The Perth Thread

[Underdog]

Perth drivers
- Speed through roadworks
- Roadwork limit ends
- Slow to an even lesser speed to rubberneck at a car accident.

 

[Underdog]

Might sound like I'm trying to be funny, but seriously give a few bowls clubs a call. We've done it a few times at work, great fun and cheap.

My Xmas party last year was at a bowls club, it was pretty good.

Sit down BBQ lunch then bowls with beers supplied. Good day.

Typically smaller organisations have better Xmas parties.

 

[Milang_Panthers]

That's what I was talking about when I said we have to pay for it ourselves. If we have it during work hours we even have to take leave to attend.

Thats ****ed!!!

 

[Kram]

Perth drivers
- Speed through roadworks
- Roadwork limit ends
- Slow to an even lesser speed to rubberneck at a car accident.

People that do this sort of stuff are probably just old retired people taking the piss.

 

[Illinois Nazi]

Thats stuffed!!!

That's government managers for you. So terrified that someone might find out that staff were doing anything other than working 100% of the time and criticise them that they won't let anyone do anything that's not written in the job description.

 

[Kram]

Thats stuffed!!!

This country's stuffed!!

Mind you it's the best country in the world.

 

[Illinois Nazi]

This country's stuffed!!

Mind you it's the best country in the world.

The bloke at the fishin' shop reckons there's nothing wrong with me snapper rod!

 

[kane249]

People that do this sort of stuff are probably just old retired people taking the piss.

Ah god bless The Late Show, so many good memories. A related vid which popped up and is topical

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

When is everyone's Xmas party by the way? Ours is this weekend which just adds to the stupidity of it as it's the best part of two months before Xmas.

Got one on the 27 of November which is on Friday night 7 PM until late

 

[Illinois Nazi]

Ah god bless The Late Show, so many good memories. A related vid which popped up and is topical

Probably the best look at Jane Kennedy's **** you'll ever get. Unless you are Rob Sitch.

 

[Billy ray]

Great headline

http://www.afr.com/business/infrast...to-disrupt-perth-road-project-20151021-gkf41j

Friggen campaigners.

 

[Beerfish]

It kinda shits me it's going through the wetlands.. not enough to be a campaigner though.

 

[Illinois Nazi]

It kinda shits me it's going through the wetlands.. not enough to be a campaigner though.

Once they put the road through, it won't be wetlands any more... problem solved.

 

[Beerfish]

Once they put the road through, it won't be wetlands any more... problem solved.

 

[Billy ray]

Elevated on pylons??

 

[Teriyakicat]

stage 1 catch the cable car from Mirrabooka to the city
stage 2 another cable car from the city to kings park
stage 3 another one again from kings park to the old Subiaco oval/new Subiaco wave, surfing thingo.

if any of this happens, I will ride all 3 stages nude carrying a surfboard

I'll bring my camera and sell peanuts, popcorn and potato chips, when everyone comes to laugh watch

 

[Teriyakicat]

Its one thing that for some reason companies just dont get. Employees are willing to work for you if you treat them well. My old work would have no issues paying for manager functions every month but when it came to the annual Xmas function they got worse and worse every year until the point where nobody bothered anymore. The last one I saw there was actually held at the work with no alcohol . The companies with the best rep always have good social interaction and functions with lots of alcohol .

EFA

 

[Teriyakicat]

Haha, I don't think they will pay for that. We only have like $1500 to spend and that needs to include Beverages and food

Mini golf or Maxi golf?
Perhaps ask people to bring a plate, to cut down on costs? Then you can provide more drinks- or maybe provide food and soft drinks, BYO alcohol with some supplied.

 

[bok_party]

Mini golf or Maxi golf?

We did that a few years ago too but they have decided on going to Zapatas.

 

[Teriyakicat]

We did that a few years ago too but they have decided on going to Zapatas.

Oh ok. Where's that?
Sorry- I think I'm a day or two behind.

 

[bok_party]

Oh ok. Where's that?
Sorry- I think I'm a day or two behind.

Haha I was wondering where you were! It's a Mexican resteraunt In northbridge.

 

[Teriyakicat]

Haha I was wondering where you were! It's a Mexican resteraunt In northbridge.

Ah, OK.
Funnily- when you said Mexican, I immediately thought you must be in Victoria

My kids killed our internet- the home plan went over the limit 3 weeks into the plan and was shaped- at 1/1000000th of the shitty slow speed that we usually get and the phone plans hit their limit 2 weeks into the plan. I do a lot of my posts via the phone when I'm out and about so had to give that up and the internet download speed at home was less than 0.5kbps so I started reading some books I'd put aside.
Then my cat got sick and the dog had to go and visit the vet as well and, added to that, we have visitors (2 sets) coming tomorrow and Friday nights...
Not a lot of time for here, sadly.
Luckily, our home internet plan re-set yesterday, so it's all good again.

 

[Teriyakicat]

I apologise in advance for the length of this joke but I thought it was worth sharing at this time of the year
Good luck to anyone who has the unenviable task of organising the office Christmas party!!

Company Holiday Party
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees RE: Christmas Party
DATE: December 1
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 P.M. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by our CEO at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family.

********************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other type of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty

*****************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange - no gift exchanges are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is too little for a gift.
NO GIFT EXCHANGES WILL BE ALLOWED.

********************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for take home in little foil swans. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food - we suggest for those people with high blood pressure problems to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts.
Sorry! Did I miss anything?
Patty

******************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 8
RE: Holiday Party

So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshiping" employees, but we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks.
Okay???
Patty

*****************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 9
RE: Holiday Party

People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day.
Could we lighten up?
Please?????????
Also the company has changed their mind in announcing the special announcement at the gathering. You will get a notification in the mail sent to your home.

************************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All #%&$**@ Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The %#*&^%@*%^Holiday Party

I have no #%&*@*^ idea what the announcement is all about. What the %#&^!@ do I care...I KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO GET!!!!!!!!!!!! You change your address now and you are dead!!!!!!!!!!!!
No more changes of address will be allowed in my office. Try to come in and change your address, I will have you hung from the ceiling in the warehouse!!!!!!!
Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!!
We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now! HA! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die, you hear me!!!!!!!!!!
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!

*******************
FROM: Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays!

 

[Teriyakicat]

Ours is next weekend so still ) weeks before Christmas and 5 weeks before we finish up for the year so it's not even a proper wind up

I don't get it

might be because lots of places are booked out and you only get in if you book really early. (like 12 months early

 

[Smeg Head]

Ah, OK.
Funnily- when you said Mexican, I immediately thought you must be in Victoria

My kids killed our internet- the home plan went over the limit 3 weeks into the plan and was shaped- at 1/1000000th of the shitty slow speed that we usually get and the phone plans hit their limit 2 weeks into the plan. I do a lot of my posts via the phone when I'm out and about so had to give that up and the internet download speed at home was less than 0.5kbps so I started reading some books I'd put aside.
Then my cat got sick and the dog had to go and visit the vet as well and, added to that, we have visitors (2 sets) coming tomorrow and Friday nights...
Not a lot of time for here, sadly.
Luckily, our home internet plan re-set yesterday, so it's all good again.

Who are you with at home? Some have free top ups.