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- May 23, 2012
- 15,639
- 14,411
- AFL Club
- Collingwood
- Other Teams
- Tottenham Hotspur, New Orleans Pels
Hello all, and welcome to Week 7 of the NBA - where the season proper will pause, and we'll all watch multi-millionaires play for a $500,000 prize pool.
Normally our benevolent overlord peternorth would be making this OP, however work, family commitments and possible super fun sexy times involving Taylor Swift has necessitated a temporary adjustment of existing protocol.
And by that I mean that Northy has passed me the ball, and that for now the inmates are running the asylum...
Above: peternorth regrets his administrative decisions
This week, I thought we'd kick off by having a look at team identities in the league for season 2023/24. With around a quarter of the season already done and dusted now, the wheat has become separated from the chaff, and the chaff in turn has been separated from the Washington Wizards.
Is your NBA team the typical working class stiff, struggling to score enough points to stay afloat? Or is it rather all duck and no dinner, whatever the hell that means? Let's find out together.
The 'We traded with stupid GMs and thus will be good for the next decade' contenders
Boston Celtics (15-4) - Off Rating: 7th, Def Rating: 3rd
OKC Thunder (13-6) - Off Rating: 4th, Def Rating: 5th
The 'Building around a good big guy is still a viable strategy' club, aka 'The Jokic vs Embiid perpetual shitfight' contenders
Philadelphia 76ers (12-7) - Off Rating: 2nd, Def Rating: 16th
Denver Nuggets (14-7) - Off Rating: 10th, Def Rating: 15th
The 'At least our Offence is still at 2021 levels' alleged superteams
Milwaukee Bucks (14-6) - Off Rating: 5th, Def Rating: 20th
Phoenix Suns ( 12-8) - Off Rating: 6th, Def Rating: 18th
The 'Best Defence is a Good Offence' League Pass darlings
Brooklyn Nets (10-9) - Off Rating: 9th, Def Rating: 22nd
Sacramento Kings (11-7) - Off Rating: 14th, Def Rating: 19th
Golden State Warriors (9-11) - Off Rating: 12th, Def Rating: 17th
The 'We can't shoot, but Offensive Rebounding and Defence will take you pretty far' anomaly
New York Knicks (12-7) - Off Rating: 11th, Def Rating: 4th
The 'Regular Season is for suckers' perennial possum-players and statistically average team
Miami Heat (11-9) - Off Rating: 13th, Def Rating: 14th
The 'Really Good Defence will cover our Offensive Sins' Cinderella stories
Minnesota Timberwolves (15-4) - Off Rating: 19th, Def Rating: 1st
Orlando Magic (14-6) - Off Rating: 17th, Def Rating: 2nd
Houston Rockets (8-9) - Off Rating: 16th, Def Rating: 6th
The 'Perhaps if we outscore our opponents then nobody will notice our Defence' playoff pretenders
Indiana Pacers (10-8) - Off Rating: 1st, Def Rating: 28th
Atlanta Hawks (9-10) - Off Rating: 3rd, Def Rating: 26th
Dallas Mavericks (11-8) - Off Rating: 8th, Def Rating: 23rd
The 'Are you sure these numbers are the right way around?' cursed franchises and possible winners of the Inaugural In-Season Cup
Los Angeles Clippers (9-10) - Off Rating: 15th, Def Rating: 7th
Los Angeles Lakers (12-9) - Off Rating: 24th, Def Rating: 12th
New Orleans Pelicans (11-10) - Off Rating: 18th, Def Rating: 9th
The 'If we didn't run off misses, we'd probably never score' constipated toilet teams
Cleveland Cavaliers (11-9) - Off Rating: 22nd, Def Rating: 11th
Toronto Raptors (9-11) - Off Rating: 25th, Def Rating: 10th
Memphis Grizzlies (5-14) - Off Rating: 29th, Def Rating: 8th
Portland Trail Blazers (6-13) - Off Rating: 30th, Def Rating: 13th
The 'At least when we lose, we have fun' duffers (whom may or may not have beaten the Pels recently)
Charlotte Hornets (6-12) - Off Rating: 20th, Def Rating: 30th
Washington Wizards (3-16) - Off Rating: 21st, Def Rating: 29th
Utah Jazz (7-13) - Off Rating: 23rd, Def Rating: 25th
The 'We couldn't score in a brothel' League Pass anathema (whom also may or may not have beaten the Pels recently)
Chicago Bulls (7-14) - Off Rating: 26th, Def Rating: 21st
San Antonio Spurs (3-16) - Off Rating: 28th, Def Rating: 27th
Detroit Pistons (2-18) - Off Rating: 27th, Def Rating: 24th
I'll be back with more nonsense next week. Except of course if the Lakers play the Pels in the Cup semi-final and shoot 300% more free throws, in which case I'll probably become so numb with apathy that I'll check myself into a mental hospital and volunteer for electro shock therapy.
Above: Pels fandom destroys lives
Here's the Tournament Schedule for all three people on Earth that really care. Enjoy your week.
Normally our benevolent overlord peternorth would be making this OP, however work, family commitments and possible super fun sexy times involving Taylor Swift has necessitated a temporary adjustment of existing protocol.
And by that I mean that Northy has passed me the ball, and that for now the inmates are running the asylum...
![dGU_OP.gif](/forum/proxy.php?image=https%3A%2F%2Fi.makeagif.com%2Fmedia%2F3-07-2016%2FdGU_OP.gif&hash=2de440ca40fbd4d7fb5e31ecdc45b144)
Above: peternorth regrets his administrative decisions
This week, I thought we'd kick off by having a look at team identities in the league for season 2023/24. With around a quarter of the season already done and dusted now, the wheat has become separated from the chaff, and the chaff in turn has been separated from the Washington Wizards.
Is your NBA team the typical working class stiff, struggling to score enough points to stay afloat? Or is it rather all duck and no dinner, whatever the hell that means? Let's find out together.
The 'We traded with stupid GMs and thus will be good for the next decade' contenders
Boston Celtics (15-4) - Off Rating: 7th, Def Rating: 3rd
OKC Thunder (13-6) - Off Rating: 4th, Def Rating: 5th
The 'Building around a good big guy is still a viable strategy' club, aka 'The Jokic vs Embiid perpetual shitfight' contenders
Philadelphia 76ers (12-7) - Off Rating: 2nd, Def Rating: 16th
Denver Nuggets (14-7) - Off Rating: 10th, Def Rating: 15th
The 'At least our Offence is still at 2021 levels' alleged superteams
Milwaukee Bucks (14-6) - Off Rating: 5th, Def Rating: 20th
Phoenix Suns ( 12-8) - Off Rating: 6th, Def Rating: 18th
The 'Best Defence is a Good Offence' League Pass darlings
Brooklyn Nets (10-9) - Off Rating: 9th, Def Rating: 22nd
Sacramento Kings (11-7) - Off Rating: 14th, Def Rating: 19th
Golden State Warriors (9-11) - Off Rating: 12th, Def Rating: 17th
The 'We can't shoot, but Offensive Rebounding and Defence will take you pretty far' anomaly
New York Knicks (12-7) - Off Rating: 11th, Def Rating: 4th
The 'Regular Season is for suckers' perennial possum-players and statistically average team
Miami Heat (11-9) - Off Rating: 13th, Def Rating: 14th
The 'Really Good Defence will cover our Offensive Sins' Cinderella stories
Minnesota Timberwolves (15-4) - Off Rating: 19th, Def Rating: 1st
Orlando Magic (14-6) - Off Rating: 17th, Def Rating: 2nd
Houston Rockets (8-9) - Off Rating: 16th, Def Rating: 6th
The 'Perhaps if we outscore our opponents then nobody will notice our Defence' playoff pretenders
Indiana Pacers (10-8) - Off Rating: 1st, Def Rating: 28th
Atlanta Hawks (9-10) - Off Rating: 3rd, Def Rating: 26th
Dallas Mavericks (11-8) - Off Rating: 8th, Def Rating: 23rd
The 'Are you sure these numbers are the right way around?' cursed franchises and possible winners of the Inaugural In-Season Cup
Los Angeles Clippers (9-10) - Off Rating: 15th, Def Rating: 7th
Los Angeles Lakers (12-9) - Off Rating: 24th, Def Rating: 12th
New Orleans Pelicans (11-10) - Off Rating: 18th, Def Rating: 9th
The 'If we didn't run off misses, we'd probably never score' constipated toilet teams
Cleveland Cavaliers (11-9) - Off Rating: 22nd, Def Rating: 11th
Toronto Raptors (9-11) - Off Rating: 25th, Def Rating: 10th
Memphis Grizzlies (5-14) - Off Rating: 29th, Def Rating: 8th
Portland Trail Blazers (6-13) - Off Rating: 30th, Def Rating: 13th
The 'At least when we lose, we have fun' duffers (whom may or may not have beaten the Pels recently)
Charlotte Hornets (6-12) - Off Rating: 20th, Def Rating: 30th
Washington Wizards (3-16) - Off Rating: 21st, Def Rating: 29th
Utah Jazz (7-13) - Off Rating: 23rd, Def Rating: 25th
The 'We couldn't score in a brothel' League Pass anathema (whom also may or may not have beaten the Pels recently)
Chicago Bulls (7-14) - Off Rating: 26th, Def Rating: 21st
San Antonio Spurs (3-16) - Off Rating: 28th, Def Rating: 27th
Detroit Pistons (2-18) - Off Rating: 27th, Def Rating: 24th
I'll be back with more nonsense next week. Except of course if the Lakers play the Pels in the Cup semi-final and shoot 300% more free throws, in which case I'll probably become so numb with apathy that I'll check myself into a mental hospital and volunteer for electro shock therapy.
![8XWvdZ.gif](/forum/proxy.php?image=https%3A%2F%2Fi.makeagif.com%2Fmedia%2F5-04-2014%2F8XWvdZ.gif&hash=2bb78792cf6ad09ad4290d5e6eeb3118)
Above: Pels fandom destroys lives
Here's the Tournament Schedule for all three people on Earth that really care. Enjoy your week.
![IST-Bracket-v8-Primary16x9-784x441.png](/forum/proxy.php?image=https%3A%2F%2Fcdn.nba.com%2Fmanage%2F2023%2F11%2FIST-Bracket-v8-Primary16x9-784x441.png&hash=2e9be63d48d9c2260fa65284a9860bf3)