Ochre
Stop the Steal!
We’re so close now. For months it seemed like a dream, like Friday would never actually arrive and we’d just keep waiting for September action forever. This game isn’t for all the marbles, and both teams will have much more important games in the weeks to come, but it still just feels so important, that if either team were to seriously disappoint on Friday it could put them in a hole they may not be able to dig themselves out of. There are quite a few big games occurring over the weekend, and yet all the media and all the fans have only really seemed to focus on this one, wondering which high scoring offensive unit can overpower the other. They are the reigning champs, and they do have more experience in big games, but neither side is completely new to these experiences so you’d hope it doesn’t play a role. Sure, neither team will be at full strength, and we all know the controversy that their leader has dodged to somehow be allowed to take the field Friday, but there just seems to be no way to deflate the swelling build up to this huge game between these two traditionally strong clubs. So enough foreplay, let’s get this over with.
The Kick Off Game Of The 2015 NFL Season:
Pittsburgh Steelers @ New England Patriots, Gillette Stadium, 8.30AM AWST, 8.30PM US East Coast Time.
We have to talk about it, so we may as well get it out of the way first.
#Deflategate.
January 2015,The Indianapolis Colts robbed of a Super Bowl by the again cheating New England Patriots and Tom Brady (who will hereby be referred to as “The Cheater”). Surely for the heinous crime of potentially being aware of balls being illegally deflated slightly below NFL regulation by other people, Brady would face deregistration, if not joining his dear friend and self proclaimed inspiration in life [citation needed] Aaron Hernandez in a Massachusetts penitentiary, but instead, the always fair Commissioner Goodell showed amazing compassion and handed The Cheater a meager four week ban, one of which was even against the Jaguars (The Jaguars ffs! That’s a reward, not a punishment!) Surely The Cheater would accept this generous punishment and start trying to make up for the damage his actions had caused to so many innocent victims? Sadly even after the always fair Commissioner Goodell selflessly decided to handle The Cheater’s unnecessary appeal himself, and once again decided on an incredibly charitable ban of just four weeks, (the same ban The Cheater self-imposed on himself last year out of pure arrogance). Despite this The Cheater wasn’t done, taking the NFL to court threatening to destroy the entire league if he was banned even one game. Sadly the vile, corrupt, Fremantle supporting, evil, despicable* judge, named Tyrone Vickery** sided with The Cheater throwing out the entire ban, and making Ochre’s sensational fantasy football draft look even better (suck it Badge)
*alleged
**that one’s a lie, but be honest, you bought it
Now while The Cheater managed to bend the legal system to his will, Le’Veon Bell, superstar Steelers running back, all round nice guy and another fantastic fantasy football pick by Ochre (back2back here we come!), will be forced to sit out the game due to a farcical suspension for the ‘crime’ of driving under the influence of marijuana. I, like Bell, was stunned to find out this was even a crime. The wonderfully ironically named LeGarrette Blount, Bell’s teammate at the time and current Patriots running back, was also suspended for the incident but is relatively useless and not the loss Bell will be.
So in all likelihood, this match will come down to each team’s future hall of fame quarterback (Ben Roethlisberger/The Cheater), eccentric pass catcher (the well dressed Antonio Brown/Rob “Gronk” Gronkowski [as seen on US Big Brother]) and shithouse fill in running back (DeAngelo Williams/Genuinely no idea, but he will get 200 yards next time they play the Colts). Whilst you would normally lean towards the Patriots because those players are better, plus they are playing at home, I cannot ******* stand that organization and for that reason alone, am tipping the Steelers to win.
Prediction: Pittsburgh 52, Patriots 3
PS. As this is about American Football, I am legally obligated to mention the name Jarryd Hayne here.
The Kick Off Game Of The 2015 NFL Season:
Pittsburgh Steelers @ New England Patriots, Gillette Stadium, 8.30AM AWST, 8.30PM US East Coast Time.
We have to talk about it, so we may as well get it out of the way first.
#Deflategate.
January 2015,The Indianapolis Colts robbed of a Super Bowl by the again cheating New England Patriots and Tom Brady (who will hereby be referred to as “The Cheater”). Surely for the heinous crime of potentially being aware of balls being illegally deflated slightly below NFL regulation by other people, Brady would face deregistration, if not joining his dear friend and self proclaimed inspiration in life [citation needed] Aaron Hernandez in a Massachusetts penitentiary, but instead, the always fair Commissioner Goodell showed amazing compassion and handed The Cheater a meager four week ban, one of which was even against the Jaguars (The Jaguars ffs! That’s a reward, not a punishment!) Surely The Cheater would accept this generous punishment and start trying to make up for the damage his actions had caused to so many innocent victims? Sadly even after the always fair Commissioner Goodell selflessly decided to handle The Cheater’s unnecessary appeal himself, and once again decided on an incredibly charitable ban of just four weeks, (the same ban The Cheater self-imposed on himself last year out of pure arrogance). Despite this The Cheater wasn’t done, taking the NFL to court threatening to destroy the entire league if he was banned even one game. Sadly the vile, corrupt, Fremantle supporting, evil, despicable* judge, named Tyrone Vickery** sided with The Cheater throwing out the entire ban, and making Ochre’s sensational fantasy football draft look even better (suck it Badge)
*alleged
**that one’s a lie, but be honest, you bought it
Now while The Cheater managed to bend the legal system to his will, Le’Veon Bell, superstar Steelers running back, all round nice guy and another fantastic fantasy football pick by Ochre (back2back here we come!), will be forced to sit out the game due to a farcical suspension for the ‘crime’ of driving under the influence of marijuana. I, like Bell, was stunned to find out this was even a crime. The wonderfully ironically named LeGarrette Blount, Bell’s teammate at the time and current Patriots running back, was also suspended for the incident but is relatively useless and not the loss Bell will be.
So in all likelihood, this match will come down to each team’s future hall of fame quarterback (Ben Roethlisberger/The Cheater), eccentric pass catcher (the well dressed Antonio Brown/Rob “Gronk” Gronkowski [as seen on US Big Brother]) and shithouse fill in running back (DeAngelo Williams/Genuinely no idea, but he will get 200 yards next time they play the Colts). Whilst you would normally lean towards the Patriots because those players are better, plus they are playing at home, I cannot ******* stand that organization and for that reason alone, am tipping the Steelers to win.
Prediction: Pittsburgh 52, Patriots 3
PS. As this is about American Football, I am legally obligated to mention the name Jarryd Hayne here.
