The nufan 'tinder memories are made of this' thread

(Log in to remove this ad.)

stewie griffen

Make me an Admin!
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Posts
79,443
Likes
35,069
Location
Firing GarPax
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
Other Teams
Liverpool, Chicago Bulls
Thread starter #5
I mean if you're lazi, ill copypasta
Remembering the exact day at the moment is hard due to the concussion (not that you care it’s a bad one)
So let’s just call it Sunday.
Been chatting up this lady from bumble for a week or so swapped numbers etc. She sends me a msg saying she bought some lingerie as a true gentleman of a mature age I ask for pics or it didn’t happen.

Not expecting anything in return or maybe just a sneaky peek. Nope full spread eagle on the edge of her bed in front of a mirror. I boarderline had a heart attack, looked way better than her photos which has never happened before

So we keep swapping pics etc and that brings us to Sunday(?) we’d already spoken straight to the work bench, she looked even better in person she pushed me on my back and we get going at it.

She starts choking me, I’m like cool I’m slappin dat ass.

As I’m going through my vinegar strokes (look it up if you don’t know) she slapped me ******* hard and I passed out for about 10 seconds because of the concussion and my bodies selection of were to allocate blood.

When I came too I she was screaming. We put the que in the rack after that and went and got a burger.
 

stewie griffen

Make me an Admin!
Joined
Sep 7, 2005
Posts
79,443
Likes
35,069
Location
Firing GarPax
AFL Club
Port Adelaide
Other Teams
Liverpool, Chicago Bulls
Thread starter #10
I’ll get around to posting new stories but it’s either that or the potential arrest story that I hold as my favourites



So Saturday night rocks around and I’ve been chatting to this lovely lady on tinder and she flat out asks if she wants to meet up and have a bang sesh.

We went at it harder than Rileys Knicks went at MJ in the 90s

Her phone kept ringing non stop which was weird but I perceived, this game went to triple OT


So after the post game interview I offer to drive her home and it turns out she’s in a respite center for ******* schizophrenia and the phone calls were the center, her, family and the cops.

I had to be interviewed by the police and take a drug and alcohol test and show every form of interaction from tinder and text messages to prove I had no idea or I could have been charged with (I can’t rememer) some shit.

My dick is actually bruised

And that gentleman was my Saturday night
 

(Log in to remove this ad.)

nufan

Norm Smith Medallist
Joined
May 4, 2011
Posts
6,375
Likes
3,923
Location
Victoria
AFL Club
Richmond
Other Teams
Pelicans, Tottenham
#20
Lack of story time concerns me

Check the local er
All is well. I’ll make it a quick one.

So the date went well met down at the local bar precinct had a chat had some drinks. I Ubered down and she drove, ended up driving me home and got a bit hot and heavy in the car she asked to come in

Went up stairs and she wanted to see my new dog (Jesus Christ’s that is a panty dropper)

We quickly make our way to the bedroom and quickly strip off and start fooling around. She mentions it’s a certain time of the month and that halts proceedings briefly but after 2 ish hours of fooling around she decides she isn’t self conscious about it so I chuck the spare doona on top of the bed and get to work and all is going smoothly until and how do I put this....
We mistimed and little nufan got crunched causing an insane amount of pain, had to take a breather but powered through.

Gentleman listen to your body, if it hurts so not push through the pain or you be left bruised.

Once all was completed jumped in the shower, whacked the sheets in the wash and she went home.
 

Look2Me4Guidance

Not A Campaigner
Joined
Sep 10, 2007
Posts
28,867
Likes
11,351
Location
On the punt
AFL Club
St Kilda
Other Teams
Phoenix Suns
#23
All is well. I’ll make it a quick one.

So the date went well met down at the local bar precinct had a chat had some drinks. I Ubered down and she drove, ended up driving me home and got a bit hot and heavy in the car she asked to come in

Went up stairs and she wanted to see my new dog (Jesus Christ’s that is a panty dropper)

We quickly make our way to the bedroom and quickly strip off and start fooling around. She mentions it’s a certain time of the month and that halts proceedings briefly but after 2 ish hours of fooling around she decides she isn’t self conscious about it so I chuck the spare doona on top of the bed and get to work and all is going smoothly until and how do I put this....
We mistimed and little nufan got crunched causing an insane amount of pain, had to take a breather but powered through.

Gentleman listen to your body, if it hurts so not push through the pain or you be left bruised.

Once all was completed jumped in the shower, whacked the sheets in the wash and she went home.
So your doona looked like the Japanese flag?
 

peternorth

Facts Machine
Joined
May 6, 2005
Posts
80,440
Likes
36,819
AFL Club
Richmond
Moderator #25
All is well. I’ll make it a quick one.

So the date went well met down at the local bar precinct had a chat had some drinks. I Ubered down and she drove, ended up driving me home and got a bit hot and heavy in the car she asked to come in

Went up stairs and she wanted to see my new dog (Jesus Christ’s that is a panty dropper)

We quickly make our way to the bedroom and quickly strip off and start fooling around. She mentions it’s a certain time of the month and that halts proceedings briefly but after 2 ish hours of fooling around she decides she isn’t self conscious about it so I chuck the spare doona on top of the bed and get to work and all is going smoothly until and how do I put this....
We mistimed and little nufan got crunched causing an insane amount of pain, had to take a breather but powered through.

Gentleman listen to your body, if it hurts so not push through the pain or you be left bruised.

Once all was completed jumped in the shower, whacked the sheets in the wash and she went home.
1. I read that as she wanted you to go the dog (position)
2. ignore the pain brother!!!

 
Top Bottom