- Sep 2, 2014
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So I need advice from GD.
Matched with this chick on Tinder. Face okay, body hidden. Nice to chat with so I thought I'll proceed with caution for a little while. Ended up exchanging numbers and texting a bit which was all going well.
Eventually I get her Facebook and upon looking well yeah no thanks (to put it lightly). Trouble was at this stage I was on a drunken two week bender holiday which meant in my drunken state each night the conversation got a little hot. She's now clingy as **** and does the equivalent of the famous "pls respond" if I don't reply to a text within half an hour and is insistent we meet.
I've woken up to my mistakes and started to ease back using the excuse of work for not texting much but I don't know how to let her down without making her feel terrible.
How to proceed GD?
Start dating her (beauty is only skin deep), you will fall in love with her personality, move in together and start planning a holiday to the Pacific Islands (I hear Samoa is beautiful this time of year). When you return from holiday you will have realised that your looks are failing you and come to the deeply depressing realisation that this is as good as it gets. She makes a pretty good lasagne and knows where to find the male G spot, you'll discuss buying a dog and both discover that you have a love of Burmese Mountain Dogs.
You'll buy a puppy who you'll care for like a child and both of you know that the small inner city apartment is no place for such a big animal, in fact it is cruel. At this point you both decide on buying a house in the outer suburbs where the dog will be happy but you will be miserable. You wont see your friends anymore and your weekends will be taken up entertaining your partners friends who visit to talk about babies and when you'll pop the question.
After a year or two you succumb to the constant pressure and finally decide to get married, the wedding is a great success and everyone has a fantastic time listening to you both talk about the life changing experiences you had in Samoa when you sat with a local family and ate a passion fruit whilst they played the ukulele. Everytime you're intimate your mind wonders to old girlfriends, friends mothers or the lady with a bung eye that serves you the morning coffee but you punch through because you're a warrior and self loathing is nothing but a wasted emotion.
10 years pass and the only thing you look forward to in life is having a morning dump uninterrupted. By this point your prescription drug habit is out of control and coupled with the realisation of a wasted life you decide to end it all. You leave a note saying you need to discover yourself and move to Bali where you marry a 20 year old girl with questionable hygiene and count down the days until her boyfriend kills you in your sleep.



