Computers & Internet Tinder

[Sketi]

Plenty of other reasons why someone would be single at 30, namely they've focused on their career, or they've spent a large chunk of their 20s living abroad.

Or maybe they had some relationships in their 20s that ended up failing? And guess what? THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

People act like there is this stigma attached to being single over 30, when a common alternative that I see is that people enter relationships at the age of 20 when they have barely matured and end up staying with this person because it is the "easier" thing to do, even if they are not truly compatible. Well **** that.

I think I was much better placed to date in my 30s after a failed LTR which made me realise what I value in another person and what kind of relationship would work better for me.

Source: happily shacked up now from dating in my 30s. Met her on tinder by the way. ha.

 

[Shell]

No stigma. Its just ****ing lonely and you get sick of it after a while.

 

[Shell]

My 40th got screwed over by Covid this year too. Rather than a Rolling Stones concert, I ended up just listening to music at home and having drinks with friends over Zoom.

Zoom. Can **** right off. Cant stand it.

All i did for my brithday was a dinner and a nice cake at my parents. Appreciate it now, but at the time kinda sucked. Were going to go out for dinner, but parents and other aunty/uncles that were meant to come were too nervous and cancelled. Dont blame them in the slightest, considering their age.

 

[ash_1050]

Or maybe they had some relationships in their 20s that ended up failing? And guess what? THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

People act like there is this stigma attached to being single over 30, when a common alternative that I see is that people enter relationships at the age of 20 when they have barely matured and end up staying with this person because it is the "easier" thing to do, even if they are not truly compatible. Well **** that.

I think I was much better placed to date in my 30s after a failed LTR which made me realise what I value in another person and what kind of relationship would work better for me.

Source: happily shacked up now from dating in my 30s. Met her on tinder by the way. ha.

Yeah spot on, fresh out of a relationship would be the other reason.

Regarding the convo around being 30, I found since hitting the milestone 12 months ago my dating goals shifted from a hookup who may become a partner down the line to instead looking for a partner and not being overly concerned about potential hookups.

I've found sleeping with someone on date 1 or date 2 isn't great, as it doesn't allow the time to establish whether you're actually interested in them as a potential partner or whether you just want to bang them, which resulted in several failed attempts. Currently on the cusp of a relationship with someone and it took almost a month before we hooked up, which happened more out of location rather than either of us feeling that was the time to do so. Slow and steady appears to be the key to winning the relationship race with dating apps, at least in my experience.

 

[Shell]

I've found sleeping with someone on date 1 or date 2 isn't great, as it doesn't allow the time to establish whether you're actually interested in them as a potential partner or whether you just want to bang them, which resulted in several failed attempts. Currently on the cusp of a relationship with someone and it took almost a month before we hooked up, which happened more out of location rather than either of us feeling that was the time to do so. Slow and steady appears to be the key to winning the relationship race with dating apps, at least in my experience.

The funniest shit I read on GD are these guys (who i assume to be in their 20s) say "ah you havent banged yet? (its been something like a week or so), Yeah move on".

Look have sex whenever you like, but if someone isnt putting out.. you could still be missing out on a great person.

 

[ash_1050]

Look have sex whenever you like, but if someone isnt putting out.. you could still be missing out on a great person.

Sex is the easy part, finding someone compatible that you want to spend more time with indefinitely is the hard part. Likewise I've learned it doesn't have to be 'OMG she's the one' on the first date, the first date is more around 'is this person someone I'm interested in getting to know more' and 'are there any red flags here' as opposed to thinking after an hour brunch date that you need to feel like you've found your soul mate.

 

[revo333]

There is still a stigma to being over 30 and single, more so for females then males but people attitudes are slowly changing to accept it's starting to become more common.

Most girls I talk to on tinder seem to be looking to date because they feel they have to.

 

[dales.girl38]

Starting to think I should get back on the apps one of these days, once my house is sorted I'll be ready. Just realised I haven't had a photo taken since about January. Going to need to rectify that over the Christmas period I think

 

[revo333]

Starting to think I should get back on the apps one of these days, once my house is sorted I'll be ready. Just realised I haven't had a photo taken since about January. Going to need to rectify that over the Christmas period I think

Driving a car selfie.

 

[utility]

Most girls I talk to on tinder seem to be looking to date because they feel they have to.

It is sometimes described as the "epiphany stage."

Fertility starts to nose dive from about 27 and women innately know this. Most women wants kids and the clock is ticking.

 

[Run n Spread]

There is still a stigma to being over 30 and single, more so for females then males but people attitudes are slowly changing to accept it's starting to become more common.

Most girls I talk to on tinder seem to be looking to date because they feel they have to.

There is a slight stigma but that can be true for a lot of things.
Are you single
Do you have kids (certain age)
Own a home
Insert any other factor

The single thing I've found more stigma from other singles ironically. No one else seems to care much

 

[Shell]

The single thing I've found more stigma from other singles ironically. No one else seems to care much

My family and friends are actually pretty cool come to think of it. No questions re. relationships or kids (no one has ever asked me about kids- even my parents, who i feel sorry for ((idk why)) who looks like they'll never be grandparents. Just worked out like that) unless you bring up the topic.

 

[Run n Spread]

You're worrying about external factors you can't control, rather than the ones that you can.

Tinder is a sales funnel, that is to say it's a numbers game and you need to identify bottlenecks in the funnel to get better at conversion. Here's the bare basics to getting more matches and getting more engagement, the first two steps of your funnel. It's a numbers game, you may swipe right on 100 women, of which you match with 10, of which 6 respond. The below allows you to get to 15 matches per 100 people and 10-12 responses from those 15 matches.

I'm not getting enough matches. Then your photos and/or bio sucks. Or you're swiping right on everyone, which means Tinder will only ever display your photo to women who also swipe right on everyone. This is on you to improve your bio, it's much easier to match when you come across as someone who's interesting and stands out from every other bio. Protip: photos of you posing with a fish, gun or a woman contractually obliged to take photos of you (e.g. Jim Beam promo girls) only work when you're in the country and there's less than 5000 people within a 100km radius of you. Sharpen up your bio and get it critically reviewed by a female friend or gay male friend, they'll identify all the subtle things you miss as a straight male.

My matches don't write to me/don't respond. For all the talk of equality in the 21st century the onus is still on the guy to initiate the conversation, which is completely fine and it means you have a chance to impress. This is the most difficult hurdle as there's a fair chance she gets a 20-1 ratio of matches compared to you, so you want to be someone worth talking to. Don't send a message as soon as you guys match, that's weird and a bit creepy that you're sitting around waiting to send a message straight away. Give it 30 minutes or so and then send through a message that's either profile specific or generic but engaging.

Profile specific try and avoid the basic things that everyone would refer to and instead look for something different (hey, was that travel photo taken in Budapest? I was there in X and loved it. Did you do Y while you were there?) rather than something basic (hey you like Tame Impala, me too, we have so much in common). The good thing about this approach is even if you get the city/hiking trail/beach/wine/venue wrong you'll probably still get a response as it's showing you're a) someone who's interested in them as a person and b) thinks outside the square a bit in creating conversation.

Alternately generic but engaging is something that's non profile specific but otherwise a good conversational opener. My go to recently has been "Hi X, which Hogwarts house would you be sorted into and why?", but it works just as easy with "Which N'Sync member or Backstreet Boy did you have a crush on while at school?" or anything else that conjures up feelings of nostalgia with a chance for them to show off a little bit of their personality in a safe way. There's absolutely no obligation for them to actually enjoy the topic at hand, it still more of then than not gets a response of "would you be mad if I said I wasn't into Harry Potter?" or "I was more into S-Club 7".

There's plenty more to it beyond that (your second message is the most important of the lot), and I'm happy to break down more details for the next stages of the funnel if you're interested, but for now your main issue seems to be these first two macro level steps. Doing those first couple of things properly results in about 50% more matches, and twice as much engagement once you match with someone. Complaining about the quality of women on Tinder is like a fisherman sitting there complaining about his fishing location, rather than worrying about his choice of bait and where he casts his line.

Also I'm aware "sales funnel" is probably not the best choice of words when it comes to finding a partner and narrowing down the field, but it's the most applicable given it's exactly like a sales process, only you're selling yourself as being dateable/casual sexable, so that's the word I've landed on.

If you look at it from a sales pov then your better off just swiping right on everyone and targeting from there.
For a sale you need to reach the largest audience possible and then assess demand.
Sure you need a good ad but the market is saturated. To be sure to be looked at need the match

 

[Run n Spread]

My family and friends are actually pretty cool come to think of it. No questions re. relationships or kids (no one has ever asked me about kids- even my parents, who i feel sorry for ((idk why)) who looks like they'll never be grandparents. Just worked out like that) unless you bring up the topic.

Brother/sister not willing to run back with the flight and take one for the team?

 

[Shell]

Brother/sister not willing to run back with the flight and take one for the team?

Well one's gay. Not that, that should stop him these days. And the other is chronically single. Has been in relationships with some awesome chicks in the past (including Rachel McAdams lookalike), but none of them stuck.

And i dont want children.

I suppose at least they've avoided the dreaded "dumping of the kids" onto them, babysitting etc. Can enjoy retirement 100%.

 

[Run n Spread]

Back on Tinder recently but only have the most basic profile. If I get serious I may add but then if you want to put in the effort better off going for something with a better strike rate.
Still bit of a tricky one. Tinder is good to quick meet up/hook up and see where it leads if you can get a match going
All the other apps you end up with some long winded process which I don't have the patience for for something that may only end in an awkward coffee date.

 

[Howard Littlejohn]

My 40th got screwed over by Covid this year too. Rather than a Rolling Stones concert, I ended up just listening to music at home and having drinks with friends over Zoom.

My 40th was too long ago for my memory to be sure, but I think I was in Peru hiding from everyone. For my 50th I plan on being dead. Might run away again on my 60th, maybe Greenland. That's how "dead" works, isn't it?

 

[Shell]

My 40th was too long ago for my memory to be sure, but I think I was in Peru hiding from everyone. For my 50th I plan on being dead. Might run away again on my 60th, maybe Greenland. That's how "dead" works, isn't it?

What was Peru like?

 

[Howard Littlejohn]

What was Peru like?

Long ago now. But really interesting. You hear so much about the Inca, its easy to ignore the fact that they are relatively modern and that history goes back much further. Just around Lima, there are ruins and other remains from much older cultures.

People were good, and the health system (I picked up some allergy, possibly sandfly bites combined with ceviche) cheap - not so much tourist doctors, but the local system.

Lima itself was a bit of a mess, but interesting and some good places to see and to chill. I was a bit cocnerned about things first day, a money changer had his cash bag snatched when I had been outside for no more than an hour. Combined with warbnings I had received, it gave the impression of crime being everywhere. But after that, nothing untoward. Just like any place really, dayback to the front in crowds, don't show anything too expensive looking, and nothing in back pockets.

Aerquipa was great, and of course the jumping off point for the condors. Which was the only reason I went, but the city itself was really good. Quite different, the "white city" both through architecture and the Europeans who lived there. Definitely worth a visit, and heading off a few hours into the Colca Canyon. Possibly for longer than I did, I knew nothing of the palce except that is where Cruz del Condor is. Huge canyon that they catch updrafts in at first light. Quite amazing beasts, and I had been albatross territory a couple of weeks before.

Nazca lines were maybe a bit of a disappointment. Not in and of themselves in some ways. More that its a long way to go for a 20 minute flyover. And Nazca, the town, was not in the best of shape when I was there. Or maybe that is because its where my symptoms started to show, made worse by the heat.

The same - exept the heat- could be said of Puno (earthquake a year or so earlier), on the edge of Lake Titicaca. The floating village felt a bit tourist trappy, like people only lived there as exhibition for tourists. The ground islands in the lake seemed much more like fiunctioning villages, yes, with tourism as a main drivcer but not the only reason for living there.

Obviously Cusco and Macchu Picchu were drawcards, and well worth it. Some people do the quick guided walk in Macchu Picchu and leave again. I found myself there basically all day, taking more time at some spots and getting to some of the areas.
I was not, and am not, fit enough to even consider the Inca Trail. Hills kill knees, and heart and lungs. Maybe if I lost 20 kilos, they would only kill knees and lungs.


12 hour bus trips of Drew Barrymore movies dubbed into Spanish were a bit much though.

Be wary of taxis. Some are fake, hire cars with temporary signs apparently used for kidnappings. Basically a real taxi will have the company name and phone number painted on, not just bolted to the roof, and every panel dinged to the shitter. A "safe" driver in any Peruvian city is one who has survived the hundreds of small accidents they have been in. Basically dodge 'ems at street speeds (which are not very high). Semi-official buses go all over the place in Lima, but the "network" changes a lot and is difficult for non-locals to navigate. There is a dedicated route that runs between the city and Barranco (one of the wealthier neighbourhoods) and Miraflores (again, wealthier and a likely spot for anyone to stay) that was fairly new when I was there. It may have expanded now.

 

[Shell]

Long ago now. But really interesting. You hear so much about the Inca, its easy to ignore the fact that they are relatively modern and that history goes back much further. Just around Lima, there are ruins and other remains from much older cultures.

People were good, and the health system (I picked up some allergy, possibly sandfly bites combined with ceviche) cheap - not so much tourist doctors, but the local system.

Was thinking of starting up a travel thread on the Lifestyle board- but not re. photos, but stories and photos of any interesting items you may have collected. You should post in it.

Would love to do South America + Africa, but just way too afraid to go on my own.

FWIW, a mate went to Mexico alone and she was fine.

 

[utility]

FWIW, a mate went to Mexico alone and she was fine.

Just don't read stories (or view things) about Mexican drug cartels on this site before making any bookings: https://goregrish.com



I sometimes watch serpentza on YouTube. He used to live in China but originally from South Africa. He had a female friend return to SA. He warned against going back, she ended up getting murdered. I'd feel safer in Mexico.

 

[revo333]

From all the stories I have heard , If I had to choose one to travel on my own I would choose Mexico over South Africa.

 

[gaskin]

I had a South African bloke in my class at Uni that never had any intention of returning and he said he was going to raise his child (missus was prego when he said this) as 100% Australian. He didn't want his kid to have any affection for South Africa.

 

[Catfish Alley]

Mexico is a popular holiday spot. Cheap too. Almost took family down to the Riviera Maya earlier in the year. Nobody is going to places like Juarez. It's mostly resorts and tourist towns.

 

[Hawk Dork]

Mexico is a popular holiday spot. Cheap too. Almost took family down to the Riviera Maya earlier in the year. Nobody is going to places like Juarez. It's mostly resorts and tourist towns.

Ive spent a month catching buses around Mexico