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owen87 said:
Any time someone says "I'd like to still be friends". They don't actually want to still be friends.

It's rough, but you'll have dates that don't go well for whatever reason, just have to pick yourself up and move on.

As others have said; drinks or coffee are usually a good option because they can be a 30 minute or 3 hour activity depending on how things develop. Drinks is a bit easier because generally it's later, which means darker and slightly more intimate, plus a couple of drinks can relax both parties.

You'll find that if you meet the right person, the nerves settle pretty quickly and they'll also generally be more forgiving if it's a little awkward anyway. It's a tough putting yourself out there on dates, so give yourself some credit for giving it a go and meeting a total stranger even if it didn't go as well as you might have hoped.
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Yeh friends is never an option after a disaster like that.

Drinks are always a great first icebreaker imo. Whether it's afternoon or evening, as long as you don't go overboard they're a great relaxer and allows both parties to feel comfortable, as well as being not as rushed like breakfast is. I don't do breakfast dates unless things are starting to get serious, as from my experience, as soon as meals and coffee/drinks are finished, most people get up and leave.
 
Shell said:
Dates are worse than job interviews.


just sayin
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Oh an interview, where people actually want to find out about you
 
It's hard to justify using tinder as an average guy. The first few days of swiping are good, but then the matches dry up to a couple per week. For each match I'll put some thought into an opener, usually based off something in her profile, with the aim of sparking a conversation away from small talk. I'd say roughly 1/3 give a genuine reply, 1/3 reply with a closed response, and 1/3 don't reply. It sucks, but it's understandable when they have matches and messages coming out the wazoo.
 
Hatchy1992 said:
Matched with a girl a few weeks ago... we start chatting... very easy flowing conversations and genuinely seemed enthusiastic and had an amazing connection... seemed genuinely interested in pursuing something with me. After a few days we progress to facebook messager and given that I had just recently moved to Brisbane she suggests we catch up for drinks, naturally I was in agreement.

Anyway as the days progressed she said she was heading camping over that weekend and had night shits after so we organise lunch and drinks after she got back before her shifts. She returns from camping, I message her to confirm we're still good for lunch and drinks, she's still keen, but reschedules it to breakfast instead as the camping group made plans for that afternoon. I agreed, although I wasn't to keen on a breakfast date.

Anyway, we meet up as planned, naturally wanting to impress her but with anxiety i'm nervous as hell, compliment her that she looked nice, found a good cafe. We sit down, and I start sensing she's not interested in being there, suggests we order immediately without even having a chat, we go up to order, I strike up a conversation while waiting... we were getting along well at times and making eachother laugh, but there was little to no eye contact from her, and checked her phone at times. The meals come and just complete silence while she ate. When we finished she immediately suggests we head off saying something like I need to clean up after camping. I start walking with her to her car with awkward conversation.

I message her later in the day being polite thanking her for the date and hope we can meet up again sometime. She messages back a few hours later saying im sorry, you're a great guy, but I just didn't see a romantic connection and I wish you all the best, but i'd still like to chat and do drinks sometime as friends as I do like our friendship.

I ask what the issue was and she's like I kinda knew straight away sorry. You remind me of my brother with how nervous you were :huh:
Umm... ok.... Yeah nah.
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That is like rubbing salt into an open wound
 

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Hatchy1992 said:
In hindsight I think its more the fact how rude she was on said date, not paying attention etc etc. If you're not interested from the start, at least be polite and give someone respect.
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Exactly. Unless you're a single parent who left the kids with a babysitter or doctor on call no way should the phone be out. Plain rude.

I see it when going out with the missus. So many couples just sitting on their phone. I actually pull my wife up on it when we go out. She hates that I do it, but I tell her that phones are for home. Not when we have our one night away from the kids for god knows how long.
 
Jack Richards said:
Exactly. Unless you're a single parent who left the kids with a babysitter or doctor on call no way should the phone be out. Plain rude.

I see it when going out with the missus. So many couples just sitting on their phone. I actually pull my wife up on it when we go out. She hates that I do it, but I tell her that phones are for home. Not when we have our one night away from the kids for god knows how long.
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Im assuming you have kids... but just dont take the phone.

I do that sometimes, is bliss- not having the temptation to check it.


/der u do have kids.
 
Phone etiquette is another factor to observe on dates. Like how people treat wait staff and stuff like that.

I usually keep my phone in my pocket (and it's always on silent), so it's not a distraction. Girls often don't have pockets and have their phone out on the table. Which is fine, but if they are constantly looking at it I'm like 'oi, eyes are up here love'.
 
Shell said:
Im assuming you have kids... but just dont take the phone.

I do that sometimes, is bliss- not having the temptation to check it.


/der u do have kids.
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We have kids. I have mine but turn it to silent and unless it's an emergency, I don't respond.

My wife is shocking with it. She will call her mum to see if the kids are ok or the mum will call just to see how we are going.
 

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Jack Richards said:
We have kids. I have mine but turn it to silent and unless it's an emergency, I don't respond.

My wife is shocking with it. She will call her mum to see if the kids are ok or the mum will call just to see how we are going.
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Sounds like your wife has a bug up her ass too.. :winkv1:



PS. I hope your kids arent like 12 and 14 years old. :laughv1:
 
Scotland said:
Phone etiquette is another factor to observe on dates. Like how people treat wait staff and stuff like that.

I usually keep my phone in my pocket (and it's always on silent), so it's not a distraction. Girls often don't have pockets and have their phone out on the table. Which is fine, but if they are constantly looking at it I'm like 'oi, eyes are up here love'.
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I still remember when this girl was rude to the wait staff, then tried to stick with me the bill and the staff detained her because she was trying leave without paying
 
Hatchy1992 said:
Matched with a girl a few weeks ago... we start chatting... very easy flowing conversations and genuinely seemed enthusiastic and had an amazing connection... seemed genuinely interested in pursuing something with me. After a few days we progress to facebook messager and given that I had just recently moved to Brisbane she suggests we catch up for drinks, naturally I was in agreement.

Anyway as the days progressed she said she was heading camping over that weekend and had night shits after so we organise lunch and drinks after she got back before her shifts. She returns from camping, I message her to confirm we're still good for lunch and drinks, she's still keen, but reschedules it to breakfast instead as the camping group made plans for that afternoon. I agreed, although I wasn't to keen on a breakfast date.

Anyway, we meet up as planned, naturally wanting to impress her but with anxiety i'm nervous as hell, compliment her that she looked nice, found a good cafe. We sit down, and I start sensing she's not interested in being there, suggests we order immediately without even having a chat, we go up to order, I strike up a conversation while waiting... we were getting along well at times and making eachother laugh, but there was little to no eye contact from her, and checked her phone at times. The meals come and just complete silence while she ate. When we finished she immediately suggests we head off saying something like I need to clean up after camping. I start walking with her to her car with awkward conversation.

I message her later in the day being polite thanking her for the date and hope we can meet up again sometime. She messages back a few hours later saying im sorry, you're a great guy, but I just didn't see a romantic connection and I wish you all the best, but i'd still like to chat and do drinks sometime as friends as I do like our friendship.

I ask what the issue was and she's like I kinda knew straight away sorry. You remind me of my brother with how nervous you were :huh:
Umm... ok.... Yeah nah.
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Tough break. She wasn't interested. Have had that happen and it hurts to be stuffed around.
She should've called it.
One of my best/worst dates literally was a drink and 5 mins in and we just called it.
I'm like this isn't happening is it
Her no what tram is it back to so and so
Me the 8 whatever so you want directions

Perils of meeting online
 

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peasantbruh69 said:
It's hard to justify using tinder as an average guy. The first few days of swiping are good, but then the matches dry up to a couple per week. For each match I'll put some thought into an opener, usually based off something in her profile, with the aim of sparking a conversation away from small talk. I'd say roughly 1/3 give a genuine reply, 1/3 reply with a closed response, and 1/3 don't reply. It sucks, but it's understandable when they have matches and messages coming out the wazoo.
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To be fair its probably slim pickings on Sesame Street
 
Shell said:
I can assure you... we are out there.

Just gotta look.
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you make a fair point those people are out there, but i dont want to feel like im settling just because im getting together with someone just because they dont want kids. i still want someone i click with.

im selfish as shit and want my life to be about my maximum amount of how happy i can be. its unfair to have kids if im like that. i have nephews i love but if i was with them all day every day id lose my mind. im just not built that way.

im not a huge fan of people who put 'undecided' over kids in their dating profiles. that shit needs to be clear and up front because i dont want to get into a relationship where 2-3 years down the line theres a big undefined thing that can blow it up instantly
 
I'm pretty unsure about if I want kids. Genuinely unsure. I feel like I don't want them, but I also feel like I'll regret it later in life as I don't have an overly fulfilling, otherwise busy life as it is. It's a bit of a moot point for me anyway since I'm perennially single, but I feel like I could be steered either way.

Part of it is also that I feel like I don't want them, but after a hundred people say to you "oh you say that now, but once you hit your early 30s you'll change your mind", it's hard to be completely certain.
 
74561347 said:
you make a fair point those people are out there, but i dont want to feel like im settling just because im getting together with someone just because they dont want kids. i still want someone i click with.
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I dont want to settle either just because I'm 40. Which ive sometimes heard around these parts.

Would rather be on my ****ing own, than having to do that.
 
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