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I think also consider if youre going to want to be there for what might be a very honest and uncomfortable answer.

"Well we would love to but i have endometriosis and he has lazy sperm, weve been trying and have had the fertility drugs now im having some invasive procedures to check our viability but it might come to an egg or sperm donor... You look like youve goot good genes, hows the families medical history?"
 
phantom13 said:
I think also consider if youre going to want to be there for what might be a very honest and uncomfortable answer.

"Well we would love to but i have endometriosis and he has lazy sperm, weve been trying and have had the fertility drugs now im having some invasive procedures to check our viability but it might come to an egg or sperm donor... You look like youve goot good genes, hows the families medical history?"
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hmmm. what about. I like kids but I couldnt eat a whole one.
Or seriously though...I dont want the responsibility, cant afford them and am are too set in my own ways and selfish? Howd that go down ya reckon?
 
mr bagcroft said:
hmmm. what about. I like kids but I couldnt eat a whole one.
Or seriously though...I dont want the responsibility, cant afford them and am are too set in my own ways and selfish? Howd that go down ya reckon?
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Dont think it would be an issue - id say 'fair enough, good on ya' - no doubt you would get those who try and sell you the idea of kids though 🤣 🤦‍♂️
 

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Every single person I've ever met with kids 'jokingly' tell you "don't have kids"

When so many people "joke" about the same thing, there's serious truth to it. It sounds awful

The most annoying one when you say "I don't want kids" is the reply "oh when you meet the right girl you'll change your mind". Why would that be the case? Wouldn't 'the right girl' have an equal disinterest in having them? It's very offensive LOL /s
 
There is a bit of a prevailing theory (usually attributed more to women than men) that finding the right partner will kick in those procreation genes.

Personally i think its bullshit but plenty of people claim it.

I didnt want children when i was younger as i got older i warmed up to the idea. Its completely individual and everyone should be completely comfortable with whichever direction they go.
 
The only thing I can think of (and it's a bloody selfish reason to even think of having them) is being looked after when you get old. Grandparent would be knackered without Mum. Not a great reason to have them but something to consider I guess
 
mr bagcroft said:
Yeah thats the annoying bit I have to put up with. Closely followed by my all time favourite common one - " You dont know anything about life till you have kids"
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God I'd like to punch anyone who said that with any degree of seriousness.

Kids are bloody hard work. Some day I think I might be proud of the acheivement but for now they can be a major inconvenience on so many fronts. But do I love 'em? Bloody oath.
 
burge13 said:
The only thing I can think of (and it's a bloody selfish reason to even think of having them) is being looked after when you get old. Grandparent would be knackered without Mum. Not a great reason to have them but something to consider I guess
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I just had them because my genes are too important to disappear from the planet completely.
 
burge13 said:
The only thing I can think of (and it's a bloody selfish reason to even think of having them) is being looked after when you get old. Grandparent would be knackered without Mum. Not a great reason to have them but something to consider I guess
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I want kids because I’m the only male left and if I don’t then the family lineage dies. But then I don’t want to have to deal with kids until after they’re potty trained as I ain’t changing no diapers!!! 😂😂
 
I find the "have someone to look after you when you're old" argument an interesting one. Seems like a fairly solid assumption to say that your kids will definitely want to do that?

Also "who's going to want to hang out with you?", maybe friends? "they'll be dead", bold of you to assume I won't die before them :drunk: also maybe just maybe my middle aged children will have their own lives?
 

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To be honest I'm probably 80-20 in favour of not having them at the moment. Just seems like many reasons not to. Reasons such as those mentioned in the thread ie taking away your freedom, financial reasons. Also environmental reasons, future uncertainty, the world is a pretty cooked place.

Most of all I'm a lazy **** and it seems like a lot of work ha. As far as reasons to have them, I have a really nice relationship with my parents which kinda makes me feel like it would be a cool thing to try and recreate myself.

My gf always makes the point of what would you rather: go to Disneyland with 2 kids under 8, or do a adults only wine tour through Europe? :think::drunk:
 
Im not jealous of any parent wrangling young kids through an airport then getting on a long haul flight. If i ever had them they wouldn't be going further than Melbourne until they were old enough to do so themselves 😂
 
Hinge > Bumble > Tinder.

And not once have I ever asked anyone on these apps when they are going to have kids.

These apps shit me to no end though. I generally don't mess around - if I get a match or if somebody tries to chat to me, I decide on the physical attraction first and foremost. If I'm attracted, I'll chat back and have a bit of back and forth trying to ascertain what they're looking for. If everything seems good, I'll suggest grabbing a drink.

*crickets*
 
Once upon a time if a girl had her Instagram account linked or was easily stalkable it was an opportunity to have a bit of a perve and double check you aren't chatting to someone whose most recent photo is from 2014.

Now it's almost an essential screening tool. If getting a coffee necessitates a long winded soliloquy and a suite of hashtags like 'breathe' please socially distance from me.
 

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phantom13 said:
I think if you think you can have kids and have it NOT affect your lifestyle you are an idiot, equally if you stop doing anything at all for yourself/partner/friends youre probably going to be miserable.

Im hoping i can strike a balance (even something as simple going to the gym, maybe its not 6 days a week but it shouldnt be 0) and im well aware that the first 6-12 months its pretty pointless trying to make plans.
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Yeah, the first couple of years they are a massive time sink. Kids are now 15 and 13, so wife and I can go out for an afternoon / evening without too much hassle alone. Until your kids can watch themselves it's not so much you can't go out, but everything has to be planned in advance. Either for taking them or arranging babysitting. Getting them involved (once old enough) in things you like, such as going to the footy, makes things easier. You definitely want to be going out though minus kids every now and then. Both for your immediate sanity and not reaching a point 20 years down the track where you realise you now having nothing in common other than your kids.

Gym would have been a struggle whilst my kids were 0-2, both for their needs and you are just tired almost all the time, now it's no hassle to be going 4 days a week (new parents realise why sleep deprivation is used as torture, a few days without much sleep studying for exams is no comparison). However I'm a morning workout person with my gym close by so I can be out the door by 5.20am and back home by 6.45-6.50 to help getting kids ready for school. Also the wife doesn't hit the gym, so there hasn't been a 'whose turn to go' whilst the kids were smaller. If you're the only one of a couple working out and you prefer night workouts when the rest of your house is awake, or you both workout, I'd say you're going to have to either bend or find some way to make it up elsewhere.

I don't regret having kids, but I'd be like most parents in there are times when I'm jealous of those who didn't, who have so much free time (and disposal income) to just go out and do things. It's a trade off and every person will make a different choice. These days there's no right or wrong answer (unless you're having kids just to get money or try and force a partner to stay, both are going to lead to kids having a poor childhood). I don't see any issue asking if someone has kids or wants them, as long as you aren't trying to judge anyone by their response.
 
Hatchy1992 said:
Matched with a girl a few weeks ago... we start chatting... very easy flowing conversations and genuinely seemed enthusiastic and had an amazing connection... seemed genuinely interested in pursuing something with me. After a few days we progress to facebook messager and given that I had just recently moved to Brisbane she suggests we catch up for drinks, naturally I was in agreement.

Anyway as the days progressed she said she was heading camping over that weekend and had night shits after so we organise lunch and drinks after she got back before her shifts. She returns from camping, I message her to confirm we're still good for lunch and drinks, she's still keen, but reschedules it to breakfast instead as the camping group made plans for that afternoon. I agreed, although I wasn't to keen on a breakfast date.

Anyway, we meet up as planned, naturally wanting to impress her but with anxiety i'm nervous as hell, compliment her that she looked nice, found a good cafe. We sit down, and I start sensing she's not interested in being there, suggests we order immediately without even having a chat, we go up to order, I strike up a conversation while waiting... we were getting along well at times and making eachother laugh, but there was little to no eye contact from her, and checked her phone at times. The meals come and just complete silence while she ate. When we finished she immediately suggests we head off saying something like I need to clean up after camping. I start walking with her to her car with awkward conversation.

I message her later in the day being polite thanking her for the date and hope we can meet up again sometime. She messages back a few hours later saying im sorry, you're a great guy, but I just didn't see a romantic connection and I wish you all the best, but i'd still like to chat and do drinks sometime as friends as I do like our friendship.

I ask what the issue was and she's like I kinda knew straight away sorry. You remind me of my brother with how nervous you were :huh:
Umm... ok.... Yeah nah.
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Delete her number and move on. You dodged a bullet.
 
Scotland said:
Now it's almost an essential screening tool. If getting a coffee necessitates a long winded soliloquy and a suite of hashtags like 'breathe' please socially distance from me.
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But what if the person has generally likable qualities aside from a few things that you may not necessary love on instagram/socials?

What if the one person you look at has a perfect social media presence but is a bloody nutbag?

Why don't we just not prejudge, have a chat to see if there is chemistry, see if that chemistry extends to in person and go from there?

We seem to just look for red flags or reasons upfront to shit can people... maybe we shouldn't!
 
eddiesmith said:
I want kids because I’m the only male left and if I don’t then the family lineage dies. But then I don’t want to have to deal with kids until after they’re potty trained as I ain’t changing no diapers!!! 😂😂
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Adopt a 16 year old boy, ensure they take your name.

If they turn out to be a campaigner you just have to last 2 years then boot them.
 
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