FireKrakouer
Chairman of BigFooty Mensa
- Jul 5, 2011
- 16,305
- 25,509
- AFL Club
- Collingwood
Distinguished colleagues,
It is with a heavy heart and an even heavier sense of schadenfreude that I must once again address the declining integrity of what we once proudly called "The Big 4."
Some years ago, I reluctantly rebranded this group as "The Big 3 + Richmond," after Richmond’s descent into chaos was matched only by the volume of their bandwagon fans and coaching staff jumping off. At the time, I naively spared Essendon and Carlton. This, I now realise, was an act of gross oversight and emotional cowardice.
Essendon, a club whose last finals win predates the iPhone, TikTok, and most regrettably, the moon landing, continues to cling to relevance via tradition and trauma. And Carlton… oh Carlton. A club so addicted to mediocrity, they hand out 7-year 800k contracts like candy and every second week sack a coach because the moon was in retrograde.
It is time to accept that "The Big 4" no longer exists in any meaningful form. Collingwood alone has been forced to consistently drag the average up so violently that it now constitutes The Big One. So I ask you: what should we call this once-proud group now?
"The Big One + Three Passenger Clubs"?
"Collingwood and the AFL's answer to The Wiggles"?
"One Club, Three Crises"?
Or perhaps we just merge the other three into one team, "EssCarlMond", in a vain attempt at manufacturing a single functional midfield?
Alternatively, we could promote more deserving franchises. Norf at least has youthful energy, and West Coast has the vibe of a drunk uncle at Christmas, which is still more fun than anything Carlton's done in a decade.
Submit your suggestions below. All will be reviewed and duly considered prior to me announcing the new title.
Yours in footy justice,
The great FK
It is with a heavy heart and an even heavier sense of schadenfreude that I must once again address the declining integrity of what we once proudly called "The Big 4."
Some years ago, I reluctantly rebranded this group as "The Big 3 + Richmond," after Richmond’s descent into chaos was matched only by the volume of their bandwagon fans and coaching staff jumping off. At the time, I naively spared Essendon and Carlton. This, I now realise, was an act of gross oversight and emotional cowardice.
Essendon, a club whose last finals win predates the iPhone, TikTok, and most regrettably, the moon landing, continues to cling to relevance via tradition and trauma. And Carlton… oh Carlton. A club so addicted to mediocrity, they hand out 7-year 800k contracts like candy and every second week sack a coach because the moon was in retrograde.
It is time to accept that "The Big 4" no longer exists in any meaningful form. Collingwood alone has been forced to consistently drag the average up so violently that it now constitutes The Big One. So I ask you: what should we call this once-proud group now?
"The Big One + Three Passenger Clubs"?
"Collingwood and the AFL's answer to The Wiggles"?
"One Club, Three Crises"?
Or perhaps we just merge the other three into one team, "EssCarlMond", in a vain attempt at manufacturing a single functional midfield?
Alternatively, we could promote more deserving franchises. Norf at least has youthful energy, and West Coast has the vibe of a drunk uncle at Christmas, which is still more fun than anything Carlton's done in a decade.
Submit your suggestions below. All will be reviewed and duly considered prior to me announcing the new title.
Yours in footy justice,
The great FK
