The Humour Thread.

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Re: The humor thread.

Sir Leonard of the Bruce:-

"The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter"

"I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up"
 
Re: The humor thread.

Sir Rodney of Dangerfield Burrough.

"You know you're ugly when your proctologist sticks his finger in your mouth."
 

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Re: The humor thread.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'd be willing to make an exception.
 
Re: The humor thread.

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
 
Re: The humor thread.

Send a dozen roses to room 424 with the note, "Emily, I love you" on the back of the bill.
 
Re: The humor thread.

Old Spice said:
Anything from Groucho gets full Marx. Ba-boom.

By the way, police arrested two kids yesterday in Canberra, one was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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Wrongly attributed apparently. Some farmer from Ohio sent it into a competition and the great man appropriated it.:eek:

The quip appeared in a regular feature of Boys’ Life that requested readers to send in humorous material. A subset was then selected to appear in a section called “Think and Grin”. The attribution listed after the quote likely corresponds to the name and location of the individual who sent in the joke. The wording in February 1958 is permuted slightly [BLD]:
A book is man’s best friend outside of a dog, and inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.—Jim Brewer, Cleveland, O.
​
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My mind is a veritable blackhole of useless info. Seems I'm reaching that point of savant recall which prefaces senility.:D
 
Re: The humor thread.

Invisible man and invisible woman got married and settled down to make a family. Their kids were nothing to look at.
 
Re: The humor thread.

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or dad, or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Xeng Xiabao, but I think it's Colin.
 
Re: The humor thread.

As far as just plain fun silly comedy Tim Vine is a favourite of mine
[YOUTUBE]VWzbzDUp78U[/YOUTUBE]

and Aussie superstar Tim Minchin is superb

here is one that I have only seen him do on this night at the gala that is still one of my favs from him.
[YOUTUBE]mcdtVD8X1-A&feature=related[/YOUTUBE]

And this is another fav of mine that is a bit more well known
[YOUTUBE]5de9KxDdE5s[/YOUTUBE]
 
Re: The humor thread.

A cannibal turned up late for dinner, got the cold shoulder.
 

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Re: The humor thread.

shawthing09 said:
As far as just plain fun silly comedy Tim Vine is a favourite of mine
[youtube]VWzbzDUp78U[/youtube]
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Haha, yes, Tim Vine is great! His jokes are so cheesy but the way he delivers them is hilarious.

He is in a TV show called Not Going Out (which is hilarious) with a comedian called Lee Mack. Lee Mack is absolute gold! He does a lot of funny impersonations and there is a lot of talking to the audience.

[youtube]bxg8hAmRdpQ[/youtube]

[youtube]39Mx2qU1JiI[/youtube]

[youtube]UI3oIzQ5kgA[/youtube]

[youtube]KBZ2rVLSajE[/youtube]

[youtube]_-oOF0LgMYA[/youtube]

[youtube]a2yrIeNmSQE[/youtube]

[youtube]moUChycJzIc[/youtube]

Just get his DVD Lee Mack - Live.:D
 
Re: The humor thread.

I actually have seen a fair bit of Lee Mack and I am a bit more hit and miss with him. In generally I like his style and he has some classic improv's but I think he tells a few jokes that just make me cringe with the way he serves to reinforce stereotypes for a cheap joke.
 
Re: The humor thread.

shawthing09 said:
I actually have seen a fair bit of Lee Mack and I am a bit more hit and miss with him. In generally I like his style and he has some classic improv's but I think he tells a few jokes that just make me cringe with the way he serves to reinforce stereotypes for a cheap joke.
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Really? He's one of my favourite comedians; he always cracks me up!:D

One thing I don't get though is why Dane Cook is so popular. I've tried to give him a chance and even bought one of his DVDs based on his popularity, and he just didn't make me laugh. The most I got out of it was a slight chuckle. Meh.:cool:
 
Re: The humor thread.

DThomas said:
Really? He's one of my favourite comedians; he always cracks me up!:D

One thing I don't get though is why Dane Cook is so popular. I've tried to give him a chance and even bought one of his DVDs based on his popularity, and he just didn't make me laugh. The most I got out of it was a slight chuckle. Meh.:cool:
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There are very few things in comedy that make me cringe and he has a handful of jokes that fall into that catergory, but I certainly see his appeal.

On Cook I think he is the sort of comedian who couldn't really be succesful outside of the U.S and in the reverse the sort of comedian who is massively succesful in the U.S.
 
Re: The humor thread.

So I went for a physical the other day and the Doctor said "Brent, you're going to have to stop masturbating." I asked why, and he said "Because I'm trying to give you a physical!"
 
Re: The humor thread.

Another hero of mine is Eddie Izzard, fantastic comic and the sort of guy who's views are so funny he could probably make any topic funny. The youtube vids of his stand up being animated by lego are often really good too.[YOUTUBE]Sv5iEK-IEzw[/YOUTUBE]
 
Re: The humor thread.

This frog walks into a bank and up to a teller. Her name is Patricia Whack.
Anyway the frog says "Hey my name is Kermit Jagger, Mick is my dad and I want a loan."
The teller, a little unbelievingly, points out that no matter who the frogs father is he will need to have collateral for a loan.
The Frog then places a pink porcelain elephant on the counter as collateral.

"I'll have to speak to my manager" she says and heads off to the back office.

She gets to the managers office and tries to explain the story.

"What did he offer as collateral?" asks the manager.

"I have no idea" she says placing the Pink elephant on the desk.

"Why that's a knick knack Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone." Replies the Manager.:D:D:D

(pinched from Skull)
 
Re: The humor thread.

DThomas said:
Haha, yes, Tim Vine is great! His jokes are so cheesy but the way he delivers them is hilarious.

He is in a TV show called Not Going Out (which is hilarious) with a comedian called Lee Mack. Lee Mack is absolute gold! He does a lot of funny impersonations and there is a lot of talking to the audience.
Click to expand...
tim vines and lee mack were both in what i think is one of the best sketch shows ever... called "the sketch show" lol
 
Re: The humor thread.

[YOUTUBE]6SuTLMp6Ytw[/YOUTUBE]

I LOVE Tangerine
 
Re: The humor thread.

Ricky G goes bwang. I find the golden globe "controversy" to be a joke, heaven forbid someone treats celebrities like normal people and takes the piss. How dare he not pander to them and say how awesome they are.

I think it was very un Gervais like humour, in that he has never been one to make the easy or cheap jokes, he has always been more creative but just the fact that he had the balls to go out there and do that was original enough.
 
Re: The humor thread.

With thanks to fred negro's "pub" strip - What's the most confusing day in frankston? ..... Fathers day.:D
 
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