Media The Garlic: Sweet FA's Finest News Source

[Kennedy Parker]

​

 

[Proper Gander]

Great

 

[Restricted Free Agent]

This is going to be good great the best thing ever!

 

[The Half Back]

I would give this thread a 1/2 BRAB out of 5, not even close to spookism status.

 

[Headless]

This thread was the style at the time.

EDIT: Wait, that's onions.

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

Not sure this one passes the sniff test.

I mean, is there even going to be any trade ruours here?

 

[NaturalDisaster]

Landfill

 

[Test Tickle]

3 out of 5

 

[fumbler]

Sauce

 

[Barrybran]

About as much news as my local paper

 

[Kennedy Parker]

Royals Captain THRILLED With Team Performance In Round 1 Loss

2/2/2020


Royals Captain The Filth Wizard was very satisfied at the post-game press conference.

Following a 41-point defeat at the hands of the Las Vegas Bears at home, Royals captain The Filth Wizard revealed to reporters that he was incredibly pleased to start the season in such an emphatic manner after lacklustre outcomes in recent seasons.

"We've put in a lot of hard work over the pre-season and it's good to see a plan come together to deliver the result we've been looking for," Filthy said when asked for his thoughts on the game.

"It gives us a nice low percentage and should put us close to or at the bottom of the ladder. It's a long season and there's still a lot of work to be done, but I have high hopes that this is the season we can finally break the drought and collect our first wooden spoon since Season 23."

When reporters asked why he believes recent campaigns have been unsuccessful in netting any spoons Filthy explained, "Look, I think we're just in a highly competitive era in Sweet FA history at the moment. And the league naturally set up to lean towards equalisation we just keep on adding incredible talent to our squad, making it more difficult to lose games. Even today, we debuted a freakish talent in Cesoir who dominated in the midfield gathering 28 disposals and kicked a beautiful goal, spookism also got 24 touches as well. It will take some time but I'm sure in the latter stages of the season our new recruits will buy into our well-established culture of mediocrity."

On the matter of why this season will be different Filthy answered, "I think we were caught off guard last season by how utterly pathetic some of our opponents were, especially the Baghdad Bombers, they were on another level of shitfulness. Despite doing our utmost to lose, we sometimes had so much more talent than our opponents that wins were totally unavoidable, we couldn't even miss the finals! But this season we've made big adjustments. I've removed Mobbs Medallist brahj from the guts where he was winning way too much hardball and replaced him with specialist useless player Kennedy Parker which should ensure we always lose the midfield battle."

A reporter then asked if the Royals should ever consider aiming for the premiership instead of the wooden spoon, "No, at Gold City we know exactly who we are and what we stand for, our fans do too. We represent an embrace of life's imperfections and the bliss that comes with low expectations."

"I mean, the reality here is that we are an incredibly unsuccessful club and we have always been. And that's okay. We're not gonna sit here in total denialism, constantly declare that we're the best and desperately claw for success but inevitably fail - We aren't the Coney Island Warriors," he laughed.

The Royals' insipid Round 1 performance has sent shockwaves through the competition. Some other clubs doubting their ability to lose to the Royals in Season 29, it is ruoured that Baghdad leadership has lobbied to league administrator Ant Bear for harsher team sheet penalties this season in the hopes that WaynesWorld19's ineptitude will be enough to stave off the Royals and defend their rightful position on the bottom of the ladder.

 

[Kennedy Parker]

I would give this thread a 1/2 BRAB out of 5, not even close to spookism status.

Not sure this one passes the sniff test.

I mean, is there even going to be any trade ruours here?

Landfill

3 out of 5

About as much news as my local paper

Some people are so uncultured.

 

[WaynesWorld19]

This Kennedy Parker is actually a very good idea .....post match media conferences

 

[Proper Gander]

Told you - great

 

[The Filth Wizard]

That sound you hear is manangatang returning to the drawing board.

 

[manangatang]

That sound you hear is manangatang returning to the drawing board.

Huh?

 

[The Filth Wizard]

Huh?

 

[Proper Gander]

I’m too drunk to really understand what’s going on here but I still like it

 

[Ned_Flanders]

so not only is Bless ripping off Harvey Manfrenjensenden for crappy media, he's also ripping off TalkingFootyNow1223

if he starts copying NaturalDisaster we know the guy is in a truly dark place

 

[Kennedy Parker]

Kinda disappointing to see the number of people who don't understand this thread. Well done SarahSmiles and Headless though, maybe The Filth Wizard too.

 

[TalkingFootyNow1223]

so not only is Bless ripping off Harvey Manfrenjensenden for crappy media, he's also ripping off TalkingFootyNow1223

if he starts copying NaturalDisaster we know the guy is in a truly dark place

Did someone say 'Inspiration'

 

[Headless]

Kinda disappointing to see the number of people who don't understand this thread. Well done SarahSmiles and Headless though, maybe The Filth Wizard too.

Thank you. Might add it to my CV.

 

[Pugsley]

Noice.

 

[The Filth Wizard]

Kinda disappointing to see the number of people who don't understand this thread. Well done SarahSmiles and Headless though, maybe The Filth Wizard too.

But I totally said those things...

 

[JoshWoodenSpoon]

I'd have gone with shallot.