MillerCHF said:
I live happily in the knowledge that Arafat is getting what he deserves in the afterlife.
November 13, 2004
Dawn at the gates of heaven. "This is a tough one, Archangel," said St Peter, scrolling down the morning applications. "Do we let Yasser Arafat in?"
Gabriel shrugged. "Don't ask me. I do trumpets and hosannas. You do admissions. Coffee?"
It was going to be another one of those days. St Peter grimaced. These controversial requests for eternal paradise were enough to try the patience of a saint. Had been for millennia, especially with these so-called world leaders, when you had to decide whether the applicant was the revered father of his nation or a homicidal brute. The row over Napoleon Bonaparte had gone on for decades. Ho Chi Minh was still in purgatory, decision pending.
"Myself, I'm inclined to let Arafat in," said St Peter. "But I expect there'll be hell to pay. Abraham and Moses will go ballistic over in the Jewish section. They'll try to stop it at board level."
The Archangel sipped his coffee. Latte, no sugar. "You could do a deal with them," he said. "Offer to fast-track Ariel Sharon when he carks it. That can't be far off. What are you doing about the virgins?"
"Virgins?"
"Arafat will want 72 virgins as a reward for martyrdom." Gabriel sniggered, less than angelically. "Have we got 72 virgins?"
"Lord knows. And if we do I don't suppose they'll exactly be queuing to hop into the tent with him. Omar Sharif he ain't. I'll have to refer that upwards."
Peter scowled again. Decisions, decisions. And more coming, by the look of it: a seraph fluttered into the office and dumped a computer printout on the desk. "VIP prayers," said the seraph. "St Paul's off sick today - he says can you sort them out for him. There's one from George Bush asking for a quick victory in Iraq."
The Archangel Gabriel slapped a thigh and chortled, spilling his coffee. Peter the fisherman threw back his head and laughed, a great rumbling convulsion that rattled the pearly gates on their foundations and, quite by accident, set off a small earthquake in Hokkaido.
"Tell George," he said, tears streaming down reddened cheeks, "tell George he got his election win last week. One miracle is enough."
http://www.smh.com.au/news/Mike-Carlton/A-curly-one-at-the-pearlies/2004/11/12/1100227579227.html
