- Aug 24, 2000
- 3,249
- 2,992
- AFL Club
- Richmond
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- KC Chiefs, Royal Park FNC, Man City
Tonight at the Movies: with TigerTank
Three Kings (T T T T)
David King, Steven King and Clinton King star in a spiteful International Rules encounter with Iraq. Co-stars Robert Dipierdomenico as Saddam Hussain.
Shrek (T T 1/2)
Family cartoon where a beautiful lady falls in love with a hideous ogre with a heart of gold. Stars Mick Martyn’s wife.
Colonic (T T T T T)
Massive white elephant sinks in debt after striking financial iceberg, drowning whole St Kilda Football Club. Starring Leonardo De Capuano and directed by Sly LeKoupa.
Get Smart: The Movie (T 1/2)
Slapstick comedy in which bumbling secret agent Nigel Smart carries out tagging missions for the Chief (Gary Ayres). Idea looking more than a little tired now. Also starring Mark Bickley as ‘99’ and featuring Steve Bracks as ‘Hymie’ the robot with no personality.
Saving Damien Ryan (T T T T)
Brilliant drama where ex-Tiger foot soldier ‘Private’ Ryan comes ashore at Sandringham Beach only to confront the full horror of playing for St Kilda. Not for the faint-hearted.
Married to the Mob (T T T)
Beautiful Jo Bailey marries her sweetheart Steve, little knowing that she has married into a sinister and shadowy organisation that uses graft and corruption to cheat the salary cap. Also stars John Elliot as the evil ‘Godfather’.
There’s something about Carey (T T T)
Humorous comedy where several media personalities make complete idiots of themselves while fawning over ‘desirable’ Wayne Carey. Trevor Marmalade’s masturbation scene is hilarious.
Jurassic Park 3 (T T)
Stupid dinosaurs Greg Stafford, David Neitz and Steve McKee lumber around doing stuff-all really. This movie franchise should have been retired years ago.
12 Monkeys (T)
Harsh film critic Malcolm Blight described Brad Pittman as "the most pathetic actor I've ever seen in my entire life" in this film and we would have to concur. Apocalyptic drama that also stars Darren Jarman, Scott Lucas, Matthew Knights, Mark Chaffey, Brett Ratten, Michael Long, Tony Liberatore, Damien Peverill, Paul Kelly, Drew Banfield, and the Matera brothers as the twelve monkeys.
Tomb Raider (T T T)
The beautiful Lara Croft explores the dark and foreboding Richmond coaching box, discovering the decomposing remains of Jeff Gieschen, John Northey, Robert Walls and a frighteningly deranged ‘wild-man’ that could possibly be Tony Jewell.
Lost in Space (T T 1/2)
Space jockey Daniel Harford runs so wide to receive a handpass that he finds himself lost in a strange twilight zone a million miles from home. Features a frightening spider-like creature that hurls abuse and empty beer cans at passing space ships.
Lock, stock and two smoking barrels (T T)
Short hitmen Gary Moorcroft and David Calthorpe get addicted to cigarettes with mildly amusing results. Despite some early and unexpected successes, don’t expect to see this movie playing next year.
Crouching Dragon, Hidden Tiger (T T T T)
Matthew Richardson disappears for another 12 months after suffering yet another strange and unique injury while crouching down to pick up his mouthguard.
TT Ratings:
TTTTT - Michael Voss
TTTT - Brett Ratten
TTT - Ben Graham
TT - Troy Luff
T - David Calthorpe
Three Kings (T T T T)
David King, Steven King and Clinton King star in a spiteful International Rules encounter with Iraq. Co-stars Robert Dipierdomenico as Saddam Hussain.
Shrek (T T 1/2)
Family cartoon where a beautiful lady falls in love with a hideous ogre with a heart of gold. Stars Mick Martyn’s wife.
Colonic (T T T T T)
Massive white elephant sinks in debt after striking financial iceberg, drowning whole St Kilda Football Club. Starring Leonardo De Capuano and directed by Sly LeKoupa.
Get Smart: The Movie (T 1/2)
Slapstick comedy in which bumbling secret agent Nigel Smart carries out tagging missions for the Chief (Gary Ayres). Idea looking more than a little tired now. Also starring Mark Bickley as ‘99’ and featuring Steve Bracks as ‘Hymie’ the robot with no personality.
Saving Damien Ryan (T T T T)
Brilliant drama where ex-Tiger foot soldier ‘Private’ Ryan comes ashore at Sandringham Beach only to confront the full horror of playing for St Kilda. Not for the faint-hearted.
Married to the Mob (T T T)
Beautiful Jo Bailey marries her sweetheart Steve, little knowing that she has married into a sinister and shadowy organisation that uses graft and corruption to cheat the salary cap. Also stars John Elliot as the evil ‘Godfather’.
There’s something about Carey (T T T)
Humorous comedy where several media personalities make complete idiots of themselves while fawning over ‘desirable’ Wayne Carey. Trevor Marmalade’s masturbation scene is hilarious.
Jurassic Park 3 (T T)
Stupid dinosaurs Greg Stafford, David Neitz and Steve McKee lumber around doing stuff-all really. This movie franchise should have been retired years ago.
12 Monkeys (T)
Harsh film critic Malcolm Blight described Brad Pittman as "the most pathetic actor I've ever seen in my entire life" in this film and we would have to concur. Apocalyptic drama that also stars Darren Jarman, Scott Lucas, Matthew Knights, Mark Chaffey, Brett Ratten, Michael Long, Tony Liberatore, Damien Peverill, Paul Kelly, Drew Banfield, and the Matera brothers as the twelve monkeys.
Tomb Raider (T T T)
The beautiful Lara Croft explores the dark and foreboding Richmond coaching box, discovering the decomposing remains of Jeff Gieschen, John Northey, Robert Walls and a frighteningly deranged ‘wild-man’ that could possibly be Tony Jewell.
Lost in Space (T T 1/2)
Space jockey Daniel Harford runs so wide to receive a handpass that he finds himself lost in a strange twilight zone a million miles from home. Features a frightening spider-like creature that hurls abuse and empty beer cans at passing space ships.
Lock, stock and two smoking barrels (T T)
Short hitmen Gary Moorcroft and David Calthorpe get addicted to cigarettes with mildly amusing results. Despite some early and unexpected successes, don’t expect to see this movie playing next year.
Crouching Dragon, Hidden Tiger (T T T T)
Matthew Richardson disappears for another 12 months after suffering yet another strange and unique injury while crouching down to pick up his mouthguard.
TT Ratings:
TTTTT - Michael Voss
TTTT - Brett Ratten
TTT - Ben Graham
TT - Troy Luff
T - David Calthorpe
