Society & Culture The BigFooty Guide to getting the woman of Your Desire (Part 7)

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Xtreme

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Just once it would be nice if someone actually did.
I could ask and she may say yes, it wouldn't surprise me if she was into that.... i should play it safe and not have her outed on the internet :p

The established order of events seem a little out of whack here...
Not so, where we last left it we were already meeting up next week and talk about things. I spoke with her earlier today and worked out a few concerns and reservations i had. Yeah i'm a big baby :D, but she agreed to go on a proper date and see what happens... as opposed to just hooking up. I am way more comfortable with this compared to the alternative.
 

magic_johnson!

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I know this kind of goes against the grain of the thread and it feels weird posting here after so long, however i need some anonymous woman advice from some experienced and not so experienced out there.

So, i've been with my girlfriend for nearly a year and a half, and i'm having doubts over whether i want to continue aboard the relationship. I have had some really good times with her, but i've just been thinking lately how green the grass looks over the other side...

I think my attitude has become partially obvious to her however, as she is constantly asking me if i love her. Constantly. I'm talking every day asking me why i didn't say 'i love you' properly or why didn't invite her 231248412 times to go somewhere, making her think that i might not want her to come to a social event because i only asked her a couple of times whether she wanted to come.

I also feel that i'm getting annoyed at her for random things, but we've grown to clash in attitudes lately and this shift in power has damaged conversation because before when conversation went from point to point, now i feel she thinks about everything way too much and agrees with whatever i have to say, no matter what i say.

I know this sounds like i'm having a whinge about a girl that really likes me who i don't appreciate, however i don't treat her badly at all, i just don't know whether i want to continue in a relationship with someone i don't really see myself with in the future or whether to stick with it and remember the good times we've had and hope that they turn back around and i find that i miss her again like i used to when we were apart...

Has anyone had any experience in this kind of situation? Breaking up with someone who was more emotionally committed to the relationship, how you did it and whether you came to regret and didn't realize what you had. Or alternatively, whether you've come to this situation and found that it's worked it's way out to happily ever after. I want it to last and i want to be happy with her, currently i just don't feel that way like i used to. I've never had anything like this, i was always the clingy one who never had any of the power...
 

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Caesar

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If it was just a matter of her starting to get overly clingy and annoying, that's a fixable problem with one conversation. Likewise, it's normal for anyone in a long-term relationship to have 'grass is greener' thoughts from time to time. But if you genuinely don't see yourself with her in the future then they're both indicators that the relationship has reached its use-by date.

As for how to go about it - make it quick, comprehensive and as painless as possible. Arrange to go to her place at a time when she will be alone. Preferably do it at the end of the week when she has nothing important planned for the weekend. Be as nice about it as possible and emphasise that it's simply down to the fact you don't see the two of you together long-term, and you don't want to waste her time. Don't let her draw you into specifics about what is wrong with the relationship.

Then leave, and stay away from her. At all costs. Don't see her, don't text her, don't talk to her on the phone. If she tries to talk to you, politely decline. You WILL regret breaking up with her, and you WILL be tempted to go back - if not to the relationship, then to sex on tap. Don't do it.
 

carn tigez

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If it was just a matter of her starting to get overly clingy and annoying, that's a fixable problem with one conversation. Likewise, it's normal for anyone in a long-term relationship to have 'grass is greener' thoughts from time to time. But if you genuinely don't see yourself with her in the future then they're both indicators that the relationship has reached its use-by date.

As for how to go about it - make it quick, comprehensive and as painless as possible. Arrange to go to her place at a time when she will be alone. Preferably do it at the end of the week when she has nothing important planned for the weekend. Be as nice about it as possible and emphasise that it's simply down to the fact you don't see the two of you together long-term, and you don't want to waste her time. Don't let her draw you into specifics about what is wrong with the relationship.

Then leave, and stay away from her. At all costs. Don't see her, don't text her, don't talk to her on the phone. If she tries to talk to you, politely decline. You WILL regret breaking up with her, and you WILL be tempted to go back - if not to the relationship, then to sex on tap. Don't do it.
I often read your posts and think that you're too rigid and 'know-it-all'-ish. But on this, I agree 100%. 3 months ago I was in the exact same position as magic_johnson!, and I ended it. Have only spoken to her twice since, both at 21st's where we saw each other.

I was fairly sure I wanted to end it but the reasons were very similar to those that magic_johnson! outlined, and with reasons like that and a situation like that there are always doubts. Luckily I went away for ten days about 2 weeks after the break-up and that allowed me to move on a fair bit. But while away I did have a period of a few days where I did regret it and want to undo it, which luckily I didn't act on.

But yeah, it will hurt for a while. I am only just now, 3 months later, feeling like I'm pretty much over her. I can look back on the relationship now without feeling jealousy or regret or longing, which to me is the sign that it's now completely done.

Mutual friends did make it harder though to get a clean break where I never had to hear about her life though, which may have drawn the moving on period out a bit longer than usual.
 

treefingers

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Has anyone had any experience in this kind of situation? Breaking up with someone who was more emotionally committed to the relationship, how you did it and whether you came to regret and didn't realize what you had. Or alternatively, whether you've come to this situation and found that it's worked it's way out to happily ever after. I want it to last and i want to be happy with her, currently i just don't feel that way like i used to. I've never had anything like this, i was always the clingy one who never had any of the power...
I was in the exact same position a few years ago. Was going out with this girl for about a year, she was right into me but after a while I realised I never really felt the same way back, so I ended it.

It hurt at the time but was a fantastic thing to happen in the long run for both of us - she's with someone now who's probably a better fit and I'm loving the single life, wouldn't go back if you paid me.

I don't envy your position though, break ups are tough and if you're thinking about it and posting here I think the decisions already been made in your own mind. As they say when there'd doubt, there's no doubt
 
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I am attending a gym class and am attracted to one of the staff there, she took the class recently as a fill in for the usual guy. I don't know her too well and am not sure of how she feels towards me. I would like to ask her out but am not sure how to go about it. I'm not great in these situations especially with a large group of people around. What makes it more complicated is that she knows a bit about me that might put her off ie. me being ill and I'm not working as a result currently. I'm not sure how to approach her and when as she isn't the usual one to take the class. I don't want to make it awkward between us if she says no since I'll probably see her a lot afterwards. Should I drop some hints to the guy who usually takes the class about how I feel? Looking for help and advice. Cheers
 

ioppolo

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Well I didn't really wanna go for advice on an internet forum but meh.

There's this chick I work with. A couple days a week we are rostered in generally the same area, so I like to take advantage of this by spending as much time with her as possible and using whatever excuse to see her. We get along extremely well and we have ALOT in common. She has a boyfriend but I still flirt with her anyway. Recently she was telling me how her and the boyfriend had been fighting a bit lately. We followed that up with one of those 'deep and meaningful' conversations.

After this though I noticed that she talks and acts differently (as in more comfortably) around me compared to other guys at work. I don't know whether it's flirting or not since I don't quite know her that well yet. She has given me a lift home a couple times but I'm worried I'm coming on too strong or making it too obvious that I like her. I'm extremely sure I won't really get anywhere with her but I haven't had feelings this strong for a girl since my early high school years. I'm sort of stuck as to what to do.

FWIW she's two years older then me.
 

Caesar

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Personally I would just tell her I am not particularly comfortable with talking to girls I find attractive about their relationship problems. It's hard to remain impartial when you have a vested interest.

She knows where you stand, you remain a good guy, and you don't have to listen to her complaining. Win-win-win.

That is just me though. I am sure other people have more subtle solutions.
 
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