Three Wishes

[Eagleheart]

Three guys-a Tasmanian,a Victorian and a West Australian are out walkig along a beach together one day .They come across a lantern and after a gentle rub a genie pops out of it.
"I will give you each one wish,thats three wishes total"says the genie.
The Tasmanian says ,"I am a fisherman,my dads a fisherman,his dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too.I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity.
With the blink of the genies eye FOOM the oceans were teeming with fish.

The Vic was amazed,so he said,I want a wall around victoria so that we can run our state how we feel,and no boofhead south,west or north of the border can tell us what to do in our own state.I want it so nothing and no one will get in for all eternity.

Again ,with the blink of the genies eye **** ther was a huge wall around Victoria.

The West Australian asks, I"m very curious.Please tell me more about this wall.
The genie explains, "Well,it's 150 feet high,50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out ."
Thw West Australian says, "Fill it up wiyh water."

 

[bomber0018]

Maybe if the joke was told better, then it would have been funnier. But, I very much doubt it.

 

[mud n blood]

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The barman says "hey, we've got a drink named after you."

The grasshopper replies "what .... Kevin?"

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A man walks into a bar with a giraffe under his arm. When he approaches the bar, he drops it on the floor.

The barman says "hey, you can't leave that lyin' around!"

The man says "It's not a lion."

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says "why the long face?"

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I s'pose if any foriegners visit this forum and have a gander, they won't get any of those!

 

[Richmondfan#1]

What did the man say when he walked into the bar?

Ouch.

 

[Frodo]

Man goes into a bar who has had an arm amputated. He sits down and has a beer. The bloke sitting next to him says "Oy, you've got your sleeve in my beer!"

He replies "There's no 'arm in it mate'

Merry Christmas

 

[Mr Ripper]

A bloke amputated his leg and hopped into a bar and said "Don't worry about me, I'm 'armless!", and then realised he'd got the joke wrong.

 

[Asgardian]

A fly was flying over the top of a river, about 12 inches above the water level,
swimming under the fly was an old trout, who thought to himself, if that fly
was to drop 6 inches I would be able to zoom out of the water and catch it,
yum yum, fly for dinner.
Watching this on the riverbank was an old bear, who thought to himself, if
that fly drops 6 inches that old trout will zoom out of the water, catching the
fly, when he does I can race over there and catch the trout, yum yum, trout
for dinner.
Watching this hidden on the opposite riverbank was a hunter, who thought
to himself, if that fly drops 6 inches that old trout will zoom out of the water
to catch the fly, then that old bear will race over and catch the trout, then bang,
great, I will have a bear trophy.
Watching this hidden in some long grass was a mouse, who thought to himself,
if that fly drops 6 inches that old trout will zoom out of the water, the bear
will rush over, then the hunter will shoot the bear. While he is distracted I can
race over there and grab his cheese, yum yum, cheese for dinner.
Watching this hidden behind an old tree was a cat, who thought to himself, if
that fly drops 6 inches that old trout will zoom out of the water, the bear will
rush over, the hunter will shoot, then that mouse will race over to grab the
cheese, then I can race over there and grab the mouse, yum yum, mouse for
dinner.
You know what happened?
The fly dropped 6 inches, the old trout zoomed out of the water, the bear raced
over to the trout, the hunter took aim and shot, the mouse raced out for the
cheese, the cat leaped out at the mouse, the mouse ducked, the cat went flying
over the mouse, straight into the river.
Do you know the moral of this story?
If the fly drops 6 inches, you'll get a wet pussy.

------------------
Chris

 

[Eagleheart]

0018 so your sense of humour bypass operation was sucessfull was it.

 

[PieGirl#41]

"Vacuum Salesman"

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house
in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady
opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs
inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.

He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn't do wonders cleaning this
up, I'll eat every chunk of it."

She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"

The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"

She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned
on yet."

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Three important questions to ask an alien before having sex:
(1) Are you carrying any diseases which might be communicable to humans?
(2) Have you had sex with any high-risk partners in the past six months?
(3) Which one is your mouth?

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Q: What do condoms and coffins have in common?

A: They both have stiffs in them- only one's coming & one's going!

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Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend
if he had heard of the new sex position called 'rodeo'.

His friend said, "No what is it?"

"Well, you mount your wife from the back, reach around her
and cup her breasts with both hands. Then you say, 'Boy
these are almost as nice as your sister's'. Now see if you
can hang on for eight seconds."



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~*~Go Chippa!!~*~
~*~Go Binger!!~*~

 

[Ziggy]

What do you call a fly without wings?

A walk.