Computers & Internet Tinder

[The Unforgiven]

You've put more thought into Tinder in the last 4 posts than I have in the entire time I've been using it. Have an interesting bio, ask interesting questions (how are you? what's on for the weekend? are not interesting questions), be someone women want to talk to and you'll be fine. If you're trying to match with people younger than you quality of response is worth much more than quantity of response. Tinder moves fast, if you haven't tried to arrange meeting up after a couple of days they'll likely lose interest as there's plenty more guys out there who aren't a waste of time.

I haven't put a lot thought into it really. All I've done is make observations based on my experience.

I'm not really struggling for 'matches' as I've got about 19 currently and had about 30 in total. I'm on the fussier side, so I don't just swipe right on everyone.

I learnt that it moves fast on the first day when I 'matched' with that super-hot chick. I thought she was pulling my leg wanting to meet up so soon.

I wouldn't have stalled her advances if we'd 'matched', say, today for instance. I would have cut the small talk and made plans for the weekend!

 

[ash_1050]

True but believe it or not those are the type of questions people ask strangers otherwise you come across as a weirdo.

These are the types of questions you ask strangers when you're boring and don't actually know how to talk to people on Tinder. There's plenty of questions you can ask that are fun and more engaging. When's the last time someone asked you 'how are you' and you went oh wow this might be someone that I want to meet?

 

[Billy ray]

Hello [insert their name]

What are you looking for from your Tinder match/experience with [insert your name] ?
a) interesting, stimulating conversation
b) a nice date, perhaps a coffee at a café or a drink at a funky bar
c) multiple orgasms

?

Hopefully they say D all of the above at which time you can either be cheeky and say "you want the D?" or play it cool and say that all 3 can be arranged.

That worked for me several times (early 40s looking at age bracket of 30-early 40s)

oh, and yes, as others have said, you must meet up within a few days otherwise its too long and they have moved on.

 

[Kyptastic]

Honestly, if they've matched with you, just get on with it quickly. Save your best material for a first date, it'll come off much better in person than over messages.

I've been with my girlfriend for over a year now - she asked me out on the second message! No point beating around the bush.

 

[iluvparis]

No point beating around the bush.

Err isn't that the whole point of Tinder?

 

[Big Bryza]

Honestly, if they've matched with you, just get on with it quickly. Save your best material for a first date, it'll come off much better in person than over messages.

I've been with my girlfriend for over a year now - she asked me out on the second message! No point beating around the bush.

Absolutely this.

I had a couple of mutual friends on tinder with my now GF. It helps as a bit of an ice breaker, cracking a joke or 2 can work as well.

Otherwise, cut the small talk and tee up a date within a week or so of matching. You'll never know how you're going to get along until you meet in person.

 

[ash_1050]

Added OKCupid to my list of dating apps alongside Tinder and Bumble. Day one I've had a dozen women reach out wanting to match with me, most of which are overweight. Amazing how these apps attract the same crowds, Tinder is more casual sex and backpackers while Bumble is overall much more attractive women that don't seem to want to match with me.

 

[perthblue]

Added OKCupid to my list of dating apps alongside Tinder and Bumble. Day one I've had a dozen women reach out wanting to match with me, most of which are overweight. Amazing how these apps attract the same crowds, Tinder is more casual sex and backpackers while Bumble is overall much more attractive women that don't seem to want to match with me.

I got more matches on Tinder, but the matches I did get on Bumble were more likely to want to actually meet up etc.

Lots of people on Tinder just collect matches/talk shit/never progress further than the app in my experience.

 

[ash_1050]

I got more matches on Tinder, but the matches I did get on Bumble were more likely to want to actually meet up etc.

Lots of people on Tinder just collect matches/talk shit/never progress further than the app in my experience.

Huh, it's the opposite for me here in Melbourne. Tinder is much easier to meet up with people than Bumble.

 

[magic_johnson!]

I've gotten rid of tinder, bumble is where it's at for me. Makes it much easier as a guy when everyone you talk to has already started a conversation for you, weasels out the swipe but no talkers.

 

[Hank93]

I've joined Tinder two weeks ago. Wow, what an eye-opener after being in a relationship, including marriage, for thirteen years.

The first day I joined I 'matched' with this smoking hot girl who's 28, I'm 33. I'm thinking, "okay, it shouldn't be this easy."

I struck up a conversation with her and she was giving me donuts after the third or fourth sentence.

She wanted to go out on a date and didn't want to tell me too much more about herself online. I honestly thought she was taking the piss... who wants to meet up before they even know someone?

As it turns out, many girls seemingly do! She unmatched me after saying that she doesn't waste time chatting and has other suitors. I think she just wanted a free night out...

"Okay..." I thought. it's weird because she'd already told me where she worked. I could have been any old nutter... and it wasn't a random place, either. It was at one of Adelaide's biggest department stores! Anyway...

I am pretty fussy and tend to swipe left a lot if there's chicks I don't see a future with. I'm not out to bang anything that moves. I've had about 30 matches so far, only half have actually replied!

However, was talking to this ridiculously hot, third year med student one night. We hit it off so well... or so I thought! She's ghosting me now, and that's over a week ago now.

I can only imagine how many swipes some of the better looking girls would receive. It's pretty hard for the average bloke to even get a 'match', let alone get the opportunity to talk to them.

I've had a couple of girls ask me to meet them at the Fringe Fesitval. I simply didn't have time when they said they were going. Hopefully I'll have some time this weekend...

What I'm not sure about, is how does one "let her down gently"? I've got one girl who really thinks she's 'in' with me; she's a nice girl, but not really girlfriend material.

Since she was one of my first matches, I may have led her on a little bit, unwittingly. Since her I've had an amazing girl who I'd like to meet, with more of the view of a relationship.

What do I do? Ghost them like what's happened to me? It's not nice! Just simply 'unmatch' without saying anything? That's cruel?

But, I feel like I've made a rod for my own back, getting in too deep early on, when really I had no idea how it all worked in the first few days of using the app.

I have this current predicament.

I started messaging someone who simply followed me on Instagram, we'd been messaging for about a week but for the time being i really had no idea where it could go (mainly cause she lives in Melbourne).

So I'd still been flicking through the apps and had a nice convo with someone on bumble. I said we should catch up, she's keen. But Insta girl really has gone to another level. We share a lot in common and the sexting has started.

I'm not sure why I have this much interest in someone from another city but I'm keen. I travel a lot for tennis so I can see me being there for training or the occasional Crows match. Not sure how a long distance relationship could work but I'm enjoying the ride for now.

Not really sure how to play it with Bumble girl cause I've definitely got my eye elsewhere

 

[The Unforgiven]

I have this current predicament.

I started messaging someone who simply followed me on Instagram, we'd been messaging for about a week but for the time being i really had no idea where it could go (mainly cause she lives in Melbourne).

So I'd still been flicking through the apps and had a nice convo with someone on bumble. I said we should catch up, she's keen. But Insta girl really has gone to another level. We share a lot in common and the sexting has started.

I'm not sure why I have this much interest in someone from another city but I'm keen. I travel a lot for tennis so I can see me being there for training or the occasional Crows match. Not sure how a long distance relationship could work but I'm enjoying the ride for now.

Not really sure how to play it with Bumble girl cause I've definitely got my eye elsewhere

A lot has changed on my end since I last posted. I've given away the Tinder and Bumble. I found Bumble works well in Adelaide. I had requests from multiple, very good looking women, who wanted to meet by the third sentence.

I ended up jumping on to RSVP for a look-see and spotted this stunner who lives close by. I live out in the sticks, which has severely impeded my online dating ability, but I thought "if she replies 'yes' to my 'kiss', I'm paying to talk to this girl."

Man, is she something or what! 32, single mum, but I've got two kids as well, so... no biggie, really! We've hit it off big time. She's out of my league, and I'm not even modest... we're meeting up next week.

Good luck with your scenario. LDRs are hard, man! I did one for three months... then I moved, which is how I found myself in Adelaide. Two kids, one failed marriage and thirteen years later... perhaps I've found a true gem this time around!

If your username denotes your birth year, I'd say you're in the prime age for online dating. There's some absolute honeys in the mid-twenties age bracket. If you like a girl, by all means... but just remember, you're in your prime, so make the most of it!

 

[Hank93]

A lot has changed on my end since I last posted. I've given away the Tinder and Bumble. I found Bumble works well in Adelaide. I had requests from multiple, very good looking women, who wanted to meet by the third sentence.

I ended up jumping on to RSVP for a look-see and spotted this stunner who lives close by. I live out in the sticks, which has severely impeded my online dating ability, but I thought "if she replies 'yes' to my 'kiss', I'm paying to talk to this girl."

Man, is she something or what! 32, single mum, but I've got two kids as well, so... no biggie, really! We've hit it off big time. She's out of my league, and I'm not even modest... we're meeting up next week.

Good luck with your scenario. LDRs are hard, man! I did one for three months... then I moved, which is how I found myself in Adelaide. Two kids, one failed marriage and thirteen years later... perhaps I've found a true gem this time around!

If your username denotes your birth year, I'd say you're in the prime age for online dating. There's some absolute honeys in the mid-twenties age bracket. If you like a girl, by all means... but just remember, you're in your prime, so make the most of it!

Yep I'm 25, my fallbacks are I use a wheelchair and I'm new and inexperienced at this.

But I'm definitely liking where this is going, she's done intern work at spinal rehab clinic so I guess being around dudes in chairs isn't an issue for her.

Again, it's weird that we have this chemistry when you've never met but for now we are clicking.

In reference to the post I quoted, what did you end up doing re "letting the other girl down gently"?

At the moment I feel like I have to commit to the date and then just pull out afterwards. I think if I pulled out now after saying lets catch up would be a real dick move.

 

[The Unforgiven]

Yep I'm 25, my fallbacks are I use a wheelchair and I'm new and inexperienced at this.

But I'm definitely liking where this is going, she's done intern work at spinal rehab clinic so I guess being around dudes in chairs isn't an issue for her.

Again, it's weird that we have this chemistry when you've never met but for now we are clicking.

In reference to the post I quoted, what did you end up doing re "letting the other girl down gently"?

At the moment I feel like I have to commit to the date and then just pull out afterwards. I think if I pulled out now after saying lets catch up would be a real dick move.

You're in a wheelchair? Wow, I don't have a lot to offer you, other than it sounds like you've got it down pat for what your circumstsmes are. So, well done. I don't mean to be patronising, either! I say that genuinely.

As far as letting the other girl down gently, I did just that. All up I had about 30 matches, half didn't talk anyway, so I just messaged the girls who did and told them the deal.

I said: "Out of courtesy, I wish too advise that I have met a lovely young lady with whom I plan on starting a relationship in the not too distant future. I will be deactivating my account shortly."

Half of my contacts unmatched me then and there, however a few of them thanked me for informing them. One girl actually asked me if she could add me as a friend on messenger.

I didn't mind adding her on messenger as we'd already established at that point that we'd not be taking things further, but that we could possibly be friends.

The girl in question, she responded instantly. She thanked me for my honesty but admitted she was "really disappointed" as she thought we might have had something there.

She then went on (a bit) saying how "all the nice guys get snapped up by other girls" and how she thought she'd "never meet anyone nice who would like her back."

I felt a bit sorry for her, but that is the way of the world, I guess. Coming across as sad and needy won't help her plight at all, but it's not my place to tell her that. I just wished her all the best for the future.

 

[Hank93]

You're in a wheelchair? Wow, I don't have a lot to offer you, other than it sounds like you've got it down pat for what your circumstsmes are. So, well done. I don't mean to be patronising, either! I say that genuinely.

As far as letting the other girl down gently, I did just that. All up I had about 30 matches, half didn't talk anyway, so I just messaged the girls who did and told them the deal.

I said: "Out of courtesy, I wish too advise that I have met a lovely young lady with whom I plan on starting a relationship in the not too distant future. I will be deactivating my account shortly."

Half of my contacts unmatched me then and there, however a few of them thanked me for informing them. One girl actually asked me if she could add me as a friend on messenger.

I didn't mind adding her on messenger as we'd already established at that point that we'd not be taking things further, but that we could possibly be friends.

The girl in question, she responded instantly. She thanked me for my honesty but admitted she was "really disappointed" as she thought we might have had something there.

She then went on (a bit) saying how "all the nice guys get snapped up by other girls" and how she thought she'd "never meet anyone nice who would like her back."

I felt a bit sorry for her, but that is the way of the world, I guess. Coming across as sad and needy won't help her plight at all, but it's not my place to tell her that. I just wished her all the best for the future.

Thanks, I am really inexperienced at this so I'm making a late run at putting myself out there.

I guess in this scenario I'm not 100% what to do cause I haven't met the one I'm more interested in and she lives in melb, so I will feel silly putting my eggs in a basket that may deliver nothing in the end :-/

 

[The Unforgiven]

Thanks, I am really inexperienced at this so I'm making a late run at putting myself out there.

I guess in this scenario I'm not 100% what to do cause I haven't met the one I'm more interested in and she lives in melb, so I will feel silly putting my eggs in a basket that may deliver nothing in the end :-/

It's hard to say, man. Stuff like this, it comes down to gut feel. Just be aware that emotions can cloud judgement. I know what it's like to get caught up in an online romance.

To be brutally honest, I think in your situation, unless she's indicated a willingness to relocate to Adelaide, it's probably unwise to get too emotionally invested.

Unless you have a support network over in Melbourne, it would be highly impractical for you to relocate. That would definitely be putting all your eggs in one basket!

Take it from me, LDRs don't last very long, especially if it's a new person, as opposed to biding your time for months with a significant other who's temporarily moved.

The LDR I was in with my ex wasn't going to work unless one of us moved. I have the more flexible job which allowed me to easily relocate, which I did, as I realised LDRs are transient; you make them permanent or they WILL die!

With my current girl, we've been chatting since late Feb. She's only 10km away. Neither of us are in a rush to commit as we've both got busy lives and a fair bit of baggage.

We haven't met yet, hopefully soon... just spoken on the phone a few times. I get the whole 'mad connection' thing. We have connected insanely well. I do have to stop myself getting too caught up in it all as well!

Good luck, mate. I hope something positive comes out of this experience for you.

 

[Hank93]

It's hard to say, man. Stuff like this, it comes down to gut feel. Just be aware that emotions can cloud judgement. I know what it's like to get caught up in an online romance.

To be brutally honest, I think in your situation, unless she's indicated a willingness to relocate to Adelaide, it's probably unwise to get too emotionally invested.

Unless you have a support network over in Melbourne, it would be highly impractical for you to relocate. That would definitely be putting all your eggs in one basket!

Take it from me, LDRs don't last very long, especially if it's a new person, as opposed to biding your time for months with a significant other who's temporarily moved.

The LDR I was in with my ex wasn't going to work unless one of us moved. I have the more flexible job which allowed me to easily relocate, which I did, as I realised LDRs are transient; you make them permanent or they WILL die!

With my current girl, we've been chatting since late Feb. She's only 10km away. Neither of us are in a rush to commit as we've both got busy lives and a fair bit of baggage.

We haven't met yet, hopefully soon... just spoken on the phone a few times. I get the whole 'mad connection' thing. We have connected insanely well. I do have to stop myself getting too caught up in it all as well!

Good luck, mate. I hope something positive comes out of this experience for you.

I could see me moving because it would improve my tennis and I could always transfer to another Uni, but yeah it would be a huge decision.

I'd rather just keep the flirting going, meet and see what happens in melbourne and make a call from there.

 

[HirdyLannister]

It's hard to say, man. Stuff like this, it comes down to gut feel. Just be aware that emotions can cloud judgement. I know what it's like to get caught up in an online romance.

To be brutally honest, I think in your situation, unless she's indicated a willingness to relocate to Adelaide, it's probably unwise to get too emotionally invested.

Unless you have a support network over in Melbourne, it would be highly impractical for you to relocate. That would definitely be putting all your eggs in one basket!

Take it from me, LDRs don't last very long, especially if it's a new person, as opposed to biding your time for months with a significant other who's temporarily moved.

The LDR I was in with my ex wasn't going to work unless one of us moved. I have the more flexible job which allowed me to easily relocate, which I did, as I realised LDRs are transient; you make them permanent or they WILL die!

With my current girl, we've been chatting since late Feb. She's only 10km away. Neither of us are in a rush to commit as we've both got busy lives and a fair bit of baggage.

We haven't met yet, hopefully soon... just spoken on the phone a few times. I get the whole 'mad connection' thing. We have connected insanely well. I do have to stop myself getting too caught up in it all as well!

Good luck, mate. I hope something positive comes out of this experience for you.

Let me get this straight. You have a girlfriend since Feb that is 10km away and you haven't met yet?

 

[Golden_6]

Let me get this straight. You have a girlfriend since Feb that is 10km away and you haven't met yet?

I thought I was reading that part wrong.

 

[The Unforgiven]

Let me get this straight. You have a girlfriend since Feb that is 10km away and you haven't met yet?

Not girlfriend. We've been talking online for three weeks. 'Girl' was just in reference to the girl I've been chatting to.

 

[BlueBelle]

Not girlfriend. We've been talking online for three weeks. 'Girl' was just in reference to the girl I've been chatting to.

Nothing wrong with getting to know somebody before meeting. Have you FaceTimed and shared photos, etc?

 

[The Unforgiven]

Nothing wrong with getting to know somebody before meeting. Have you FaceTimed and shared photos, etc?

No FaceTime yet. We're friends on Facebook so no need to swap pics. She's got hundreds on there. We chat on the phone a bit, so getting to know her quite well as she's really starting to open up.

The issue isn't really about wanting to get to know each other. It's more around the fact she has 100 percent custody of her son, so getting some spare time to meet sans kid will just take time.

 

[MrsEddieBetts]

No FaceTime yet. We're friends on Facebook so no need to swap pics. She's got hundreds on there. We chat on the phone a bit, so getting to know her quite well as she's really starting to open up.

The issue isn't really about wanting to get to know each other. It's more around the fact she has 100 percent custody of her son, so getting some spare time to meet sans kid will just take time.

Have you ever seen the show Catfish?

 

[The Unforgiven]

Have you ever seen the show Catfish?

No. But I'm aware of its premise.

 

[Duritz]

No FaceTime yet. We're friends on Facebook so no need to swap pics. She's got hundreds on there. We chat on the phone a bit, so getting to know her quite well as she's really starting to open up.

The issue isn't really about wanting to get to know each other. It's more around the fact she has 100 percent custody of her son, so getting some spare time to meet sans kid will just take time.

What if she’s really a man?