Yeah look, I noticed that the Magic have basically kept the same team this season - is that right? I must say that I personally approve of keeping things exactly the same and never changing a damn thing out of sheer bloody mindedness.
Quite a few people have noticed that the Magic are quite big. And long. In fact they're HUGE.
In my experience being a little bigger never hurts your performance - what do you say?
P. North, California
Uh, once I had this big juicy delicious pig. Then it went of kind of a trip. At first I thought it was just a little dirty, a little slimy, a little airborne - he could still be salvaged. Then I finally realised he was gone forever.
What's the point of this story? I like stories.
Homer S, Springfield
Someone told me that the Magic still haven't signed the guy they drafted this year... something about a red shirt. Is this true?
Also, is this a legal way to save on salary? Asking for a friend.
R. Sarver, Phoenix
Lots of analysts are bullish about the direction of this Hawks team. They say that ATL has nice young pieces, and the potential to put up a lot of points. You've got to love a team that's not afraid to shoot on sight.
I also noted that former Hawk Joe Johnson has recently been plucked from the 3-on-3 comp. Reckon Atlanta might take a chance on another 3-on-3 member who is also not afraid to let it fly?
Smoove J, formerly a resident of Atlanta
Do you remember the days when self-absorbed show ponies would retire without dignity? A simpler time, when Allen Iverson would be shunted off to the Grizzlies, or Gilbert Arenas spent more time dueling with guns in the locker room than with guys on the court. A time when Black Mambas could spend an entire season chucking up bricks and still be applauded for it?
A time when one-time athletic freaks didn't undergo a strange metamorphosis and somehow become respected locker room veterans? We remember.
Pepperidge Farm Enterprises
Hello, who wants to sex Mutombo?
I don't like these Hawks uniforms - the fluro lettering, the 3D pattern that makes players look fat. Sh1t like this does not fly in the house of Mutombo.
We change these uniforms after we sex Mutmobo, OK?
Dikembe M, Democratic Republic of Congo
Oh hey, love your work
I remember when the Bucks won the #2 pick in 2014, people got all excited on the internet. We even drafted Jabari Parker.
Why aren't people as excited now that the Hawks have won the chance to sign Jabari this off-season?
Love and kisses,
Mallory E, Milwaukee
Have the Bulls found their frontcourt of the future? Our feeling is that you can never have too many big young men.
The Kardashian Family, Los Angeles
Being born in Illinois, and having some personal experience in coaching, I was disturbed to hear reports of a player mutiny coming from within the Chicago organisation. What was going on in their collective minds?
Is now the time for Jim Boylen to get tough and show the players who's boss? Perhaps start with a nice boot camp... I hear good things.
D. Pyke, Adelaide
Since the Bulls signed Thad Young and Tomas Satoransky in free agency, does that mean their rebuild is already over? Because there was a lot of dead wood on that roster last year!
If so, that whole rebuild thing finished quicker than @stewie griffen after a visit to my website.
Ms M. Malkova, California
There are whispers on the grapevine that Gar Forman has actually made several competent moves of late - do you agree with this summation?
It's a pity, as he seemed poised to take the mantle as the most despised Bulls GM in history.
J. Krause, c/o The Afterlife
While browsing the names of the Chicago Bulls
cheerleaderplayer squad, I noticed that they drafted Coby White and re-signed Shaquille Harrison.
Does this remind you of anything?
Peter N, Bigfooty Mod HQ
Hi, do you even mailbag?
Someone told me that the Clippers are going to have a lot of 'point forward' play this season. Of course being absolute imbeciles they don't realise that there's no such thing as a point forward - it's made up, just like Christmas. I'm pretty sure pro wrestling isn't made up though.
Don't tag me.
S. Mead, via Twitter
Hi, now I'm writing in to the Clippers' mailbag.
The Los Angles Clippers have signed Kawhi Leonard and Paul George. Kawhi Leonard and Paul George are good players, so it is a good thing that the Clippers signed them. The Clippers should be quite good now.
Anyway, the Clippers should not have signed Ivica Zubac for four years. Ivica Zubac only averaged 9 points per game last season - that's less than 10 points per game, and if you average less than 10 points per game then you can't be a good player. Another great move by Laker Nation to dump Zubac.
Magic J, Los Angeles
How ya doin?
Many years ago now, the Lakers decided to throw their lot in with Phil Jackson and his beautiful then-fiancee over an aging GM and talent scout.
There's no way this could have possibly backfired, right?
Jeannie B, Staples Center
Some friends of mine in Toronto wanted to know how free agency negotiations between Los Angeles and Kawhi Leonard went down.
Was there much to-ing and fro-ing? Was there a qualified Doc in the house? Was Kawhi's house decor critiqued? Inquiring minds need to know.
D. Jordan, Brooklyn
I hear that good things are in store for the Clippers, that people are excited. I also hear that the owner Steve Ballmer likes developers. I mean he really, really, REALLY likes developers.
As luck has it, I have quite a history of developing real estate. Do you reckon I'm a chance of scoring an invite?
Donald S, c/o Sterling International Towers
View attachment 747282
2018/19 Record: 22-60 (13th in East)
2018/19 Stats: Off Rating 104.8 (29th), Def Rating 113.2 (25th)
Add-a-Bulls: Thad Young (3/41), Tomas Satoransky (3/30), Luke Kornet (2/5)
Deduct-a-Bulls: Robin Lopez (Bucks), Antonio Blakeney (FA)
Drafted: Coby White (#7), Daniel Gafford (#38)
Guards: Satoransky, LaVine, White, Arcidiacono, Dunn
Wings: Porter, Young, Valentine, Hutchinson
Bigs: Markkanen, Carter, Kornet, Felicio
Team Salary 2019/20: $114 million ($5 million over cap)
Est. Salary 2020/21: $106 million ($12 million cap space)
Nice to get a question from an entire family. Just goes to show what a good, wholesome game NBA hoops can be for everyone.
There's no doubt that the Bulls have a lot to work with up front in Lauri Markkanen and Wendell Carter. Injuries limited their time together last season to a minimum, but the theoretical fit is there - a sweet shooting unicorn paired with a traditional defensive fulcrum.
As with any case where you're starting two seven footers together, Chicago will have to work diligently on their spacing at the offensive end, as well as finding a way to mask Markkanen's deficiencies at the other end. Whether Jim Boylen is the man for the task very much remains to be seen.
After adding Otto Porter and Thad Young (hey, they're still biggish men), the Bulls will have the option to go smaller this season should circumstances dictate - although playing Markkanen at the five could leave Chicago exposed defensively, while a potential Young/Carter frontline would cramp spacing on offence. It's not a perfect mix, and there remains a lot to prove... but still, it's definitely up front where the Bulls look most potent in the short to medium term.
View attachment 747373
Jim Boylen and coaching staff (pictured left) receive some friendly feedback from players at a recent practice session.
Interesting question there, Pykie.
Jim Boylen certainly had a memorable introduction to NBA coaching last season. Replacing Fred Hoiberg in the Chicago hotseat, Boylen impressed even the most ardent naysayers by provoking a full blown player mutiny inside one week. And people say caretaker coaches are a waste of time, hey?
Boylen presents less as a player-driven, analytics-versed 21st century coach and more as a 9th grade PE teacher after half a dozen coffees and a Rocky marathon. His tactical innovations for this season appear to consist of "putting in a running game" and having players "play their balls off". Rick Pitino circa 1998 would like his playbook back, but we'll see how Boylen goes.
It's fair to say that Boylen and his enabler, John Paxson, are already on pretty thin ice with Bulls fans. In the interests of political correctness, we'll simply state that Boylen may be the man to make men of prodigious basketball boys... but it's hard to see him leading the team anywhere special in the long run.
View attachment 747352
Official 2018 Chicago Bulls team photo.
Thanks for your question, Ms. Malkova. You obviously have some professional experience in the disposal of wood.
To be honest I too was surprised that the Bulls got their chequebook out this off-season, especially to sign a veteran like Thad Young. While Young should prove to be a far better investment than the Wades and Rondos of this world, it definitely points to a desire to return to the playoffs ASAP.
Chicago didn't get a lot of luck with the lottery balls, but after three successive no. 7 picks perhaps GarPax feel they have all they need to return to contention. We can probably add Otto Porter (26) and Zach LaVine (24) to the Bulls' presumed core for the next few years, giving them at least five young pieces to build around... but still, when two of those pieces (Carter and Coby White) have next to no exposed form at pro level, this is a major vote of confidence from the Bulls' front office.
A tidy two-year rebuild, or a bad case of premature escalation? The proof will be in the puddings... the sweet, sweet, milky puddings. Ahem.
View attachment 747358
Gar Forman, pictured here after he managed to outsmart another GM. We're stunned too, Gar.
Nice to have your input, Mr. Krause.
After what might be charitably described as a shaky few years, Gar Forman has indeed made a few moves of late to help rectify what was largely a mess of his own making.
Markkanen and Carter look like solid enough hits from the last two drafts, but Forman's rebuilding piece de resistance came in stealing Otto Porter away from hapless Washington for a second round pick. This was essentially the GM form of a cripplefight in which Forman ended Ernie Grunfeld's career by TKO.
As for this off-season, Young, Satoransky and Kornet may not be the sexiest signings, but they all appeared to actually help their teams last season... which already represents an improvement for a team which started last season with Jabari Parker and Cameron Payne on their roster.
Saying the Bulls have improved from the days of signing Dwyane Wade and Rajon Rondo as their backcourt of the future is damning them with pretty faint praise, but we here at Bigfooty believe in giving credit where credit is due. We also believe in avoiding cheap shots aimed at low hanging fruit... *cough*.
Yes, it reminds me of terrible rap albums and the glorious 2004 NBA Finals. Thanks for writing in!
1,2,3... Bigfooty Rocks!
When I was hanging ten with my skateboard buddies the other day - I'm a little older than them, but I like to remind people that I'm still cool - one of them happened to mention that he thought that the Sacramento Kings change coaches more often than rich men change wives.
I have to say I disagree - Luke Walton is the perfect coach to bring a family friendly vibe back to Sactown - what do you say?
V. Ranadive, Sacramento
What's happening, playa?
Someone needs to tell them Kings to slow down with the spending, dawg. Tell them that if they ain't thinking straight then they may wake up one day and find that all their money is gone. After that comes the ultimate humiliation - selling yourself out to make ads for sh1tty betting companies. So what's the ANSWER?
Keep it real,
A. Iverson, Philadelphia
As a longtime fan of the Kings (hey, they sometimes dress in black), I liked that Big Willie's style - why did the Kings let him leave? I'm not sure that I have a lot of faith in his replacement, Dewayne Dedmon - wasn't he that dorky guy with bad teeth on Red Dwarf?
Get jiggy wit it,
Fresh Prince, Bel Air
Hey, these previews are the best thing I've ever read. You deserve a Walkley award, a Pulitzer Prize and a pay rise.
Anyway, Buddy Hield is coming off a career season and is due a big fat extension. Meanwhile Bogdan Bogdanovic has just finished tearing up the FIBA tournament and is also out of contract at the end of this season.
Can the Kings afford to pay them both, you handsome devil?
Nephew of Skeletor, Snake Mountain
Dear Heartless Bastards,
I was excited in anticipation of attending my very first Melbourne Cup this year. Then I find out that my Khaleesi, Taylor Swift, has PULLED OUT!
What is the point of attending these marquee events if the star attraction pulls out? What am I going to do, become a degenerate and bet on a horsey race? Let me say that if I had a date with Taylor, I would never pull out.
P North, Northy Residence
Did you know that Ramesses II died at the age of 90, after reigning as Pharaoh of Ancient Egypt for at least 66 years? Since almost all his subjects to a man had never known another king in their lifetimes, they feared that his death would bring about the end of the world and bedlam ensued.
H. Carter, London
Dear Mr. Kotter,
Oh my God, the Dallas Man-chicks are totally bringing back a bunch of guys I've never heard of to play off Doncic. It reminds me of me in the 1970s.
Up your nose with a rubber hose,
Vinnie Barbarino, Brooklyn
Hi, am I on camera?
As a die-hard fan of the Knicks whenever TV cameras are involved, I'd just like to know if Porzingis is coming back soon?
Name and Address Withheld by Parents
We would just like to take this opportunity to express our gratitude for the work James Dolan has done with the New York Knicks. He is truly the champion of equalisation.
The owners, management and fans of every small market NBA team
Yesterday I was watching a magpie building a nest in a tree close by my house. After the nest was built, the bird kept collecting random shiny things, like a chocolate wrapper or my brand new stethoscope, and bringing them back to the nest. Why does a bird need these things? It's so strange.
Anyway, for some reason I started thinking about the New York Knicks.
Dr. Harry Cooper, Australia
Well, is this the end? Should I throw out all my vegan snacks and chuck the remaining balance of my bank account on an outsider in the 4th at Randwick? Are the Knicks as dead as England's Ashes defence? Please help talk me off this ledge.
P. Pricey, BigBetty thread
lol shaqView attachment 752545
2018/19 Record: 17-65 (15th in East)
2018/19 Stats: Off Rating 104.5 (30th), Def Rating 113.7 (26th)
New Yorkers: Julius Randle (3/57), Bobby Portis (2/31), Marcus Morris (1/15), Taj Gibson (2/18), Elfrid Payton (2/16), W Ellington (2/16), R Bullock (2/8)
Knicked Off: DeAndre Jordan (Nets), Noah Vonleh (Wolves), Mario Hezonja (Blazers), Emmanual Mudiay (Jazz), Luke Kornet (Bulls)
Drafted: R.J. Barrett (#3), Ignas Brazdeikis (#47)
Guards: Smith, Trier, Payton, Ntilikina
Wings: Barrett, Morris, Knox, Ellington, Bullock, Dotson
Bigs: Randle, Robinson, Gibson, Portis, Brazdeikis
Team Salary 2019/20: $113 million ($4 million over cap)
Est. Salary 2020/21: $60 million (potential $58 million cap space)
View attachment 752607
Something stinks at the Garden.
Thanks for writing in guys. Technically that wasn't a question, but we'll allow it in the spirit of fellowship and generosity in which it was intended.
Of course Mr. Dolan isn't one to blow his own horn - oh wait, technically he is, damn.
OK, Mr, Dolan isn't one to put his own needs in front of those of the team... hmmm, although I guess there was that time he threw Charles Oakley out and then posed with other Knick legends in order to 'prove' that he wasn't precious. Alright, scrap that.
We can say with certainty that Mr. Dolan isn't one to take the easy, populist route though. Sure I guess he hired Isaiah Thomas and Phil Jackson based on name recognition only, but then he was vindicated by the result... oh.
Um, let's see... well at least Mr. Dolan isn't petty. Sure he threw Oakley out, but he totally didn't fire Marv Albert for being critical of his team. And even if that's true, there's nothing wrong with sending a senior citizen fan a rude letter calling them an alcoholic is there? Although, now that I think about it...
Look, whatever else Dolan has done, he isn't some kind of sleazebag criminal. Albeit he did fire that woman who accused Isaiah Thomas of sexual harassment... *thinking*
... OK, let's just agree that James Dolan is indeed a champion of equalisation for his sterling work with the Knicks then. Bravo, James.
Being a New York Knick is no disgrace.
Thanks Doc, always happy to to hear from people from all walks of life.
Many people have had the Knicks on their mind this off-season; principally wondering what the hell they are doing?
One of the key elements of the Porzingis trade was that allowed New York to dump some bad contracts (thank you, Phil Jackson) off on the Mavs, giving Steve Mills and co. the financial flexibility to go after some difference makers in July. However not only did the Knicks fail to land any of the many stars on offer, but they then spent the majority of that cap space on every marginal, net neutral forward they could get their hands on.
Randle, Morris, Gibson, Portis, Payton, Ellington & Bullock - that's a curious list of names to be signing in one off-season, particularly for a team which is evidently rebuilding. No, the contracts are unlikely to hurt the Knicks future cap flexibility, but still... why?
Randle is a reasonable gamble, given his age. Taj Gibson might make a nice mentor for the kids, especially Mitch Robinson. Perhaps getting Payton in to relieve some of the pressure on Dennis Smith and Frank Ntilikina is defensible. And maybe getting a shooter in to help with the spacing in the short term has a certain logic to it too. However...
Why Marcus Morris - are the Knicks actually trying to win? Why sign Bobby Portis for one year - are they trying to limit RJ Barrett and Kevin Knox's shots? Why bring in two guys (Ellington & Bullock) who essentially perform the same role? Why all those forwards? What is the plan? Is a magpie in charge here?
The Knicks clearly should be rebuilding via the draft, armed with the extra picks gained via the Porzingis trade. The 2020 Draft is reputedly heavy on point guards, which has been a New York weakness since the days of Charlie Ward and Chris Childs. However while all those veteran free agents are surely not good enough to help the Knicks reach the playoffs, they might (just) be good enough to knock New York out of the pointy end of the lottery.
As for the new players themselves... I guess that if you really suck at D (cough, Randle), or can't shoot threes (cough, Payton), then don't despair. Just sign for the New York Knicks because they really don't care!
View attachment 752658
Welcome to the Knicks, R.J. Barrett.
Whoa there, poor lamb - take a deep breath. Things are not as bad as all that.
Yes, it's true that the Knicks didn't win the lottery despite finishing with the WORST RECORD IN THE LEAGUE - but chin up, they only ever had a 14% chance to win it anyway! Also the Knicks forfeited their chance at lottery gold so that some poor team down south might live again and breathe the sweet air of Zion - kinda sounds like something Jesus would do. Walk tall, knowing thy Knicks art truly blessed.
And yes, perhaps the stars failed to flock to New York again this off-season - although I guess Brooklyn is a part of New York, which kinda negates that - but nevertheless, sleep soundly in the knowledge that your team will not be playing hostage to the whims of any damn diva superstar this season. They will play host sure, when the likes of the Clippers and Nets visit MSG, but rejoice brother for the Knicks shall never be beholden to the whims of just one man. Well James Dolan perhaps, but aside from that, no-one. Can I get an 'amen'?
And yes the Knicks might have signed a baffling number of power forwards this off-season, but take comfort in the fact that R.J. Barrett, Kevin Knox, Dennis Smith and Mitch Robinson are unlikely to suffer shoulder injuries due to excessive shooting from here on in. Sure they may develop arthritis from standing still in the corner and watching the likes of Bobby Portis and Marcus Morris launch shot after shot, but they say adversity breeds character - hallelujah!
And finally my poor degenerate gambling child, rejoice in the knowledge that the days of Andrea Bargnani, Phil Jackson and Derek Fisher are finally gone, and that Kurt Rambis is only ever a phone call away. Peace be with you, my friend.
View attachment 752693
The Knicks are aiming for flexibility this season.
Easy there, big fella - this is a family friendly basketball preview. There will be no crude titillation or dubious double entendres around here, no sir.
However while we're on the subject of the Knicks, they seem to have become keen disciples to the creed of 'position-less basketball'.
Let's take their youngsters, for example. While Mitch Robinson is a classic rim-running 'five', Kevin Knox on the other hand looks like a prototypical 'tweener', to use the classical parlance. Is Knox a three or a four - or does it even matter? He shot 37% during his rookie year, so perhaps it does matter.
R.J. 'Not Zion' Barrett also looks like a two-position player, or a 'swingman' in yesterday's terms. It probably doesn't matter too much whether he plays the '2' or the '3', although he certainly has the playmaking skills to flourish as a primary ball-handler (shut up, not dirty). And speaking of playmaking, after two years as a pro are we sure that Dennis Smith can be trusted to play the point yet? If he develops more consistency with his outside shot, Smith might flourish as a two-guard in a small-ball line-up. In which case, should the Knicks try (again) for a point guard in the lottery? Of course you have to factor Frank Ntilikina into this equation as well... or rather Dave Fizdale does. Hope he has lots of data to guide him.
Fizdale will also be charged with somehow integrating seven new free agent signings, most of whom play positions similar to the Knicks' young core. Morris is the quintessential modern 3/4 hybrid, so does he share court time with Knox, or simply share duties with him? Randle will presumably become the Knicks primary offensive option, so does he start up front with Robinson? If so, does that mean the Knicks play 'big' with Smith. Barrett and Knox? Or will the young uns be kicked to the bench to allow the likes of Payton, Ellington and/or Morris to start? And where does Portis fit with all this?
I guess the best we can say at this point is that the Knicks certainly have options - whether they're aware that their best option is to play the kids and hit the lottery again is another matter altogether. Too many gigantic square pegs, not enough round holes - that's your 2019 New York Knicks.
I would like to thank the Toronto Raptors for bringing an NBA championship to the great country of Canada for the first time. You'd agree that this is a momentous achievement, and far more worthy of focusing our attention upon than a mere minor political mishap, right buddy?
J. Trudeau, Canada
Hi, remember us?
Once upon a time we had a charismatic leader to took us to the promised land - we thought that nothing would tear us apart. Don't change a thing, we said.
Then one day our leader was gone and we were left with nothing much to do. Any advice?
The surviving members of INXS
Hello, my intellectual inferiors,
Industry rumours suggest that the Raptors may be building up a substantial war chest. I want this stopped immediately, as I clearly have commercial copyright over war chests and all related material. Be advised I may also hold copyright over smart GM moves TM, but my lawyer is still looking into that.
Yours in superiority,
D. Ainge, Massachusetts
What are the Raptors going to do for my man, Pascal Siakam? A super-duper mega max? An itty bitty mini max? A decaffeinated diet Pepsi Max?
I guess it's all better than a stick in the eye... or a kick in the nuts.
D. Green, San Francisco
I see that the Jazz have been showing everyone what has been obvious to anyone with half a brain - that I was right about Twin Towers being awesome.
I hope anyone who disagreed with me suffers great pain and suffering for being a douche and a campaigner.
S. Mead, BigFooty Heaven
I like the cut of that Quin Snyder's jib. Finally a man whose glower power is almost a match for my own. Under his grisly glare the New Orleans Jazz could go far, and then soon the ABA will crush that infernal NBA once and for all.
Bring him to me - I want to make him my Executive Vice President.
C.M. Burns, Springfield
Are you excited about what Mike Conley can bring to the Jazz? Also, have you seen Mike?
The concerned citizens of Utah
Hi, us again.
While you're out there searching for Mike Conley, do you think you could possibly locate Dante Exum for us as well? Ta.
The really, really concerned citizens of Utah
Much like those mid-2000s Swans/Eagles finals or this rather odd Bigfooty NBA season preview, we've noticed that the Jazz often have laborious starts and only really get good later on. Is this a problem?
With a whole lotta love,
R. Plant & J. Page, Kashmir
I really hate it when teams fail to capitalise on a golden opportunity. D'you reckon the Nuggets missed their big chance?
N. Buckley, Holden Training Centre
We'd just like to register our admiration for the way Denver is able to get such great production out of young people who are barely being paid enough to cover the ticket for the six hour bus ride it takes to get to work in the first place. You've given us all something to aspire to.
Just do it,
The Nike Industrial Relations Team, Taiwan
How's it going, mate?
I've heard that the Nuggets are having some trouble filling a vital position in their team. Please let them know that whatever else they may try, Cameron Bancroft or Marcus Harris are unlikely to be the answer.
J. Langer, England
To whom it may concern,
We are appalled at the state of NBA finances in the 21st century. $180 million for Tobias Harris? $175 million for Khris Middleton? Just the $170 million for Jamal Murray? Who authorised this?
We demand change - specifically that things change to go back to the way they were.
The Alliance of Concerned Senior Citizens and Ex- Professional Basketball Players from the 1980s.
Oh good, it can join my other best-seller.Once completed these should be published. Hardback. Critically acclaimed.
At first I was going to say "Nobody needs that in their life".subscription based private vlog