TAB's- Full of "characters" ???

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Sep 4, 2003
11,457
13,758
in the local tab
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Richmond
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I know many of these may have already appeared in this thread but collating some of my personal favorites

  • The TAB Owner: Spends the day changing channels on screens, turning up volume, telling other patrons to be quiet so he can watch the college basketball while the Melbourne Cup is on. Takes command of form guides, pens and entire desks. Is actually only a punter.
Sorry to say, but its usually the Monday night football game from the states. (especially if the packers is on)
 

sirlothie

Brownlow Medallist
Sep 17, 2007
12,825
9,686
Melbourne
AFL Club
Collingwood
I know many of these may have already appeared in this thread but collating some of my personal favorites


  • Multi Man: Spends hours combining UFC/English Premier League/NFL/Logies/1st round winners in an obscure satellite tennis event. Likes putting them on just before a Group 1 and then has ticket issues which hold up the queue behind.

  • I-Phone Guy: Never seen putting a ticket through a machine, but taps away at his I-Phone to put his bets on, Happy enough to scoff the free coffee and biscuits and take charge of terminals, however

  • Shouters: You will never be in any doubt what they are on. Neither will most people within a 20 metre radius.

  • Young Punters: Groups of young blokes, just learning about betting. Veer markedly between being I-Phone Guy and Shouters.

  • Little Old Lady: Be wary of these beings. Can look like they have no idea what they are doing, wearing a nice flowered skirt and a paper carefully marked out, but probably winning more than 95% of the other punters there

  • Trainer’s Friend: “Trainer reckons it’s flying and is a sure thing”. When runs 11th in a bush maiden at $67 “It was unlucky/checked/back it next time”.

  • Jailbird: Easily picked by his haircut, short back and sides, a wary look in his eye, can be very jumpy at the wrong questions. Usually only places small bets but seems to understand fractional betting better than most, which leads to…

  • The Fractional Punter: Loves putting a quaddy on for 1%, spends $5 on it and then wonders why he is still down on the deal 3 hours later.

  • The Historian: Was there when Ajax lose at 40 to 1 on, and saw Mel Schumacher grab the leg of the jockey riding Blue Era in the 1961 Derby. Closely related to…

  • The Smoker: Yearns for the days when he could puff inside the agency. Stands in doorways with a blue cloud around him. Only enters to frantically place a number of bets before departing again to watch from the doorway.

  • Conspiracy Theorist: When his conveyance loses, it is due to corruption/underworld intervention/nobbling/corrupt stewards

  • The Luckiest Punter: Can walk into a TAB, look at the betting for 30 seconds, and nab the $51 winner, then take a 3 dog box trifecta of the outsiders and watch them romp in, before an after the siren kick in the last AFL game of the round lands him the only live unit in the Footy Quad

  • The Unluckiest Punter: Takes a 2 runner quinella in a four horse race and watches them run 3rd and 4th. Can be on a dog leading by 10 lengths on the turn who breaks down. Started his punting career by placing a bet on the Fine Cotton race, but was actually on Harbor Gold (the runner up) that day, and was co convinced there wouldn’t be a protest, he tore his ticket up and went home.

  • The Animal Hater: Not above yelling for the leading horse or dog to collapse and break down as he is on the runner up for the win.

  • The TAB Owner: Spends the day changing channels on screens, turning up volume, telling other patrons to be quiet so he can watch the college basketball while the Melbourne Cup is on. Takes command of form guides, pens and entire desks. Is actually only a punter.

  • The Stinkpot: No other description. Smells worse than bin night. Insists on standing near you wherever you go. Probably doing okay on the punt but somehow can’t afford a can of deodorant

  • The Minor Celebrity: Vaguely familiar, might have been on a reality show, or played a few one-dayers for Victoria. Tends to have shades of TAB Owner to him. Not above “don’t you know who I am” when questioned about his manner

  • The Major Celebrity: Very well known, you wonder what is he doing there. Usually a great bloke to chat with, makes time for people and tends to walk out a winner.

Logies made me lol. I am the consipiracy theorist. Jockey dogged it in every race I lose...
 

sirlothie

Brownlow Medallist
Sep 17, 2007
12,825
9,686
Melbourne
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Collingwood
I have another one that pisses me off. The 'Almost Man'. The annoying bloke who comes up and shows you all his tickets that 'almost' won him a fortune. 'Look at this quaddie, I was 1 horse short, I would have won $2k mate, $2k...' well you bloody didn't mate, stop telling me about it. I don't care. The 'Almost Man' always has bad breath. 's**t, look at this, 1 horse short again, can you ******* believe it?' fu** off you campaigner.
 

IKnowtheDog

Norm Smith Medallist
Jan 25, 2016
6,168
4,895
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On course betting back in the day. Nothing worse than people having roving trifectas with at least 4 scratchings lol!!

Will admit to being multi man but will step aside if someone is keen to put a bet on
 

sirlothie

Brownlow Medallist
Sep 17, 2007
12,825
9,686
Melbourne
AFL Club
Collingwood
On course betting back in the day. Nothing worse than people having roving trifectas with at least 4 scratchings lol!!

Will admit to being multi man but will step aside if someone is keen to put a bet on
Most people don't. Most people are oblivious or don't care in the slightest. I have come so close to throwing someone off the machine. The agencies should do something about it. I mean you have some old codger placing $1 trifectas on every dog race with 10 selections taking 5 minutes to do it, or people like me putting $20-$50 on in 10 seconds... those idiots must cost them a lot of money because I have stormed out a lot of times before, they do my head in.

I don't go near the machine unless I know exactly what I want to bet on or exactly what I want to check a price on. It's bad manners to go to a machine in a busy period and not know what you want to do and sit there scratching your chin while there is a queue behind you. It's not McDonald's. It also shows you have little idea what you are doing. Some idiots even take 5 minutes to place their $1 trifecta and then try to stand and watch the race in front of the machine! They won't move, you nearly have to push them away....
 

Gavin Excell

Brownlow Medallist
Apr 22, 2007
26,847
27,762
Bentleigh
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Most people don't. Most people are oblivious or don't care in the slightest. I have come so close to throwing someone off the machine. The agencies should do something about it. I mean you have some old codger placing $1 trifectas on every dog race with 10 selections taking 5 minutes to do it, or people like me putting $20-$50 on in 10 seconds... those idiots must cost them a lot of money because I have stormed out a lot of times before, they do my head in.

I don't go near the machine unless I know exactly what I want to bet on or exactly what I want to check a price on. It's bad manners to go to a machine in a busy period and not know what you want to do and sit there scratching your chin while there is a queue behind you. It's not McDonald's. It also shows you have little idea what you are doing. Some idiots even take 5 minutes to place their $1 trifecta and then try to stand and watch the race in front of the machine! They won't move, you nearly have to push them away....
Gardenvale TAB alert to this with a fast lane EBT and signs advising to be respectful of other punters and move the f..ck on
 

FrankGrimes

All Australian
Jan 11, 2009
622
252
yeah nar
AFL Club
Essendon
I once had a bloke tell me off for using the EBT, i was putting on my Saturday quaddie or something, and he wanted to bet on the first at NSW country 2 or some something.. told him to f off and to fill out a ticket like would have 5 yrs ago...
If i was doing some stupid 10 leg multi fair enough but you can fill out a ticket if the EBT is busy..
 

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sirlothie

Brownlow Medallist
Sep 17, 2007
12,825
9,686
Melbourne
AFL Club
Collingwood
I once had a bloke tell me off for using the EBT, i was putting on my Saturday quaddie or something, and he wanted to bet on the first at NSW country 2 or some something.. told him to f off and to fill out a ticket like would have 5 yrs ago...
If i was doing some stupid 10 leg multi fair enough but you can fill out a ticket if the EBT is busy..
So could you though... the EBT's should be for quick bets, win bet or each way bets, it doesn't matter what someone wants to bet on, you can find good winners on a Tuesday race 1 at Queanbeyan... its the TABs fault more than anything that they havent found a solution for this problem, if someone is on there actually doing something then I'm ok with that if they are pressing buttons and s**t and making a bet no worries, it's idiots who stand there undecided and chopping and changing or having a discussion with their mate about which side to go for in Lithuanian div 2 basketball 4 days from now that pisses me off, when you want to bet on a race that starts in 30 seconds...
 

sirlothie

Brownlow Medallist
Sep 17, 2007
12,825
9,686
Melbourne
AFL Club
Collingwood
Have you guys considered opening an account and downloading the TAB app?
I have online accounts but it is infuriating navigating your way to the page you want with your big fingers hitting tiny buttons and pressing the wrong button, waiting for screens to load, putting money onto your account and by the time you have done all this s**t it's too late and you have deposited $50 onto your account that you now have to bet with but you missed the jump... the apps make me even madder than the queues at the terminals...
 

sirlothie

Brownlow Medallist
Sep 17, 2007
12,825
9,686
Melbourne
AFL Club
Collingwood
you need a dialing wand
Last time I tried a last minute bet on my phone, it kept saying my $50 deposit did not process so I tried 3 times, then the race jumped, then my horse won, then I refreshed and I had deposited $150.... you can't just take that straight back out as you know.

Then another time I wanted to lay a horse, so I was going through the bulls**t of depositing then transferring to my main wallet to my Australian wallet and my funds sat in limbo, the $1.30fav I was going to lay lost and I couldnt get on then betfair tell me that the wallets are finished, it's all the same wallet.. Then why still to this day are the transfer options still there?? They s**t me up the wall.
 

HurlsMeister18

Club Legend
May 9, 2011
2,463
1,271
Full Back
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Essendon
I have a guy at my local who literally craps his pants and then he puts his jacket around his waist so people can't see his dirty pants, but this doesn't deter his punting session. The stench gets so rotten that people are gagging. Then every half hour he goes outside around the corner and sprays himself with deodorant that he pulls out of his backpack......then he is back in hitting it again.
 

sirlothie

Brownlow Medallist
Sep 17, 2007
12,825
9,686
Melbourne
AFL Club
Collingwood
I have a guy at my local who literally craps his pants and then he puts his jacket around his waist so people can't see his dirty pants, but this doesn't deter his punting session. The stench gets so rotten that people are gagging. Then every half hour he goes outside around the corner and sprays himself with deodorant that he pulls out of his backpack......then he is back in hitting it again.
People might be busy but once past 18 months old you should always find time to take a s**t in a toilet, geez...
 

Gavin Excell

Brownlow Medallist
Apr 22, 2007
26,847
27,762
Bentleigh
AFL Club
Geelong
I have a guy at my local who literally craps his pants and then he puts his jacket around his waist so people can't see his dirty pants, but this doesn't deter his punting session. The stench gets so rotten that people are gagging. Then every half hour he goes outside around the corner and sprays himself with deodorant that he pulls out of his backpack......then he is back in hitting it again.
Thats crossing the line. Dont think id attend that venue
 

Watts4Dinner

Club Legend
Mar 20, 2012
2,136
2,637
Licking Vince’s Date.
AFL Club
Geelong
I have a guy at my local who literally craps his pants and then he puts his jacket around his waist so people can't see his dirty pants, but this doesn't deter his punting session. The stench gets so rotten that people are gagging. Then every half hour he goes outside around the corner and sprays himself with deodorant that he pulls out of his backpack......then he is back in hitting it again.
What the almighty fu**. You need to move from Barwon Heads.
 
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