Stupid Crime Stories

[Logger]

When every criminal begins their life of crime, their last prayer before condemning their soul to damnation is that they won't be referred to as "bungling" in the local papers. This thread is for all those to whom God turned a deaf ear.

Try and post a reference if you can find one for your own favourite stupid crime stories. Here's two of the Bungling Burgler's All-Stars:

On the night of April 1st, 2007 (and there's their first mistake) Benjamin Jorgenson hooked up with his drug-dealing former de facto wife Donna Hayes (second mistake) to rob the Cuckoo Restaurant in picturesque Olinda, in the Dandenong Ranges, estimating they could grab about $30,000 in cash. Their third mistake (and I'll stop counting now because it's going to get hectic soon) was to get plastered on some of Ms Hayes' surplus stock in preparation for a very lucrative night.

Jorgenson and Hayes were dropped off by an accomplice and hid out in the carpark, waiting for all the customers to leave, then pounced on manager Peter Schmidt as he left. Schmidt was carrying a big black plastic bag to his car when the two approached him, Jorgenson hiding a sawn off shotgun.

Hayes demanded the cash in the bag and Schmidt's car keys.

Schmidt told the two of them to bugger off, assuming (ultimately correctly) that they were just having a laugh.

Jorgenson tried to fire a warning shot into the air and here's where it gets confounding: Jorgenson misses the air.

Instead he shoots his former de facto wife.

In the buttocks.

Hayes collapses screaming bloody murder.

Jorgenson realises that whatever else he might achieve in life, he will always be known as an arse bandit.

Schmidt drops the bag and his car keys and hightails it back to the restaurant, locking all the doors, warning the other staff members and calling the police.

Jorgenson panics, grabs the keys and tries frantically in the dark to open each of the cars still remaining in the car park, assuming that one of them must be Schmidt's (Schmidt was parked down the road).

Having set off 4 car alarms, he grabs Hayes, Hayes grabs the bag o' cash and they struggle to the side of the road, where Jorgenson has to shout into his mobile over the wailing of his wounded former lover, the 4 car alarms and the approaching police sirens to their getaway driver. Said getaway driver arrives just moments before the police and the trio make their escape, avoiding the police by hiding in a driveway.

Upon realising they were relatively safe, Jorgenson opened the bag to discover it was filled not with hundred dollar bills, but stale bread rolls Schmidt had been taking to the bin.

Hayes was dumped out the front of Wiliam Angliss Hospital by Jorgenson, who drove home to think about what to do next. Hayes, rather angry at how her night had turned out, promptly confessed in full before having surgery to repair her tattered arsecheeks, making sure to provide clear directions to Jorgenson's house for the police, who arrested him early the next morning.

Jorgenson was sentenced to a non-parole period of 4 1/2 and 5 1/2 respectively, reduced to 4 and 4 1/2 on appeal.

Sources:
http://www.theage.com.au/news/world...ad-roll-robbery/2007/04/02/1175366110207.html
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/victoria/cuckoo-robbery-misfires/story-e6frf7kx-1111113271982
http://free-press-leader.whereilive.com.au/news/story/pair-jailed-over-olinda-robbery/
http://www.news.com.au/breaking-new...tole-bread-rolls/story-e6frfku0-1225886843160


Now it's over to you. I want to hear the worst crime stories you can tell.

 

[Red Black and Blue]

If only it was a bag of their hot jam donuts, would have been worth more than the cash.

 

[MC Extra Dollop]

I don't think it rivals the OP, but I do like the story of the veteran Victorian stick-up man, Aubrey Broughill (later found dead in Wodonga in mysterious circumstances) committing a bank robbery in Blackburn North. He used his own car and an off-duty policeman, who happened to be strolling by, noted the licence plate. It took police to Broughill's house in Corio and they actually beat him home.

 

[mick2468]

I personally don't see what is stupid about this crime? Not every bank robber steals cars first before committing a crime when desperate for cash. The fact that an off duty police officer happened to see this crime & then wrote down the plate number' just illustrates bad timing or bad luck! And I can't imagine the police beaten him back home? They may tail his car' but logically speaking! The police would have simply contacted Corio police' and they would have then been waiting for him.. So MC extra dollop! It is you who looks rather stupid' to believe this theory or made up version which obviously is far from the truth. Lol

 

[The Sultan]

 

[Kram]

The bloke around to corner from me had his house robbed last year. The genius that did it wasn't too hard for the cops to find though, as when he left via the window he dropped and left behind his cap that on the inside of it had his full name written in marker pen

 

[Illinois Nazi]

I personally don't see what is stupid about this crime? Not every bank robber steals cars first before committing a crime when desperate for cash. The fact that an off duty police officer happened to see this crime & then wrote down the plate number' just illustrates bad timing or bad luck! And I can't imagine the police beaten him back home? They may tail his car' but logically speaking! The police would have simply contacted Corio police' and they would have then been waiting for him.. So MC extra dollop! It is you who looks rather stupid' to believe this theory or made up version which obviously is far from the truth. Lol

Aggressive first post.

 

[Twoslabs]

Aggressive first post.

Maybe Mick2468 lives in Corio and has been away for a "while"

 

[MaddAdam]

There was a guy from my area who had a drug dealing case at the Magistrates Court. He wisely brought a bag of deals wrapped in foil to sell after his case to court. Which set off the metal detectors. And earned him the nickname NASA.

 

[MC Extra Dollop]

I personally don't see what is stupid about this crime? Not every bank robber steals cars first before committing a crime when desperate for cash. The fact that an off duty police officer happened to see this crime & then wrote down the plate number' just illustrates bad timing or bad luck! And I can't imagine the police beaten him back home? They may tail his car' but logically speaking! The police would have simply contacted Corio police' and they would have then been waiting for him.. So MC extra dollop! It is you who looks rather stupid' to believe this theory or made up version which obviously is far from the truth. Lol

I've learned that the opinions of people that are new to Big Footy and have only ever posted on the crime board are pretty worthless, but...

It was in one of the Underbelly books. So, maybe take it up with John Silvester. I'd be speaking from memory, but it was written as something like "Old Aubrey was never one to speed." Police were notified; police beat him home. It didn't necessarily have to be the same police.

From memory the chapter also said that he ignored the first rule of robbing a bank: "Don't use your own car". If an off duty policeman hadn't seen the number plate, it's almost certain that someone else would have and there would have been the same outcome. So yeah, for someone who wasn't exactly a newbie to that way of earning cash, it was a pretty stupid crime. Broughill was known as 'The Beanie Bandit' due to his minimal (pretty much non-existent) efforts to conceal his identity.

You can read more here (including the description of the crime in question)
http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2003/10/25/1066974363435.html

On his release, he became an unsuccessful burglar and in the 1970s, at an age when most criminals are considering retirement, he went back to armed robberies. Aged in his early 50s, he robbed seven banks and became known as the Beanie Bandit because he always wore a green beanie. It was a poor disguise.

When he robbed a State Bank branch in North Blackburn on March 8, 1979, an off-duty constable saw him drive off and took down the registration of his vehicle.

Members of the armed robbery squad were waiting when the Beanie Bandit got home.

He was sentenced to 15 years' jail, with a minimum of 12, on seven counts of armed robbery.

 

[MC Extra Dollop]

There was a guy from my area who had a drug dealing case at the Magistrates Court. He wisely brought a bag of deals wrapped in foil to sell after his case to court. Which set off the metal detectors. And earned him the nickname NASA.

Former NBA player, Damon Stoudamire was caught with marijuana at an airport once for the same reason.

 

[Kram]

Former NBA player, Damon Stoudamire was caught with marijuana at an airport once for the same reason.

I think I've heard of someone going overseas and once there on their holiday found an old bit of weed they had forgotten about tucked away in their clothing.

 

[MaddAdam]

I think I've heard of someone going overseas and once there on their holiday found an old bit of weed they had forgotten about tucked away in their clothing.

Yep, two mates of mine were getting read to go for Friday night pints when one mate, from North America, decided he wanted to wear a favourite old pair of jeans. Dug them up from the bottom of his stuff. Put them on and was like, hello, gram of coke in the pocket. Last time he'd worn the jeans had been a going away party in Canada, had inadvertently smuggled coke into the country.

I met them later than night and they were off their heads.

 

[Rhys Cooyou]

Yep, two mates of mine were getting read to go for Friday night pints when one mate, from North America, decided he wanted to wear a favourite old pair of jeans. Dug them up from the bottom of his stuff. Put them on and was like, hello, gram of coke in the pocket. Last time he'd worn the jeans had been a going away party in Canada, had inadvertently smuggled coke into the country.

I met them later than night and they were off their heads.

Good gear?

 

[chargers 09]

I accidentally smuggled ketamine into the States.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Duritz]

I accidentally smuggled a weapon of mass penetration into another country. In my pants.

 

[Kram]

I accidentally smuggled a weapon of mass penetration into another country. In my pants.

A microbiological weapon?

 

[Duritz]

A microbiological weapon?

Pfft... A MACRObiological weapon of mass female destruction!!!!












































OK I'll leave now...

 

[Todman]

Does anyone remember the two dumb Aussies that robbed a bank at a ski resort in the US? They walked into the bank during their lunchbreak and were still wearing their nametags.

found transcript from Australia Story.
http://www.abc.net.au/austory/content/2007/s2870756.htm

 

[MC Extra Dollop]

There's a chapter dedicated to this in Stephen Pile's Book of Heroic Failures, which is well worth a read. My favourite story:

Intending to steal cash from a supermarket in 1977, a Southampton thief employed a unique tactic to divert the till girl's attention. His method was to collect a trolley full of goods, arrive at her till and put down £10 by way of payment. She would then take the money and open the till, upon which he would snatch the contents.

He arrived at the cash desk and put down the £10. She took it and opened the till; but there was only £4.37 in it. Undeterred, the Southampton thief snatched that and made his getaway, having lost £5.63 on the raid.

The till girl was considerably uncertain what to do for the best. She screamed briefly until calmed by her friend Betty.