Society & Culture The BigFooty Guide to getting the woman of Your Desire (Part 7)

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Jimmy1992

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Ok, so a couple months after finishing high school, I notice a girl, who was always pretty quiet and I'm not sure I ever spoke to her in school, had gotten rather attractive. I always remember thinking she was nice, but we just didn't run in the same groups, so we'd never talked.
Cool as a cucumber I send her a facebook message saying how great she is and ask her out. Safe to say that didn't go down so well haha. I ended up explaining the situation to her, we talked it out, and it's fine - she's a bartender at our local pub these days, and we talk a bit if I see her.


That part could probably belong in the "Awkward Flirting Stories" thread haha.
I am glad you learnt from this. That was (no offense) one of the worst ideas in all of history. And, that is coming from me.

The reason that I'm here is because almost the exact same situation is happening now (I'm now 3yrs removed from High School). It appears I may have hung out with the wrong group in high school haha, this one was well more suited to me. Anyway I played this one a little safer - I did basically start talking to her out of nowhere, but she responded, we've just been nicely talking about work, tv etc.. all the usual things. I haven't got any sign from her that she's necessarily "keen", but it's all been friendly enough. Now 21yr old me has learned, and I can't just go asking her out now, given we've never actually hung out haha. So what's my next step? My best guess is to find out where she's headed one night, do the old "Oh no way, me too" happen to run into her there and talk for a bit there and see how it goes. Thoughts? Or better ideas haha?
You can ask her out, but you shouldn't word it as "Want to go out sometime?"
The safe bet would be to just be like, "It's been great talking to you, we should catch up over a drink (coffee) sometime." I wouldn't usually pull the 'let's go out for a coffee' thing very often, at all. As, it can be a recipe for disaster. But, there are definitely plus's to it. For example, if it turns out that you don't talk all that well in real life, it's easier to cut short than waiting for a dinner, watching a movie etc.
I think it would be a good place to start.
Just say "It's been great talking to you, we should catch up over a drink (coffee) sometime." If she says yes, then hooroo, you are on your way. If she says "No <insert reason here>" she is probably not interested in the slightest, unless it is actually a good reason. If it goes well when you 'catch up for a drink/coffee' you have two options. You can either make your intentions known then and there, and kiss her. Or, similarly, ask her out on a proper date then.

That's all IMO. That is the safest route.
 

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cAsEy_18

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I am glad you learnt from this. That was (no offense) one of the worst ideas in all of history. And, that is coming from me.



You can ask her out, but you shouldn't word it as "Want to go out sometime?"
The safe bet would be to just be like, "It's been great talking to you, we should catch up over a drink (coffee) sometime." I wouldn't usually pull the 'let's go out for a coffee' thing very often, at all. As, it can be a recipe for disaster. But, there are definitely plus's to it. For example, if it turns out that you don't talk all that well in real life, it's easier to cut short than waiting for a dinner, watching a movie etc.
I think it would be a good place to start.
Just say "It's been great talking to you, we should catch up over a drink (coffee) sometime." If she says yes, then hooroo, you are on your way. If she says "No <insert reason here>" she is probably not interested in the slightest, unless it is actually a good reason. If it goes well when you 'catch up for a drink/coffee' you have two options. You can either make your intentions known then and there, and kiss her. Or, similarly, ask her out on a proper date then.

That's all IMO. That is the safest route.
It wasn't flash yeah haha, that was inexperienced me having no idea.

Fair call, decent idea. That was basically my plan, although maybe taking a step back. There's the local pub that most of us go to on a Thursday night. I know she at least occasionally goes here. I was more thinking casually asking "You heading to ***** tonight?" and if she says yes, I'd say "Alright, cool, might see you/talk to you there". I'd then talk to her there, and gauge how it goes. If it goes well, then the next day or so I can say"Good seeing you last night, we should hang out/do something sometime". If it doesn't go well/smoothly on the Thursday night, I can probably assume there's not really anything there.
So I guess, that's similar to your approach?
 

Jimmy1992

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It wasn't flash yeah haha, that was inexperienced me having no idea.

Fair call, decent idea. That was basically my plan, although maybe taking a step back. There's the local pub that most of us go to on a Thursday night. I know she at least occasionally goes here. I was more thinking casually asking "You heading to ***** tonight?" and if she says yes, I'd say "Alright, cool, might see you/talk to you there". I'd then talk to her there, and gauge how it goes. If it goes well, then the next day or so I can say"Good seeing you last night, we should hang out/do something sometime". If it doesn't go well/smoothly on the Thursday night, I can probably assume there's not really anything there.
So I guess, that's similar to your approach?

It is similar. But, at least if you say 'let's go get coffee' you're taking control of the situation, so to speak. Rather than just what will seem like a regular meet up. But, they are very similar.
If you are going to ask her out proper, make sure you do it face to face. Hence why I suggested what I did.
 

cAsEy_18

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It is similar. But, at least if you say 'let's go get coffee' you're taking control of the situation, so to speak. Rather than just what will seem like a regular meet up. But, they are very similar.
If you are going to ask her out proper, make sure you do it face to face. Hence why I suggested what I did.
Oh yeah, asking her out proper would obviously be face to face. I think it's the same, except I added in an additional previous step of actually seeing each other and talking somewhere prior to saying "let's go do this".
But besides that, a decent plan, cheers.
 
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Just say "It's been great talking to you, we should catch up over a drink (coffee) sometime." If she says yes, then hooroo, you are on your way. If she says "No <insert reason here>" she is probably not interested in the slightest, unless it is actually a good reason. If it goes well when you 'catch up for a drink/coffee' you have two options. You can either make your intentions known then and there, and kiss her. Or, similarly, ask her out on a proper date then.

That's all IMO. That is the safest route.
How do you differentiate between a genuine yes or a fake yes?

And on that, should you ask earlier upon meeting them to ensure the coffee thing isn't like a "friend coffee meet up"?
 

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Or one angle.

Also, different humidity levels in the air affect mammary swelling to different extents.

I just made that up, but dont tell her that.
i've heard the moon also makes a difference upon viewing and feeling. you'd be silly not to request a viewing atleast once a week for the full cycle of the moon
 

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Jimmy1992

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How do you differentiate between a genuine yes or a fake yes?

And on that, should you ask earlier upon meeting them to ensure the coffee thing isn't like a "friend coffee meet up"?

If she says yes, it is a genuine yes. Don't ever assume it is a fake yes. It is better to apologise than to not take the risk.
Well, if you are saying 'we should catch up' when messaging, then you would have to assume it is more a 'friends' catch up type deal. It is what you do in the catch up that will determine whether or not it stays as a 'friends' catch up. Be flirty, at times, overt, and she should get the idea. If she doesn't, well, then, she may not be the brightest spark. Either way, as mentioned "It is better to apologise than to not take the risk." especially if you aren't good friends or anything. What are you losing? An acquaintance who you haven't spoken to in a while? Who you were happy living without beforehand? The only time I wouldn't do this is if you were prior friends. Like, good friends, friends.
 

Jimmy1992

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Oh yeah, asking her out proper would obviously be face to face. I think it's the same, except I added in an additional previous step of actually seeing each other and talking somewhere prior to saying "let's go do this".
But besides that, a decent plan, cheers.

Oh, I see. You're catching up with her in a group situation, then saying we should catch up individually after that. That seems like a decent plan, I guess. But, if you talk enough at the pub, then there might be no need for the individual catch up. Either/both could work, but I would be leaning towards the individual catch up by itself if you could foresee going out with her. Especially if you have a tendency to get drunk, and do stupid things when drunk, like yours truly.
 

cAsEy_18

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Oh, I see. You're catching up with her in a group situation, then saying we should catch up individually after that. That seems like a decent plan, I guess. But, if you talk enough at the pub, then there might be no need for the individual catch up. Either/both could work, but I would be leaning towards the individual catch up by itself if you could foresee going out with her. Especially if you have a tendency to get drunk, and do stupid things when drunk, like yours truly.
Yeah, basically she'd be going with her groups of mates, I'd be going with mine, we'd happen to "run into each other" and could branch off and talk for a bit.
The next day I could then say "That was fun, wanna go do this tomorrow/sometime?"
If she then says yes, then during that "catch-up" I could ask her out.

The drunk thing is dangerous yeah haha, but I'd be tactical and not go overboard in what I drink. I'm fairly good talking wise anyway, but everyone loosens up after 2-3 so that might not hurt.
 

Jimmy1992

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Yeah, basically she'd be going with her groups of mates, I'd be going with mine, we'd happen to "run into each other" and could branch off and talk for a bit.
The next day I could then say "That was fun, wanna go do this tomorrow/sometime?"
If she then says yes, then during that "catch-up" I could ask her out.

The drunk thing is dangerous yeah haha, but I'd be tactical and not go overboard in what I drink. I'm fairly good talking wise anyway, but everyone loosens up after 2-3 so that might not hurt.

True, true. I feel a solid stalkerish vibe going on here :p
Best of luck. Keep us updated.
 

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There's the local pub that most of us go to on a Thursday night. I know she at least occasionally goes here. I was more thinking casually asking "You heading to ***** tonight?" and if she says yes, I'd say "Alright, cool, might see you/talk to you there". I'd then talk to her there, and gauge how it goes. If it goes well, then the next day or so I can say"Good seeing you last night, we should hang out/do something sometime". If it doesn't go well/smoothly on the Thursday night, I can probably assume there's not really anything there.
So I guess, that's similar to your approach?
Flannies boy eh? People still go there? haha
 

checkraiseulite

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Haha she's an odd one. Her words, she keeps saying things how she's recently as a month ago had a 5-year thing end, that she feels like it was such a waste of time, and that she's now over relationships and just wants to "have fun". These are just massive ticks all over the place, but **** me if finding a time isn't hard enough!

My only conundrum is as I stated earlier in this thread, I think I'm at the point where I'm looking for a girlfriend. And despite what she says, I can feel her starting to get attached, but I know she isn't who I want to date. I guess I was more after a quick thing with this, but it's not looking that way.
Sounds to me like you're scared.
 

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Haha that's someone with Frankston knowledge. Not weekly, but it's not a bad local catch-up spot. Better than Davey's at least, geez can't remember the last time I was there.
Haha lived in Franga all my life until I finished high school a couple of years ago.

Haha absolute hole of a place, but Cherry Red is just as bad, if not worse. Feels like I'm at an underage joint when I go there.
 

cAsEy_18

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Haha lived in Franga all my life until I finished high school a couple of years ago.

Haha absolute hole of a place, but Cherry Red is just as bad, if not worse. Feels like I'm at an underage joint when I go there.
Sounds similar, Frankston High I'm guessing?

Oh it's not flash is it? I can make the odd trip to Flannies, and I can't help but admit that I'll have my annual one venture in summer to Davey's because it's been a year and I've forgotten it's terrible haha.
But Cherry takes the cake. I've been there once, for about an hour, and I refuse to go anywhere near it again.
 
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