Crimson Azure
Premium Platinum
Seeing that we already have a need for the Dees/Tigers banter thread I've written a short preview until Biff provides his to get the banter going:
Tigers supporters this is for fun banter not blatant trolling so come on in & enjoy yourself.
Biff: and here it is.
The siren sounded at Moron Park. The Crowbots were triumphant. Richmond had taken it up the clacker again. As the West Horshamites began to sing that disgraceful dirge, Big Shazza, the Queen of the Richmond feral, flapped her howitzer-style boobs from side to side.
“Oh Geeeeez, we’s losts again. Is the Tigers evers gonna be great again? Aints we gots the best midfield of all times. Ands Lids aint he a real horn-bag with thats stylish Barry Gibbs hair! Oh, woe is me! Ands we gotta face Colin Sylvia next week!”
As she raised this lament, she sprayed the nearby members of her Praetorian Guard with an alloy of spittle, “old seed” and UDL.
“Hey, watch out Shazza. You pong enough as it is, Big Girl!“
“Shuts up youse stupid twerps!”
She whacked him with one of her boobs, thereby reducing the number of Richmond ferals in the world by one.
It was time to leave but this was easier said than done. The Richmond Grog Squad was enmeshed in a morass of empty West End cans, used condoms, “Mars Bars” and the occasional dead dog. Moreover, fluids of whatever kind were oozing from her various apertures. Her arse, which had been autographed by Michael Roach and Francis Bourke in a more kingly age, was a defacto bean-bag. Most of the time is was touching the ground. With the assistance of some of her toadies, she was hauled to her feet. With as much grace as Jabba the Hutt, Big Shazza started to make her way out of Moran Park. Her exodus did not go unnoticed by the West Horshamites.
“Get out of here, you big slag!”
“Fornicate off to Victoria!”
Goaded beyond endurance, Big Shazza turned to her tormentors and did the unthinkable: she flashed her boobs. As if seeing the head of the Medusa, those West Horshamites in the vicinity were turned to stone.
Her enemies behind her, Big Shazza and her entourage waddled outside the ground. Their yellow and black banners, besplattered with the failure of three decades and more, hung limply to the side. And then she saw him – the hero of her dreams:
KB.
Now the former Richmond champion had called the match on behalf of SEN. Having witnessed many a Richmond debacle, he was sprucely making his way out of the ground with the aim of jumping on the first flight back to civilisation.
“Hungry, Hungry!” she screeched. “I’ze gotta speaks with ya!”
Unwisely KB turned around.
“Oh, hi . . . . . Big Shazza! How are you ?” he asked politely in his best meek ‘n mild fashion. “I did not know you were at the match.”
“KB I is knows how we’ze can turns around the Tigers so they aints won be any s**t no more!”
“Oh, really? That sounds interesting. Perhaps you can give me a ring on the Soapbox and we can talk about it further!”
“No KB, the times for action is now. The Handbaggers gots all those father and sons jobs. All your boys do is write books ‘n stuff. We need a KB junior on the field and I is willing to mates with you KB and poop out a new Hungry update! I will gets the guys of the Grog Squads to forms a circle and turns away and you cans make a deposit in me bank if you cans find it!”
As the observers later noted, KB has never run so fast since season 1983. The Queen of the Richmond Ferals sighed. Would her misery ever end?
Now getting out of carpark of Moran Park was no easy task as it was full of old Magnas, VK, VN and VP Commodores and they all looked alike in the dusk.
“Shane, can you seez the car any wheres? I gotta gets back to Melbourne so I can seez the Tigers flogs the Demons and theirs Number 12!”
Just as one and all were about to despair, Daniel Connors and Dusty Martin wandered into view. They too were lost: the team-bus to the airport was nowhere to be seen.
“Boys, me boyz!” Big Shazza shrieked. “Let me comforts you after such a bum-numbin’ defeat! And we needs more fathers ‘n son jobs!”
The more muscular guys of the Richmond Grog Squad rudely grabbed the two players and dragged them over to the Queen of the Ferals:
“Ahhhhhhhhh!”
“Ahhhhhhhhh! - Not me rub-on tatts”
Dees by 120 points.
Tigers supporters this is for fun banter not blatant trolling so come on in & enjoy yourself.
Biff: and here it is.
The siren sounded at Moron Park. The Crowbots were triumphant. Richmond had taken it up the clacker again. As the West Horshamites began to sing that disgraceful dirge, Big Shazza, the Queen of the Richmond feral, flapped her howitzer-style boobs from side to side.
“Oh Geeeeez, we’s losts again. Is the Tigers evers gonna be great again? Aints we gots the best midfield of all times. Ands Lids aint he a real horn-bag with thats stylish Barry Gibbs hair! Oh, woe is me! Ands we gotta face Colin Sylvia next week!”
As she raised this lament, she sprayed the nearby members of her Praetorian Guard with an alloy of spittle, “old seed” and UDL.
“Hey, watch out Shazza. You pong enough as it is, Big Girl!“
“Shuts up youse stupid twerps!”
She whacked him with one of her boobs, thereby reducing the number of Richmond ferals in the world by one.
It was time to leave but this was easier said than done. The Richmond Grog Squad was enmeshed in a morass of empty West End cans, used condoms, “Mars Bars” and the occasional dead dog. Moreover, fluids of whatever kind were oozing from her various apertures. Her arse, which had been autographed by Michael Roach and Francis Bourke in a more kingly age, was a defacto bean-bag. Most of the time is was touching the ground. With the assistance of some of her toadies, she was hauled to her feet. With as much grace as Jabba the Hutt, Big Shazza started to make her way out of Moran Park. Her exodus did not go unnoticed by the West Horshamites.
“Get out of here, you big slag!”
“Fornicate off to Victoria!”
Goaded beyond endurance, Big Shazza turned to her tormentors and did the unthinkable: she flashed her boobs. As if seeing the head of the Medusa, those West Horshamites in the vicinity were turned to stone.
Her enemies behind her, Big Shazza and her entourage waddled outside the ground. Their yellow and black banners, besplattered with the failure of three decades and more, hung limply to the side. And then she saw him – the hero of her dreams:
KB.
Now the former Richmond champion had called the match on behalf of SEN. Having witnessed many a Richmond debacle, he was sprucely making his way out of the ground with the aim of jumping on the first flight back to civilisation.
“Hungry, Hungry!” she screeched. “I’ze gotta speaks with ya!”
Unwisely KB turned around.
“Oh, hi . . . . . Big Shazza! How are you ?” he asked politely in his best meek ‘n mild fashion. “I did not know you were at the match.”
“KB I is knows how we’ze can turns around the Tigers so they aints won be any s**t no more!”
“Oh, really? That sounds interesting. Perhaps you can give me a ring on the Soapbox and we can talk about it further!”
“No KB, the times for action is now. The Handbaggers gots all those father and sons jobs. All your boys do is write books ‘n stuff. We need a KB junior on the field and I is willing to mates with you KB and poop out a new Hungry update! I will gets the guys of the Grog Squads to forms a circle and turns away and you cans make a deposit in me bank if you cans find it!”
As the observers later noted, KB has never run so fast since season 1983. The Queen of the Richmond Ferals sighed. Would her misery ever end?
Now getting out of carpark of Moran Park was no easy task as it was full of old Magnas, VK, VN and VP Commodores and they all looked alike in the dusk.
“Shane, can you seez the car any wheres? I gotta gets back to Melbourne so I can seez the Tigers flogs the Demons and theirs Number 12!”
Just as one and all were about to despair, Daniel Connors and Dusty Martin wandered into view. They too were lost: the team-bus to the airport was nowhere to be seen.
“Boys, me boyz!” Big Shazza shrieked. “Let me comforts you after such a bum-numbin’ defeat! And we needs more fathers ‘n son jobs!”
The more muscular guys of the Richmond Grog Squad rudely grabbed the two players and dragged them over to the Queen of the Ferals:
“Ahhhhhhhhh!”
“Ahhhhhhhhh! - Not me rub-on tatts”
Dees by 120 points.
