Game Day West Coast Angels versus Gil's Demons - Premiers vs we-made-a-preliminariares - Battle of Wolf Creek 3am Monday morning

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Club Legend
Jan 14, 2016
AFL Club
West Coast
WHO: The actual Premiers versus this years expected Premieres

WHEN: 3am Monday Morning y'know cos carlton and the saints need the good timeslots

WHERE: Old Man McGruff's Cattle Station - 300km east of Meekatharramandagoorloodoorop

Setting the scene...
After celebrating too hard after their Preliminaryship (not winning one, just making it to one) it stands to reason that Melbourne is also suffering from a Making-a-Preliminaryship Hangover.
Different clubs of course have different standards when it comes to determining what equates to Success – if you play for the dees you have every right to go celebrate hard after making it that far as it is only likely to happen once in a decade, if that.
West Coast meanwhile have decided that after winning Grandfinals from 5 goals down that if that isn’t fun enough for the fans they are going to start throwing games this season to better help the fans enjoy the roller coaster ride.
Bookies everywhere have been cursing the name West Coast for a couple of seasons now.

Melbourne being the broke-ass, irrelevant minnow club that it is has sold a home game - and with of course Giants pursuing California, Port having Shanghai and the Saints already having taken Auckland some genius decides that Garanjamukkinbooden (pop 1047) is definitely a strategic location to massively grow the fanbase (because someone who has chosen such a remote location as a home is definitely in the market to purchase season tickets for a Melbourne based FC – and of course if they were choose to support a Melb based club it would be the mighty, mighty dees).
Gil of course was only too happy to send West Coast because of course an obvious premiership contender doesn’t need any MCG time when it comes time to possibly play an undeserved Grand Final at the venue come seasons end.
And of course two of last seasons top 4 teams who played a prelim against each other should be shunted off to some regional town on a Sunday arvo while two non-finalists take up the Friday night slot – AFL, the gift that keeps on giving.
A hastily erected stadium has sprung up around the local cow paddock with Gil announcing that after each Melbourne goal video footage of Melbourne players’ Mothers reaffirming their sons is to be played on the screen (shot live on location at Federation square).

Lyon, Roosy and Pavlich to commentate the game and actually help send those listeners pondering suicide right over the edge.

Some key match ups:

Elliot Yeo VERSUS Brayshaw’s Safety Gear
Let’s face it – anyone can act hard when they are basically wearing a grid iron outfit on a footy field.
Our very own Super Smash Brothers to show him and the ginger one how it’s done though – with no gear.
With Redden to rough someone up too just for good measure.

Clayton Oliver VERSUS a gust of wind / inadvertent glance (either enough to knock this soft**** over)
Schoey flashes Oliver a menacing grin and Clayton instantly hits the deck clutching a knee. Commentator observe that he looks more disgustingly ginger than ever before discussion moves onto whether Schoey deserves 4 or 5 weeks (they are aware of course that Chrisso not being the sharpest tool in the shed is effectively taking notes on what the public perception should be as he tries to shaft us).
Clayton – what a bogan name.

Strong response the following week after a close loss VERSUS tanking culture.
Hopefully we come out swinging with whoever we have brought in to cover injuries playing to cement a position come finals.
And let’s face it – Dees love a good tank.

God VERSUS Satan
I’m pretty sure in the AFL hierarchy of Good vs Evil we are the Good Guys with Melbourne of course admitting to being demons.

Ryan’s Stepladder vs Some Makeshift Ruck Combo
No doubt Gawn will be hard to overcome in this department.
But we should be able to Shark his taps somewhat and still come out on top.
Hopefully Gawn can lend his crybaby face to another brilliant Ryan screamer.

Best Defence in the league VERSUS no forward line
Some genius thought it would be a good move to trade out Hogan just because he was supplying the acadamy kids with ciggies, and now with TMac down this gives us some breathing room.

Gary Lyon to sleep with Roosy's wife in the half-time break

... Oh and also West Coast victory via a us-vs-Port-Adelaide-style-after-the-siren troll shot – just for the lels.
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Club Legend
May 12, 2006
Moe's Tavern
AFL Club
West Coast
Other Teams
Bristol Rovers
Haha both..a touch of both lol.
Not feeling confident after this week. We have issues with injuries and form.
Still not playing 4 quarters.

Am I allowed to be cautiously pessimistic?
I'm cautiously pessimistic about the ground this week …. just wait till that poxy surface in Alice has it's way with our playing group.

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Premiership Player
Jun 14, 2012
AFL Club
West Coast
Other Teams
Royals, Wildcats, Warriors
If game were won based on sh*t haircuts, Melbourne would be paying 98 cents

Clayton’s hairdresser forgot there was another half a head to shave
Some random forward looks like he is straight out of the 60’s
Mullets galore.


Premiership Player
Nov 27, 2014
AFL Club
West Coast
Other Teams
Haha both..a touch of both lol.
Not feeling confident after this week. We have issues with injuries and form.
Still not playing 4 quarters.

Am I allowed to be cautiously pessimistic?
Kind of helps with the nerves a little when the predictions are a little light hearted. Think we’re all quietly nervous about this week.. injuries, strange ground, wondering if last week was a blimp or the norm. Fingers crossed we come out and blow them off the park to lift the weight a little.


Premium Platinum
Aug 25, 2007
Not in Fremantle
AFL Club
West Coast
Dees have a defender called Petty as their key forward. Clearly as he kicked 3 goals we should be terrified. Also May spent part of the last quarter in the forward line as they were sh#t out of ideas. Naturally this is all set up for a 5 point win to us in the last minute after our midfield gets belted.


Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 2, 2015
AFL Club
West Coast
Opening bounce: Hickey soars at the path of the ball, crashing into Gawn as he deftly taps the ball out sideways. Yeo pushes off his opponent to collect the ball in flight before running his measure and hitting JK on the tit.

As Gawn picks himself up off the grass watching JK line up for his first of the day, Hickey strides over and whispers to him "that's ruck craft big boy".

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