What *albert should have written:
I'm really sorry for this whole mess. I'm sorry I tried to exploit loopholes and bend rules to try and get an edge over other clubs and that the consequences of that was that there was enough evidence for the CAS to be comfortably satisfied that 34 players at the club where I was coached took banned substances.
I'm sorry to all footy fans that the reputation of this sport is up there with weightlifting and cycling now and that all other players' reputations from the other 17 clubs have been besmirched through the constant inference that they were doing something similar but just did not get caught. I'm sorry that the game has taken a substantial financial hit and the media attention has been diverted from the many great on-field achievements over the last 3 years.
I'm sorry to the AFL who have had to pour a lot of time and resources into dealing with this that could have been better spent building the game at grassroots level or spreading its appeal throughout the country and the world. I'm sorry to the employees at ASADA and WADA who have had to deal with the brinkmanship and bitter rage from the club and its supporters whilst they were just trying to do their job, which is ensuring a level playing field for all competitors. I'm sorry to people within the club and AFL who I've blamed in the past for my own failings. I'm also sorry to the players who I coaxed into getting all these jabs because in the past a similar approach around injections has given me a ripping tan and spring in my step.
I will do 'whatever it takes' to restore my reputation in the game through conducting thousands of footy clinics and goal umpiring at hundreds of Buchan v. Swifts Ck ressies matches in sub-zero temperatures. I am truly sorry.
Love *albert.
What he actually wrote:
I'm sorry David Evans wanted me to win at all costs but we couldn't hire someone who might have obeyed the rules and anyway the Cats players were all on the juice (how else could they be so good) so Bomber and Macca thought it'd be ok for Weapon and Danksy to work their mojo at the club as we were puny weaklings by comparison. Those blokes didn't report to me (trapped in the Matrix) and when they started doing what I wanted them to do and kept me informed via SMS, e-mails etc. so what would I know? I sent a couple of e-mails saying keep it above board, that's good enough don't you think? I told Danksy to make sure Doc Reid knew what was happening, but the bits the Doc would be ok with, footy clubs aren't the UN you know. Anyway blah, blah, blah, it's not my fault and it's not me, it's you who are wrong.
James A. Hird - ANZAC Day and Brownlow Medallist and 2 x premiership player