Game Day West Coast v Hawthorn at Sunny Perth Stadium- Won’t Someone Rid Me of This Troublesome Team?

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May 31, 2005
AFL Club
West Coast
Firstly, a brief shoutout to our fallen comrade from down at the port

Honey I know, I know times are changing,
It's time we all reached our for something new, that means you too
You say you want a leader, but you can't seem to make up your mind,
I think you'd better close it, and let me guide you to the purple rain.

Nothing else below mentions Ross. I know that is against the current zeitgeist but I feel someone should be talking about the upcoming game.


“And now it has come to us to stand alone in the breach and face the worst that the tyrant’s might and enmity can do…. Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more”
-Quinz, quoting his Quote of the Day Calendar, quoting Winston Churchill, quoting Shakespeare, quoting Edward de Vere probably

Light Preview Entrée- How did it come to this?
It’s the hope that kills you.

With the top 2 out of our hands now following a devastating defeat to General Winter, we now find ourselves in the unenviable position of requiring a win just to stay in the top 4, and then hoping for other results to fall our way to get the critical two home finals. And worse than that, we’re playing a team that somehow still has a live shot at making the eight.

It shouldn’t have been like this. We could be entrenched in the top 2 and Hawthorn with a finished season, making this the deadest rubber since the one I used to carry in my wallet when I first started clubbing. But no. Of course the Ra’s al Ghul of the AFL world is still alive, trying to destroy our chances of going back to back. But not if we do it first!


"I'll get you next time Gadget!" yelled Clarko uncanonically

Meaty Preview Main- Chaos, Control and Clarko
There’s something about Hawthorn that is a bit unsettling. It could be the ‘Family Club’ mantra while they push their senior players into early retirement and feast on the largest pokies revenue in the AFL. It could be their exploitation of the Tasmanian footy market, preventing them from getting their own team. It could be their employment of colour-blind ham-fisted architects of several of the worst jumpers ever worn in or outside sport. But it isn’t, because I can overlook all those things if a team isn’t very good. The reason everyone hates Hawthorn is their uncanny ability to defy the laws of Aussie Rules Gravity by poaching good players, drafting cannily and being downright dastardly pricks. Yes, you’ve headfu**ed us all- congratulations, I wish a nuclear explosion on your general vicinity.

In the here and now- while Hawthorn have fallen from their perhaps generous top 4 ladder finish last year, they are deservedly in the race for the top 8. Chad Wingard may not have hit great heights due to injury, but Tom Scully has been solid in his return from potential career ending ankle problems. James Sicily (god they have a lot of punchable players) has been excellent in the back line, and they’ve again pushed talented youngsters like Irishman Conor Nash, and the exciting Mitchell Lewis who may return to replace the departing Jarryd Roughead*. But most impressive has been the outstanding James Worpel (NOBODY MENTION AINSWORTH I SWEAR. TO. GOD), averaging 26 touches 5 tackles and 6 clearances at the age of just 20.

So the Hawks present an interesting challenge, having looked off the pace for much of the year it’s worth noting they’ve beaten Collingwood, Geelong and used demonic snow forces to beat the Giants since we just scraped over the line against them in Round 15. They’re no pushovers, especially not with Clarko at the helm.

Image result for james worpel
Look at that ball drop. Compact, neat, dynamic. Everything you'd want in a modern midfielder that you could probably have got with a second round draft pick. Doesn't even look like he needs corrective finger surgery, those bad boys are perfectly functional.

Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair

The Eagles meanwhile have had a second half of the season that is hard to weigh up. While the paper record of 7-2 since the bye is excellent, the two losses by 1 and 6 points represent serious, impactful losses from winning positions that may turn out to put the roadblocks in the back to back race. But the supporters have taken this all in stride, with only the $11.95 Chicken and Bacon from Subway proving to be a tastier Melt than the existential crisis that emerges when you realise that one premiership is never enough, and our next is not as certain as we’d like.

Casting a literal and figurative Fijian shadow over the finals picture is the Great One himself. Much of the narrative among Eagles supporters in 2019 has been the ‘switch-off’ quarters, where the midfield seems to struggle to arrest momentum for large periods. Naitanui provides an unmatched energy at the centre bounce that could help turn the tides if he can a) stay fit and b) stay fit and c) STAY FIT for the month of September.

In a match with so much on the line for both teams, there are several interesting battles shaping up
  • In the midfield, Ben McEvoy and Tom Hickey lead ruck divisions feeding two midfields with capable ball winners. The Eagles probably have the edge with Shuey and Yeo having terrific seasons, but O’Meara, Worpel and Henderson off the wing are a strong unit as well
  • The Eagles are 4th last in the competition for inside 50s, relying on an exceptionally dangerous forward unit to convert at a very high rate. If the Hawthorn defence can be pulled deep and the ball gets to ground the smalls may be able to get the edge for the Eagles
  • The Hawks allow more clearances than any team bar the Gold Coast but the lowest inside fifties, highlighting their ability to compete post-stoppage. They also tackle at a high rate. Conversely, winning contested ball post-stoppage is a big weakness of the Eagles. Hawthorn may look at winning the ball back across half back and stoppages backward of centre to launch attacks
  • Both teams are strong contested marking sides all over the ground, with McEvoy, Sicily and Lewis leading the Hawks and McGovern, Darling and Kennedy the Eagles, so aerial battles around the ground will be one to watch
  • The Eagles have 6 players with over 20 goals to Hawthorn’s 3, with forward potency being an Achilles heel for Hawthorn in 2019, having kicked 100 points for the first time against Gold Coast last week
*and congratulations to Rough on a Hall of Fame worthy career, plus the cancer battle, a true inspiration on and off the field and a terrific ambassador for the game

Club medicos hard at work computing the risk/reward of Naitanui's injuries

Potential Line-Ups
B: Jiath Frawley Sicily
F: Ryan Kennedy Petruccelle
HB: Hardwick Stratton Nash
HF: Cripps Darling Rioli
C: Henderson O’Meara Scully
C: Gaff Shuey Sheed
HF: Puopolo O'Brien Smith
HB: Hurn McGovern Jetta
F: Breust Lewis Gunston
B: Sheppard Barrass Nelson
R: McEvoy Shiels Worpel
R: Hickey Yeo Redden
IC: Burgoyne Ceglar Wingard Hanrahan
IC: Allen Ah Chee Schofield Duggan

Hawthorn IN: Lewis OUT: Roughead
West Coast IN: Schofield Ah Chee Duggan OUT: Rotham Waterman Hutchings

After Dinner Preview Mints- Tips and Predictions

West Coast Eagles Midfield Playlist for this week
Elliot Yeo: Obscured By Clouds- Pink Floyd
Andrew Gaff: Every Teardop is a Waterfall- Coldplay
Mark Hutchings: Why Does it Always Rain on Me?- Travis
Jack Redden: I Can’t Stand the Rain- Eruption
Dom Sheed: Alas I Cannot Swim- Laura Marling
Luke Shuey: Waiting on the Summer- VHS Collective
Tom Hickey: No More Rain fu** the Rain fu** Winter fu** Hawthorn- Unreleased Demo

Adam Simpson gets his energy from the sun in a pre-game Aztec ritual. Source: The Age

Local man about town and avid stride watcher Keys informs me that not only are Naitanui’s strides increasing in length and ferocity, but so are the observers. More on this story as it... comes to hand.

- Roughead plays, gets bounced out by Joffrey Archer and booed off the ground by cheat Joe Root
- Alastair Clarkson runs around without his shirt on pre-game and gets arrested for indecent exposure. Sam Mitchell coaches and people realise he was the true mastermind in the box all along
- The only thing to get more exposure than Clarko is the Live Ladder as the commentary crew rack their brains attempting to work out percentages and permutations
- More Nicnat jogging footage than a Baywatch crossover promotional
- The Eagles win, but not by enough to stop the club being folded just two weeks before retirement

We finish top 4, Hawthorn very sadly miss the 8 but will probably add Coniglio, Patton, Dangerfield, Dusty and Fyfe to their team next season. Leave the competition alone and be bad for a change.
West Coast Eagles by 3.14% with a 35 points bonus for a score over 62 above the line
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Brownlow Medallist
Aug 13, 2014
AFL Club
West Coast
I am nervous pooping already.
Or I shouldn't have consumed that roadhouse kransky.

Hawthorn will absolutely take the game up to us. They will want to do everything they can to play finals.

Exceptionally dangerous game, it is imperative the boys don't get ahead of themselves. If we check out into the bye at 3/4 time and it turns into a nail biter I will be ropeable.

Yeah...have a real Han Solo vibe about this one. Prove me wrong Eagles!

Balls In

Norm Smith Medallist
May 25, 2018
AFL Club
West Coast
I am nervous pooping already.
Or I shouldn't have consumed that roadhouse kransky.

Hawthorn will absolutely take the game up to us. They will want to do everything they can to play finals.

Exceptionally dangerous game, it is imperative the boys don't get ahead of themselves. If we check out into the bye at 3/4 time and it turns into a nail biter I will be ropeable.

Yeah...have a real Han Solo vibe about this one. Prove me wrong Eagles!
Yeah I'm with you. A few of our guys got really banged up last week. Cant drop our guard thats for sure.

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