Solved What crimes have you committed?

[Footypie32]

I've commited War Crimes.

 

[Snatch Adams]

I'm hardly going to admit it on a public forum lol

C'mon, it's not like anyone knows you're Rick James...b!tch

 

[JUBJUB]

I've murdered the english language many times


.....oh,and I own Meatloaf CDs

 

[Paranoid]

Don't know if anyone remembers those self serve lolly sections at Target, but I used to steal from them all the time. Until my rat sister told on me.

 

[CLUBMEDhurst]

jaywalking - serial offender

 

[bartel magic]

Snow dropper!

 

[liam_13]

Gotham needs you.

Saw "Commissioner Gordon quoted your post in "What Crimes have you committed"

loved it

 

[Grizzly_82]

Does rooting a fat chick 2 hours ago counts as a crime?

 

[MaddAdam]

It is a matter of public record that I was done for possession and use of a controlled substance in the late 1990s.

6 month good behaviour bond, no fine, no conviction.

I would't class what I did as a crime but under our current drug laws, apparentley it was.

I suspect now in the same situation, they wouldn't even charge me, I'd just get one of the orders like Libba Jnr got.

 

[Black Diamond]

When I have breakfast, I pour the milk into the bowl before the weet-bix...








...I'm a cereal offender.

 

[Hard_to_Beat]

Convicted of plenty, guilty of nothing.

 

[CAS79]

When I have breakfast, I pour the milk into the bowl before the weet-bix...








...I'm a cereal offender.

Add crimes against humor to your list too.

 

[bunsen burner]

Just read the whole thread. That's 5 minutes I won't get back.

 

[Duritz]

Just read the whole thread. That's 5 minutes I won't get back.

With 31,542 posts to your name, I'm tipping you're guilty of nerdness in the first degree.

 

[CLUBMEDhurst]

Does rooting a fat chick 2 hours ago counts as a crime?

No. Fat gals need lovin' too, bruddah (Somebody's gotta do it, well done Grizzly ).

 

[bunsen burner]

With 31,542 posts to your name, I'm tipping you're guilty of nerdness in the first degree.

I've said some unfunny shit in my time but add it all up and it's not as much as what's in this thread.

 

[HappyChappy35]

Throughout my childhood and early-mid teenage years, I used to frequently steal packets of those 50¢ Lion Mints you can find at RSL clubs, hotels, and so forth. Would typically wait until nobody was looking before pinching half a dozen or so, until one night at about the age of 15 when some lady caught me and two mates red-handed. Bailed out the front door and have never done this since.

Yep, I'm a badass.

 

[Duritz]

Throughout my childhood and early-mid teenage years, I used to frequently steal packets of those 50¢ Lion Mints you can find at RSL clubs, hotels, and so forth. Would typically wait until nobody was looking before pinching half a dozen or so, until one night at about the age of 15 when some lady caught me and two mates red-handed. Bailed out the front door and have never done this since.

Yep, I'm a badass.

Jeez.. you were pinching mints from RSL's at the age of 15?? Must've been fun there in your home town...

Similar kind of story, but a deal younger than 15... a cousin of mine and myself on holidays at Echuca (on memory) would go down, as about 11 year olds, to the general store down the road. The storekeep was a lovely, trusting old gent in the twilight of his life. He couldn't see very well and was slow to move, so we had a bit of a thing going. One of us would request many different kinds of lollies from the lollies containers, back in the days when they had each different lolly in it's own little tub. It'd be something like, "I'll have... umm... one banana... no, make that two banana's.... four mates.... umm.... two teeth please.... umm... I'd also like... umm... four of those sour ones... and.... umm.... two snakes..." etc, etc.

While this was going on, the other would be standing near the bubble gum rack, and as the old gent lent right down into the shelves to reach for the teeth and mates, the other would deftly grab a pack of bubble game and pocket it.

This went on happily a few times, we'd pocketed a few packs each and had greedily shared the spoils down by the Murray. These days, my favourite poison is without doubt French wines and champagne, back then it was the simpler and less expensive grape flavoured hubba-bubba.

We'd head back in there at least once a day, depending on how greedily we'd chewed through the prior trip's takings. We'd rotate turns on stealing and buying. All seemed to be going fine, when one time we were plying our now expert trade, me as the buyer, saying, "umm... how much are the mates again? 2c each? OK, I'll have 6 of them... ummm..." when suddenly the old gent shot up and called out to my cousin, "Hey, you, put those bloody bubble gum back!"

My cousin nearly shit himself, I kid you not. His naturally pale face got paler than ever, as with shock concreting itself over his face he quickly put the booty back on the shelf.

"Now, get the bloody hell out of here and don't come back!" he yelled at my cousin, who bolted out of the door as though he'd shit his pants.

I was left standing there, not sure what to think. I stood there for a moment, before the old gent finished my order and gave me the lollies. I paid him the 50c, unsure where I stood with the whole thing, before the old man said, "You tell your mate, if he comes back in here I'll kick his arse 'till his nose bleeds!!"

Needless to say, we retired that particular scam.

 

[TheSituation23]

bringing grenades home from karma

 

[ep2018]

Reckless driving. I wish I could take it back, but I cant. Thank **** no one was killed.

 

[CasuallyDressed]

Lock me up.

I'm a slasher.

... of prices.

 

[Tiff]

not really a crime but (j/k)

some kid at my old school committed suicide, was talking with him on the phone the night before and I thought he was just joking/attention seeking about his disturbed confessions so I trolled him and said "just do it". Next day found out he committed suicide, got called up into the principal's office and I thought that was the end of my chapter. Strangest thing happens, his parents come up and embraced me, gave me words of gratitude for trying to save their sons soul, they told me they share my pain and understand I lost a friend, turns out they just assumed this based off the phone record as they cannot obtain the actual content of the phone call.

didnt have the heart to tell them and surprisingly have not been living in guilt nor a lost a nights sleep to this day.

This story is straight off reddit. Basically word for word.

Or are you taking the piss?

 

[TheKanga]

Got caught with a bong and some weed while riding my bmx when i was younger, they just confiscated it.
I don't smoke it anymore though.

 

[Kynge of Begrem]

That's for the courts to decide...

 

[LouisCK]

Assault in Company is the only thing I'v been to court for.

There was a fight, a guy punched a mate, then I punched him, then I got punched, then the guy who punched me got punched really hard repeatedly by someone who actually could throw a punch.

Should never have gone to court but I was young and too trusting of the po-po. My lawyer was shithead too.