Preview The South Australian Arm Of The Chinese Ministry Of Security, oops I Mean Huawai. :) V St KFC The Patron Saint of Giving Easy Wins

philthy05

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Sep 9, 2008
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Well the mighty Port Adelaide are heading back to China to play at Shanghai's Jiangwan stadium to a crowd of confused onlookers. Not the Chinese because they won't be watching. I'm referring to the Expats and travellers watching Port or football in general and asking WTF is this.

This will be Ports 3rd match in China having won their first 2 games over pretty non-existent competition. St Kilda will be travelling for the first time having been roped into it probably because they're sick of missing out on every marquee game in Melbourne because everyone forgets they exist.

Port Adelaide entered the year not knowing what to expect and we still feel pretty much the same way after getting smacked by a bog average hawthorn side by 31 points having beat a very good west coast side this year in Perth. But there is good news port fans! Just like Port exists to give away questionable long unearned contracts Saints exist to give Port wins.

Port v Saints last 5 games

Port have won all 5 of their last 5 games. Lol. How is that possible?

Saints head into this game 11th on the ladder only behind Port on percentage. It says something about just how s**t everyone believes this saints list is that sitting 11th with 5 wins is viewed as a great result. They are playing some pretty good football though with wins over hawthorn and the dockers in Perth and even a close loss to the same magpies team that made us look stupid. Their surprising start to the year is obviously owed to their coach Alan Richardson having the decency to shut the fu** up while Brett Ratten does his thing.

THE KEY MATCH UPS

the key match up will be in the coaches box which means we're f’ed.

luckily for us the game is played out on the field, or rice paddy in this case.

the saints midfield has a strong Seb ross, rejuvenated and dangerous Billings and guys like Steele savage and Gresham and co running through who can push the ball outside and use it. Teams hurt us coming out of stoppages cleanly and saints have the personnel who can do that to us. wines Boak and Motlop (oh god are we really going to run Motlop through the middle again?) and co have to win first touch otherwise we're terrible defensively on the spread and a half fit Rockliff will only make that worse. in order to win saints need to hurt us here.

membry bruce and Parker are a unique forward line that average 4 goals between them and lets saints smalls like Kent lonie and Gresham play as real goal sneak rovers as they don't have to pretend to be key forwards drawing the high ball. what a novel idea. Parker has been a good find and I can only assume defenders won't go near him because he looks sketchy as fu**. He must have been in Baltimore filming episodes of The Wire hence why he wasn't previously drafted.

ports kids in Rozee and Duursma are going to make the saints look stupid , and probably a few senior ports players as well.


look I can go through all the statistics and graphs and flow charts and tell you about our master game plan, and saints gameplay and how it will be a battle between two plans but I'm not Janus or REH. Janus will tell you about the pleasures of a great well worked plan unfolding but I find the best pleasure in pure dumb luck. like watching a guy get hit in the balls, or someone tripping over and face planting.

luckily Port face just such an opponent this week. Like forming a guard of honour on ground to watch Robbie (I couldn't normally kick over Jackie Chan) Gray kick a game winner on the buzzer from 50. No matter how bad we feel about Port we will always get 1 game a year against Saints who will inevitably trip over their own feet and hand us the win. Because that's what they do, and that's how we win.

Port by 22 points
 
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tribey

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Port v Saints last 5 games

Port have won all 5 of their last 5 games. Lol. How is that possible?
Last year there was mild outrage from certain sections of St Kilda fans that we hadn’t ventured over there to play them since 2013.

To which the obvious response is, playing us at Adelaide Oval is probably preferable to facing Geelong at Kardinia Park 5 times in-a-row from 2008-2012 when they were GOAT-tier and we were hot garbage.
 

TeeKray

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Mar 1, 2014
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I wouldn't read too much into Port and opponents and venues.

We're the club with a meme worthy record against the Eagles at our home ground who also somehow manage to win all the time at their home ground(s) that nobody else manages to win at (9-7 all time, nobody else is even close to 50-50 against them in Perth).
 

Rising Power

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Mar 17, 2014
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Port to dominate the centre clearances and possession in the first quarter but fail to kick a goal due to passing off to team mates either outmanned 3-1 or deep pockets with no angle. The resulting behinds and/or OOTF allows St Kilda to take possession and kick long and handball to hard running support before scoring goals from marks 20m straight in front and/or Joe the Goose and/or soccers from the goal square. QT score St Kilda 3.0.18 to Port 0.2.2.

The rain belts down at quarter time and continues for the rest of the day, it's a slog. St Kilda only score 2 more goals for the game while Port kick 5, including 4 in a 7 minute burst during the 3rd.

Whoever scores more behinds wins.
 

Portology

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I get the impression teams hurt us after the stoppage, more so than at it. Setting up and waiting for our spillage. Head to head as inside midfields with Lycett making the trip we ought to get enough effective I50 to win thoroughly unconvincingly.
 

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klem22

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Apr 22, 2008
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Another difficult game to pick. My personal hope is the Saints tear strips of us in order to take us one step closer to having changes at the top.
cannot stand the state of this club atm it has been bastardized by incompetence and need a huge overhaul again!
 

DazalenkoUBewty

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Another difficult game to pick. My personal hope is the Saints tear strips of us in order to take us one step closer to having changes at the top.
cannot stand the state of this club atm it has been bastardized by incompetence and need a huge overhaul again!
So you want us to lose...hmm ok.
I'd prefer a win myself.
 

SureBuddy14

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Feb 1, 2013
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That's cool but even still, transporting a guy with a bung knee and a bung hamstring to China seems ridiculous. Why not just throw more time into his rehab and conditioning?

Makes no sense from a management perspective.
Yea maybe, but there could be a few reasons. Him training with the full squad will offer more benefit than training back home with limited players in the rehab group or magpies players.

I think people also underestimate how much our players would hate to miss out on this trip to China with all of their mates and to experience it with them, which he did last year when he went down.

He is also the Vice Captain and could offer a lot in the locker room and around the boys, whether he is playing or not.

I completely understand what you are saying, however I do not see a problem with it. A flight to China is not going to do anything to his injury.
 

tribey

5 Wins In-A-Row Certificate Recipients '13/'14/'18
Mar 9, 2003
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NUFC, YES.
Or the club see it as a junket
It’s becoming apparent that this fixture will be the pinnacle of most of these guys’ careers should they decide to stay.

Might as well pile as many into the plane as possible. Make some memories.
 

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