Preview The South Australian Arm Of The Chinese Ministry Of Security, oops I Mean Huawai. :) V St KFC The Patron Saint of Giving Easy Wins

SupportMe

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Jul 20, 2007
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We’ve pinched a couple from the saints in the last 6 years (2013 at Marvel and Ryder to Gray 2017). They owe us a heartbreaker.

Saints by under a goal.
 

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Gryllis

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Feb 12, 2011
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Saints will win this. Sounds like they've put a fair bit of time into preparation. Meanwhile, we replace an inside midfielder and key forward with two more half-backs. One team taking this much more seriously than the other.
 

VineValerian

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Mar 10, 2014
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Saints by 23 points.
Going to se Godzilla - the prospect of watching the game day telecast doesn't fill me with enthusiasm any longer.
 

SaintersUnite

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Aug 28, 2018
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View attachment 682039







Well the mighty Port Adelaide are heading back to China to play at Shanghai's Jiangwan stadium to a crowd of confused onlookers. Not the Chinese because they won't be watching. I'm referring to the Expats and travellers watching Port or football in general and asking WTF is this.

This will be Ports 3rd match in China having won their first 2 games over pretty non-existent competition. St Kilda will be travelling for the first time having been roped into it probably because they're sick of missing out on every marquee game in Melbourne because everyone forgets they exist.

Port Adelaide entered the year not knowing what to expect and we still feel pretty much the same way after getting smacked by a bog average hawthorn side by 31 points having beat a very good west coast side this year in Perth. But there is good news port fans! Just like Port exists to give away questionable long unearned contracts Saints exist to give Port wins.

Port v Saints last 5 games

Port have won all 5 of their last 5 games. Lol. How is that possible?

Saints head into this game 11th on the ladder only behind Port on percentage. It says something about just how **** everyone believes this saints list is that sitting 11th with 5 wins is viewed as a great result. They are playing some pretty good football though with wins over hawthorn and the dockers in Perth and even a close loss to the same magpies team that made us look stupid. Their surprising start to the year is obviously owed to their coach Alan Richardson having the decency to shut the **** up while Brett Ratten does his thing.

THE KEY MATCH UPS

the key match up will be in the coaches box which means we're ******.

luckily for us the game is played out on the field, or rice paddy in this case.

the saints midfield has a strong Seb ross, rejuvenated and dangerous Billings and guys like Steele savage and Gresham and co running through who can push the ball outside and use it. Teams hurt us coming out of stoppages cleanly and saints have the personnel who can do that to us. wines Boak and Motlop (oh god are we really going to run Motlop through the middle again?) and co have to win first touch otherwise we're terrible defensively on the spread and a half fit Rockliff will only make that worse. in order to win saints need to hurt us here.

membry bruce and Parker are a unique forward line that average 4 goals between them and lets saints smalls like Kent lonie and Gresham play as real goal sneak rovers as they don't have to pretend to be key forwards drawing the high ball. what a novel idea. Parker has been a good find and I can only assume defenders won't go near him because he looks sketchy as ****. He must have been in Baltimore filming episodes of The Wire hence why he wasn't previously drafted.

ports kids in Rozee and Duursma are going to make the saints look stupid , and probably a few senior ports players as well.


look I can go through all the statistics and graphs and flow charts and tell you about our master game plan, and saints gameplay and how it will be a battle between two plans but I'm not Janus or REH. Janus will tell you about the pleasures of a great well worked plan unfolding but I find the best pleasure in pure dumb luck. like watching a guy get hit in the balls, or someone tripping over and face planting.

luckily Port face just such an opponent this week. Like forming a guard of honour on ground to watch Robbie (I couldn't normally kick over Jackie Chan) Gray kick a game winner on the buzzer from 50. No matter how bad we feel about Port we will always get 1 game a year against Saints who will inevitably trip over their own feet and hand us the win. Because that's what they do, and that's how we win.

Port by 22 points
Gotta admit this preview was ******* hilarious, well done OP. Just a correction though, we lost to the Dockers in Perth by 5. We’ve beaten Hawks, Dees, Blues, Bombers and Suns.


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SaintersUnite

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I hope all the rhetoric coming from the club how this China focus is a solid long-term revenue driver - as it really is nothing more. I have bugger all interest in the game and expect a turn over slog fest with the saints playing a tight defensive game style. Perhaps we will squeeze out a couple goal win...but would not surprised if we capitulate and kick 7.16 to the saints 12 goals plus...
Saints kicking more than 10 goals? Surely you jest


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theDuckFarmer

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Jul 7, 2007
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Wear the normal home guernsey ffs you stand for nothing campaigners.
The casual Chinese attendee will probably think it's two different teams from last year. Way to establish a brand as an entrant into an emerging market.
 

SimonSpeilberg

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Sep 28, 2015
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The casual Chinese attendee will probably think it's two different teams from last year. Way to establish a brand as an entrant into an emerging market.
There will hardly be any locals at the game, let alone the same ones who watched last years entertaining thriller.
 

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RussellEbertHandball

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Nov 16, 2004
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They must be fast tracking visas.
I heard Dermie talk to Ratten on SEN before the Collingwood game, about tomorrow's game and he said with 6 weeks before the game, they had to try and work out who to get visas for, and he said in the end most of the playing squad got visas, just in case they racked up a lot of injuries. Good planning.
 
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