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Wedding speeches

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I've normally gone okay with "winging it" for speeches but when I was best man for my brothers wedding, it didn't go so well.

The day started at 11.30 am - drinks and lunch at the parents house. The wedding was in a church at 2.30 then reception started around 6. I was meant to be speaking at 8.30 pm. After the wedding from around 3-5.30 we were drinking champagne while doing photos.

So then the reception starts and its a cocktail wedding - no sit down meal. More drinks, very little food and all of a sudden its 9pm and speeches haven't started. I finally get on at 9.20 but I'm pretty tanked. I walked up and knocked the microphone off the stand before I could say a word. Then while the videographer was fixing it for me, I had this great idea - I thought I would tell a joke to keep the crowd interested.

"Whats better than eating a mandarin?" I asked the room full of grandparents, aunties and generally horrified relatives.
"Eating Amanda out".

It was all downhill from there.

The videographer actually cut this whole bit out of the video
 
I remember my cousin telling me this one,

Gets up to start the speech
"Hi Everybody, They say the best way to confront your fear of public speaking is to imagine everybody naked!, So with that said, How good do the Bridesmaids look this evening"

:'(:'(:'(
 
I went to WA recently for a good mates wedding and I was in the bridal party. Was a weird setting with - his best man not wanting to do a speech, I was paired with the best mans girlfriend who was a bridesmaid and then his brother who was the other groomsman did the best man speech in place of the best man; it was one of the best speeches I’ve ever heard though. The best man appeared to want to do the bridal dance with his partner of course but the bride and groom didn’t want that, they wanted the groomsman and bridesmaids paired as they had been all day, which was fine by me but it appeared to be causing angst between those 4.
 

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At my wedding I really hadn't planned anything and so when I did actually get given the mic, I kind of ballsed it up and started rambling and eventually, for the sanity of everyone, I cut myself off. Didn't help that I was well and truly smashed by that point of course.

I did the best man speech at my best mate's wedding two and a half years ago and definitely did plan that, but didn't take any notes up with me; I just had three points (which fed into each other) to cover, and let the story and anecdotes flow from there. Worked well and got enough laughs.
 
I have delivered 4 speeches as best man and one at my own wedding. One as best man was tough, as I never really liked the bride. To me she was manipulative and seemed to be driving a wedge between my friend and his family.

It did not help that most of her family and friends were bogans. At the wedding it took me about 20 mins to get the father of the bride inside to start the speeches, he was too busy sinking pots and smoking darts outside to give a F@#$. Minutes before my speech the Bride berates me as everything is behind schedule.

At this point I feel like just doing the runner but I get the job done for my mate, poor bastard.
 
I reckon the best wedding speech I ever heard was this one, short and sweet.

"These two hearts and souls love each other, and are willing to commit to that love.

May that love last the hardships and love in life unto their last breath."
 
The one best man speech i have made I opened with.

"For those who don't know me i'm sterge, I met the groom during my impressionable teenage years which means he had as much of a part in developing my sense of humour as anyone, so whilst I have tried to make this speech as funny as possible please blame him if it isn't'

'If you are lucky in life you will meet someone, become friends and then best friends, you see them almost every day, talk every day and then move in together. The groom has been lucky enough to have all this and then i moved out.'

then i quoted Dr Seuss 'You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams'

Then you tell a story about the couple the worst speeches are when people crap on about bucks party stories or stories of people at school, bridesmaids are notorious for this.

JW Frogen said:
I reckon the best wedding speech I ever heard was this one, short and sweet.

"These two hearts and souls love each other, and are willing to commit to that love.

May that love last the hardships and love in life unto their last breath."
Click to expand...

My cousin got up at his mates wedding

"love....this is love"

and then sat down thinking what a great job
 
My husband has been the MC at most of his nieces and nephews weddings. The worst one he had to officiate at was when the groom of his niece had to go to hospital because he had had to much to drink before the reception started. They couldn’t of course do anything until he returned and by that stage practically everyone on his side of the family were too drunk to take part in anything, the bride and bridesmaids were doing shots at the main table, everyone else just wanted a feed, My SIL wanted to kill the groom, threatened to stab the mother of the groom when she suggested they just have a party at a later date - the whole thing was an unmitigated disaster.

They celebrated 20 years recently so all was obviously forgiven - funny when you look back on it but not at the time
 

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Gough said:
My step sister got married the day England put 5 past the Bosch and the selfish cow banned phones at the ceremony.
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I went to one of my wife's friends weddings the infamous day we lost a final to 9th placed Carlton sat in the back corner of the church watching the game on her phone and was glad the reception had started before the end so I could drink (a lot).
 
Meh. Parents speeches should be short and sweet. welcome to the family, great to see how happy X has made son / daughter. Best man, a few stories, nothing too risqué. Don’t need to stress too much really.

The one you have to nail is as the groom. Nail that and you’ll dine out on it with the brides family for a long time.
 
Worst speech I've seen was the (drunk and still single) bridesmaids talking about how they and the bride would go out every weekend 'husband hunting' and congratulating the bride on nailing one. Bet the groom felt super special at that moment.
 

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I've been best man 3 times and MC'd 2 weddings.

2/3 best man speeches were absolute rippers. The 3rd I had to "share" the best man duties, speech was terrible as the other best man was too pissed to read the speech and missed all of the que's and punchlines. Train wreck, was kind of funny because it was so bad, was like a comedy troupe.

The first was definitely the best. Get complimented all the time that it's still one of the best those that were there have heard.

Speech was roughly 10-12 minutes, groom was a shy bloke around most people, but a loud mouth in his circle of friends, you know the type. Good footballer though.

We had owned a house together in the past and lived together etc, I had known his wife since she was 16 also.

Created a bit of a lead in discussing when we met each other, all the other stuff, few random jokes. Then I lead into the fact that whilst I was living with them I had discovered that he secretly wrote a diary (he didn't and would be the last person to do this type of thing), I had stolen it, was going to divulge some passages from over the course of their relationship from the perspective of the groom.

Gave me a platform to then talk about some of the funnier episodes in their relationships all from his perspective with a bit of creative license. (all true).

I.e


11/2/2004,

Dear Diary,

......


His sister came up to me straight after and said, "I cant believe he writes a ****ing diary!" :D


You can do the whole from the heart job, but you can slip that into the last minute of any speech. The father of the bride and father of groom if speaking can generally touch on all that. In Australia, a really good best mans speech has to be funny.
 
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Cruyff14 said:
That video by those "jokers" isn't funny and I would be mortified if that was my wedding.
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Lucky it wasn't your wedding then. The couple were in on it that's all that matters
 

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