others from their social media. s**t like that can sting. Then there's the pains of patronising friendships that are doomed just so you can sink piss with someone.

I actually feel sympathy for the young men who fall through the cracks of sociability.

You add the job sector and displacement of the gender and it's pretty easy to be entirely isolated.
 

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peasantbruh69

Team Captain
Jun 11, 2015
455
705
AFL Club
Brisbane Lions
But i did meet a girl from tinder. She seemed super into me. I'd never experienced this before. She wanted to date me. We started going out. She took me out to dates, we had sex, we did it all.
702760


Making new friends is really hard, especially as you get older, as most people already have an established friends group. If you want to make friends and have fun you have to put yourself out there, it's as simple as that, even though it will feel uncomfortable to begin with. The more you put yourself out there, here and there you will meet people who are compatible with you for friendship. A lot of these won't work out for one reason or another, but it's a numbers game, so eventually you will form good bonds with people, it just takes time, luck, and some effort. Soon enough you'll have something on socially here and there, giving you something to look forward to, and doing wonders for your self esteem and social skills.

Since you go to the gym and are not disabled, surely you have at least an ok body, so you couldn't be worse than a 3/10. Improve the self esteem and the ladies will come, just don't get too hung up on it and desperate to find someone, or you'll scare them off or wind up with someone dodgy again. How long ago did this girl dump you? Also, at your casual soccer do you just show up, play, then immediately leave without speaking to anyone?
 

shatteredboy

Draftee
Jul 1, 2019
9
4
AFL Club
Essendon
If you like playing soccer then join a soccer team. You will find loads of new mates there even if you don't know anyone to begin with. It will give you something to fill in a couple of nights and a weekend day and keep your mind off things. As an added bonus. it's good for fitness which will improve your confidence.
Yea the problem is am part of a team but its only a lower level league so we train once a week and play once a week. I'd like to play at a higher level but i'm too injury prone :(

Go to a GP and get a referral to see a psychologist, the firs 10 visits are subsidized by medicare. Some may charge a gap, if money is an issue, ring around till you find one that doesnt charge a gap.

Next hit the gym and do it regularly every day, its good for the mind and help you release a lot of energy. If its the same as hers, then just leave that gym and go somewhere else and start afresh.

The fact you knew she was dodgy probably is an indication that this relationship was never going to last the distance. In fact her leaving you now, instead of worse marrying you and then screwing you over is the best thing that could happen to you. Imagine being divorced from her and giving her half while she is with someone else.

Youre young, educated, have a job and in time will be able to afford a decent lifestyle.

The fact that you have and can start going out with other girls is a great start, just enjoy it the best you can eventually you will meet the right girl. It just takes time and an open mind. The next girl you fall for will be nothing like the girl you were with. She will be better. The fact that you have had experiences with your ex will hold you in good stead when you meet the next girl that comes along.

Whatever you do, if you start making new friends and meet a new girl, dont burn of any friendships. You need a balance and obviously what you had before was not that with her.
Thanks man i guess you're right. I think balance is the key. Thanks!

Things can turn around quickly. You've only just started your life, mate. 25 feels like you've been around forever, but you haven't. You've got a lot to learn, so soak it up.

When I turned 25 I'd had zero lady luck. Always too shy to ask, always feeling like why would they even like me? Every look a girl gave me was like "please don't, I can do better than you". Not sure if that was just me, my heart yearned for companionship. I just felt like women saw me as a nice guy, but I was never going to be the first pick.

I then met my wife, she made the move, and 15 years later we're still going strong, I've changed jobs, I've had kids, have a house. The doubts are always there, but there's also perspective, which you don't have at 25 (well, most don't, jealous of those who do).

Life will change. Don't put pressure on it. Find things you enjoy doing and just lap them up. Past relationship pain may never disappear but other things will paint over it, one coat at a time. Don't give up, mate.
Cheers mate appreciate the words

Don't give up. You just need to keep busy. You should be grateful to this girl. Instead of playing you she let you go. You will be so happy she did when you meet someone genuine. And you will. You sound like a lovely person. Join a few clubs or groups is my advice.

She did play me around a bit which made me really upset, won't go into detail but she kept me around till she 'monkey branched' to this other dude :(
thanks tho

I guess what the OP needs to realise what you pointed out is that while today it hurts, a time will come where there is no pain. Time does heal.
Yea i'm hoping in a few months i wont think about it anymore :/

Things always get better. You seem to have no commitments where you are, why dont you move closer to your job if it’s going to be a long term thing? Get anti depressants and force yourself to go to the local and have a few beers with workmates on a Friday afternoon. That seems like a good starting point.

I've blown all my money on gambling. I have no savings i can't afford anything but i still live at home. Makes me so depressed. i have mates buying houses and ive stuffed up so much :(





View attachment 702760

Making new friends is really hard, especially as you get older, as most people already have an established friends group. If you want to make friends and have fun you have to put yourself out there, it's as simple as that, even though it will feel uncomfortable to begin with. The more you put yourself out there, here and there you will meet people who are compatible with you for friendship. A lot of these won't work out for one reason or another, but it's a numbers game, so eventually you will form good bonds with people, it just takes time, luck, and some effort. Soon enough you'll have something on socially here and there, giving you something to look forward to, and doing wonders for your self esteem and social skills.

Since you go to the gym and are not disabled, surely you have at least an ok body, so you couldn't be worse than a 3/10. Improve the self esteem and the ladies will come, just don't get too hung up on it and desperate to find someone, or you'll scare them off or wind up with someone dodgy again. How long ago did this girl dump you? Also, at your casual soccer do you just show up, play, then immediately leave without speaking to anyone?

Yea i think you're right it's all a self esteem issue. I think of myself as not good enough a lot. That's why when i was with this girl i thought to myself no man would take a girl like this seriously but i couldn't help myself because no one ever really wanted to hang out with me or do anything with me in the last 5 years of my life.

I mean i won't go into detail but this girl literally wore nothing most of the time, she didn't finish high school (Not that this is bad or anything but it's not like she didn't finish to peruse a career or something), she posted a lot of very very revealing pictures on instagram, she had a pretty extreme sexual past, i could go on but the problem was she was really nice to me and treated me well so i was so confused. I still am. On one hand i loved the company but on the other hand i knew that i probably shouldn't date a girl like that seriously. But i do miss her though. fu** :(

I wish i could stop thinking of her, I want to blow my brains out. It was th eonly time i felt like a person in the last 5 years
 

William Wonka

Jesus died for somebodies sins but not mine
May 28, 2016
12,969
19,026
AFL Club
Hawthorn
I've also tried going out with other girls but it's nto the same.

sorry for the long post but just wondering if anyoen else has been in this situation before? Does it get better?
There are three billion women in the world mate, there is always another one like the other one.
In ten years time you will be married with kids and barely remember her name.
 

palmomagpie

Club Legend
Apr 11, 2011
2,385
2,761
Darwin/Adelaide
AFL Club
Hawthorn
Other Teams
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Hey mate.
Bit of the same boat so know the feeling. I combined that with moving interstate to try and break the "rhythm" and start afresh. Came on here and was given some really great ideas about where to go. Joined a walking group to start to make some friends, which has really helped, even if I'm the only person under the age of 40 in there. Spending time with these "older" people has helped me gain a bit of perspective and realise it's not all that bad: I'm 25, fit, attractive at least to the older birds, have a degree and ambition to improve myself and be happy. Which i'm sure is the exact same for you. Try find a social hobby if you can, footy clubs, walking clubs, book clubs (if that's still a thing). The hardest part of all of it is shaking that "alone" feeling, but you can do it mate. Here in Adelaide we also have "SA Brothers", which is a huge facebook group of blokes for blokes to break the stigma of talking about mental health, organise catchups etc. Maybe look into whether there's any alternative wherever you're located.

Chin up mate, and keep looking forward. Only 1/4 of the way through your life, plenty of time
 

Silent Alarm

sack Lyon
Suspended
Jul 9, 2010
23,949
25,564
AFL Club
Fremantle
Everyone says it but you really do need to look at the positives of your situation. We're naturally ambitious. It's why the human race has survived. You need to want more and to use anything as fuel to get there. But like a lot of evolutionary ticks, it's lost its purpose and been replaced by the wrong things.

Yeah I know people – from friends to fu**heads I went to school with – who are working in the field they intended to, who have houses and a kid, who have gotten married, who live overseas, who are off the coast of northern Italy.

But there are people I know who have smoked pot every day since they were 17 and live at home, or who have never travelled, who haven't gotten a degree or trade, who haven't even had a girlfriend... or gotten a root.

You have to look at your life in the same highlights reel.

And of course: do you even want a child? Do you want the burden of a crappy house in expanded suburbia, bills coming out of your arse? Those people who live in London can't get their name on a lease and have to live with seven Germans in a three-bedroom in Shepherd's Bush who hang around other drongo Aussies comparing 'oiii gayFL sucks! Oi what do you guys call togs again? Bathers!? Hahahahah' You know?

You can be proud of anything and anything dumb.
 

SSwans2011

Brownlow Medallist
Aug 7, 2011
15,535
19,075
Brisbane
AFL Club
Sydney
Other Teams
West Coast Wonders, Crystal Palace
Everyone says it but you really do need to look at the positives of your situation. We're naturally ambitious. It's why the human race has survived. You need to want more and to use anything as fuel to get there. But like a lot of evolutionary ticks, it's lost its purpose and been replaced by the wrong things.

Yeah I know people – from friends to ****heads I went to school with – who are working in the field they intended to, who have houses and a kid, who have gotten married, who live overseas, who are off the coast of northern Italy.

But there are people I know who have smoked pot every day since they were 17 and live at home, or who have never travelled, who haven't gotten a degree or trade, who haven't even had a girlfriend... or gotten a root.

You have to look at your life in the same highlights reel.

And of course: do you even want a child? Do you want the burden of a crappy house in expanded suburbia, bills coming out of your arse? Those people who live in London can't get their name on a lease and have to live with seven Germans in a three-bedroom in Shepherd's Bush who hang around other drongo Aussies comparing 'oiii gayFL sucks! Oi what do you guys call togs again? Bathers!? Hahahahah' You know?

You can be proud of anything and anything dumb.
I've heard there's a neat small albeit cliched way to easily and naturally raise self-efficacy and self-esteem. Simply writing down three things that went well each day before you go to sleep each night is apparently a big help. Only found out recently and haven't tested it myself, but remember hearing that its positive affect is quite empirically backed.

Seems like a good place to start OP.
 

mouncey2franklin

Club Legend
Jun 16, 2018
1,926
2,863
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Dale Carnegie wrote a book called How To Win Friends and Influence People.

You can have a copy shipped to you for almost nothing on Book Depository and other sites.

This book will not teach you what the title says. It will help you to realise things far more important.

Basically, most of us were not really taught social skills. We tried to learn them from others, and our role models were usually s**t.

So we have all of these blind spots and misunderstandings about our own flaws, and our own virtues.

The book helps you to think about what you are good at, what you are not good at, and what it is that people appreciate in others.

Get yourself a copy of the book, read at least the first few chapters, and then begin attending meetups in your city (Meetup.com)

Your life will improve immeasurably. But you have to put in at least a little bit of effort.

You cannot honestly expect happiness or success if you won't put in at least a little bit of effort.
 

La Dispute

La Dispute
Jul 14, 2005
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How to Win Friends is a decent read, but like a lot of self-help books a lot of the effect is placebic and you subconsciously try to employ a lot of the strategies, even if it is just basic stuff like smiling at people and maintaining eye contact so the person you're speaking to knows you're interested in what they're saying.

I think his other book 'How to Stop Worrying...' is actually better, and still reasonably relevant to this thread. It's more anecdotal, but still helpful and a breezy read.
 

perthblue

Norm Smith Medallist
Feb 10, 2011
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Dale Carnegie wrote a book called How To Win Friends and Influence People.

You can have a copy shipped to you for almost nothing on Book Depository and other sites.

This book will not teach you what the title says. It will help you to realise things far more important.

Basically, most of us were not really taught social skills. We tried to learn them from others, and our role models were usually s**t.

So we have all of these blind spots and misunderstandings about our own flaws, and our own virtues.

The book helps you to think about what you are good at, what you are not good at, and what it is that people appreciate in others.

Get yourself a copy of the book, read at least the first few chapters, and then begin attending meetups in your city (Meetup.com)

Your life will improve immeasurably. But you have to put in at least a little bit of effort.

You cannot honestly expect happiness or success if you won't put in at least a little bit of effort.
Free PDF here: https://www.yourcoach.be/blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Dale-Carnegie-How-to-win-friends-and-influence-people.pdf
 

Bunk Moreland

Hall of Famer
Sep 22, 2011
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I'm 25, short, average looking, no savings, working a job i don't really like, no friends and the only fun i had over the last 5 years was hanging out with this girl. I can't get over her. I miss her so much. Just having a mate to talk to and have a laugh with. I'm at work in meetings and stuff and still think about her.

I feel so depressed about my life. I've seen a psychologist and stuff and it helps but i still don't feel better. I've also tried going out with other girls but it's nto the same.

sorry for the long post but just wondering if anyoen else has been in this situation before? Does it get better?

I just feel purposeless and directionless. I don't have long term goals. I don't have many passions or interests. I like watching footy, going to the gym, playing soccer casually that's about it.


I just feel so sad boys. I wish i had some mates to have fun and talk to and laugh with. God it hurts. I know i sound so ******* pathetic but i don't want to say these things to my parents or anyone and seem weak. But i feel so bad inside. SO awful :(

do things get better?
Dude listening to this, you’re actually in a spot with plenty of upside, though it might not seem like it.

Career - you’re 25 with no dependents. Forget your career, it hasn’t even started yet. You’re in an amazing position as far as being able to forge a path you want. Many people can’t.

Have a serious think about what your ideal career would be. Get help with it. See a career coach. Speak to recruiters. I don’t mean “I wanna be an astronaut” stuff. I mean what’s a real, practical career that would suit what you want and are good at? People think about this stuff. There’s an industry devoted to working with you on it.

The good news is that an accounting degree and experience is far from wasted. You’ll be able to employ the skills you have in basically any role, company or organisation. Money really does make the fu**in world go round. If you understand it, it’s an advantage in absolutely any field.

Now changing careers isn’t that easy. And yes, I’ve done it. Depending on what you’re going into, you might need to take a major pay cut. You might need to do some unpaid work after hours to get experience. Is it worth it? If you want it, absolutely. If you’ve chosen it you may well even enjoy it anyway.

The great advantage you have is you’ve become aware that your career doesn’t fulfil you now. Lots of people gets distracted and don’t realise this stuff for decades. You can start crafting something now.

Anxiety - it sucks, but it sounds like it’s not debilitating. I mean, if you’re out playing soccer in a team, you have actually met girls and started a relationship, you’re a hell of a lot better off than some others. Keep working at it.

It can help to realise what you have rather than what you don’t have. Read about these things. Getting inspiration from what others have gone through isn’t meant to belittle your problems - they are absolutely real - it’s meant to give you an appreciation for what you have, rather than what you’re missing. We’re all missing things.

Here’s a quote from quadriplegic Beau Vernon. Strapping, knockabout 23yo footballer one minute, spine injury the next minute.

He spent seven months at the Royal Talbot rehabilitation hospital in Kew. After being shown around the facilities on his first day, he found himself alone in his room.

"I couldn't scratch my nose, I couldn't turn on the TV, I couldn't turn the pages of a book," he said. "I couldn't feed myself, I couldn't go to the toilet. In that instant, I broke down crying uncontrollably, thinking, ‘How did my life get to here?' "


If you’re into reading - or even if you’re not - try The Element by Sir Ken Robinson. If you can somehow find your element, you’ll be happy, dedicated and busy, it’s amazing how often the other stuff falls into place. As for girls, well... if you have a passion for something and you’re working at it, you don’t realise how attractive that can be.

 

woota

All Australian
Jun 27, 2015
711
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It sounds like you're having a quarter-life crisis OP. That's basically when it dawns on you that life isn't a fairy tale and isn't everything you thought it was going to be.

I'm 25, short, average looking, no savings, working a job i don't really like, no friends and the only fun i had over the last 5 years was hanging out with this girl. I can't get over her. I miss her so much. Just having a mate to talk to and have a laugh with. I'm at work in meetings and stuff and still think about her.
Well that's about 90% of people. Welcome to the club.


Although it may hurt now, one day you'll realize in hindsight that she did you a huge favor by leaving you. The red flags were already there, and she probably had more skeletons in her closet that you don't know about. Being married to her would have been a f*cking nightmare. You got off cheaply. Imagine if you bought a house with her and had kids with her, then she left you for someone else (this happens to a lot of guys).

Also:
 
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