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Suicide

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This is so sad.

Yes finding the body would be terrible. Like another poster mentioned earlier i have fanticised about suicide. Last year i had uninvited visions of me hanging every 30 seconds, probably becsuse that is how my friend killed herself.
She is gentle and did in near a park so a morning jogger found her, instead of her husband i guess.. I felt bad for the jogger.

I looked into certain drugs from a book and went to order them but had to order through western union. So thought nfw, the last time i ordered through them my card got hacked, it occured to me, if i really wanted to die i would not care about my card being hacked.

2.5 years ago i had an exp where my reality turned on its head (b4 friend dying) and i lay down and thought i have to get out of here. It was like being trapped in a burning building and death was the escape. I crawled out to my friend and said "i. Dont. Want. To. Be. Here. Anymore."

I was terrified i was going to kill myself without consulting with the rational part of my brain, bc , although i was in hell, i didn't believe i wanted out. This lasted an hour or two.
Then as i said there has been suicide ideation, which sucks.

I tend to isolate myself when i feel shit which probs doesnt help.
 
nicky said:
I tend to isolate myself when i feel shit which probs doesnt help.
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But idk sometimes that can be a good thing. I remember going to the Geelong v Dogs game this year and literally sat there throughout the game trying not to cry and make an idiot of myself (was with a mate)- i honestly felt like i was alone even tho there was 40k people there.

I ended up leaving at 3/4 time, making up some excuse, and missed that shit af ending with Taylor missing the goal, so probably a good thing i did leave :D


Anyway, sometimes being around people can make you feel worse.
 

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Shell said:
But idk sometimes that can be a good thing. I remember going to the Geelong v Dogs game this year and literally sat there throughout the game trying not to cry and make an idiot of myself (was with a mate)- i honestly felt like i was alone even tho there was 40k people there.

I ended up leaving at 3/4 time, making up some excuse, and missed that shit af ending with Taylor missing the goal, so probably a good thing i did leave :D


Anyway, sometimes being around people can make you feel worse.
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So true.

I would rather be alone by myself than alone amongst 30k people.

I am good at being alone. I just think yiu ou can get to a point where you go overboard with the isolation;)
 
nicky said:
So true.

I would rather be alone by myself than alone amongst 30k people.

I am good at being alone. I just think yiu ou can get to a point where you go overboard with the isolation;)
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Yeah it was really hard. My mate was goingOS the week after and was so excited about it.. iirc i think i managed to maintain some regular conversation. Idk maybe she kinda knew when i left at 3/4 time she didnt question me or anything when i left so that was good of her.
 
Run n Spread said:
Think you'll find raskolnikov and any other educator on this board worth their salt would entirely agree with you.
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I definitely agree that good grades is not the only thing, or even the most important thing, and I'm sure guidance officers, school psychologists and chaplain tell vulnerable students this. I often tell students in class my experience dropping out of school and going back to university later in life as a mature age student and tell students that there is more than one path in life. Some paths are straight but most are winding and filled with with road bumps.

You still have to have standards though. If teachers are too lax in expecting a certain level of effort standards of achievement and behaviour would drop. It's a bit of a catch 22 situation.
 
rocker_oz33 said:
Hope you're ok nicky l don't know what else to say.


I also tend to like my alone time.
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Thankyou <3

I feel i am past the worst of it.

Thanks. It is also refreshing when people say things like "i don't know what to say" rather than "go for a swim" or another thing to try and fix you.
It is so tempting to want to fix things and people. I feel like i succumbed to the hellish sadness because i was really really ****ing sad and mostly for tangible reasons. Therefore i didn't go on antidepressants.

God even the other night at this party this guy is on anti-depressants and was promoting them to me for a good 30 minutes. Sometimes, shit happens and people are sad, we don't need to fix every sad person, just let them be sad.

Of course, there are situations where people need help from others and medication.

edit.... at the same party his gf, who i've known for 7 years said that i pushed people away. A couple of months after my friend, who i've known for 38 years died, this girl kept setting up outings without my consent and then would play the victim when i would pull out. Eventually things came to a head and we had a big falling out and she said that I've lost my best friend, meaning her, she was so ****ing clueless that i was grieving over a best friend that was practically my sister.

2 years later she still doesn't get it. Someone overheard her say this to me and said, "yeah but it wasn't about you, nicky was hurt". I explained the following to my her but i doubt she gets it.

This year a good friend lost her husband of 20+ years very unexpectedly. We are good friends, she has cancelled on me dozens of time, we only caught up for the first time a month ago.

I am still friends with this girl even though i think that she is pretty clueless and insensitive around this kind of thing. I lost alot of other friends. Most people just want you to "get over it" and go back to the person they feel comfortable with.
I made new friends and also realised how amazing some of my existing friends are. The shit ones i say good riddance to.
 
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Shell said:
Fwiw i hated counselling. Maybe hate too strong a word.. by fml didnt like it. Not for me
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The grief counsellor i went to after my friend was not good for me. I have heard things about but she didn't suit me at all. The only good thing i got from her was that i'm not a loser for feeling like i'm outside of earth's orbit and devastated by grief. She validated this is normal.
 

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Very sad - reinforces that depression doesn’t care who you are or what you have you are not immune.

Reading some of the Instagram posts that were included in the article also shows how deceptive things can be - while she mentions how much she was struggling she also made herself appear to be upbeat and coping and I’m sure that’s how others read it as well.
 

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