I've been dealing with depression for over 10 years, the last 3 had been incredibly challenging. I would often fantasise about killing myself and how I might do it.
At the start of the year my wife told me she was pregnant and my first thought was "damn, I can't kill myself now".
Not uncommon for someone who has depression, but definitely an indication that you still have to work on your depression.
When I was depressed but unaware, I would often think to myself, every day maybe every few hours of the day, "jeez I wish I could kill myself" something along the lines of that, but never really thought much of it, and thought it was pretty normal. In hindsight, definitely not normal, and I definitely had issues to resolve.
Nowadays, I don't really have that mindset, and it's definitely the depression that's doing that sort of thinking.
Hope things work out for you
