Certified Legendary Thread The Cut

[Bluelegs]

The monster awakens.

Just in time for the season.

 

[tasmanlvr]

Official Transcripts from Haddad/Connolly interview...

Haddad: 'Just up in Casey we're looking for a guy that was tanking, and then another call's come through, saying that another man is also involved, so we're just getting there as quick as we can to see what the hell's going on...'

Later...

Haddad: 'What happened mate?'
Connolly: 'Pardon?'
Haddad: 'What's going on?'
Connolly: 'I'm just waiting for a mate.'

...

Haddad: 'Who's your mate?'
Connolly: 'Pardon?'
Haddad: 'What's your mate's name?'
Connolly: 'Tom.'

...

Haddad: 'Just look at me, and just concentrate on me, mate.'
Connolly: 'I'm not sure that you are... err... a federal officer of the law.'
Haddad: 'I'm not a federal officer of the law.'
Connolly: 'Are you? Well I'll just move on then.'
Haddad: 'I'm an AFL integrity officer.'
Connolly: 'Yeah, well, that's not good enough.'
Haddad: 'Let's not go around in circles...'
Connolly: 'ARE YOU NOT a federal officer of the law?'
Haddad: 'Let's not go around in circles...'
Connolly: 'ARE YOU a federal officer of the law?'
Haddad: 'Do you want to come back...'
Connolly: 'NO, ARE YOU...'
Haddad: 'Chris, Chris, SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME, IT'S QUITE SERIOUS.'
Connolly: 'No.'
Haddad: 'Well, I've answered your question, do you want to come back to AFL House?'
Connolly: 'No.'

...

Haddad: 'I need you to make a definitive decision...'
Connolly: 'DEFINITIFFFFFF. Can you define that? Definitifffff.'
Haddad: 'Yeah, make one simple decision, mate, and be clear about it, and stick with it. It's about what you want to do.'
Connolly: 'Let's go.'
Haddad: 'You're happy to go.'
Connolly: 'I'll go.'
Haddad: 'Not gonna change your mind?'
Connolly: 'You want me to go there for a lie-detector test... I'll go.'

Hopefully people get what I'm on about, and hopefully I'm not the only one who noticed old mate here sounded like Chris Connolly somewhat. Couldn't really fit the bit with 'Clint' naming himself.

 

[Biffinator]

D77 - that is pure gold. Well done.

 

[d33my]

Demetriou: I've figured out Melbourne's punishment. First, Dean Bailey is suspended. No leaving the house, not even to coach Adelaide. Second, no more Chris Connolly, in fact, no Chris's, period. And third, absolutely no tanking for 3 months.

 

[tasmanlvr]

Mark Neeld, trying to get to Fox Footy studios for On The Couch.

[Neeld chops through a door with an axe.]
Neeld: Here's Neeldy! [notices the room is empty] D'oh!
[Neeld chops through a different door.]
Neeld: Caaaaaaaaale Morton! [sees Dustin Fletcher]
Fletcher: Hi Cale, I'm Dustin.
Neeld: D'oh!
[Neeld chops through a different door with a ticking clock in hand.]
Neeld: I'm Gerard Whateley, I'm Cameron Mooney, and I'm Barry Hall! All this and Mark Robinson tonight on AFL 360!
On The Couch crew: Wagghh!!

 

[MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE]

Been working on this Thrift Shop parody:

SPUD SWAP - Markleneeld
Hey Markleneeld, can we go spud swapping?

Watts Watts Watts Watts (Repeat x3)

CHORUS
I'm gonna swap some hacks
Got the 20th pick in my pocket
I'm hunting, looking for a forward
Chris is ****ing Dawesome

Walked into the club, Beamer you been dropped
Pumped cause I got some shit from the spud swap
Sent Watts to Casey, his form was shonky
Fans are like "Damn, he a cold ass honky!"
Moloney and Rivers cut from the leadership group
Made Trengove and Grimes co-captains, sacked Brad Green
Held onto Cale Morton and gave him a 2 year deal
Probably shoulda sacked him, plays footy like a girl
Delissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst
To think, he was a top 4 pick! (sack him!)

He was droppin it, squibbin it, really ****ed up against Collingwood
Came to the bench and gave him a massive spray
Sent him to Casey for ****ing it up
Throwing in Bennell for free and
selling Cale for pick 88 and that's a bargain Woosh!
I'ma trade em Vossy style, I'ma trade em Vossy style
No, for real, asked Vossy "Martin for a 3rd round?" (Vossy: "Thankyou"!)
Ricky Petterd, sent him to Richmond
Another Dees hack turned Tigers rookie
Port had an injured Rodan, I got an injured Rodan
I got Tom Gillies then got Cam Pedersen
Hello, hello, my ruckman Pedo
Didn't approve of Jordan Gysberts, hell no!
I could take a Brisbane ruckman, up forward, kick goals
Opposition be like "Aw, one more goal to Mitch Clark"

REPEAT CHORUS x2

Don't approve of players laughing at the scoreboard
Don't approve of players hacking their cousin
And Caro, she can G.A.G.F
One scribe's trash is another man's sports news
Brock McLean went on TV, said that we tanked
500 grand later and no Cuddles for a year, thanks
Sellar, Sellar, Craigy said he's got some upside
Magner, Couchy, Terlich and Matt Jones just to name others
Got rid of Beamer and Cooky, Bater and Rivers
Tom Scully took off to G W S, he's a bullshitting motherf**ker
Got Dawes, Hogan and Barry for that motherf**ker
Got Todd's son Jack in the 2nd round for that motherf**ker
Sheeds be like "Oh that Scully he's outta sight"
I'm like "Yo, that's a million for a plodder"
Dime a dozen, lets do some simple division
Million dollars for a plodder - that's 4 grand per disposal (shiiiit)
I call that getting swindled and pimped (shiiit)
I call that getting tricked by Melbourne
He's on hella dough
And paying one man 6 million at this club is a hella don't
Franklin, not even he's going to help you
Trying to buy a flag paying mercs, man you hella won't
Man you hella won't

(Trade week...............swapping hacks!)

CHORUS

BRIDGE (x2)
I traded all the spuds
Now we're more credible
I filled this big ass hole
with some top-ups down the road

(Opposition flog: "Half a million for Dawes?")

 

[Captain Jack]

AMAZE. Post of the Year.

I'm like "Yo, that's a million for a plodder"

 

[tasmanlvr]

YouDontKnowJack just won the game. I'll probably do another post on this thread but it won't come close to the quality of that one.

 

[tasmanlvr]

Mortonmore has released a teaser preview of his single 'Same Spud'.

When I was in the third grade I thought that I couldn't play
'Cause I couldn't play, my brothers could, and I kept my form straight
I told my mom tears rushing down my face
She's like "Cale you've been bad since before kinder,"
Yeah, I guess she had a point, didn't she?
Bunch of Melbourne footballers all in my head.
I remember doing the math like, "Yeah, I'm bad at Auskick"
A preconceived idea of what it all meant
For those that were bad at AFL
Had the characteristics
The right foot conservatives think it's a decision
And you can be cured with some treatment and a Neeld spray
Man-made rewiring of a predisposition
Playing God, aw nah here we go
West Australia the brave still fears what we don't know
And Neeldy loves all his children, is somehow forgotten
But we paraphrase some rules written one hundred and fifty five years ago
I don't know

And I can't change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
I can't change
Even if I try
Even if I wanted to
I'm a spud
I'm a spud
I'm a spud
VFL keeps me warm
VFL keeps me warm
VFL keeps me warm
VFL keeps me warm

It's not as good as YDKJ like I said. Not even close

 

[PureFooty]

YDJK makes a genuine play for POTY
EDIT: YDKJ

 

[ponsdale]

YouDontKnowJack

Genius.

That is all.

 

[00Stinger]

WE"RE NOT GONNA TANK IT!


Oh We're Not Gonna Tank It
no, We Ain't Gonna Tank It
oh We're Not Gonna Tank It Anymore

we've Got The Right To Lose And
there Ain't No Way We'll Win It
this Is Our team, This Is Our Draft
we'll Fight The Powers That Just Beat Us
don't Pick Our Destiny 'cause
you Don't Lose to Us.

oh We're Not Gonna Tank It
no, We Ain't Gonna Tank It
oh We're Not Gonna Tank It Anymore

oh You're So Condescending
your losing Is Never Ending
we Don't Want four points, Not A Thing From You
your Team is tried and tested
boring And Confiscated
if That's Your Worst, Your Worst Won't Do

oh.....................
oh.....................
we're Shit/yeah
we're losing/yeah
we'll Lose/yeah
you'll Win/yeah

oh We're Not Gonna Tank It
no, We Ain't Gonna Tank It
oh We're Not Gonna Tank It Anymore

oh We're Not Gonna Tank It
no, We Ain't Gonna Tank It
oh We're Not Gonna Tank It Anymore
no Way!

oh.....................
oh.....................
we're Shit/yeah
we're losing/yeah
we'll lose/yeah
you'll win/yeah

we're Not Gonna Tank It
no, We Ain't Gonna Tank It
we're Not Gonna Tank It Anymore

we're Not Gonna Tank It, No!
no, We Ain't Gonna Tank It
we're Not Gonna Tank It Anymore

just You Try And lose to Us
we're Not Gonna Tank It
come On
no, We Ain't Gonna Tank It
We're All Worthless And Weak
we're Not Gonna Tank It Anymore
now Give Me Pick Two
we're Not Gonna Tank It
no, We Ain't Gonna Tank It
we're Not Gonna Tank It Anymore

 

[00Stinger]

November Pain

When I look into your draft board​

I can see a draft restrained​

But Bailey when I told you​

Don't draft the same​

Coaching doesn't last forever​

And we both know drafts can change​

And it's hard to hold a celebration​

In the constant November Pain​

We've been through this losing, such a long long time​

Just tryin' to kill the pain​

But coaches always come and coaches always go​

An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today​

Walking away​

If we could take the time​

to get a draft plan on the line​

I could rest my head​

Just knowin' that this draft was mine​

All mine​

So if you want to draft him​

then Bailey, please refrain​

Or he'll just end up walkin'​

Away from the constant November pain​

Bailey do you need some time...on his own​

Bailey you need some time...all alone​

Everyclub needs some time... on their own​

Don't you know you need some time...all alone​

I know it's hard to try and draft smart​

When even the club leaders seem out to harm you​

But if you could heal a broken club​

Wouldn't time be out to charm you​

Sometimes Bailey needs some time...on his own​

Sometimes Bailey needs some time...all alone​

Everyclub needs some time... on their own​

Don't you know you need some time...all alone​

And when your shit coaching subside​

And the spuds still remain​

I know that you can call me​

When I need someone to blame​

So never draft the daftness​

We still can find a way​

'Cause nothin' lasts forever​

Even in the constant November pain​

Don't ya think that you need to draft somebody​

Don't ya think that you need to coach someone​

Everybody needs to draft somebody​

You're not the only one​

You're not the only one​

 

[ponsdale]

sivart Great work - two contributions.

 

[CTHORANGE]

Neeld: Oh Neil we’re so close to winning round 1, now thanks to Port Adelaide it’s never going to happen. And I spent so much time building that trophy case.

*Best MFC Coach: Dean Bailey Mark Neeld*

Craig: Mark, maybe Clark will play a great game and you will win round 1.

Neeld: So you’re saying we’re definitely going to win? Woo Hoo! I won’t need this anymore!

*Takes the 1964 premiership cup and tries to flush it down the toilet*

Neeld: Neeeil, somebody broke the toilet.

 

[PureFooty]

He takes the money, when we’re in need
Yeh he’s a trifling, mercenary indeed,
Oh he’s a gold digger, way over town
Such a puny flee​

(Sheeds gives him money)
Now I ain’t sayin’ he’s a gold digger, (When we’re in Need)
Cos we weren’t given in him no small figures,
Now I ain’t sayin’ he’s a gold digger, (When we’re in Need)
Cos we weren’t given in him no small figures,
Get F***ed Tom, GAGF, (We got Neeld)
Get F***ed Tom, GAGF,(We got Neeld)
Get F***ed Tom GAGF (We got Neeld)
Get F***ed Tom, GOoGet F***ed​

 

[d33my]

Don McLardy shows a copy of the MFC playing list to Paul Roos.
Roos: [reading through the list]: Cool!
McLardy: Do you think they have talent?
Roos: Sure!
McLardy: Do you think someday they could be professional footballers?
Roos: Oh, lord no!
McLardy: But we'll train them every day!
Roos: Look, I'll be frank with you Don, and when I say frank, I mean, you know, devastating. You've inherited a shell of a football club. It usually comes from years of questionable culture, lazy players, and a current coaching administration who has no clue what they're doing.

 

[MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE]

Wonaeamirri33: Did you know that Jack Watts lead the AFL in intercept marks from the rounds 8 to 11?
If these trends continue... Aaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!

 

[Wonaeamirri33]

Wonaeamirri33: Did you know that Jack Watts lead the AFL in intercept marks from the rounds 8 to 11?
If these trends continue... Aaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!

 

[Marlowe]

A look into Mark Neeld's selection process

(Mark Neeld addressing the team inside Aami Park)

Mark Neeld: You're not fooling anyone, Dunn. The next screw that falls out will be you.
Lynden Dunn: (under his breath) Eat my shorts.
Mark Neeld: What was that?
Lynden Dunn: Eat... My... Shorts.
Mark Neeld: You just bought yourself another Saturday.
Lynden Dunn: Ooh, I'm crushed.
Mark Neeld: You just bought one more.
Lynden Dunn: Well, I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I'm going to have to check my calendar!
Mark Neeld: Good, cause it's going to be filled. We'll keep going. You want another one? Just say the word say it. Instead of going to prison you'll come here. Are you through?
Lynden Dunn: No.
Mark Neeld: I'm doing society a favor.
Lynden Dunn: So?
Mark Neeld: That's another one right now! I've got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don't watch your step. You want another one?
Lynden Dunn: Yes.
Mark Neeld: You got it! You got another one right there! That's another one pal!
Jack Watts: (worried) Cut it out! (mouths 'stop' to Dunn)
Mark Neeld: You through?
Lynden Dunn: Not even close, bud!
Mark Neeld: Good! You got one more right there!
Lynden Dunn: You really think I give a shit?
Mark Neeld: Another! You through?
Lynden Dunn: How many is that?
Jack Trengove: That's seven including when we first came in and you asked Mr. Neeld whether Barry Manilow knew that he raided his closet.
Mark Neeld: (to Dunn) Now it's eight. (to Trenners) You stay out of this.
Jack Trengove: Excuse me sir, it's seven.
Mark Neeld: Shut up, peewee! (to Dunn) Your mine, Dunn... for the next 5 months. I gotcha. I gotcha.
Lynden Dunn: What can I say? I'm thrilled.
Mark Neeld: Oh, I'm sure that's exactly what you want these people to believe. You know something, Dunn? You ought to try doing something with yourself and a little less time trying to impress people. You might be better off. (to everyone) Alright, that's it! I'm going to be right outside those doors. The next time I have to come in here, I'm cracking skulls!
Lynden Dunn: (mouths 'cracking skulls!')
(Mark Neeld closes the door)
Lynden Dunn: (screams) Fu*k you!

 

[MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE]

 

[tasmanlvr]

McLardy: Ohh – that was a close one, Neeldy, but we made it.
Neeld: [ecstatic] We won the first game?
McLardy: No, you regained consciousness; Port won the first game.
Neeld: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
Neeld blacks out
Neeld: Huh ...? Oh, it's just a dream.
McLardy: Ohh – that was a close one, Neeldy, but we made it.
Neeld: [ecstatic] We won the first game?
McLardy: No, you regained consciousness; Port won the first game. And believe me, this is not a dream!
Neeld: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Neeld: All right, first football alert. Sellar, James.
Sellar: I won! I won!
Neeld: No, no, James, this means you are failing football.
Sellar: Me fail football? That's unpossible!

 

[tasmanlvr]

Melbourne supporters: Dear purveyors of senseless football, I know this may sound silly at first, but I believe that the game plan you show to our children are influencing their behavior in a negative way. Please try to tone down the shit football in your otherwise fine history. Yours truly, Melbourne supporters.
Neeld: [in response] Dear valued supporter, thank you for taking an interest in the Melbourne gameplan. Enclosed is a personally autographed photo of Australia's favorite football team to add to your collection. In regards to your specific comments about the gameplan, our research shows that one person cannot make a difference, no matter how big a screwball he is, so let me close by saying...
Supporters: [reading the letter out loud] And the horse I rode in on? I'll show them what one screwball can do!

 

[Marlowe]

Neil Craig: I think the boys are feeling a little upset right now. Isn't there something you'd like to say?
Neeld: There sure is. Boys, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

 

[Wonaeamirri33]