Proper Gander
Owl whisperer and secret agent
Hello there board. PG here. Thanks for taking the time to read my thread 
It’s been a difficult year for me as a nuffy. For whatever reason, my stress watching the game of Australian Football has gotten the better of me. On many occasions the trauma of watching has essentially outweighed the thrill when my team gets the win. And don’t even try to speak to me for any less than three days after a loss.
So, it’s time for me to turn it around, take matters into my own hands and learn to deal with the ups and downs of my team’s journey with a carefully crafted blend of hope and outright delusion. It probably won’t make my team win more frequently but it might allow me to reclaim my footy / life balance.
I am seeking your help compiling useful nuffy ideas and phrases that might help me adjust to a loss, big or small, humiliating or heart breaking. Any general delusions that you or your BF friends adopt to explain a loss would be very welcome.
Here is a few that I am testing out currently in a pilot study to determine what works best as a mood elevator:
My team lost because:
1. We didn’t show up in the second half
I rate this one for its simplicity, pithiness and breathtaking delusion. I mean teams do show up routinely for four quarters. They are clearly there, everyone can see them, and I suspect the AFL would respond poorly if we took off during a break for wine-tasting in the Dandenong Ranges. But imagining this is somehow the case seems a neat way to restore a sense of calm post match. I mean, imagine how good we would be if we stuck around for a whole match?
2. We kicked ourselves out of it
One I have heard before, and a bit of a favourite of mine. Undeniably kicking a lower score than the opposition does tend to mean a loss, so there is a nutty kind of logic here. I particularly rate convoluted theories where the winning team kicks 12.8 and your team kicks 7.9. I mean, yes if we kicked ‘straight’ and scored 16.0 but the opposition still kicked their 8 behinds then we would have won the match pretty comfortably as well as establishing an extraordinary record never seen before in goal-kicking accuracy.
3. The other team wanted it more
Now this one is an interesting delusion, given that showing up to play footy at the highest level while being indifferent to winning seems wildly unprofessional, and seeing your team in this manner shouldn’t be helpful or satisfying. However it seems undeniable that many nuffies prefer the great Australian myth of the lazy genius. I mean my team are CLEARLY the more talented list, we are just roguishly undependable which is much the better way to be then the boringly predictable winners.
I’m testing these ideas to see which works best as a post footy pick-me-up. But I would be grateful for some more suggestions of your favourite nuffy delusions and excuses and I’ll test them out too.
It’s been a difficult year for me as a nuffy. For whatever reason, my stress watching the game of Australian Football has gotten the better of me. On many occasions the trauma of watching has essentially outweighed the thrill when my team gets the win. And don’t even try to speak to me for any less than three days after a loss.
So, it’s time for me to turn it around, take matters into my own hands and learn to deal with the ups and downs of my team’s journey with a carefully crafted blend of hope and outright delusion. It probably won’t make my team win more frequently but it might allow me to reclaim my footy / life balance.
I am seeking your help compiling useful nuffy ideas and phrases that might help me adjust to a loss, big or small, humiliating or heart breaking. Any general delusions that you or your BF friends adopt to explain a loss would be very welcome.
Here is a few that I am testing out currently in a pilot study to determine what works best as a mood elevator:
My team lost because:
1. We didn’t show up in the second half
I rate this one for its simplicity, pithiness and breathtaking delusion. I mean teams do show up routinely for four quarters. They are clearly there, everyone can see them, and I suspect the AFL would respond poorly if we took off during a break for wine-tasting in the Dandenong Ranges. But imagining this is somehow the case seems a neat way to restore a sense of calm post match. I mean, imagine how good we would be if we stuck around for a whole match?
2. We kicked ourselves out of it
One I have heard before, and a bit of a favourite of mine. Undeniably kicking a lower score than the opposition does tend to mean a loss, so there is a nutty kind of logic here. I particularly rate convoluted theories where the winning team kicks 12.8 and your team kicks 7.9. I mean, yes if we kicked ‘straight’ and scored 16.0 but the opposition still kicked their 8 behinds then we would have won the match pretty comfortably as well as establishing an extraordinary record never seen before in goal-kicking accuracy.
3. The other team wanted it more
Now this one is an interesting delusion, given that showing up to play footy at the highest level while being indifferent to winning seems wildly unprofessional, and seeing your team in this manner shouldn’t be helpful or satisfying. However it seems undeniable that many nuffies prefer the great Australian myth of the lazy genius. I mean my team are CLEARLY the more talented list, we are just roguishly undependable which is much the better way to be then the boringly predictable winners.
I’m testing these ideas to see which works best as a post footy pick-me-up. But I would be grateful for some more suggestions of your favourite nuffy delusions and excuses and I’ll test them out too.
