The Humour Thread

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Kakkle said:
Yes I am dating Alexandra Daddario.
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B8ZMGtECcAAP6kS.jpg
 
And Alice Eve/Alison Brie & Jessica Chastain.
 
Howard Moon said:
whats the best BF ESS running joke of the past few years?

New Draftees living with NLM?
Ricky Dyson and a 3rd rounder?
Dodororooo hard to deal with wanting Billings?
Spelling dodoororors name different every time as long as its os and rs?

any others come to mind?
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Hurbleton.
 
Howard Moon said:
whats the best BF ESS running joke of the past few years?

New Draftees living with NLM?
Ricky Dyson and a 3rd rounder?
Dodororooo hard to deal with wanting Billings?
Spelling dodoororors name different every time as long as its os and rs?

any others come to mind?
Click to expand...
Dyson and a 3rd rounder. It's always Dyson and a 3rd rounder.
 
Orazio2Joe said:
I heard we were trading Dyson and a 3rd rounder for Billings and pick 5. Any truth to this?
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I thought it was Dyson and a 3rd rounder for McCarthy and pick 8?
 
Andronicus said:
An Englishman walks into a bar.


There's usually an Irishman, a Scotsman, and a Welshman with him, but they're all still at the rugby World Cup.
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Saw that on FB. Did lol.
 

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Jesus walks into a motel.

Puts three nails on the counter and says "Can you put me up for the night".
 
Some quotes from my new favourite comedian, Bill Burr:

On running for president: Who the * would run for a job where it costs 100 million to get it so you can make 400 grand a year? That isn’t a red flag to anybody?

So anyway, I got a lot of ****ed up thoughts man…I do. The most recent one was, “You ever drive down the street and see like 30 people on a side walk and think ppppffftt (sound of running people over).” You don’t do it, you just think it. That’s what separates the psychos from the functioning psychos right? Psychos, they just think it, * it they do it. They get the windshield wipers going they make a day out of it right? But as a functioning psycho not only do you not do it, you actually analyze it. (thinking) “Man if I just leave my hand right here nobody knows who I am. I move it 2 degrees to the left and I’m on the cover of Newsweek. I am instantly famous. My hand back to here, nobody knows me, just a regular jack ass, move my hand back to the left and its like… “One of the most horrific scenes we’ve seen in years!”

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I’m just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.

There’s this critical point where you’ve stayed single for too long and your brain switches from ‘You know, maybe I shouldn’t say that,’ to “Eh, * it, say it, see what happens.”

It’s not until you’re an adult you appreciate how awesome a dog is. Your dreams start dying, somebody cheats on ‘ya, bankers * up your 401k, ‘ya know? Then ‘ya come home and that dog’s looking at you and he’s like, ‘Dude, you’re awesome!’ It’s like No, dude you — you are *in’ awesome!

I gotta tell you, I’m envious of women. I’m not saying your problems get solved but at least they’re taken seriously. There’s 1-800 numbers, there’s ribbons, there’s groups—people give a s**t. Anything happens to a guy, it’s just considered funny.

It's the delivery that is the best, I recommend checking out his YouTube videos.
 
Max Headroom said:
Some quotes from my new favourite comedian, Bill Burr:

On running for president: Who the **** would run for a job where it costs 100 million to get it so you can make 400 grand a year? That isn’t a red flag to anybody?

So anyway, I got a lot of stuffed up thoughts man…I do. The most recent one was, “You ever drive down the street and see like 30 people on a side walk and think ppppffftt (sound of running people over).” You don’t do it, you just think it. That’s what separates the psychos from the functioning psychos right? Psychos, they just think it, **** it they do it. They get the windshield wipers going they make a day out of it right? But as a functioning psycho not only do you not do it, you actually analyze it. (thinking) “Man if I just leave my hand right here nobody knows who I am. I move it 2 degrees to the left and I’m on the cover of Newsweek. I am instantly famous. My hand back to here, nobody knows me, just a regular jack ass, move my hand back to the left and its like… “One of the most horrific scenes we’ve seen in years!”

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I’m just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.

There’s this critical point where you’ve stayed single for too long and your brain switches from ‘You know, maybe I shouldn’t say that,’ to “Eh, **** it, say it, see what happens.”

It’s not until you’re an adult you appreciate how awesome a dog is. Your dreams start dying, somebody cheats on ‘ya, bankers **** up your 401k, ‘ya know? Then ‘ya come home and that dog’s looking at you and he’s like, ‘Dude, you’re awesome!’ It’s like No, dude you — you are ****in’ awesome!

I gotta tell you, I’m envious of women. I’m not saying your problems get solved but at least they’re taken seriously. There’s 1-800 numbers, there’s ribbons, there’s groups—people give a s**t. Anything happens to a guy, it’s just considered funny.

It's the delivery that is the best, I recommend checking out his YouTube videos.
Click to expand...

Big fan, his schtick gets a bit repetitive unfortunately.

Needs to come up with some new material cos s**t can he tell a joke.
 
One for DapperJong.

I have a mate in North Korea. I asked him the other day how life was. He replied that he couldn't complain.
 
I overheard two old blokes at the pub yesterday.
One said "Did you know that lions have sex 12 times a day?"
The other said "Oh *! I just joined Rotary."
 
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What is the difference between a lobster with silicone implants and a dirty bus stop?

Well, one is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean

What do you call a sarcastic criminal walking down the stairs

A condescending condescending
 
What's the difference between a zippo and a hippo?

One's kinda heavy and the other is a little lighter.
 
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